Which one of these people makes love hurt more? (CREDIT: Allen Fraser/Universal Pictures)
Starring: Ke Huy Quan, Ariana DeBose, Daniel Wu, Marshawn Lynch, Mustafa Shakir, Lio Tipton, Rhys Darby, André Eriksen, Sean Astin, Cam Gigandet
Director: Jonathan Eusebio
Running Time: 83 Minutes
Rating: R for Blood Shooting Out From Every Nook and Cranny of the Human Body
Release Date: February 7, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan) is a pillar of his community, a successful realtor entrusted with making people’s dreams come true. But he also has a very dark past, don’t you know. And it’s starting to catch up with him just in time for Valentine’s Day! Years ago, he ducked out of the criminal operation run by his brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu), who isn’t exactly willing to let go of what was. So some goons start showing up at Marv’s office and his houses, as does his old partner Rose (Ariana DeBose), who also believes that Marv still owes her plenty after the way he left things between the two of them.
What Made an Impression?: Who Did What Where When to Whom?: Action flicks about hidden backstories tend to be as convoluted as a labyrinth, and Love Hurts is no exception. There’s usually no point in trying to decipher them, but these flicks can still be enjoyed to perfection if the charm is there. And with Ke Huy Quan in the lead role, you might think that charm would in fact be there. After he re-emerged a few years ago in Everything Everywhere All at Once, I realized that he might just be one of my favorite entertainers of all time. And he’s still likable here, just not enough to get me to care about whatever the hell happens in this movie. The same is true to varying degrees about the supporting cast, especially Lio Tipton as Marv’s secretary Ashley. I haven’t seen Tipton very much since their early-2010s breakout in the likes of Crazy, Stupid, Love. and Warm Bodies, and that’s a darn shame, because Ashley’s romantic subplot with one of the goons is a satisfying enough side quest. Bloody Disgusting: Maybe Love Hurts never really wanted to be charming. At least that’s what I started to suspect when the decent fellow played by Sean Astin gets fatally stabbed in the eye. This is an astoundingly gory movie, not in an over-the-top way that could generate guffaws, though I wouldn’t exactly call it realistic either. Although maybe sometimes blood does gush and squirt all over the place and I’ve just never been in the situations where I would have experienced that. It’s impressively rendered, but not exactly pleasant in any conceivable way. I Ain’t Mad, Bro: I didn’t expect to be writing this sentence in 2025 (or any year, for that matter), but: thank god for Drew Scott! Yes indeed, one of the Property Brothers has a small part in Love Hurts as Marv’s real estate rival (although his twin is nowhere to be seen). And even weirder: I actually enjoyed his presence! I’ve never particularly cared for real estate reality shows, often instead finding them surreally soulless. But maybe that explains how Scott is so delightfully out of place in this blood-splattered world. Anyway, the rest of the movie sure could have used more of that “How the hell is this working?” energy.
If You’re Anything Like Me, Love Hurts is Recommended If You Like:Argylle, because it’s another recent action comedy featuring Ariana DeBose that had me feeling exactly the same way
Parthenope being Parthenope (CREDIT: Gianni Fiorito/A24)
Starring: Celeste Della Porta, Stefania Sandrelli, Silvio Orlando, Gary Oldman, Luisa Ranieri, Peppe Lanzetta, Isabella Ferrari, Lorenzo Gleijeses, Daniele Rienzo, Dario Aita, Marlon Joubert, Alfonso Santagata, Biagio Izzo, Paola Calliari, Nello Mascia, Silvia Degrandi, Cristiano Scotto di Galletta
Director: Paolo Sorrentino
Running Time: 136 Minutes
Rating: R for Some Awkward But Intense Sex and a Little Bit of Saucy Language
Release Date: February 7, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: A baby girl is born in the waters outside a huge villa in 1950s Naples,. An old friend of the family declares that she shall be named Parthenope. You almost get the sense that a new religion is about to form with all the fanfare her arrival attracts. It doesn’t quite work out that way, though her life story does prove to be a bit of a spiritual odyssey. In her young adulthood, everyone is knocked out by her sun-dappled beauty, as she hangs out a bit with a famous drunken American novelist and kind of stumbles into an academic career track in anthropology. That leads her to a beguiling bishop as she investigates the nature of miracles, among other grand adventures in 20th century Italy. As the decades roll along, will the people ever be able to stop talking about Parthenope?
