The Devil Made Me Go See ‘The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It,’ But Not the Devil Referenced in the Title

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The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/YouTube Screenshot)

Starring: Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Ruairi O’Connor, Sarah Catherine Hook, Julian Hilliard, John Noble, Eugenie Bondurant, Shannon Kook

Director: Michael Chaves

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: June 4, 2021 (Theaters and HBO Max)

Can a horror franchise be comfort food? It certainly can be for weirdos like me. Especially if the franchise in question is The Conjuring Universe. Whenever I see Vera Farmiga and Pat Wilson as Lorraine and Ed Warren, it’s like checking in with old friends. (I’m also pleased to see Shannon Kook return as their assistant Drew!) They confront some evil, and we know they’re going to defeat it eventually – there’s no tension there! The appeal is seeing them being endlessly supportive of each other. There’s also some familiar comfort with my old Fringe buddy John Noble swinging by. And while I’m not too familiar with the rest of the cast, perhaps I will be someday, and we can then look back and laugh about all those times we slayed those demons!

Grade: Enough Evil, Could Have Used Slightly More Romance (Even Though There’s Plenty)

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 6/4/21

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Wow, Loki. (CREDIT: Marvel Entertainment/YouTube Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (Theaters and HBO Max)

TV
Celebrity Family Feud Season Premiere (June 6 on ABC)
The Chase Season Premiere (June 6 on ABC) – “The Beast” joins Ken, Brad, and James.
To Tell the Truth Season Premiere (June 6 on ABC)
Loki Series Premiere (June 9 on Disney+) – Wow.

Music
-Liz Phair, Soberish
-Rise Against, Nowhere Generation
-Rostam, Changephobia
-Wolf Alice, Blue Weekend

Memorial Day Weekend 2021 at the Movies Report: Nobody Puts ‘Cruella’ in ‘A Quiet Place Part II’

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(CREDIT: Jonny Cournoyer/Paramount Pictures; Disney/YouTube Screenshot)

A Quiet Place Part II:

Starring: Emily Blunt, Millicent Simmonds, Noah Jupe, Cillian Murphy, Djimon Hounsou, John Krasinski

Director: John Krasinski

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: May 28, 2021 (Theaters)

Cruella:

Starring: Emma Stone, Emma Thompson, Joel Fry, Paul Walter Hauser, Mark Strong, Emily Beecham, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Kayvan Novak, Tipper Seifert-Cleveland

Director: Craig Gillespie

Running Time: 134 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: May 28, 2021 (Theaters and Disney+ Premier Access)

A Quiet Place Part II is pretty much more of the same. It’s not exactly the same, as we do get a flashback to right before the aliens arrive, and the Abbott family makes their way to a couple of new locations. But the vibe is very much a continuation, and the feelings it produced in me are pretty much exactly the same as they were the first go-round. Ergo, I will be giving it the exact same grade as I gave the first one.

Meanwhile, Cruella gave me pretty dang different reactions to every previous version of Ms. de Vil. A mashup of 101 Dalmatians, The Devil Wears Prada, and the Flight of the Conchords song “Fashion is Danger,” this is a triumph of getting down with your own bad self. Emma Stone … has got It. Emma Thompson … has got It. Costume designer Jenny Beavan … has outdone herself. That classic rock soundtrack is perhaps a little too dang relentless, though. But that’s the energy of the Cruella vs. Baroness Fashion War! It demands your attention, and more often than not, it earns it.

GRADES:
A Quiet Place Part II: 3.5 out of 5 Shushes (3 Years Old Version)
Cruella: 40 Quick-Changes out of 50 Dresses

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 5/28/21

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Chris Gethard: Half My Life (CREDIT: Comedy Dynamics/YouTube Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Borat Supplemental Recordings Retrieved From Floor of Stable Containing Editing Machine (May 25 on Amazon) – I would’ve included this last week, but the release date wasn’t announced until very recently. Please do not execute me.
Cruella (Theaters and Premier Access on Disney+) – Directed by Craig Gillespie.
A Quiet Place Part II (Theaters)

TV
Housebroken Series Premiere (May 31 on FOX) – Lisa Kudrow voices a dog.
Beat Shazam Season Premiere (June 3 on FOX)

Music
-Moby, Reprise

Comedy
-Chris Gethard: Half My Life (June 1 on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV, Spectrum, YouTube, Dish, Vimeo, and more)

‘Funhouse’ Asks: What If ‘Big Brother’ But Horror?

