“Yale wins! And only 3 killed!” http://www.bubbleblabber.com/review-the-simpsons-pork-and-burns/
The Simpsons 28.11 Review: “Pork and Burns”
January 9, 2017
Television, The Simpsons, The Simpsons Episode Reviews Pork and Burns, The Simpsons, The Simpsons 2811, The Simpsons Season 28 Leave a comment
This Is a Movie Review: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
January 8, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Alison Sudol, Colin Farrell, Dan Fogler, David Yates, Eddie Redmayne, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Katherine Waterston Leave a comment
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has basically three elements on offer: the beasts, the evils of wizardry, and the magician/No-Maj relations. The beasts are generally fine, not especially super-duper, but there is a fun payoff at the end. The fight against evil is thoughtful, though not fully satisfying, because it is obviously built to last into sequels.
But those relations between magical and non-magical folk are where Fantastic Beasts has the most of value to say. Wizards are boogeymen obviously meant as metaphorical stand-ins for immigrants. That has been a big theme for J.K. Rowling since the beginning of her career.
In this particular case, it is most intriguing in the example of Queenie (Alison Sudol) and Jacob (Dan Fogler), a witchy/no-maj combo whose chemistry is off the charts, though any pairing between them is forbidden by American wizarding laws that shun such fraternization. Their story reminds me of the interracial real-life couple at the heart of Loving insofar it makes me declare, “Let love conquer all!”
I give Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 7 Pieces of Collateral out of 10 Bakeries.
What Won TV? – January 1-January 7, 2017
January 8, 2017
Television, What Won TV? Billy on the Street, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Doug Baldwin, Jeopardy!, Man Seeking Woman, Portlandia, The Mick Leave a comment
In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.
Sunday – The Mick
Monday – Jeopardy!
Tuesday – We’re not sure if gays care about John Oliver, but do they care about Billy on the Street?
Wednesday – Man Seeking Woman
Thursday – Portlandia
Friday – Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Saturday – Doug Baldwin’s butt catch
Billboard Hot Rock Songs – Week of January 14, 2017
January 6, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Music Billboard, Billboard Hot Rock Songs, Human, Rag'n'Bone Man 1 Comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot Rock Songs chart, and then I rearrange the top 25 based on my estimation of their quality.
Original Version
1. twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
2. twenty one pilots – “Ride”
3. X Ambassadors – “Unsteady”
4. Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, & Imagine Dragons with Logic, Ty Dolla $ign ft. X Ambassadors – “Sucker for Pain”
5. Fitz and the Tantrums – “HandClap”
6. Kaleo – “Way Down We Go”
7. The Lumineers – “Ophelia”
8. The 1975 – “Somebody Else”
9. OK Go – “The One Moment”
10. Judah & the Lion – “Take It All Back”
11. Zach Williams – “Chain Breaker”
12. twenty one pilots – “Heavydirtysoul”
13. Kings of Leon – “Waste a Moment”
14. Highly Suspect – “My Name is Human”
15. John Mayer – “Love on the Weekend”
16. twenty one pilots – “Cancer”
17. Green Day – “Still Breathing”
18. The Lumineers – “Cleopatra”
19. blink-182 – “She’s Out of Her Mind”
20. Five Finger Death Punch – “I Apologize”
21. Panic! at the Disco – “Bohemian Rhapsody”
22. The xx – “On Hold”
23. Metallica – “Atlas, Rise!”
24. Rag’n’Bone – “Human”
25. Ghost – “Square Hammer”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Human
2. My Name is Human
3. Way Down We Go
4. Unsteady
5. Heavydirtysoul
6. Square Hammer
7. Somebody Else
8. On Hold
9. Ride
10. The One Moment
11. Ophelia
12. Heathens
13. Atlas, Rise!
14. Waste a Moment
15. Cleopatra
16. Take It All Back
17. Cancer
18. I Apologize
19. Still Breathing
20. HandClap
21. She’s Out of Her Mind
22. Love on the Weekend
23. Bohemian Rhapsody
24. Sucker for Pain
25. Chain Breaker
Billboard Hot 20 – Week of January 14, 2017
January 6, 2017
Billboard Charts, Billboard Hot 100, Music Alessia Cara, Billboard, Billboard Hot 100, Scars to Your Beautiful Leave a comment
Each week, I check out the Billboard Hot 100, and then I rearrange the top 20 based on my estimation of their quality.
