Is There Ever Enough Room for a ‘Lurker’?

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This is How you Lurker (CREDIT: Mubi)

Starring: Théodore Pellerin, Archie Madekwe, Zack Fox, Havana Rose Liu, Wale Onayemi, Daniel Zolghadri, Sunny Suljic

Director: Alex Russell

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

Lurker is a grainy warning about allowing someone into your inner circle with minimal vetting, as pop star Oliver (Archie Madekwe) hires clothing store employee Matty Morning (Théodore Pellerin) as his personal documentarian after a seemingly chance encounter. Soon enough, Matty is trying to control Oliver’s entire artistic direction, and pity anyone who stands in his way. That insinuation is definitely something to be on the lookout for if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, but I want to talk about Oliver’s living situation, i.e., a modern mansion that he shares with the tightest members of his entourage.

It’s quite the platonic fantasy, isn’t it? I know I wasn’t the only one who thought it would be the ultimate dream to live together in a big house with my closest buds in my twenties. And now it’s a reality for plenty of people – have you seen those influencer houses? But they could really use some adult supervision. I’m not against living arrangements that go beyond the traditional setup of parents and kids; if you’ve got the space, extra residents are a solid way to split the costs and share the memories. But instead of a surplus of young adults, I’d recommend something more multigenerational, and the lessons of Lurker only serve to underscore that.

Grade: 5 DV Camcorders out of 7 DSLRs

How to Navigate ‘Splitsville’ and ‘The Threesome’

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Which of them will end up Split? All Three? (CREDIT: NEON; Vertical/Screenshot)

Splitsville

Starring: Kyle Marvin, Michael Angelo Covino, Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Simon Webster

Director: Michael Angelo Covino

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

The Threesome

Starring: Jonah Hauer-King, Zoey Deutch, Ruby Cruz, Jaboukie Young-White, Josh Segarra, Kristin Slaysman, Allan McLeod, Julia Sweeney, Arden Myrin, Robert Longstreet

Director: Chad Hartigan

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 5, 2025 (Theaters)

Whoa, why are relationships getting so tangled and messy at the cinema lately? In the span of just two days, I saw Splitsville and The Threesome, which both had me frequently going, “Now see, are you sure you want to do that?” So I’ll go ahead and turn that question back around to myself and ask if I would like to try on any of these dynamics, perhaps just for the heck of it.

First up, I’ll check in to Splitsville (which I’m writing about before seeing The Threesome, which may or may not matter), in which this lady named Ashley (Adria Arjona) tells her husband Carey (Kyle Marvin) that she wants a divorce. That leads Carey to seek comfort in the ostensibly warm embrace of his friends Paul (Michael Angelo Covino) and Julie (Dakota Johnson), who it turns out have an open relationship. So Carey and Julie hook up, but Paul isn’t exactly okay with that. Meanwhile, Carey and Ashley eventually decide to try remaining married while opening up their relationship as well. Soon enough, Carey is falling in love with Julie, Ashley is falling back in love with Carey, and Paul and Ashley are teaming up to make their exes-who-are-still-their-spouses jealous. So, uh… yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t fully ensconced within this entire misadventure. If I’m ever part of an open relationship, I’m going to push for us to all sign a contract beforehand. But you know, like a sexy contract.

As for The Threesome, the messiness is baked right into the premise: three people enter a sexual encounter, two pregnancies emerge. At least compared to Splitsville, there’s one less person to keep track of in this case. Although of course, that’s not fully true, because plenty of other orbiting folks end up getting involved. Anyway, the dude in this scenario, Connor (Jonah Hauer-King), has stronger romantic feelings for one of the ladies, specifically Zoey Deutch’s Olivia. But he also wants to do right by their new intimate friend, Ruby Cruz’s Jenny. There are plenty of missteps along the way, but somehow we end on a note of everything turning out more or less okay.

