‘Primate’ is the Most Brutal Mainstream Horror Film in Years

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Primate vs. Primate, in a way (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Johnny Sequoyah, Jessica Alexander, Troy Kotsur, Victoria Wyant, Gia Hunter, Benjamin Cheng, Charlie Mann, Tienne Simon, Miguel Torres Umba

Director: Johannes Roberts

Running Time: 89 Minutes

Rating: R for Bone-Crushing and Flesh-Ripping Gore, and Some Young People Acting Horny (Before the Gore)

Release Date: January 9, 2026 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: This one’s pretty simple: a chimpanzee named Ben (Miguel Torres Umba) turns rabid from a mongoose bite and then goes violently ham on his human family. If you want to know the Homo sapiens, the main ones are Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) and her younger sister Erin (Gia Hunter), who are visiting their dad Adam (Troy Kotsur) at his forebodingly cliffside Hawaiian home. There are a few friends in tow as well (played by Victoria Wyant, Jessica Alexander, and Benjamin Cheng), with the promise of a couple of cute guys they met at the airport also potentially on their way. One minute, they’re hanging out in paradise without a care in the world, and the next, they’re stuck in the pool trying to ward off a relentless animal.

What Made an Impression?: Not for the Faint of Heart, or Faint of Anything: This could be a little spoiler-y, but I feel like it’s the responsibility of those of us who have seen Primate before everyone else to let you know that Ben isn’t exactly redeemable after the rabies takes over. You know those horror movies where someone looks into a friend-turned-monster’s eyes and pleads, “You’re still in there, aren’t you?” As you might suspect, there’s a lot of that in this movie, and as you also might suspect, it doesn’t work out okay. Director Johannes Roberts keeps things as brutal as possible, in every way you can possibly imagine. It’s impressive in a way, but it’s not exactly something you can go into without any preparation.
He’s Still Here: You remember that old SNL digital short “Andy Popping Into Frame”? When Primate is at its most playful, it’s basically the hairy version of that sketch. Which is to say, whenever Lucy and company think they’re a safe distance from Ben, he’s actually just hanging a few feet away, ready to dip back and deliver a fatal “Hello again.” Roberts and his cinematographer Stephen Murphy have a hell of a time with this devilishly simple trick, and you’ll absolutely hate them for it for all eternity.
How Do You Say “Dad Jokes at Inappropriate Times” in ASL?: If the Best Picture-winning CODA had you wondering, “Could Troy Kotsur brighten up even the most unbearable cinematic nightmare?”, well, Primate is the perfect test case for that query. And the answer is: yeah, pretty much. The presence of a dorky paterfamilias doesn’t exactly make Ben’s rampage any less terrifying, but it’s nice to be reminded that that sunshine exists when we’re otherwise being told that nature just wants to beat us into a pulp.

Primate is Recommended If: The headline on your Hinge profile is that you’ve been subscribing to Fangoria since Day 1

Grade: 3 out of 5 Mongeese

Can ‘We Bury the Dead’ Un-Bury My Heart?

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Get buried! (CREDIT: Vertical)

Starring: Daisy Ridley, Brenton Thwaites, Mark Coles Smith, Matt Whelan

Director: Zak Hilditch

Running Time: 95 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 2, 2026 (Theaters)

Would I want Daisy Ridley (or a character played by her) to come and find me if I were a zombie, or (at least a potentially undead fellow)? That’s the question posited by We Bury the Dead (if you imagine yourself within the world of the film, that is). She’s certainly fiercely loyal, so that’s certainly a plus. But the corollary (or at least a corollary, lol) to that question is of course: should I want Daisy Ridley to come find Zombie-Me (or Zombie-Anybody)?

It’s important to let things go! We Bury the Dead isn’t the first movie to ever make that point, nor indeed is it the first zombie movie to make that point. But it does so in its own unique way, making it a fine addition to the repertoire.

Grade: 3 Tasmanians out of 5 EMPs

Catching Up on My Thoughts on New Theatrical Movies I Saw in December 2025, aka Will Christmas Last Forever?

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Dear Pandora Santa Claus… (CREDIT: Screenshot)

Dust Bunny

Starring: Mads Mikkelsen, Sophia Sloan, Sigourney Weaver, Sheila Atim, David Dastmalchian, Rebecca Henderson

Director: Bryan Fuller

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: December 12, 2025 (Theaters)

Ella McCay

Starring: Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jack Lowden, Woody Harrelson, Kumail Nanjiani, Spike Fearn, Julie Kavner, Albert Brooks, Ayo Edebiri, Rebecca Hall

Director: James L. Brooks

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: December 12, 2025 (Theaters)

Avatar: Fire and Ash

Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldaña, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang, Oona Chaplin, Kate Winslet, Cliff Curtis, Joel David Moore, CCH Pounder, Edie Falco, Brendan Cowell, Jemaine Clement, Giovanni Ribisi, David Thewlis, Britain Dalton, Jack Champion, Trinity Jo-Li Bliss, Jamie Flatters, Bailey Bass, Filip Geljo, Duane Evans Jr., Matt Gerlad, Dileep Rao

Director: James Cameron

Running Time: 197 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Theaters)

Hey hey, ho ho ho! And now for something completely the assessment of a few movies I saw in the run-up to the End-of-Year 2025 Holiday Season. I considered doing this before Christmas reared its festive rump, but I didn’t quite get around to it. So now here we are in January, hopefully with the benefit of a little more digestion. For this selection of flicks (whose current theatrical availability ranges from “nowhere” to “everywhere”), I shall now discuss how much seeing them and then writing about them has (or has not) kept the holiday spirit alive.

