January 8, 2026
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Benjamin Cheng, Charlie Mann, Gia Hunter, Jessica Alexander, Johannes Roberts, Johnny Sequoyah, Miguel Torres Umba, Primate, Tienne Simon, Troy Kotsur, Victoria Wyant
Primate vs. Primate, in a way (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)
Starring: Johnny Sequoyah, Jessica Alexander, Troy Kotsur, Victoria Wyant, Gia Hunter, Benjamin Cheng, Charlie Mann, Tienne Simon, Miguel Torres Umba
Director: Johannes Roberts
Running Time: 89 Minutes
Rating: R for Bone-Crushing and Flesh-Ripping Gore, and Some Young People Acting Horny (Before the Gore)
Release Date: January 9, 2026 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: This one’s pretty simple: a chimpanzee named Ben (Miguel Torres Umba) turns rabid from a mongoose bite and then goes violently ham on his human family. If you want to know the Homo sapiens, the main ones are Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) and her younger sister Erin (Gia Hunter), who are visiting their dad Adam (Troy Kotsur) at his forebodingly cliffside Hawaiian home. There are a few friends in tow as well (played by Victoria Wyant, Jessica Alexander, and Benjamin Cheng), with the promise of a couple of cute guys they met at the airport also potentially on their way. One minute, they’re hanging out in paradise without a care in the world, and the next, they’re stuck in the pool trying to ward off a relentless animal.
What Made an Impression?: Not for the Faint of Heart, or Faint of Anything: This could be a little spoiler-y, but I feel like it’s the responsibility of those of us who have seen Primate before everyone else to let you know that Ben isn’t exactly redeemable after the rabies takes over. You know those horror movies where someone looks into a friend-turned-monster’s eyes and pleads, “You’re still in there, aren’t you?” As you might suspect, there’s a lot of that in this movie, and as you also might suspect, it doesn’t work out okay. Director Johannes Roberts keeps things as brutal as possible, in every way you can possibly imagine. It’s impressive in a way, but it’s not exactly something you can go into without any preparation.
He’s Still Here: You remember that old SNL digital short “Andy Popping Into Frame”? When Primate is at its most playful, it’s basically the hairy version of that sketch. Which is to say, whenever Lucy and company think they’re a safe distance from Ben, he’s actually just hanging a few feet away, ready to dip back and deliver a fatal “Hello again.” Roberts and his cinematographer Stephen Murphy have a hell of a time with this devilishly simple trick, and you’ll absolutely hate them for it for all eternity.
How Do You Say “Dad Jokes at Inappropriate Times” in ASL?: If the Best Picture-winning CODA had you wondering, “Could Troy Kotsur brighten up even the most unbearable cinematic nightmare?”, well, Primate is the perfect test case for that query. And the answer is: yeah, pretty much. The presence of a dorky paterfamilias doesn’t exactly make Ben’s rampage any less terrifying, but it’s nice to be reminded that that sunshine exists when we’re otherwise being told that nature just wants to beat us into a pulp.
Primate is Recommended If: The headline on your Hinge profile is that you’ve been subscribing to Fangoria since Day 1
Grade: 3 out of 5 Mongeese
January 7, 2026
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Brenton Thwaites, Daisy Ridley, Mark Coles Smith, Matt Whelan, We Bury the Dead, Zak Hilditch
Get buried! (CREDIT: Vertical)
Starring: Daisy Ridley, Brenton Thwaites, Mark Coles Smith, Matt Whelan
Director: Zak Hilditch
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: January 2, 2026 (Theaters)
Would I want Daisy Ridley (or a character played by her) to come and find me if I were a zombie, or (at least a potentially undead fellow)? That’s the question posited by We Bury the Dead (if you imagine yourself within the world of the film, that is). She’s certainly fiercely loyal, so that’s certainly a plus. But the corollary (or at least a corollary, lol) to that question is of course: should I want Daisy Ridley to come find Zombie-Me (or Zombie-Anybody)?
It’s important to let things go! We Bury the Dead isn’t the first movie to ever make that point, nor indeed is it the first zombie movie to make that point. But it does so in its own unique way, making it a fine addition to the repertoire.