When it comes to comparing and contrasting, the conclusion is: Splitsville is a whole lot messier than promised, whereas The Threesome is just the opposite. Honestly, I wouldn’t hate living through the latter’s scenario, though I wouldn’t exactly seek it out either, except perhaps as a less entangled observer. Connor’s friend Greg (Jaboukie Young-White) and his mom Suzanne (Julia Sweeney) definitely have fun in that role without getting hit by too much crossfire. So yeah, I wouldn’t mind lending a sympathetic ear.

Grades:
Splitsville: I Can Only Split So Much Before I Break
The Threesome: 3.5 out of 5 Threes

Getting ‘Toxic’ While ‘Conjuring’ Things Up and Then Having Some Thoughts

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Imagine if Toxie met Annabelle, though (CREDIT: Troma Entertainment/Screenshot; Warner Bros./Screenshot)

The Toxic Avenger Unrated

Starring: Peter Dinklage, Jacob Tremblay, Taylour Paige, Kevin Bacon, Elijah Wood, Sarah Niles, Julia Davis

Director: Macon Blair

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: Unrated

Release Date: August 29, 2025 (Theaters)

The Conjuring: Last Rites

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Mia Tomlinson, Ben Hardy, Steve Coulter, Rebecca Calder, Elliot Cowan, Kíla Lord Cassidy, Beau Gadsdon, Molly Cartwright, Tilly Walker, Peter Wright, Kate Fahy

Director: Michael Chaves

Running Time: 135 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 5, 2025 (Theaters)

I’ve been thinking a lot about legacies lately. Or at least I’ve been thinking a moderate amount about the legacies of the Conjuring and Toxic Avenger franchises, seeing as I recently saw their most recent entries.

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Watching ‘The Long Walk’ is Its Own Sort of Exhausting (And That’s the Idea)

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Long Walk, Don’t Short Run, to Theaters (Credit: Murray Close/Lionsgate)

Starring: Cooper Hoffman, David Jonsson, Mark Hamill, Ben Wang, Garrett Wareing, Joshua Odjick, Tut Nuyot, Charlie Plummer, Roman Griffin Davis, Jordan Gonzalez, Judy Greer, Josh Hamilton

Director: Francis Lawrence

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Stunning Violence, Pesky Bodily Functions, and Young Men Dropping a Whole Lot of F-Bombs

Release Date: September 12, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: In the days of a totalitarian regime in a dystopian United States, the ruling party has concocted an annual contest to keep hope alive among the citizens while also brutally reminding them who’s in charge. The rules are simple: walk, or die. To get a little more detailed, the young men in the Long Walk must maintain a speed of at least three miles per hour the entire time. If they slow down too much for too long, or stray from the prescribed path, they will be instantly executed. The last one moving – and still alive – is declared the victor and given a life-changing cash prize. Friendships and resentments alike are forged in this crucible, and maybe even a little revolution is also brewing.

What Made an Impression?: Influencing and Influenced: It’s hard not to look at a dystopian story about young people and not go, “Hey, how did we end up back in Panem?!” Of course, though, The Hunger Games doesn’t have a monopoly on this subgenre. Furthermore, The Long Walk is based on an early Stephen King novel, published under his pseudonym Richard Bachman in 1979, whereas Suzanne Collins’ first novel about Katniss & Co. arrived on shelves in 2008. Plus, once you get past the superficial similarities, you realize that The Long Walk is delivering something more intimate, i.e., a simultaneous test of both endurance and claustrophobia. Which is to say, it’s very much its own thing.
You Can’t Outwalk Yourself: Humans generally aren’t used to walking hundreds of miles nonstop, so at a certain point, the body is prone to rebel or otherwise declare, “Hey, I’ve got some other stuff to take care of.” So it’s no surprise that the Long Walkers start experiencing plenty of cuts and scrapes and cramps and twists. Not to mention all the waste forcing its way out in the form of classic feces or the voices emerging from their heads. I appreciate that this wasn’t presented in Smell-O-Vision.
No Escape: I’m a long-distance runner with a few marathons under my belt, but I’ve never experienced anything quite as exhausting as The Long Walk. Perhaps that’s why it’s managed to worm its way into my subconscious so comfortably despite being a mostly unpleasant viewing experience. The unrelenting bleakness also certainly helps with that unforgettability. Ultimately, the biggest compliment I can pay this movie is: I don’t want to constantly remember it, but it won’t let me forget.