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Funhouse (CREDIT: Magnet Releasing)

Starring: Valter Skarsgård, Gigi Saul Guerrero, Khamisa Wilsher, Christopher Gerard, Karolina Benefield, Amanda Howells, Mathias Rematal, Dayleigh Nelson, Jerome Velinsky, Bradley Duffy

Director: Jason William Lee

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Rating: R for Gleefully Bloody Violence and a Little Bit of Sexy Time

Release Date: May 28, 2021 (Theaters and On Demand)

The satirical horror flick Funhouse offers up a cornucopia of brutal torture and a terribly cynical view of humanity (or at least celebrities), but oddly enough, I found parts of it oddly familiar and comforting. Most of that comes down to the casting. None of the actors are particularly famous, but a few of them have a similar look and vibe as some other somewhat famous folks. To wit: Karolina Benefield looks like SportsCenter anchor Antonietta Collins, Christopher Gerard looks like Puck from Glee, Amanda Howells looks like one of the girls on the Disney+ high school basketball series Big Shot, and Valter Skarsgård looks just like his big brother Bill. That might be a subset of celebrity familiarity that’s highly specific to me and only me, but it speaks to a sense of frivolity and false security that Funhouse quickly establishes.  The cast members mostly come across as reliable, likeable tropes: the cute and sexy girl, the brooding sad boy, the mysterious quiet one, etc. Surely nobody could wish these people any harm!

But of course, someone very much does wish them harm. So, so much harm. A group of eight D-listers who are all basically famous for being famous find themselves in a Big Brother-style competition show in which they test their stamina to see who can stay inside the house and follow the rules the longest. At first the biggest threat appears to be no more deadly than claustrophobia. But then an animated panda avatar pops up on the monitors and reveals the lethal stakes through a friendly mask. You see, whichever residents get the fewest votes from viewers are subject to challenges that will leave them killed if they don’t complete them properly. It’s psychological, physical, and moral torture all wrapped up in one, as the anonymous puppetmaster behind it all really doesn’t like these supposedly fake fame-o’s.

If you’re in the mood for a goofy and frothy takedown of the reality TV ecosystem, Funhouse offers that for its first twenty minutes or so. But then it turns much darker, and you’ll have to make sure you have the intestinal fortitude to handle that. There are some clever touches to the torture, but the dreadful inevitability of the game is overly bitter if you’re not cynically inclined yourself. If you’re like me, you can at least revel in the cheap moments that writer/director Jason William Lee makes no effort to hide, like stock footage-esque shots of supposedly enthralled viewers. Instead of being an unforgivable cinematic sin, I found these editing workarounds a balm to help remind me that this is just a movie and I should really just relax.

Funhouse is Recommended If You Like: Saw, Nerve, Big Brother, The Soup

Grade: 3 out of 5 Amputations

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 5/21/21

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M.O.D.O.K. (CREDIT: Hulu/YouTube Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

TV
M.O.D.O.K. Season 1 (May 21 on Hulu) – Robot Head.
Duncanville Season 2 Premiere (May 23 on FOX)
Master of None Season 3 (May 23 on Netflix)
The $100,000 Pyramid Season Premiere (May 26 on ABC)
Crime Scene Kitchen Series Premiere (May 26 on FOX) – I usually don’t watch cooking shows, but this one’s hosted by Joel McHale.
Press Your Luck Season Premiere (May 26 on ABC)
Rugrats Reboot Premiere (May 27 on Paramount+)

Music
-Chrissie Hynde, Standing in the Doorway: Chrissie Hynde Sings Bob Dylan
-Gary Numan, Intruder
-Olivia Rodrigo, Sour
-twenty one pilots, Scaled and Icy

‘New Order’ is an Unpleasant Portrayal of Social Upheaval in Mexico City

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New Order (CREDIT: NEON)

