I Encountered ‘Snow White’ and ‘A Minecraft Movie’: What Comes Next?

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When it Snows, it blocks (CREDIT: Disney/Screenshot; Warner Bros./Screenshot)

Snow White

Starring: Rachel Zegler, Gal Gadot, Andrew Burnap, Ansu Kabia, Patrick Page, Jeremy Swift, Tituss Burgess, Andrew Barth Feldman, Martin Klebba, Jason Kravits, George Salazar, Andy Grotelueschen

Director: Marc Webb

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: March 21, 2025 (Theaters)

A Minecraft Movie

Starring: Jack Black, Jason Momoa, Sebastian Hansen, Emma Myers, Danielle Brooks, Jennifer Coolidge, Rachel House, Jemaine Clement, Jared Hess

Director: Jared Hess

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: April 4, 2025 (Theaters)

A few days ago, I saw Snow White (the version where Rachel Zegler plays the Friend of Grumpy). Then the very next day, I saw A Minecraft Movie (the one released in 2025, in case you’re reading this in the future). And I couldn’t help but ask myself: would I like to live in either of these magical realms?

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An Important Note About the Occupants of ‘The Front Room’

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A scene from The Front Room that doesn’t take place in the front room (CREDIT: Jon Pack/A24)

Starring: Brandy, Kathryn Hunter, Andrew Burnap, Neal Huff

Director: Max and Sam Eggers

Running Time: 95 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 6, 2024 (Theaters)

I thought I was ready for The Front Room. A pregnant Brandy vs. Kathryn Hunter as her ignorant, zealously religious stepmother-in-law: how could you go wrong with that premise?!

Alas, now that I’ve seen it, I feel compelled to issue a warning to anyone who is excited as I was. This could very well be construed as a spoiler, so stop reading if you must, but that won’t prevent me from fulfilling my civic duty.

Okay, here goes: a good chunk of this movie about incontinence. Like, a BIG chunk. And it’s not shy about it! It’s also a tonal mish-mash, which it actually handles pretty well. But I really don’t think it needed all those stinky bodily fluids.

Grade: 8 Hallucinations out of 17 Unholy Spirits