What Made an Impression?: A Life Lived Lavishly: If you’re in the world of Paolo Sorrentino, you can at least expect everything to be beautiful. I was spellbound by his Silvio Berlusconi-inspired film Loro, as well as his transgressive TV work on The Young Pope and The New Pope. He reunites with his Hand of God cinematographer Daria D’Antonio for Parthenope, which is just as much of a visual feast as the rest of the Sorrentino-verse. And I kind of think that this latest release should have been a silent film. The dialogue isn’t terrible or anything like that. On the contrary, it’s occasionally quite witty. But the primary appeal is all those looks that Celeste Della Porta serves (in every sense of that phrase) as the title character. What I’m trying to say is: I wish this movie had been a little more abstract, and a little less literal. What is Anthropology?: If this movie inspires scores of viewers to become anthropologists themselves, I’ll be a little more than surprised, honestly. Now, I’m no anthropologist, so maybe an expert in the field will have a different take. I did, however, take an introductory anthropology course my freshman year of college, and it didn’t seem anything like what’s on display in Parthenope. Perhaps the field changed significantly in the decades in between, or maybe Europeans (or just Italians) have their own unique methods. Anyway, this is just a preamble to my conclusion that I’m pretty sure that this is supposed to be Paolo Sorrentino’s Anthropology Film. Whatever that means. Because after watching Parthenope, I don’t know what that means.
Parthenope is Recommended If You Like: Italian Anthropology?
Rating: R for Bloody Messes Not Limited to Disembowelment and Beheading
Release Date: February 7, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: A masked serial killer has been targeting couples in major American cities the past few St. Valentine’s Days. His (Her? Their?) ocular organs are covered by a classic symbol, so they call this villain – what else! – the Heart Eyes Killer. Meanwhile, a busy young lady named Ally (Olivia Holt) doesn’t need to worry about any of that, as she and her longtime boyfriend recently ended things. Alas, she does have to worry about her vulnerable emotional state and the fact that she might lose her advertising job after a major blunder. That’s when she meets Jay (Mason Gooding), a sexy superstar consultant who she gets paired up with for a major campaign. When circumstances force them to pretend to be an item, it catches the attention of Heart Eyes, who picks up on some serious electricity flying through the air. Could this be just the sort of stressful ordeal that Ally needs to forge an unkillable bond?
What Made an Impression?: It Feels Like That Sometimes, Doesn’t It?:Heart Eyes is being promoted primarily as a slasher, but this genre mashup more closely follows the beats and resolution of a classic rom-com. After all, sometimes the pressure of desperately seeking the right mate is akin to being stalked by a merciless murderer. The metaphor is unmistakable, and mostly welcome. Director Josh Ruben has mixed laughs and scares before in the likes of Werewolves Within and Scare Me. But the tone is actually most similar to the Happy Death Day series, which makes sense when you realize that one of the three credited screenwriters is HDD director Christopher Landon. Heart Eyes perhaps drifts a bit too far into cloudcuckooland, where just about everyone is a bit too blasé about the probability of having their guts ripped out, but the exaggeration certainly matches Ally’s heightened emotions. A Different Kind of Laughter: Bookending the mayhem is a wonderfully silly workplace comedy boldly featuring Michaela Watkins as Ally’s boss. She sports a white streak in her hair like Rogue from X-Men and an accent as thick as the New Orleans bayou (even though the movie is set in Seattle). This is far from the first time that an eminently reliable funny person like Watkins has killed it in a supporting horror role. But this is a unique example insofar as she’s providing comedic relief to the other comic relief – and both flavors are pretty funny. An expected treat hidden within the overall feast is certainly one way to keep the passion alive.
Heart Eyes is Recommended If You Like:Man Seeking Woman, Screwball rom-coms, Scream, Shamelessly imitating Scream
The Face of Companionship (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)
Starring: Sophie Thatcher, Jack Quaid, Lukas Gage, Megan Suri, Harvey Guillén, Rupert Friend
Director: Drew Hancock
Running Time: 97 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: January 31, 2025 (Theaters)
We all need a companion (or several), but what if our real-life companions were like the companions in the 2025 movie Companion? Alternatively, what if we were the companions? I suspect the world would have a lot more empathy if everybody had to spend at least a year working a companion job. (I’m playing a little coy in this review in an effort to avoid spoilers.) Anyway, now that I’ve seen Companion, I promise to follow best practices in how I treat my companions. I hope I was doing this adequately already, but now I’ll make sure to audit myself.
It looks like the Colors Within are popping out, I must say (CREDIT: GKIDS Films/Screenshot)
Starring: English Dubbed Cast: Kylie McNeill, Libby Rue, Eddy Lee, Eileen Stevens, Hinano Kuzukawa, Eden Harker, Maxine Wanderer, Lani Minella
Director: Naoko Yamada
Running Time: 100 Minutes
Rating: PG
Release Date: January 24, 2025 (Theaters)
About ten minutes into watching The Colors Within, I could feel myself getting very sleepy. But please rest assured that that had nothing to do with the movie. It was just one of those days! Fortunately I managed to recover back into full consciousness in time for the concert scene in the last act. If having synesthesia-style aura detection means being able to rock out like that, then please send those colors within to me!