Original Version
1. Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane – “Black Beatles”
2. Migos ft. Lil Uzi Vert – “Bad and Boujee”
3. The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk – “Starboy”
4. The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey – “Closer”
5. Bruno Mars – “24K Magic”
6. Zay Hilfigerrr and Zayion McCall – “Juju on That Beat (TZ Anthem)”
7. Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj – “Side to Side”
8. DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber – “Let Me Love You”
9. Drake – “Fake Love”
10. D.R.A.M. ft Lil Yachty – “Broccoli”
11. Maroon 5 ft. Kendrick Lamar – “Don’t Wanna Know”
12. Machine Gun Kelly x Camila Cabello – “Bad Things”
13. twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
14. Aminé – “Caroline”
15. Alessia Cara – “Scars to Your Beautiful”
16. Jon Bellion – “All Time Low”
17. Shawn Mendes – “Mercy”
18. Hailee Steinfeld & Grey ft. Zedd – “Starving”
19. Young M.A. – “OOOUUU”
20. Niall Horan – “This Town”
Jmunney’s Revision
1. Scars to Your Beautiful
2. OOOUUU
3. Black Beatles
4. Starboy
5. Side to Side
6. Broccoli
7. Closer
8. 24K Magic
9. Heathens
10. Starving
11. Bad and Boujee
12. All Time Low
13. Bad Things
14. Let Me Love You
15. Caroline
16. Fake Love
17. This Town
18. Don’t Wanna Know
19. Mercy
20. Juju on That Beat (TZ Anthem)
This Is a Movie Review: Toni Erdmann
January 1, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Manic Pixie Dream Dad, Maren Ade, Peter Simonischek, Sandra Hüller, Tommy Wiseau wig, Toni Erdmann 2 Comments
The German comedy Toni Erdmann focuses on the relationship between Ines Conradi (Sandra Hüller), an ambitious, high-strung business consultant and her dad Winifried (Peter Simonischek), a music teacher who can apparently take off as much time off as he pleases. Winifried is worried that Ines has lost all the joy in her life, so he deploys his persona disguise known as “Toni Erdmann” (complete with fake teeth and Tommy Wiseau-style wig and sunglasses) to subtly invade her professional life. She is at first unsurprisingly horrified (though she does passively-aggressively play along a little bit), but eventually he wins her over and she hugs him with all her love and gratitude.
I know what you’re thinking: “Another Manic Pixie Dream Dad movie?!” Here it is important to note a crucial difference between MPDD and the OG MPD Girl: the calculus is very different when the relationship is not romantic. Winifried’s entire purpose in the film can be making Ines discover how to enjoy life because fulfilling that role is part of the parental instinct. He has known her whole life, so he should have some idea what can lift her spirits. In conclusion, Toni Erdmann is kind of like if in the future Louise from Bob’s Burgers happens to forget her sense of humor and good old dad Bob Belcher has to intervene and remind her of what makes her happy.
I give Toni Erdmann 9 Tommy Wiseau’s out of 10 Europeans.
This Is a Movie Review: Assassin’s Creed
January 1, 2017
Cinema, Movie Reviews Assassin's Creed, Justin Kurzel, Marion Cotillard, Michael Fassbender Leave a comment
In Assassin’s Creed the Movie, Marion Cotillard sends Michael Fassbender into the past by having him inhabit an ancestor of his. In premise and execution, it’s a lot like Wolverine being transported to his younger self in X-Men: Days of Future Past. So watching this movie gives me a sense of “Been there, done that” but also “This can be done well.” Also encouraging: the intricacies implied by the secret societies and the prison-like facility that is supposedly not really a prison. There are some sci-fi mystery concepts worth exploring here.
Unfortunately about halfway through, Assassin’s Creed confirms that it will not buck the trend of unimpressive video game adaptations. Plot developments, pieces of mythology, and new characters are introduced with little, if any, explanation. I suppose if you play the games you might have some semblance of understanding, but I have my doubts that such comprehension would actually improve anything.
I give Assassin’s Creed 200 “Why Are They in This’s?” out of 500 Shadowy Figures.
What Won TV? – December 25-December 31, 2016
January 1, 2017
Television, What Won TV? Doctor Who, Doctor Who Christmas, Jeopardy! Leave a comment
In this feature, I look back at each day of the past week and determine what shows “won TV” for the night. That is, I consider every episode of television I watched that aired on a particular day and declare which was the best.