Starring: Diego Boneta, Naian González Norvind, Samantha Yazareth Anaya, Dario Yazbek Bernal, Eligio Meléndez

Director: Michael Franco

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Rating: R for Violence, Nudity, and Torture

Release Date: May 21, 2021 (Limited)

New Order at first looks like it’s going to be a nice story about a high-society wedding, but then soon enough there’s a mass rape scene that doesn’t give you any time to get your bearings. Well, I suppose it was never going to be a nice story. It takes a little while for the violence to arrive, but before it does, we’re witness to an especially angst-ridden ceremony. An elderly man named Rolando (Eligio Meléndez) needs 200,000 pesos for a heart operation for his wife, so he shows up to the wedding, as it’s being thrown by a family he used to work for. He’s mostly treated as a nuisance, but the young bride Marianne (Naian González Norvind) actually cares enough to step out from her own nuptials and help deliver Rolando’s wife to where she needs to go. Meanwhile, protesters are crowding the streets of Mexico City and full-blown revolution is only one gunshot away.

I’ll admit to a fair amount of ignorance about the social status quo in Mexico, but as a cinematic experience, I don’t think that matters too much. New Order is plainly miserable no matter what context you’re aware of. It didn’t have to be that way. The first 30 minutes promise a fascinating mix of high society satire, social commentary, and running-against-the-clock thriller. But then Marianne and a bunch of other people are taken hostage, and we’re forced to endure them being relentlessly tortured. And then we’re forced to endure that some more, and it all just feels so empty. At first, I cared about what would happen to Marianne and Rolando and his wife, but that investment just frittered away unceremoniously.

Also, there’s a visual motif about green paint that had me going, “What’s the deal?!” (I never figured out what the deal was.)

New Order is Recommended If You Like: Salo-level torture

Grade: 2 out of 5 Pesos

I Saw ‘Spiral’ and ‘Wrath of Man’ on the Same Weekend, and I’m Happy with That Decision

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(CREDIT: Brooke Palmer; Metro Goldwyn Mayer Pictures)

Spiral:

Starring: Chris Rock, Max Minghella, Samuel L. Jackson, Marisol Nichols

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman

Running Time: 93 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: May 14, 2021 (Theaters)

Wrath of Man:

Starring: Jason Statham, Holt McCallany, Jeffrey Donovan, Josh Hartnett, Chris Reilly, Laz Alonso, Raúl Castillo, DeObia Oparei, Eddie Marsan, Scott Eastwood, Niamh Algar, Babs Olusanmokun, Josh Cowdery, Andy García, Rob Delaney, Lyne Renée

Director: Guy Ritchie

Running Time: 119 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: May 7, 2021 (Theaters)

I’m tempted to say that Spiral is my favorite Saw movie, but that wouldn’t mean all that much, as it’s only the second one I’ve ever seen. And it might not even be true anyway, since I enjoyed the philosophical conundrums that Saw 2 made me ponder. But Spiral has a whole “surprisingly favorite” vibe to it in opposition to the rest of the series. It may not be entirely different from its predecessors, but it diverges enough for me to go, “I’m pleased with the new direction.” I may not have seen Saw, Saw‘s IIIIV, Saw 3D, or Jigsaw, but I’m familiar enough with them to feel like I’m emerging upon a new horizon. The torture is still too mentally and visually taxing, but the game’s rules and players have been updated.

As for Wrath of Man, I can confidently say that it is indeed my favorite Guy Ritchie movie. Although I should note that I haven’t seen his early stuff, so this might sound like faint praise. (My previous favorite by default was probably Aladdin. Or the parts of The Gentleman with Hugh Grant.) But Wrath of Man nevertheless stands tall on its own, and in opposition to the rest of its director’s filmography. Instead of being about a bunch of gangsters having a bloody good time, this is about a bunch of criminals and working stiffs being deathly, DEATHLY serious about everything. This movie is so bleak. It’s as bleak as a butt. It’s an elemental examination of Violence, Retribution, and Pure Evil. I don’t want to spend all my moviegoing hours in Wrath of Man Land, but visiting there every once in a while provides a healthy catharsis.