Grade: 8 Colors Within and 4 Colors Without out of 12 Colors on the Color Wheel
They keep making new movies, and some of them are even worth watching. Here’s what’s at the top of the slate for February 2025:
Heart Eyes: A serial killer stabs couples on Valentine’s Day, but the most intriguing attraction to me is that one of the writers is Christopher “Happy Death Day” Landon.”
Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.
Movies
–Companion (Theaters)
–Dog Man (Theaters)
–Love Me (Theaters) – An experimental flick starring Kristen Stewart and Steven Yeun.
TV
-67th Grammys (February 2 on CBS) – Trevor Noah hosts again.
-52nd Saturn Awards (February 2 on ElectricNOW and The Roku Channel – Hosted by Joel McHale for the third year in a row.
Music
-Geologist & D.S., A Shaw Deal – I think this is a super-duo.
-The Weeknd, Hurry Up Tomorrow
What’s up, Dog (Man)? (CREDIT: Universal Pictures/DreamWorks Animation)
Starring: Peter Hastings, Pete Davidson, Lil Rel Howery, Lucas Hopkins Calderon, Isla Fisher, Ricky Gervais, Cheri Oteri, Billy Boyd, Stephen Root, Poppy Liu, Laraine Newman, Melissa Villaseñor, Kate Micucci, Maggie Wheeler, Pearce Bunting, Max Koch, Rahnuma Panthaky
Director: Peter Hastings
Running Time: 89 Minutes
Rating: PG for The Typical Animated Mayhem
Release Date: January 31, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Officer Knight and his canine companion Greg are one of the best crime-fighting duos in the city. That is, until a major accident renders Knight’s head and Greg’s body unusable. So their doctors decide to make lemonade and fuse the two of them together to form the titular Dog Man (barks and whines provided by writer-director Peter Hastings)! That would seemingly make him the perfect foil for the incorrigible feline criminal Petey (Pete Davidson), but alas, Dog Man gets off on the wrong foot with his Chief (Lil Rel Howery) and the Mayor (Cheri Oteri) and ends up having to stay on desk duty. Meanwhile, Petey obtains a clone of himself named Lil’ Petey (Lucas Hopkins Calderon), who may just soften his heart and convince him to become a doting father instead of a criminal mastermind.
What Made an Impression?: You Got to Be Silly:Dog Man is based on the graphic novel series of the same name by Dav Pilkey, who’s probably best known for Captain Underpants, which got its own big-screen adaptation back in 2017. I’m familiar with Pilkey’s output via pop culture osmosis, but this is my first time actually diving into what he has on offer. And now that I’ve been exposed, I must say: I hope I have kids soon so that we can fully explore the Pilkey-verse together. Simply put, this is silly sophomoric humor done cleverly and colorfully. Dopey wordplay and visual gags abound, befitting a world in which a canine-human hybrid is the hero. Family Matters: Considering all the unabashed silliness on display, you might be surprised to learn that Dog Man also isn’t afraid to get heavy. To be clear, it’s not like it’s an unrelenting tearjerker about cancer and/or addiction. Nevertheless, you might find yourself shedding a tear or two. For example, after Officer Knight and Greg become Dog Man, they’re unceremoniously abandoned by Greg’s wife, who apparently couldn’t bear to ever see her husband and fur baby fused together. Meanwhile, Petey’s villainy seems to be entirely fueled by his abandonment issues with his own deadbeat dad (Stephen Root). These themes don’t weigh down the wackiness, but they certainly make themselves known. So if you want a steady stream of ultra-silly laughs with a side of genuine family therapy, Dog Man has you covered.
Dog Man is Recommended If You Like: Weird Al, Looney Tunes, “Cat’s in the Cradle”
Movies! 2024! Hurray! (CREDIT [Clockwise from Top Left): NEON; 20th Century Studios/Screenshot; Altered Innocence/Screenshot; Focus Features)
Happy 2025, movie lovers! But let’s not forget 2024 just yet. I know I haven’t. As per usual, I saw more than 100 new filmed adventures during the last trip around the Sun, and I enjoyed quite a few of them. I decided to include my top 14 flicks for my Best Of coverage this year, because that just happened to be the number that I was passionate enough about to announce to the world. So please read on, as I count down my Top 14 Movies of 2024 and reveal the story of how I fell in love with them.
Having now watched One of Them Days, would I now like to have one of them days myself? Yes, but minus the financial instability. Although I suppose we all need something to light a fire to get us going. But it’s also important to have a support system to fall back on. Anyway, Dreux (Keke Palmer) and Alyssa (SZA) certainly go through quite the stressful ordeal, but along the way they also make some new friends, meet Katt Williams, and realize new creative and professional horizons. I call that a win! Plus, the honey butter biscuits at Church’s Chicken are SOOO good.* (*-I’ve never actually been to a Church’s, but I’m choosing to trust the ecstasy I saw on screen.)
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