Sunday – Doctor Who Christmas – fluffy, but fun
Monday – Lions-Giants, including the first TD pass of Dez Bryant’s career!
Tuesday – Jeopardy!
Wednesday – Jeopardy!
Thursday – Jeopardy!
Friday – Jeopardy!
Saturday – College Football Playoff, I guess
2016: A Year at the Movies
January 1, 2017
A Year at the Movies, Cinema A Year at the Movies, Jeffrey Malone Leave a comment
(Included with the list of titles are grades, dates, showtimes, theatre locations, and folks I saw the movies with.)
Keepin’ it 100: I saw more movies in the theaters in 2016 than I did in any other calendar year.
1. The Good Dinosaur – B- (1/6, 12:45 PM, Regal United Artists Oxford Valley, Langhorne, PA; Walter Wojcik)
2. The Forest – C+ (1/7, 7:15 PM, Oxford Valley; Walter Wojcik)
3. Star Wars: The Force Awakens – A- (1/9, 3:20 PM, Oxford Valley; Pat Dansbury)
4. Concussion – B- (1/14, 6:35 PM, Oxford Valley; Mary Claire Dansbury)
5. Daddy’s Home – C (1/18, 9:30 PM, Oxford Valley; Walter Wojcik)
6. Room – B+ (1/25, 6:40 PM, Oxford Valley; myself)
7. Joy – B (1/27, 3:20 PM, Oxford Valley; myself)
8. The Boy – B- (1/31, 9:10 PM, Oxford Valley; myself)
9. The Revenant – B (2/2, 2:30 PM, Oxford Valley; myself)
10. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies – B- (2/4, 7:50 PM, Oxford Valley; myself)
11. Hail, Caesar! – B+ (2/4, 9:50 PM, Oxford Valley; myself)
12. 45 Years – B- (2/8, 3:30 PM, AMC Empire, New York, NY; myself)
13. Carol – B+ (2/11, 1:25 PM, Angelika Film Center, New York, NY; myself)
14. The Witch – A (3/3, 8:00 PM, Regal Union Square, New York, NY; myself)
15. Zoolander 2 – C+ (3/3, 9:50 PM, Union Square; myself)
16. Knight of Cups – B- (3/10, 12:00 PM, Landmark Sunshine, New York, NY; Rob Malone)
17. 10 Cloverfield Lane – B+ (3/14, 8:15 PM, AMC Empire; myself)
18. Creative Control – B+ (3/17, 7:30 PM, Landmark Sunshine; myself)
19. Midnight Special – A- (3/18, 4:40 PM, Union Square; myself)
20. Deadpool – C+ (3/25, 7:50 PM, AMC Neshaminy, Bensalem, PA; Walter Wojcik)
21. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice – C- (4/1, 7:45 PM, Empire; Rob Malone)
22. Hardcore Henry – B (4/8, 7:50 PM, Regal United Artists Court Street, Brooklyn, NY; myself)
23. Zootopia – A- (4/8, 9:50 PM, Court Street; myself)
24. 2016 Tribeca Film Festival: Warped Speed Sci-Fi Shorts (4/18, 8:45 PM, Regal Battery Park, New York, NY; myself)
24a. Curve – B+
24b. The Tunnel – B
24c. The Last Journey of the Enigmatic Paul WR – B-
24d. Never Happened – B+
24e. Future Boyfriend – B+
24f. Reality + – A-
25. 2016 Tribeca Film Festival: Rebirth – B+ (4/20, 8:30 PM, Battery Park; myself)
26. 2016 Tribeca Film Festival: The Hunt for the Wilderpeople – B+ (4/21, 6:45 PM, Battery Park; myself)
27. 2016 Tribeca Film Festival: Nerdland – C- (4/24, 8:30 PM, Bow Tie Cinema, New York, NY; myself)
28. The Jungle Book – B (4/28, 2:00 PM, Court Street; myself)
29. Rifftrax Live: Time Chasers (5/5, 8:00 PM, Union Square; myself)
30. Green Room – A- (5/7, 7:55 PM, Neshaminy; myself)
31. Captain America: Civil War – B+ (5/8, 9:30 AM, Oxford Valley; Bob and Sue Malone)
32. The Lobster – A- (5/16, 7:00 PM, Angelika; Rob Malone, Erin McGill, and Andrew Parrish)
33. X-Men: Apocalypse – B+ (5/28, 8:00 PM, Union Square; myself)
