Turning over a new stile (CREDIT: NBC/Screenshot)

Jeff “jmunney” Malone watches every new episode of Saturday Night Live and then reviews all the sketches and segments according to a “wacky” theme.

Hello! And happy birthday to Dakota Mayi Johnson. Because the date that this review is posting (October 4) is in fact her birthday. Whereas, when she began hosting SNL for the third time, it was not quite her birthday (unless you were in Australia, I guess). But because SNL episodes typically extend beyond the stroke of midnight, it became her birthday at some point during the show.

I was not involved in any birthday celebrations this weekend, though I did have plenty of excitement by running a 5K on Sunday morning. I suppose that was about as exciting as watching the band Turnstile be hardcore on stage, which I mention of course because they were the musical guest on this episode.

As for my Review Gimmick, I shall once again Transcribe the Notes I Took While Watching the Episode.

Republican Midterm Ads
-“Could you go in the hall and get the next person?”
-“Schlong Donkeys”
-in case we lose → “We did it! We won!”

Dakota Johnson’s Monologue
-It’s her birthday.

Press Your Luck
-beautiful wife, beautiful ex-wife, and ugly girlfriend
-$20,000 … or $2,000?
-Is there purposely a delay between hitting the button and landing on a square?
-“I want the Advil!”

Mean Scary Girlfriend
-“pre-loaded with catchphrases”

Hospital Gossip
-What’s in Azerbaijan?

Guns for Women
-“Men and their guns” ~ “You know what Freud says”
-“It goes like, ‘Hey.'”
-“Cheryl, I have never liked you.”

Throne of the Dragonhorn
-“Now where were we?” “The beginning of sex, I believe.”
-“I’m just a little thrown.” (throne?)

Turnstile, “BIRDS”
-Rainbow

Weekend Update
-“people prefer racism to make sense”
     Jason & Link
     -“a tunic is a dress for a boy. Right, Che?”
-Strike 2 against Hitler –  which was Strike 1?
     Kam Patterson
     -Is Kam wearing a Gryffindor shirt?
     Debbie Mush
     -“zhob” (job)
     “You’re 435,000 years old.”
     -“Please don’t waste my sime.”

Slumber Party
-Where to buy Pikachu scrubs?
-“Legiterally”
-No Blinking October – how to do that?

Turnstile, “I CARE/DULL”
-Hold the phone(s)!
-Does the drummer look like an Andrew Dismukes character? Discuss.

Amazing Tales of Truth
-I thought Dad might have been played by Andrew Dismukes (even though I was pretty sure it was JAJ), but then it went back to Andrew as the host.

My early reaction is that this was my favorite of Dakota’s hosting appearances thus far, and Turnstile is an early strong contender for my favorite musical guest of the season. Next week, the guest lineup is scheduled to be Shane Gillis and Rosalía. I’m going to be away for the holiday weekend, so my review might arrive a little later than usual and be a little atypical. We’ll find out together!