Grade: 3 Tasmanians out of 5 EMPs
January 6, 2026
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Albert Brooks, Avatar, Avatar: Fire and AsH, Ayo Edebiri, Bailey Bass, Brendan Cowell, Britain Dalton, Bryan Fuller, CCH Pounder, Cliff Curtis, David Dastmalchian, David Thewlis, Dileep Rao, Duane Evans Jr., Dust Bunny, Edie Falco, Ella McCay, Emma Mackey, Filip Geljo, Giovanni Ribisi, Jack Champion, Jack Lowden, James Cameron, James L. Brooks, Jamie Flatters, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jemaine Clement, Joel David Moore, Julie Kavner, Kate Winslet, Kumail Nanjiani, Mads Mikkelsen, Matt Gerlad, Oona Chaplin, Rebecca Hall, Rebecca Henderson, Sam Worthington, Sheila Atim, Sigourney Weaver, Sophia Sloan, Spike Fearn, Stephen Lang, Trinity Jo-Li Bliss, Woody Harrelson, Zoe Saldana
Dear Pandora Santa Claus… (CREDIT: Screenshot)
Dust Bunny
Starring: Mads Mikkelsen, Sophia Sloan, Sigourney Weaver, Sheila Atim, David Dastmalchian, Rebecca Henderson
Director: Bryan Fuller
Running Time: 106 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: December 12, 2025 (Theaters)
Ella McCay
Starring: Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jack Lowden, Woody Harrelson, Kumail Nanjiani, Spike Fearn, Julie Kavner, Albert Brooks, Ayo Edebiri, Rebecca Hall
Director: James L. Brooks
Running Time: 115 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: December 12, 2025 (Theaters)
Avatar: Fire and Ash
Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldaña, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Oona Chaplin, Kate Winslet, Cliff Curtis, Joel David Moore, CCH Pounder, Edie Falco, Brendan Cowell, Jemaine Clement, Giovanni Ribisi, David Thewlis, Britain Dalton, Jack Champion, Trinity Jo-Li Bliss, Jamie Flatters, Bailey Bass, Filip Geljo, Duane Evans Jr., Matt Gerlad, Dileep Rao
Director: James Cameron
Running Time: 197 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Theaters)
Hey hey, ho ho ho! And now for something completely the assessment of a few movies I saw in the run-up to the End-of-Year 2025 Holiday Season. I considered doing this before Christmas reared its festive rump, but I didn’t quite get around to it. So now here we are in January, hopefully with the benefit of a little more digestion. For this selection of flicks (whose current theatrical availability ranges from “nowhere” to “everywhere”), I shall now discuss how much seeing them and then writing about them has (or has not) kept the holiday spirit alive.
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December 23, 2025
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Anaconda, Anaconda 2025, Daniela Melchior, Ione Skye, Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Selton Mello, Steve Zahn, Thandiwe Newton, Tom Gormican
They want more than none (CREDIT: Matt Grace)
Starring: Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Thandiwe Newton, Steve Zahn, Daniela Melchior, Selton Mello, Ione Skye
Director: Tom Gormican
Running Time: 99 Minutes
Rating: December 25, 2025 (Theaters)
Release Date: PG-13 for Chomping and Squeezing and Some Drug Tripping
What’s It About?: Back in the ’90s, a group of friends were dreaming of a silver screen future. But flash-forward to the 2020s, and they’ve all settled into B-grade (maybe B+) lives. Doug (Jack Black) is a wedding videographer whose cinematic instincts keep getting rebuffed by his clients; Griff (Paul Rudd) is a bit part actor whose big break is nowhere in sight; Kenny (Steve Zahn) is working as Doug’s screwup assistant and trying to get sober; and Claire (Thandiwe Newton) is adrift in her foundering marriage. Upon reuniting, they decide in the thrill of the moment to produce an amateur remake of one of their favorite movies of all time: the notorious 1997 creature feature Anaconda. So then they actually fly down to the Amazon, rent a real live snake, and start shooting an actual goshdang moving picture. But it doesn’t take long for things to become pear-shaped, as the crew gets tightly wrapped within a misadventure that’s starting to resemble the original way more than they bargained for.