The Long Walk is Recommended If You Like: Stephen King at his bleakest, Dystopias at their bleakest, Nihilist poop jokes

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Legs

‘Caught Stealing’ and ‘The Roses’ Invite Us to Reflect at the Cinema This Labor Day Weekend

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A Collage of Two Movies Coming Out in Theaters in Late Summer 2025 (CREDIT: Niko Tavernise/Columbia Pictures; Searchlight Pictures/Screenshot)

Caught Stealing

Starring: Austin Butler, Regina King, Zoë Kravitz, Matt Smith, Liev Schreiber, Vincent D’Onofrio, Griffin Dunne, Benito A Martínez Ocasio, Yuri Kolokolnikov, Nikita Kukushkin, Carol Kane, D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: R for Reckless Violence, Some Drunken Debauchery, and a Little Bit of Sex

Release Date: August 29, 2025 (Theaters)

The Roses

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Olivia Colman, Andy Samberg, Kate McKinnon, Sunita Mani, Ncuti Gatwa, Jamie Demetriou, Zoë Chao, Hala Finley, Wells Rapaport, Delaney Quinn, Ollie Robinson, Belinda Bromilow, Allison Janney

Director: Jay Roach

Running Time: 105 Minutes

Rating: R for Rather Colorful Language

Release Date: August 29, 2025 (Theaters)

Labor Day is typically known as the unofficial end of summer in the Northern Hemisphere, even though technically autumn doesn’t really arrive until the final third of September. Either way, it’s a time for altering routines and reflecting upon what you’ve been up to the past few months. In that spirit of looking back, we’ve got a couple of new releases for Labor Day Weekend 2025 that are both throwbacks in their own particular ways.

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Ron Howard Takes Us to ‘Eden,’ Shall We Join Him?

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Starring: Jude Law, Vanessa Kirby, Daniel Brühl, Sydney Sweeney, Ana De Armas, Jonathan Tittel, Richard Roxburgh, Toby Wallace, Felix Kammerer, Ignacio Gasparini

Director: Ron Howard

Running Time: 129 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

Okay, y’all. You know I love to review movies by asking, “Would I like to live in the world of this film?” And the based-on-a-true-story Eden is just SCREAMING for me to review it that way, as three very different parties settle on the remote Galápagos island of Floreana for three very different reasons. Set in 1928, Jude Law and Vanessa Kirby play a Nietzsche-loving couple who want to save post-World War I humanity, while Daniel Brühl and Sydney Sweeney play another couple who somehow believe this is the best place to raise their family, and Ana de Armas enters the mix as a so-called “baroness” set on building a luxury hotel.

So is this heaven on Earth?

No.

Not at all.

But… this is one of those situations where it’s better to be second than first. Or not necessarily second, but definitely much later than first. Which is to say, I bet 2028 Floreana will be better than 1928 Floreana (spoiler alert, sort of ).

Grade: A Supportive Family Is So Important

‘Americana’ is One of Those Movies Where It All Comes Together

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This movie used to be called “National Anthem” (CREDIT: Ursula Coyote/Lionsgate)

Starring: Sydney Sweeney, Paul Walter Hauser, Halsey, Eric Dane, Zahn McClarnon, Gavin Maddox Bergman, Simon Rex, Derek Hinkey, Toby Huss

Director: Tony Tost

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 15, 2025 (Theaters)

The August 2025 theatrical release Americana has what must be called – I’m just going to come out and say it – a P-shaped narrative. It’s told in five sections. The first part unfolds, then we curve around a few days to jump into Part 2. Then by Part 3 we catch back up to Part 1, and that’s followed by a mad dash to the conclusion. Part 1 initially feels like it could be a prelude to everything else, but then someone who dies in that section shows back up in subsequent parts, thereby forcing us viewers to adjust our temporal orientation. Anyway, I haven’t really talked about the plot, but that’s only because I wanted to talk about the structure more.

