Is There Anything Real to Grasp Onto in ‘Now You See Me: Now You Don’t’?

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I see them! … Or do I? (CREDIT: Lionsgate)

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Dominic Sessa, Justice Smith, Ariana Greenblatt, Woody Harrelson, Dave Franco, Isla Fisher, Rosamund Pike, Lizzy Caplan, Morgan Freeman

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: November 14, 2025 (Theaters)

I would LOVE to live in the world of the Now You See Me movies! Here’s why: nothing makes a lick of sense, but somehow everything always works out perfectly in the end. Just so long as you’re not one of those selfish Master of the Universe types, that is. Is this what justice looks like? Well, it’s at least what Justice Smith looks like, considering that he’s one of the main new stars arriving for the third entry, Now You Don’t. And in case you’re wondering, here’s my response to that subtitle: yes, they do, and they probably always will!

Grade: Actually, Though, This One’s a Little Too Illusory

‘Uncharted’ Review: I Would Have Preferred a Ferdinand Magellan Documentary

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Uncharted (CREDIT: Sony Pictures)

Starring: Tom Holland, Mark Wahlberg, Sophia Ali, Tati Gabrielle, Antonio Banderas, Rudy Pankow

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Running Time: 116 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Mostly Bloodless Action

Release Date: February 18, 2022 (Theaters)

The most complimentary thing I can say about Uncharted is that it made me want to fact-check its claims about Ferdinand Magellan. But actually now that I think about it, I probably would have preferred if it had just fabulated some wild, obviously false claims about that real-life explorer. For what it’s worth, some quick googling and Wikipedia referencing confirms the broad outlines of Uncharted‘s history lessons. Which is to say: despite what you may have heard, Magellan did NOT circumnavigate the globe, as he died before the expedition was complete, though the surviving members of his crew did manage to make it all the way around. Anyway, I suppose that’s meant to be thematically relevant, insofar as it has something to do with the power of second chances? But really, it’s of course just an excuse for some Indiana Jones-style globetrotting.

Tom Holland is excited to be there as up-and-coming treasure hunter Nathan Drake, while Mark Wahlberg delivers the cynicism as Victor “Sully” Sullivan, who’s happy to let everyone else do all the hard work. PlayStation devotees already know who these guys are, but it doesn’t take any special expertise to recognize that this a video game movie. I’m not just talking about how Nathan is constantly jumping from platform to platform (there are plenty of non-video game movies that feature characters escaping from tight situations!) as much as I’m calling out how this adaptation feels so beholden to its source material. I’ve never played the games, so I don’t know how close the resemblance is or isn’t, but I can tell that something’s holding this movie back from the stratosphere. Contrast that with the National Treasure flicks, which are fairly straight-down-the-middle efforts that try to please every type of audience, but they at least have the good sense to feature ludicrous premises. Meanwhile, you’ll want to join Nathan and Sully’s trip only if you’ve already booked a ticket.

Uncharted is Recommended If You Like: Watered-down versions of the classics

Grade: 2 out of 5 Treasure Maps

‘Zombieland: Double Tap’ is at Its Best When It Fully Embraces Its Possible Irrelevance

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CREDIT: Sony/Columbia Pictures

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, Zoey Deutch, Rosario Dawson, Luke Wilson, Thomas Middleditch, Avan Jogia

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Running Time: 93 Minutes

Rating: R for All the Fluids That Spew Out in the Zombie Apocalypse

Release Date: October 18, 2019

There’s a running gag throughout Zombieland: Double Tap in which Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) attempts to secure the title of “Zombie Kill of the Year.” He can never seem to quite pull it off, as his companion Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) is on hand to helpfully inform us of some other recent dispatch of the undead that was just a little more impressive. This begs the question, in a post-apocalyptic world in which all mass communication has been decimated, how is word about these kills spreading so quickly and seamlessly? By Columbus providing this info via voiceover narration, there is an implication, perhaps unintentional, that he is somehow omniscient. Or maybe the conceit is that he is telling us this story years later, although that does not appear to be the case, what with the sense of immediacy to his dictation.

This is not the most worrisome concern to have, but it does stand in contrast to the original Zombieland, in which everything clicked into place just so, both comedically and logically. Double Tap has several elements like this that feel important but ultimately aren’t terribly so. The jokes are given greater emphasis, but even more essential is an investigation into a nagging sense of malaise. How do you go on living in a world overrun by zombies when killing zombies has become second nature? In addressing this question, the ten years that have passed since the first Zombieland are actually an advantage.

While people do die and new zombies are turned in this world, we are never worried that the makeshift family of Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita (Emma Stone), and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) will fall victim to the carnage. And they seem to know it. They’re living it up in the White House, treating every day like it’s Christmas, but that sense of security is only engendering mid-life, or quarter-life, crises. Columbus and Wichita especially are struggling with the realization that they have already accomplished all they need to in life by their thirties. I wish that the script had dug into these neuroses a little more deeply, but this movie works as well as it does because this malaise is the foundational conflict.

Now, to fully enjoy Double Tap, you’ll have to have a pretty big appetite for the same self-aware self-deprecating jokes being told over and over and a full embrace of certain stereotypes that have already been thoroughly deconstructed. But there’s a lot more melancholy than you might expect from a past-it-sell-by-date carnage-filled zom-com. If that’s not quite a Zombie Endorsement of the Year, it’s at least enough to assure us that our undead imaginations haven’t been fully depleted yet.

Zombieland: Double Tap is Recommended If You Like: Staring into the void, while repeating your favorite jokes over and over again

Grade: 3 out of 5 Rules

This Is a Movie Review: Venom

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CREDIT: Sony Pictures

How do you make a gelatinous black alien goo-villain like Venom the hero of your movie? As the makers of Venom have decided, you have it (him?) fall in love with Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy). Although, it’s not so much love as it is deep platonic friendship. But maybe developing a deep platonic friendship is a kind of falling in love? Whatever you call it, it works.

Overall, this movie is filled with delights because of its unerringly playful approach. That applies to the action scenes, with Venom’s fluid presence shooting out in unpredictable directions. It of course applies to the back-and-forth repartee between Eddie and Venom inside his head. (Wisely, a few other key characters are aware of what is going on during these conversations, but that doesn’t make them look any less insane.) And it absolutely applies to Eddie/Venom’s constant attempts to figure out how to feed their ravenous hunger. And then there’s that tongue. Oh yeah, that tongue. We could’ve used more of the tongue, honestly. But Venom, and Venom, is more than just that tongue, and it’s better for it.

I give Venom 400 Tater Tots out of 500 Host Bodies.