What Made an Impression?: How Not to Get Bit By an Excess of Cleverness: I haven’t been closely following the pre-production leading up to 2025’s Anaconda, but this definitely feels like a case of desperately trying to reboot intellectual property by any means possible. Settling on a goofy self-aware version could have been too cute by half, but with Jack Black and Paul Rudd in the leads, you’ve got the exact right stars to thread the needle. And honestly, Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten’s script gets the point across pretty well on its own. As for the rest of the main players, Steve Zahn is absolutely a reliable enough supporting player, while Thandiwe Newton may be a little less practiced in this arena, but she understands the assignment as well as everybody else.
Subheading About What Made an Impression: As an example of how Anaconda makes the meta approach work, characters say the word “themes” as a punch line all by itself multiple times… and it works each time! (It certainly helps that one of the horror themes du jour they’re poking fun at is intergenerational trauma.)
Making It Happen: If Anaconda wants us to teach a lesson alongside all the slithering chaos, there are two opposing pitfalls it could have easily fallen into: telling us that it’s much safer to just give up on our dreams, or stubbornly insisting that we never give up on our dreams no matter what our reality. It’s not cynical enough for the former, and it’s actually thoughtful enough to avoid the latter. The message (as sweetly underscored by Doug’s wife Malie, played by the always-sweet Ione Skye) isn’t that we should just drop all our responsibilities to reclaim our lost passions. But rather, if we don’t give ourselves a chance (or at least an indulgence) every once in a while, our souls will just slowly wither away. And if we’re lucky, our most supportive loved ones will be there to nudge us along (and hopefully serve as our emergency contacts in case anything goes wrong!).
Anaconda (2025) is Recommended If You Like: Scream but wish that it were a creature feature
Grade: 3 out of 5 Themes
December 18, 2025
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
A'zion, Abel Ferrara, Emory Cohen, Fran Drescher, Géza Röhrig, George Gervin, Gwyneth Paltrow, Isaac Mizrahi, John Catsimatidis, Josh Safdie, Kevin O'Leary, Koto Kawaguchi, Larry "Ratso" Sloman, Luke Manley, Marty Supreme, Odessa, Penn Jillette, Ralph Colucci, Sandra Bernhard, Spenser Granese, Ted Williams, Timothée Chalamet, Tyler Okonma
He’s Supreme-ing all over the place! (CREDIT: A24)
Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Odessa, A’zion, Kevin O’Leary, Tyler Okonma, Abel Ferrara, Fran Drescher, Koto Kawaguchi, Sandra Bernhard, Spenser Granese, Luke Manley, John Catsimatidis, Isaac Mizrahi, George Gervin, Ted Williams, Emory Cohen, Géza Röhrig, Larry “Ratso” Sloman, Ralph Colucci, Penn Jillette
Director: Josh Safdie
Running Time: 150 Minutes
Rating: R for Plenty of Language, Inescapable Violence, and Some Embarrassing Nudity
Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Limited Theaters)/December 25, 2025 (Expands Nationwide)
What’s It About?: Marty Mauser (Timothée Chalamet) could just be the biggest deal in the world of 1950s global athletics. That’s how transcendent his table tennis skills are. Now you may be thinking, “Table tennis? Measly old ping pong? What are you getting on about?” Well, Marty doesn’t have any patience for your skepticism. In fact, he doesn’t have patience for much of anything. On the rare occasions when he loses, he throws a fit about how his opponents aren’t playing the game properly. And when he’s back home in New York City in between tournaments, he’s getting up to all sorts of trouble, much of it of his own making. He’s being pulled in a million different directions, by a colorful cast of characters who are equally charmed and enervated by him. They include his very pregnant childhood friend (Odessa A’zion) who’s married to someone else but claims that the baby is his; a faded movie star (Gwyneth Paltrow) he’s trying to mack on; her control freak husband (Kevin O’Leary, aka Shark Tank‘s “Mr. Wonderful”) who could also be his sponsor; his uncle (Larry “Ratso” Sloman) who tries to get him arrested to teach him a lesson; some random criminal (Abel Ferrara) who puts Marty in charge of his beloved dog; and his taxi driver friend (Tyler Okonma, aka Tyler, the Creator) who gets strung along for the ride. Meanwhile, his mother (Fran Drescher) is caught in the background looking incredulous.