Grade: Not Bad, But I Prefer the Halsey Song “New Americana”

How Does Honey Do in ‘Honey Don’t!’? Let’s Find Out!

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I’ve heard that local Honey can help with allergies (CREDIT: Karen Kuehn / © 2025 FOCUS FEATURES LLC)

Starring: Margaret Qualley, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Evans, Charlie Day, Kristen Connolly, Talia Ryder, Gabby Beans, Jacnier, Josh Pafcheck, Billy Eichner, Lera Abova

Director: Ethan Coen

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: R for A Few Hardcore Dalliances and Some Ridiculous Fatal Encounters

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Another wacky cast of characters has made its way to the big screen in an off-the-wall crime caper from Ethan Coen and Tricia Cooke! It all goes down in dusty Bakersfield, California and revolves around the mostly no-nonsense private investigator Honey O’Donahue (Margaret Qualley). A trail of death starts to form with the discovery of a woman who’s driven off a cliff. Soon thereafter, Honey is dealing with a desperate guy who fears he’s being cheated on (Billy Eichner), as well as her wayward niece (Talia Ryder) and MG Falcone (Aubrey Plaza), the police officer she’s taken a shine to. Their stories all get mixed up with that of Reverend Drew Devlin (Chris Evans), whose flashy church is really just a front for (very messy) organized crime. Also, there’s a mysterious French woman walking around. If anyone can figure out what all these people are up to before it all blows up, it’s probably Honey.

What Made an Impression?: We Gotta Get Out to Get In: Man, I love a good opening credits sequence. And Honey Don’t! has a doozy of an introduction. From the POV of a car driving through Bakersfield, the names of the cast and crew appear on storefronts, graffiti, and other signage, while “We Gotta Get Out of This Place” by The Animals rocks the place. Or at least I thought it was The Animals, until the end credits informed me it was actually a cover version. (But I’m not going to reveal who it actually was. Sure, it’s not like who sings a song is much of a spoiler, but you might enjoy being surprised the way that I was.)
Day for Q: There’s one really important character I didn’t mention in the synopsis, so I better go ahead and mention him now: Detective Marty Metakawich, played by the adorably agitated Charlie Day. He and Honey have quite the crackling repartee, but don’t expect them to end up together by the end! Marty is pretty easily Honey’s favorite man that she’s ever met, but here’s the thing: she’s just not into dudes. For whatever reason, though, Marty just can’t get rid of the mental block that won’t allow him to process her lesbianism. It’s bizarrely kind of sweet, or at least as sweet as something annoying like that can be.
Tough, But Rough: Thank God Margaret Qualley is so goshdarn likable. Most of this cast is pretty compelling, but she’s the one who’s really been solidifying her superstar status lately. Anyway, it really helps to have such an attention-grabbing lead performance when the screenplay feels so random. If you’re feeling particularly ungenerous Ethan Coen (and his brother/former collaborator Joel) could be dismissed as purveyors of unjustifiable kookiness. But at their best, they have a knack for making a circus feel like Shakespeare (or whatever literary inspiration they’re drawing from). Honey Don’t doesn’t quite harmonize in the same way, though. Or maybe we as a moviegoing society just haven’t gotten used to Ethan’s sensibilities while teaming up his wife Tricia Cooke as co-screenwriters. Although I did find their last effort, Drive-Away Dolls, pretty fun. So maybe in a few years I’ll start saying “Honey, I’ll give you another shot.” In the meantime, we’re at “Honey If You Must.”