GRADES:
Spiral: 3 out of 5 Minghella Rocks
Wrath of Man: 4 out of 5 Statham Hartnetts

Just How Dreamy is ‘Dream Horse’? Let’s Find Out!

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Dream Horse (CREDIT: Kerry Brown/Bleecker Street & Topic Studios)

Starring: Toni Collette, Damian Lewis, Owen Teale, Joanna Page, Karl Johnson, Steffan Rhodri, Anthony O’Donnell, Nicholas Farrell, Siân Phillips

Director: Euros Lyn

Running Time: 113 Minutes

Rating: PG for A Few Horse Troubles

Release Date: May 21, 2021 (Theaters)/June 11, 2021 (On Demand)

I watched Dream Horse right in the thick of Triple Crown season, so I was very much in the mood for some equine racing drama. (Or at least as much as I possibly can be in the mood in any given year.) But this is no American horse racing movie! No indeed, the action is across the pond in Wales. But that’s perfectly fine, because as far as I can tell (as someone who’s only watched the sport on TV and never in person), the Welsh racing courses look fairly similar to Churchill Downs, Pimlico, and Belmont Park. Much less familiar are those accents – I could barely understand what anyone was saying! Much of the cast members are Welsh natives, although the two leads are Australian (Toni Collette) and English (Damian Lewis), though they bite into the accents as heavily as everyone else. Despite this language-in-common barrier, the pastoral charms of Dream Horse still shine through. It’s an underdog sports story, after all, and that’s something I’m not inclined to resist.

The titular true-life thoroughbred goes by the name of Dream Alliance. His story is a bit of a cross between that of Seabiscuit and Secretariat (which is awfully convenient for American viewers). He comes from the humblest of beginnings, but his top-notch skills are undeniable. In his first race, he initially just bucks around in a circle. It takes his jockey about ten seconds to straighten him out and actually get him racing, but by the end of it, he’s within striking distance of the victory. It’s a moment practically tailor-made for whatever the Welsh equivalent of SportsCenter is.

But as awesome as Dream Alliance is, this movie is more about the motley crew surrounding him. They’re led by Jan Vokes (Colette), a bartender whose previous breeding experience consists of mere dogs and pigeons. She gathers a group of her neighbors to pool their money to raise Dream, and it’s a classic case of the hoi polloi crashing the dignified upper-crust party. Although nobody really seems to actually mind this rowdy crew that gets excited by things like stumbling across Andrew Lloyd Webber while taking a leak. This isn’t the upper crust so much as a relatively crustless society. Really, everyone seems to generally like each other, so the conflicts that do arise are thanks to the fateful whims of sudden injuries and limited finances. It all gets resolved with a classic prescription of “yearning for something bigger than your day-to-day life,” and the dosage is adequately effective.

Dream Horse is Recommended If You Like: Seabiscuit, Secretariat, Incredibly thick accents

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Lengths

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 5/14/21

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The Underground Railroad (CREDIT: Amazon Prime Video/YouTube Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Army of the Dead (May 14 in Select Theaters, May 21 on Netflix)
Oxygen (May 12 on Netflix) – Directed by Alexandre Aja, but no piranhas.
Profile (Theaters)
Spiral (Theaters) – Chris Rock joins the Book of Saw.
Those Who Wish Me Dead (Theaters and HBO Max) – Might check out to see what Angelina Jolie is up to.
The Woman in the Window (May 14 on Netflix) – Joe Wright directs Amy Adams.

TV
The Underground Railroad (May 14 on Amazon)
-2021 MTV Movie & TV Awards (May 16 on MTV)
-2021 MTV Movie & TV Awards: Unscripted (May 17 on MTV)
-2021 Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions (May 17-28, check local listings) – 19-game winner Jason Zuffranieri looks like the one to beat.

Music
-Aly & AJ, A Touch of the Beat Gets You Up on Your Feet Gets You Out and Then Into the Sun – This came out last week.
-St. Vincent, Daddy’s Home
-The Black Keys, Delta Kream – Dan and Pat cover hill country blues.

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