What Made an Impression?: I Probably Would’ve Fallen Asleep: There are some movies that I’m afraid to talk about too in depth when reviewing them because I don’t want to spoil anything. Marty Supreme is similar but profoundly different: I don’t want to say too much because I could easily end up just listing all the plot details without providing any analysis. This is a dense flick that also manages to whiz by despite its two-and-a-half-hour running time. Ostensibly a sports drama, it’s also just as much a crime caper, screwball comedy, and lovingly realized period piece. And each slice of the pie delivers.
That Boy Can Ball: But let’s be clear, even though the plot isn’t all ping pong all the time, Chalamet came to play. There are no half-measures with this thespian. He’s expressed his desire to be one of the all-time greats, and he’s clearly compelled to impress his audience. But this isn’t joyless Method acting, instead it only makes us hungry for more. Just as he served as a musical guest on SNL after playing Bob Dylan, I wouldn’t put it past him to show up paddle in hand for the 2028 Los Angeles Summer Games.
A Champion for the Ages: To sum it all up, Marty Supreme is one of the most unmissable cinematic experiences of the year, a runaway train that careens off the tracks all the way to Jupiter. And a bang-up entertainer like this delivers an appropriately propulsive soundtrack, with Oneohtrix Point Never delivering one of his typical mind-melting scores, while some needle drops from the ’80s offer temporal displacement that somehow doesn’t feel anachronistic. Give yourself time and space to breathe after this one, you’re gonna need it.
Marty Supreme is Recommended If You: Wish that Uncut Gems had been more like Forrest Gump (or vice versa)
Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Orange Ping Pong Balls
December 17, 2025
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Amanda Seyfried, Brandon Sklenar, Elizabeth Perkins, Indiana Elle, Michele Morrone, Paul Feig, Sydney Sweeney, The Housemaid
They were maid for this (CREDIT: Daniel McFadden/Lionsgate)
Starring: Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, Brandon Sklenar, Michele Morrone, Elizabeth Perkins, Indiana Elle
Director: Paul Feig
Running Time: 131 Minutes
Rating: R for Sex, Nudity, A Shocking Amount of Violence, and Other Disturbing Behavior (Including Sexual Assault)
Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Millie Calloway (Sydney Sweeney) is desperate for a job, any job, especially one that’ll guarantee a roof over her head. She’s an ex-con out on parole who’s been living in her car, you see. So it feels like a miracle when she’s hired by Nina Winchester (Amanda Seyfried) as a live-in housemaid for her gated suburban mansion. Nina’s husband Andrew (Brandon Sklenar) and seven-year-old daughter Cecelia (Indiana Elle) are a little puzzled at first by their new roommate, but it’s really Nina that Millie has to watch out for, despite their promising start. Her behavior becomes increasingly unstable as she constantly gaslights Millie. Meanwhile, Andrew is lifesavingly eager to protect his new employee. But as you might suspect, The Housemaid is the type of movie where these characters aren’t exactly who they initially seem to be.
What Made an Impression?: History Repeating Itself: Is Sydney Sweeney basically just Amanda Seyfried but a decade younger? If we thoroughly compare and contrast their personalities and career arcs, it probably won’t be an exact match. But in this movie, their already similar faces and hair are styled about as closely as they possibly can be. And that is surely intentional in pretty much every way you can possibly conceive of.
Can We Be Real?: The Housemaid is a movie that you’ve got to be patient with, and director Paul Feig trusts that his audience will be okay with a two hour-plus runtime despite the breeziness of the trappings. Furthermore, you have to be willing to accept that until the final act, Seyfried is pretty much the only actor who’s not suppressing her emotions. But the payoff is worth it, because the climax is climactic all over the place. And before we get there, it’s not completely devoid of entertainment value, especially thanks to some especially droll line readings, like “Juice is a privilege, not something you drink out of a dirty glass.”