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Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 1/2/26

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Is there a docta in da howse?! (CREDIT: FOX/Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
We Bury the Dead (Theaters)

TV
RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 18 Premiere (January 2 on MTV)
-Critics Choice Awards (January 4 on E! and USA) – Hosted by Chelsea H. once again.
Best Medicine Series Premiere (January 4 on FOX) – Josh Charles is the doctor; Josh Segarra and Annie Potts populate the supporting cast, among others.
Hollywood Squares Season Premiere (January 7 on CBS)
The Masked Singer Season 14 Premiere (January 14 on FOX)

jmunney’s Top Cinematic Choices for January 2026

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Hot Chimp Winter 2026? (CREDIT: Paramount)

They keep making new movies, and some of them are even worth watching. Here’s what’s at the top of the slate for [MONTH YEAR]:

Primate: A chimp who’s been family to some human beings takes a turn for the violent. I’ve been hearing grade-A prime rumblings about the creature work.

Primate checks in to theaters January 9.

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2025: A Year at the Movies

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Chomp-Chomping up the Movies (PHOTO CREDIT: Courtesy of the Malone Family)

(Included with the list of titles are grades, dates, showtimes, theatre locations, and folks I saw the movies with.)

1. BabygirlC+ (1/2, 7:20 PM, Regal Union Square, New York, NY; myself)
2. Better ManB- (1/6, 6:30 PM, Union Square; Yasmeen Gholmieh)
3. Moana 2C (1/7, 7:00 PM, Regal Essex Crossing, New York, NY; myself)
4. Den of Thieves 2: PanteraB- (1/9, 6:30 PM, AMC Lincoln Square, New York, NY; myself)
5. Mufasa: The Lion KingC (1/11, 6:50 PM, Essex Crossing; myself)

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Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 12/26/25

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Imagine if this is in a box for you this holiday season (CREDIT:
Sony Pictures Entertainment/Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Anaconda 2025 (Theaters)
The Choral (Theaters) – Starring Ralph Fiennes.
Song Sung Blue (Theaters)
The Testament of Ann Lee (Theaters)

TV
Twilight Zone Christmas and New Year’s Marathons (December 25-26 and December 31-January 2 on Syfy) – A wonderful annual tradition.

‘Anaconda’ 2025 Reboot Edition is Just the Right Sort of Silly-Meta

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They want more than none (CREDIT: Matt Grace)

Starring: Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Thandiwe Newton, Steve Zahn, Daniela Melchior, Selton Mello, Ione Skye

Director: Tom Gormican

Running Time: 99 Minutes

Rating: December 25, 2025 (Theaters)

Release Date: PG-13 for Chomping and Squeezing and Some Drug Tripping

What’s It About?: Back in the ’90s, a group of friends were dreaming of a silver screen future. But flash-forward to the 2020s, and they’ve all settled into B-grade (maybe B+) lives. Doug (Jack Black) is a wedding videographer whose cinematic instincts keep getting rebuffed by his clients; Griff (Paul Rudd) is a bit part actor whose big break is nowhere in sight; Kenny (Steve Zahn) is working as Doug’s screwup assistant and trying to get sober; and Claire (Thandiwe Newton) is adrift in her foundering marriage. Upon reuniting, they decide in the thrill of the moment to produce an amateur remake of one of their favorite movies of all time: the notorious 1997 creature feature Anaconda. So then they actually fly down to the Amazon, rent a real live snake, and start shooting an actual goshdang moving picture. But it doesn’t take long for things to become pear-shaped, as the crew gets tightly wrapped within a misadventure that’s starting to resemble the original way more than they bargained for.

What Made an Impression?: How Not to Get Bit By an Excess of Cleverness: I haven’t been closely following the pre-production leading up to 2025’s Anaconda, but this definitely feels like a case of desperately trying to reboot intellectual property by any means possible. Settling on a goofy self-aware version could have been too cute by half, but with Jack Black and Paul Rudd in the leads, you’ve got the exact right stars to thread the needle. And honestly, Tom Gormican and Kevin Etten’s script gets the point across pretty well on its own. As for the rest of the main players, Steve Zahn is absolutely a reliable enough supporting player, while Thandiwe Newton may be a little less practiced in this arena, but she understands the assignment as well as everybody else.
Subheading About What Made an Impression: As an example of how Anaconda makes the meta approach work, characters say the word “themes” as a punch line all by itself multiple times… and it works each time! (It certainly helps that one of the horror themes du jour they’re poking fun at is intergenerational trauma.)
Making It Happen: If Anaconda wants us to teach a lesson alongside all the slithering chaos, there are two opposing pitfalls it could have easily fallen into: telling us that it’s much safer to just give up on our dreams, or stubbornly insisting that we never give up on our dreams no matter what our reality. It’s not cynical enough for the former, and it’s actually thoughtful enough to avoid the latter. The message (as sweetly underscored by Doug’s wife Malie, played by the always-sweet Ione Skye) isn’t that we should just drop all our responsibilities to reclaim our lost passions. But rather, if we don’t give ourselves a chance (or at least an indulgence) every once in a while, our souls will just slowly wither away. And if we’re lucky, our most supportive loved ones will be there to nudge us along (and hopefully serve as our emergency contacts in case anything goes wrong!).