34. Keanu – B- (6/1, 7:50 PM, Union Square; myself)
35. The Nice Guys – B+ (6/2, 1:30 PM, Court Street; myself)
36. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping – B (6/3, 9:45 PM, Neshaminy; Walter Wojcik)
37. Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising – B (6/10, 7:50 PM, AMC Empire; myself)
38. The Conjuring 2 – B+ (6/10, 10:15 PM, AMC Loews 34th Street, New York, NY; myself)
39. King Jack – B+ (6/11, 9:10 PM, Cinema Village, New York, NY; myself)
40. Little Sister – B+ (6/17, 9:45 PM, BAM Rose Cinemas, Brooklyn, NY; Rob Malone and Marie Bardi)
41. Finding Dory – B (6/18, 9:00 PM, Neshaminy; Walter Wojcik)
42. Now You See Me 2 – C (6/23, 7:35 PM, Regal E-Walk, New York, NY; myself)
43. The Shallows – B+ (6/23, 9:45 PM, E-Walk; myself)
44. Swiss Army Man – B (6/24, 8:20 PM, Union Square; myself)
45. Wiener-Dog – B (6/25, 8:30 PM, Angelika; myself)
46. Me Before You – B- (6/29, 9:20 PM, Union Square; myself)
47. The Neon Demon – A- (7/1, 7:30 PM, Angelika; myself)
48. The Purge: Election Year – B- (7/2, 10:15 PM, Neshaminy; Walter Wojcik)
49. The BFG – B- (7/8, 8:20 PM, E-Walk; myself)
50. Rifftrax Live: MST3K Reunion (7/12, 7:30 PM, Union Square; myself)
51. Ghostbusters (2016) – B- (7/15, 8:00 PM, The Pavilion Theater, Brooklyn, NY; Evan Cardona and Maya Bee-Fairy)
52. Captain Fantastic – B+ (7/16, 8:30 PM, Landmark Sunshine; myself)
53. Lights Out – A- (7/22, 7:20 PM, Court Street; myself)
54. Star Trek Beyond – B in RPX (7/23, 9:00 PM, E-Walk; myself; also 7/30, 3:20 PM, Oxford Valley; Bob Malone, Rob Malone, and Erin McGill)
55. Nerve – B+ (8/4, 7:35 PM, Union Square; myself)
56. Florence Foster Jenkins – B (8/13, 6:40 PM, Oxford Valley; Pat Dansbury)
57. Café Society – B- (8/14, 4:15 PM, Princeton Garden Theater, Princeton, NJ; Kaity Malone)
58. Rifftrax Live: Mothra (8/18, 8:00 PM, Neshaminy; myself)
59. Don’t Breathe – B+ (8/25, 7:40 PM, Oxford Valley; Walter Wojcik)
60. Indignation – B (8/31, 5:25 PM, Lincoln Plaza Cinemas, New York, NY; Kaity Malone)
61. Sausage Party – B- (9/2, 7:50 PM, Oxford Valley; Walter Wojcik)
62. Suicide Squad – C- (9/2, 10:00 PM, Oxford Valley; Walter Wojcik)
63. Don’t Think Twice – B+ (9/7, 7:10 PM, BAM Rose Cinemas; myself)
64. Morgan – C+ (9/12, 6:50 PM, AMC Empire; myself)
65. Blair Witch – B- (9/15, 7:30 PM, Union Square; myself)
66. Sully – B (9/18, 1:30 PM, AMC Empire; Kaity Malone)
67. Kubo and the Two Strings – B- (9/29, 6:50 PM, Union Square; myself)
68. The Magnificent Seven (2016) – B (9/30, 7:30 PM, Union Square; Rob Malone, Erin McGill, and Gabby Nadig)
69. Masterminds – B- (10/1, 7:40 PM, Court Street; myself)
70. Shin Godzilla – B- (10/5, 8:00 PM, AMC Empire; myself)
71. The Girl on the Train – B (10/7, 4:50 PM, Union Square; Kaity Malone)
72. Ouija: Origin of Evil – B+ (10/21, 7:40 PM, Court Street; myself)
73. Keeping Up with the Joneses – C+ (10/21, 9:45 PM, Court Street; myself)
74. Doctor Strange – B+ (10/26, 11:00 AM, AMC Empire; myself)
75. Always Shine – B (10/26, 6:00 PM, Dolby 88 Screening Room, New York, NY; myself)
76. Rifftrax Live: Carnival of Souls (10/27, 8:00 PM, Union Square; myself)
77. Loving – B+ (10/31, 10:00 AM, Magno Screening Room, New York, NY; myself)