Broke is What They’re Going For: Throughout this review, I’ve been teasing just how twisty and revelatory this movie’s conclusion is. So of course I’m going to conclude by teasing that aspect once again. Obviously, now’s not the time for spoilers, but I will say that The Housemaid spends its last 45 minutes or so earning its R rating, and then some. Covers are dropped, old wounds are revealed, new wounds are poked, and just desserts are delivered forcefully. Folks, if you’re planning on seeing this, you gotta do so in a crowded theater full of stunned ooh’s and ah’s.
The Housemaid is Recommended If You: Wished that Conclave had been more like The Stepford Wives
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Fake Resumes
December 16, 2025
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Arturo Castro, Bill Fagerbakke, Carolyn Lawrence, Clancy Brown, Derek Drymon, George Lopez, Ice Spice, Mark Hamill, Mr. Lawrence, Regina Hall, Rodger Bumpass, Search for SquarePants, Sherry Cola, sponge, SpongeBob, Spongebob Squarepants, The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants, Tom Kenny
Is it Sponge-worthy? (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)
Starring: Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Clancy Brown, Rodger Bumpass, Mark Hamill, Regina Hall, Carolyn Lawrence, Mr. Lawrence, George Lopez, Ice Spice, Arturo Castro, Sherry Cola
Director: Derek Drymon
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Rating: PG for Cheeky Humor Overload
Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: The Flying Dutchman wants to break free! But will his scheme to accomplish that goal also result in the downfall of Bikini Bottom’s most famous fry cook? SpongeBob SquarePants (voiced as usual by the indefatigable Tom Kenny) has finally grown just tall enough to ride the local physics-defying rollercoaster. But when he actually lays his peepers on it, he suddenly decides that he’s not ready after all, so instead he and his best pal Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke) go on a deep(er)-sea adventure to prove their mettle as swashbucklers. Unfortunately, that puts him in the crosshairs of the aforementioned Dutchman (voiced nearly unrecognizably by Mark Hamill), who sees in Mr. SquarePants the perfect sacrificial lamb to break the curse of his ghostly existence. But have no fear, as Mr. Krabs (Clancy Brown) and a surprisingly not-that-reluctant Squidward (Rodger Bumpass) are in hot pursuit to ensure that the boys have a little help to get back home safely.
What Made an Impression?: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Sponge: At this point, it’s important to establish some context in my own personal SpongeBob journey. I was 11 when the show premiered on Nickelodeon in 1999, which is to say that I was almost too old to become a fan of a new Nicktoon. But this one had a surreal sensibility that held an ageless appeal to hook me just in time. However, it was never Priority Number One in my TV viewing schedule, and by my college years, it had fallen pretty much completely by the wayside. Fast forward a generation or two later, and I’m stunned to discover that new episodes are still being produced. Apparently, that longevity is the source of significant controversy, as creator Stephen Hillenburg (who passed away in 2018) reportedly wanted the show to end after the release of the first big-screen outing in 2004. Plus, the switch to a more computer-generated animation style has represented the loss of a lot of the original charm for a significant segment of the fandom. But as someone who gradually drifted away from Bikini Bottom with no ill will, I don’t have any declared loyalty in these dilemmas.
Always Ready: So all that background info is a windup to saying that I came to Search for SquarePants with an open mind and an eagerness to rediscover that logic-breaking glee of days gone by. And I must say: I found it. Oh baby, I found it! This movie is an absolute delight that lives up to the very best of SpongeBob. The demented energy and penchant for absurd set pieces that mash up the animation with cheap-looking live-action are just as on point as they’ve ever been. Of course though, as someone who’s been out of the loop, I can’t declare for sure if this is a return to form or rather a continuation of sustained excellence. But I can confidently insist that this outing is a fine addition to a sterling legacy.
They’ve Got a Way with Words: To prove how much I loved this movie, I will enter into evidence my moviegoing notebook, which is absolutely filled to the brim with transcriptions of the most hilarious bits of dialogue. Here are some choice selections, which may or may not be just as gut-busting out of context:
-“But-but-but-” “Butts are for toilets.”
-“We can’t lose in a Winnebago.”
-“I say puh-tay-toh, you say puh-tah-toh.” “No, I don’t.”