Honey Don’t! is Recommended If You Like: Movies Where Two Ladies Get Really Handsy with Each Other in a Bar (If You Know What I Mean), Regardless of What Else Happens

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Macaronis

‘Nobody 2’ Asks Us How Much We Would Like to See Bob Odenkirk Clean Up the Bad Guys

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A bunch of Nobodys (CREDIT: Allen Fraser/Universal Pictures)

Starring: Bob Odenkirk, Connie Nielsen, John Ortiz, Colin Hanks, RZA, Christopher Lloyd, Sharon Stone, Colin Salmon, Gage Munroe, Paisley Cadorath

Director: Timo Tjahjanto

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: R for Strong Bloody Violence and Strong Bloody Language

Release Date: August 15, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Hutch Mansell (Bob Odenkirk) used to be one of these seemingly normal suburban dads that everybody thought was basically a nobody. But word has spread that this nobody is not to be messed with. Unfortunately, his newfound predilection for cracking skulls has been putting a strain on his family. So he decides that he simply must take a break from paying off his debt and go on a vacation with his wife Becca (Connie Nielsen) and their kids Brady (Gage Munroe) and Sammy (Paisley Cadorath). They make their way to a water park in the tourist town of Plummerville, since that’s the only place that Hutch’s dad (Christopher Lloyd) ever took him on vacation. Unfortunately, it’s not as idyllic as he remembers it. Instead, the theme park operator (John Ortiz) and the town sheriff are in the pocket of a deranged criminal boss (Sharon Stone) who’s running the evilest bootlegging operation in any vacationland. So yeah, not exactly a formula for Hutch to keep his fists tucked away.

What Made an Impression?: That’s Too Much, Man: The trope of the Unlikely AARP-Eligible Action Hero is old hat by now. Honestly, it was already a bit of a cliché by the time that the first Nobody came out. Is the casting choice of Odenkirk as this particular sixtysomething with a particular set of skills enough to overcome that familiarity? Theoretically, it could be. But what he’s asked to do here is just so bloody and so vindictive and so relentless that it doesn’t really matter how likable he is. At one point, some thug callously smacks Hutch’s daughter on the back of her head, so I understand where he’s coming from when he goes ballistic. But at a certain point, I’m sure that his soul must be dying; alas, this movie isn’t terribly interested in having him reckon with that beyond the surface level.
Could It Be… Satan?: There’s good reason to believe that Sharon Stone’s crime boss character is a resident of the underworld in disguise as a human being. As far as I can tell, she’s motivated entirely by money, which is famously the root of all evil. So the fact that she’s behind everything kind of justifies Hutch’s actions, which makes Nobody 2 less off-putting than it could have been otherwise. But this isn’t exactly the most refreshing form of cinematic evil we’ve ever encountered. Stone’s certainly giving it her all, but in terms of showing off the personality of her baddest self, she’s not asked to do much more than drop a bunch of f-bombs.
More Than Nothing: Overall, I must admit that I wasn’t exactly thrilled by Nobody 2. But there was one part (or actually a couple) that had my toes happy-tapping. As the Mansell family is driving down to Plummerville, they sing along to “More Today Than Yesterday,” Spiral Starecase’s classic sunshine pop hit from 1969, which is reprised at the beginning of the end credits. Why do I mention this? Because it had me saying “I must now sing this song at karaoke.” Ergo, this was not an entirely fruitless experience.

Nobody 2 is Recommended If You Like: All of the action mayhem without any of the morality

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Hawaiian Shirts

‘Weapons’ and ‘Sketch’ Look Pretty Different on the Surface, But I’m Sure They Have Something in Common, So Let’s Figure That Out

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Sketch-ing out some ideas about Weapons (CREDIT: Warner Bros./Screenshot; Angel Studios/Screenshot)

Weapons

Starring: Julia Garner, Josh Brolin, Cary Christopher, Alden Ehrenreich, Amy Madigan, Austin Abrams, Benedict Wong, Toby Huss, June Diane Raphael, Whitmer Thomas, Callie Schuttera

Director: Zach Cregger

Running Time: 128 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 8, 2025 (Theaters)

Sketch

Starring: Tony Hale, Bianca Belle, Kue Lawrence, D’Arcy Carden, Kalon Cox

Director: Seth Worley

Running Time: 92 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: August 8, 2025 (Theaters)

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