78. The Handmaiden – B+ (11/3, 8:20 PM, Alamo Drafthouse, Brooklyn, NY; myself)
79. Paterson – B (11/7, 10:00 AM, Park Avenue Screening Room, New York, NY; myself)
80. Arrival – A- (11/7, 6:30 PM, AMC Empire; myself)
81. Rules Don’t Apply – C+ (11/10, 6:30 PM, E-Walk; Rob Malone)
82. Manchester by the Sea – B+ (11/14, 10:00 AM, Park Avenue Screening Room; myself)
83. The Edge of Seventeen – B (11/15, 10:00 AM, Magno Screening Room; myself)
84. 20th Century Women – B- (11/16, 12:00 PM, Dolby 88 Screening Room; myself)
85. Allied – B (11/17, 6:30 PM, AMC Loews 34th Street; Rob Malone)
86. Hidden Figures – B (11/21, 6:30 PM, E-Walk; Kaity Malone)
87. Jackie – A- (12/1, 6:00 PM, Fox Screening Room, New York, NY; myself)
88. Elle – B+ (12/2, 7:15 PM, Alamo Drafthouse Brooklyn; myself)
89. Nocturnal Animals – A- (12/3, 8:05 PM, Angelika; Kaity Malone)
99. Why Him? – B (12/5, 7:00 PM, E-Walk; myself)
91. La La Land – A- (12/6, 2:00 PM, Dolby 88 Screening Room; myself)
92. Hacksaw Ridge – B (12/7, 7:10 PM, AMC Loews 34th Street; myself)
93. Moonlight – B+ (12/8, 6:15 PM, Alamo Drafthouse Brooklyn; myself)
94. Moana – B (12/9, 7:50 PM, E-Walk; myself)
95. A Monster Calls – B- (12/12, 3:00 PM, Park Avenue Screening Room; myself)
96. Passengers – B- (12/14, 4:00 PM, AMC Lincoln Square, New York, NY; myself)
97. Patriots Day – B+ (12/14, 7:00 PM, AMC Loews 34th Street; myself)
98. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – B- (12/16, 8:00 PM, Union Square; Rob Malone, Erin McGill, and Blake LaRue)
99. It’s a Wonderful Life (12/19, 7:00 PM, IFC Center, New York, NY; Rob Malone, Erin McGill, and Orlando Ollier)
100. Assassin’s Creed – C- (12/27, 7:20 PM, Oxford Valley; Walter Wojcik)
101. Toni Erdmann – B+ (12/30, 8:00 PM, Film Forum, New York, NY; myself)
Best Movies of 2016
December 31, 2016
Best in Film 2016, Best of 2016, Cinema 10 Cloverfield Lane, Arrival, Best of 2016, Jackie, La La Land, Lights Out, Midnight Special, Nocturnal Animals, The Neon Demon, The VVitch, The Witch, Zootopia 1 Comment
CREDIT: YouTube Screenshots
This ranking was originally posted on News Cult in December 2016.
Yes, it’s another best movies of the year list, which you are reading perhaps because you know me personally. Or maybe you don’t know me in the flesh, but you follow my writing and want to keep up with my opinions regardless of how much you agree or disagree with them. Or it could be that you have stumbled upon this article by sheer happenstance. In that case, I shall do best to steer you straight.
Is this list more “right” than any other critic’s? It is certainly correct in the sense that it has come from a place of honesty. I feel enthusiastic about these films, and so I have decided to say to the world, “This is my interpretation. Perhaps you will feel the same.”
Enjoy!
10. 10 Cloverfield Lane
An anthology-style cinematic universe grows into itself in its second chapter. Mary Elizabeth Winstead finds herself in a bunker under the iron fist of John Goodman, giving the performance of his career. A drum of acid is even scarier than the monsters supposedly outside. Our pulses adapt to the rhythm of the thrills.
Jmunney's Blog 