I also lovingly wrote down a bunch of descriptions of visual gags, including a particularly cheeky one involving a brick that’s highlighted in the trailer.
Cool as Ice: Finally, I must heap special praise upon the theme song of SpongeBob’s growth spurt, “Big Guy” by Isis Gaston, aka The Bronx’s own Ice Spice (who also has a small part as an amusement park worker). It’s a total banger that’ll be thumping on my speakers throughout the holiday season. It’s not quite as iconic as Wilco’s “Just a Kid,” but give it a few years, and I might just be ready to declare that it’s on the same level.
The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants is Recommended If: You loved SpongeBob back in the day and have fond memories you’d like to revisit, or if you never stopped loving this yellow guy and want to spend more time in boisterous movie theaters
Grade: 4 out of 5 Dutchmen
December 11, 2025
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Andy Samberg, Barry Primus, Betty Buckley, Bodhi Rae Breathnach, Bonnie Hunt, Byron Howard, Callum Turner, Chloé Zhao, Da'Vine Joy Randolph, Dainton Anderson, Danny Trejo, David Freyne, David Wilmot, Don Lake, Elizabeth Olsen, Elliot Baxter, Emily Watson, Eternity, Fortune Feimster, Freya Hannan-Mills, Ginnifer Goodwin, giving thanks, Gratitude, Hamnet, Idris Elba, Jacobi Jupe, Jared Bush, Jason Bateman, Jenny Slate, Jessie Buckley, Joe Alwyn, John Early, Ke Huy Quan, Miles Teller, Nate Torrence, Noah Jupe, Olga Merediz, Olivia Lynes, Patrick Warburton, Paul Mescal, Quinta Brunson, Shakira, thankfulness, Thanskgiving, Zootopia 2
Thank you to the movies! (CREDIT (Clockwise from left): Agata Grzybowska/Focus Features;
Walt Disney Animation Studios/Screenshot; A24)
Zootopia 2
Starring: Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Ke Huy Quan, Andy Samberg, Fortune Feimster, Idris Elba, Patrick Warburton, Shakira, Quinta Brunson, Danny Trejo, Nate Torrence, Bonnie Hunt, Don Lake, Jenny Slate
Directors: Jared Bush and Byron Howard
Running Time: 108 Minutes
Rating: PG
Release Date: November 26, 2025 (Theaters)
Hamnet
Starring: Jessie Buckley, Paul Mescal, Emily Watson, Joe Alwyn, Jacobi Jupe, David Wilmot, Olivia Lynes, Bodhi Rae Breathnach, Freya Hannan-Mills, Dainton Anderson, Elliot Baxter, Noah Jupe
Director: Chloé Zhao
Running Time: 126 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: November 26, 2025 (Theaters)
Eternity
Starring: Miles Teller, Elizabeth Olsen, Callum Turner, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, John Early, Olga Merediz, Betty Buckley, Barry Primus
Director: David Freyne
Running Time: 114 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: November 26, 2025 (Theaters)
And now, I’m going to discuss my reaction to three films that came out in time for Thanksgiving but that I didn’t get around to seeing until December. Nevertheless, I shall reveal what I am thankful for regarding each of them, because it’s important to practice gratitude throughout the year.
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December 9, 2025
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Andrew Scott, Annie Hamilton, Benoit Blanc, Bridget Everett, Cailee Spaeny, Daniel Craig, Daryl McCormack, Glenn Close, James Faulkner, Jeffrey Wright, Jeremy Renner, Josh Brolin, Josh O'Connor, Kerry Washington, Knives Out, Mila Kunis, Noah Segan, Thomas Haden Church, Wake Up Dead Man, Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery
Where is this man on the scale of Awake to Dead? (CREDIT: Netflix)
Starring: Josh O’Connor, Daniel Craig, Glenn Close, Josh Brolin, Mila Kunis, Jeremy Renner, Kerry Washington, Andrew Scott, Cailee Spaeny, Daryl McCormack, Thomas Haden Church, Jeffrey Wright, Annie Hamilton, James Faulkner, Bridget Everett, Noah Segan
Director: Rian Johnson
Running Time: 144 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: November 26, 2025 (Theaters)/December 12, 2025 (Netflix)
You will believe a man can be resurrected! That’s the tongue-in-cheek promise of Wake Up Dead Man, the latest Knives Out mystery. As a lifelong practicing Catholic, I was especially primed to appreciate Benoit Blanc venturing off to an off-the-beaten parish on Easter Weekend to help the new young priest (Josh O’Connor) figure out the death of the firebrand monsignor (Josh Brolin). And ultimately, Rian Johnson very much succeeded in helping to restore my faith. That’s not to say that I had completely lost my faith, and it’s also not to say that any character literally comes back to life. (Although in the interest of avoiding spoilers, I’m not not saying that either.) Furthermore, I’m also certainly not saying that you have to be Catholic to enjoy this movie (nor that all Catholics will automatically enjoy it). But it did convince me anew of believing in the stories we tell ourselves, and that is a blessing.