Anaconda (2025) is Recommended If You Like: Scream but wish that it were a creature feature

Grade: 3 out of 5 Themes

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 12/19/25

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Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas! (CREDIT: Fearless Records)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Avatar: Fire and Ash (Theaters)
The Housemaid (Theaters)
Is This Thing On? (Theaters)
Marty Supreme (Theaters)
The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants (Theaters)

Music
-Peter Criss, Peter Criss
-The Pretty Reckless, Taylor Momsen’s Pretty Reckless Christmas – Cindy Lou Who grew up, but she still loves Christmas.
-Ben Hosley and Various Artists, Slow XMas 5 – A holiday tradition.

‘Marty Supreme’ is Firing on All Cylinders

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He’s Supreme-ing all over the place! (CREDIT: A24)

Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Gwyneth Paltrow, Odessa, A’zion, Kevin O’Leary, Tyler Okonma, Abel Ferrara, Fran Drescher, Koto Kawaguchi, Sandra Bernhard, Spenser Granese, Luke Manley, John Catsimatidis, Isaac Mizrahi, George Gervin, Ted Williams, Emory Cohen, Géza Röhrig, Larry “Ratso” Sloman, Ralph Colucci, Penn Jillette

Director: Josh Safdie

Running Time: 150 Minutes

Rating: R for Plenty of Language, Inescapable Violence, and Some Embarrassing Nudity

Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Limited Theaters)/December 25, 2025 (Expands Nationwide)

What’s It About?: Marty Mauser (Timothée Chalamet) could just be the biggest deal in the world of 1950s global athletics. That’s how transcendent his table tennis skills are. Now you may be thinking, “Table tennis? Measly old ping pong? What are you getting on about?” Well, Marty doesn’t have any patience for your skepticism. In fact, he doesn’t have patience for much of anything. On the rare occasions when he loses, he throws a fit about how his opponents aren’t playing the game properly. And when he’s back home in New York City in between tournaments, he’s getting up to all sorts of trouble, much of it of his own making. He’s being pulled in a million different directions, by a colorful cast of characters who are equally charmed and enervated by him. They include his very pregnant childhood friend (Odessa A’zion) who’s married to someone else but claims that the baby is his; a faded movie star (Gwyneth Paltrow) he’s trying to mack on; her control freak husband (Kevin O’Leary, aka Shark Tank‘s “Mr. Wonderful”) who could also be his sponsor; his uncle (Larry “Ratso” Sloman) who tries to get him arrested to teach him a lesson; some random criminal (Abel Ferrara) who puts Marty in charge of his beloved dog; and his taxi driver friend (Tyler Okonma, aka Tyler, the Creator) who gets strung along for the ride. Meanwhile, his mother (Fran Drescher) is caught in the background looking incredulous.

What Made an Impression?: I Probably Would’ve Fallen Asleep: There are some movies that I’m afraid to talk about too in depth when reviewing them because I don’t want to spoil anything. Marty Supreme is similar but profoundly different: I don’t want to say too much because I could easily end up just listing all the plot details without providing any analysis. This is a dense flick that also manages to whiz by despite its two-and-a-half-hour running time. Ostensibly a sports drama, it’s also just as much a crime caper, screwball comedy, and lovingly realized period piece. And each slice of the pie delivers.
That Boy Can Ball: But let’s be clear, even though the plot isn’t all ping pong all the time, Chalamet came to play. There are no half-measures with this thespian. He’s expressed his desire to be one of the all-time greats, and he’s clearly compelled to impress his audience. But this isn’t joyless Method acting, instead it only makes us hungry for more. Just as he served as a musical guest on SNL after playing Bob Dylan, I wouldn’t put it past him to show up paddle in hand for the 2028 Los Angeles Summer Games.
A Champion for the Ages: To sum it all up, Marty Supreme is one of the most unmissable cinematic experiences of the year, a runaway train that careens off the tracks all the way to Jupiter. And a bang-up entertainer like this delivers an appropriately propulsive soundtrack, with Oneohtrix Point Never delivering one of his typical mind-melting scores, while some needle drops from the ’80s offer temporal displacement that somehow doesn’t feel anachronistic. Give yourself time and space to breathe after this one, you’re gonna need it.

Marty Supreme is Recommended If You: Wish that Uncut Gems had been more like Forrest Gump (or vice versa)

Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Orange Ping Pong Balls

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