All the dialogue is either whispered or screamed.

Cold Opening – Mitt Romney
I would have been happy if this sketch had only lasted a minute and thus only included Mitt talking about the Super Bowl. When Jason Sudeikis as Mitt Romney talks about football, it is a hoot. I was cracking up through that portion. Then he talked about other stuff. Then a dog kept barking. So, if this sketch had just been the first minute combined with the incessant dog barking, then we would have been good. B-

Zooey Deschanel’s Monologue
At first, I was surprised that recent divorcee Zooey Deschanel was singing a Valentine’s Day song, but then it was about the dark side of Valentine’s Day, and it all made sense. That moment when she twirled her hair was so Zooey. Was that improvised? B+

Clint Eastwood for Chrysler
I imagine this is exactly how Clint Eastwood reacted when the dummies in the media thought that his inspiring message was supposed to be about politics. A-

Piers Morgan Tonight
As the mom character, Zooey looked like Katy Perry, and that wasn’t the only time this episode that I noticed a resemblance, and I’ve never noticed that similarity before. Usually, Zooey dresses like she’s from the sixties or earlier and Katy dresses like a candy cane, but when they were on SNL, they both dressed like normal people. And Zooey appeared without her usual bangs in this sketch. The pokes at M.I.A., Madonna, and the tightrope guy were all sensible, but the LMFAO portrayal was the biggest moment of hilarity, partially by virtue of Fred being barely recognizable underneath that Skyblu getup. B

Les Jeunes de Paris
I gasped in amazement at the most unexpected, and one of the best, guest appearances on SNL ever. My only question is, where was Uggie? A

Clint Eastwood II
It’s a little bit later, and America still hasn’t gotten its act together, so Clint Eastwood’s pants are getting higher. I guess the real Clint Eastwood does wear his pants a bit high, but not quite that comically high. But, for the purposes of Bill Hader’s impression, it’ll do. B+

Daily Post 1941
I feel like I have seen Zooey Deschanel talk in the style of His Girl Friday many times before (including at least once per episode on New Girl) that it was a little surprising to hear her end up saying, “You are talking so fast,” in this sketch. But her deconstruction of how difficult it was to understand everybody and make sense of the insults also fit her persona well. B+

Clint Eastwood III
Anybody remember that Nick at Nite commercial for I Love Lucy from a while back that discussed how Fred’s pants were devouring him? The image of Clint with his pants up to his neck was funnier than that. B+

Karmin perform “Broken Hearted”
As Karmin started, I thought, “Okay. Here we go. Let’s get this over with.” But then it was fun. The song was hardly earth-shattering, but it’s live music – the song doesn’t have to be excellent if there’s plenty of energy in the performance. B+

Weekend Update
-The Jokes: This was a better-than-average performance from Seth, thanks to his time-tested formula: the stories he is joking about already being funny in the first place. B-
-The Segments: -Arianna Huffington: Did she say that 10,000 Maniacs only being five normal people was completely “knotty” or “naughty”? B+
-Get in the Cage: I had to fan myself over how hot this bit was. It was hard to tell how Nic really felt about Andy’s impression. With Nic Cage, you never know what’s going to happen. A+

Bein’ Quirky with Zooey Deschanel
Abby’s Zooey was much improved, Taran’s Cera was great as always and a fitting accent to the sketch, Zooey’s M-K was a good call, and … Björk! Some of the best impressions on SNL are apparently of quirky people. This sketch was right on the pulse of quirky. If only Mayim Bialik had actually been there as well. A

This was a very Portlandia-style sketch, a very Fred idea, what with its jumble of jargon making no sense. A

Crab Blast
This was like they decided on purpose to not make this episode completley awesome from beginning to end. I have to commend them for that. C+

R.I.P. Whitney Houston

We’re Going to Make Technology Hump
Finally! The vintage tech humping hit the right nostalgic tone. I loved how the pager displayed 58008 upside-down. When Andy and Zooey were providing the voices, I was reminded of that roleplaying scene from that episode of New Girl with Zooey and Justin Long. B+

Karmin peform “I Told You So”
Okay, Karmin’s Amy Heidemann sure seems to enjoy what she is doing, but this was rather gaudy. Also, I looked over all my musical guest reviews for the season so far and discovered that I haven’t given any performance worse than a B-. I’m not sure I should be keeping that up. C+

Victorian Ladies
Bobby looked like the Mad Hatter. And I liked the ending. But I probably would have liked it more if it made sense. B-

This was an exhaustingly funny episode. It featured a very comfortable host, an incredible array of MVP impressions, two impersonation confrontations (one of which was probably the best ever), one other (very surprising) guest appearance, and I doled out three A’s, and one A+. So, yeah, this was the best episode of the season.
When there’s a particularly memorable line in one of the sketches, I include it as an epigraph at the top of my review. There were a lot of lines that could have been epigraphs this episode. Here are the other ones: “Go buy a Chrysler, and get off my lawn!” “It is a prototype.” “My pants get higher every quarter.” “Pizza, pizza!” “Is this a real argument, or is this just jibber jabber?” “If you like clouds, make them your friends.” “We said we’d make technology hump, and we did.”

Everything in the movie is on fire.