Grade: 10 Awakenings out of 7 Crypts
December 4, 2025
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Audrey Lynn-Marie, Elizabeth Lail, Emma Tammi, Five Nights at Freddy's, Five Nights at Freddy's 2, FNaF, FnaF 2, Freddy Carter, Josh Hutcherson, Matthew Lillard, Mckenna Grace, Piper Rubio, Skeet Ulrich, Teo Briones, Theodus Crane, Wayne Knight
Da Bear (CREDIT: Universal Pictures)
Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Elizabeth Lail, Piper Rubio, Matthew Lillard, Theodus Crane, McKenna Grace, Teo Briones, Freddy Carter, Wayne Knight, Audrey Lynn-Marie, Skeet Ulrich
Director: Emma Tammi
Running Time: 104 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Violence That Feels Like It Should Look Bloodier
Release Date: December 5, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Have you ever had to deal with your younger sibling pining for her ghost friends inside murderous animatronics? That’s the very common dilemma that Mike Schmidt is dealing with while looking after his sister Abby (Piper Rubio) in the wake of the massacre at the end of the first Five Nights at Freddy’s flick that resulted in the death of serial killer William Afton (Matthew Lillard). Mike and Afton’s daughter Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) are doing their best to look out for each other, but the spirits at the shuttered entertainment pizza joint are restless and still calling out to whomever they can lure into their clutches to escape their containment. Meanwhile, Abby is doing her best to make a good impression at her school’s robotics contest, but her teacher (Wayne Knight) is kind of a jerk.
What Made an Impression?: Land of the Rising Dead Kids: The primary antagonist this time around is the spirit of a little girl named Charlotte (Audrey Lynn-Marie), a victim of Afton’s who blames all the clueless parents at Freddy’s for her demise, since they just sat around and did nothing. That blame is now extended to all parents in her afterlife. This is kind of reminiscent of J-horror ghost stories, wherein the curse of a murdered child eternally reaches its coils into anyone who comes into contact with its presence. FnaF 2 is nowhere near as good as the classics of that genre, like The Ring or its Japanese original. But there was also a fair deal of schlock in that trend, so FnaF 2 surely isn’t the worst example, either.
Bang, Clank, Sizzle: When the monsters in your movie are lumbering animatronic animals, the sound mix tends to be filled with crashing metal, twisting gears, and crackling electricity. Unfortunately, these aren’t exactly the most pleasant sounds, though they’re certainly true to the situation. It’s not as bad as the worst Transformers sequels, which were incomprehensible in their garble of machinery. Considering that FnaF 2 is ostensibly a horror movie, this arrangement is horrifying in the sense that it tested my patience. But I’m not sure that was the intention.
Where’s the Edge?: Maybe if I were more well-versed in the lore of the FnaF video games and their various spinoffs, then perhaps these movies would hit harder for me. But I don’t really feel like I’m missing anything. The plots are straightforward and easy to follow, character motivations are clearly spelled out, and the visual language is sensible. There’s just no verve or pizzazz. Freddy and his crew may be ostensibly let loose, but the reality is that they’re still on a tight leash. But at least Wayne Knight gives a bizarrely great performance, so you might laugh a few times!
Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 is Recommended If You Like: Cold pepperoni
Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Animatronics
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