What Treasure Will Be Found with ‘Paddington in Peru’?

February 13, 2025

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Guess who! And where! (CREDIT: StudioCanal/Columbia Pictures)

Starring: Ben Whishaw, Emily Mortimer, Hughe Bonneville, Madeleine Harris, Samuel Joslin, Julie Walters, Olivia Colman, Antonio Banderas, Jim Broadbent, Carla Tous, Imelda Staunton, Hayley Atwell

Director: Dougal Wilson

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Rating: PG for Lethal Dangers Faced with Politeness and the Occasional Hard Stare

Release Date: February 14, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Paddington (voiced once again by Ben Whishaw) finally has a British passport! And just in time, as there’s something terribly off with his Aunt Lucy (Imelda Staunton). So our adorable marmalade-loving hero treks off to the Home for Retired Bears in his native Peru along with Mrs. Bird (Julie Waters) and his adopted Brown family (Hugh Bonneville, Emily Mortimer [subbing in for Sally Hawkins], Madeleine Harris, and Samuel Joslin). But when they arrive, it turns out that Aunt Lucy has vanished without a trace, apparently to seek some treasure deep in the jungle, possibly even the golden lost city of El Dorado. That catches the attention of riverboat captain Hunter Cabot (Antonio Banderas) and his daughter Gina (Carla Tous) – he’s compelled to lead them the way, while she worries about how talk of treasure affects his mental health. Meanwhile, the Reverend Mother (Olivia Colman) at the retired bear home offers several clues to guide the Browns along the way, while also acting a little suspiciously.

What Made an Impression?: Always Room for Growth: If you can’t get enough of cave- and jungle-filled adventures like Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Goonies, then you’ve probably been hoping for Paddington to finally head in this direction since the very beginning of this franchise. There’s plenty of death-defying action to satiate that desire, but I found myself most pleased by the consistent pleasures we’ve come to expect from the Browns. The pattern is well-established: Paddington’s narration zeroes right in on the opportunities for growth that each of his family members faces at the beginning of this latest adventure. If you’ve seen the previous films, then there aren’t really any surprises this time about each of the Browns’ journeys. But one of this series’ great insights is that the development into richer, fuller versions of ourselves never ends, and it’s lovely to see these folks recognize exactly how they’re supposed to answer that calling. And to get specific about one particular detail, Brown patriarch Henry triple laminates his latest risk manual, and that makes all the difference.
Dress-Up Time: The Cult of Marmalade is real and wide-ranging. When Nicolas Cage and Pedro Pascal bonded over their love of Paddington 2 in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, it was a strikingly accurate microcosm that captured how the wider cinephile world feels about this very special bear. With talent like Banderas and Colman populating the latest supporting cast, it’s abundantly clear just how inviting it is to play in this sandbox. Hugh Grant’s turn in #2 as actor-turned-thief Phoenix Buchanan was a career-capping performance, and I bet that approximately 99% of his peers hope to one day don a similarly silly series of costumes and make a just-as-indelible impression on the Paddington-going public. Hunter Cabot and the Reverend Mother don’t quite manage to be as iconic as Phoenix, but their gameness still goes a long way in maintaining such a pleasant little corner of the multiplex.

Paddington in Peru is Recommended If You Like: Movies Where It Feels Like Someone Really Could Die Even Though You Know Nobody Will Since It’s Just Rated PG

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Llamas

From the End of December 2024 Into Early January 2025, I Caught Up on Some Holiday Movie Releases: Here’s What Happened

January 14, 2025

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CREDIT: A24; Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot; Disney/Screenshot; Disney/Screenshot

The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim

Starring: Gaia Wise, Brian Cox, Luke Pasqualino, Mirando Otto

Director: Kenji Kamiyama

Running Time: 134 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: December 13, 2024 (Theaters)

Babygirl

Starring: Nicole Kidman, Harris Dickinson, Antonio Banderas, Sophie Wilde, Esther McGregor, Vaughan Reilly

Director: Halina Reijn

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: December 25, 2024 (Theaters)

Moana 2

Starring: Auliʻi Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson, Hualālai Chung, Rose Matafeo, David Fane, Awhimai Fraser, Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda, Temuera Morrison, Nicole Scherzinger, Rachel House, Gerald Ramsey, Alan Tudyk

Directors: David Derrick Jr, Jason Hand, and Dana Ledoux Miller

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: November 27, 2024 (Theaters)

Mufasa: The Lion King

Starring: Aaron Pierre, Kelvin Harrison Jr, John Kani, Seth Rogen, Billy Eicner, Tiffany Boone, Donald Glover, Mads Mikkelsen, Thandiwe Newton, Lennie James, Blue Ivy Carter, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, Preston Nyman, Anika Noni Rose, Keith David

Director: Barry Jenkins

Running Time: 118 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: December 20, 2024 (Theaters)

Oh hi, there! Well, you know how it goes. That annual time between Thanksgiving and New Year tends to be busy, both in terms of social obligations and new movie releases. So even someone who frequents the cinema as often as I do struggles to catch absolutely everything right when they arrive. But I do my best to catch up with them eventually! So here’s a roundup of my thoughts on recent holiday flicks with a focus on how much they put me in the holiday spirit.

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‘Indiana Jones’ and Some Thoughts About Destiny

July 3, 2023

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Destiny. Why did it have to be destiny? (CREDIT: Lucasfilm/Screenshot)

Starring: Harrison Ford, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Mads Mikkelsen, Boyd Holbrook, Shaunette Renée Wilson, Antonio Banderas, Toby Jones, Ethann Isidore, Jonathan Rhys Davies, Thomas Kretschmann

Director: James Mangold

Running Time: 154 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: June 30, 2023 (Theaters)

I genuinely believe that it was my destiny to see Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. But what exactly did that destiny look like? Not all that much like the late 60s in particular, except for when “Magical Mystery Tour” blared out of the speakers. I think there should have been more Space Race vibes, probably. Anyway, everybody seemed to be having fun running around. They certainly had some adventures I bet they’ll never forget! I also would have recommended drawing out the scorpion scene.

Grade: Adjust the Coordinates a Little Bit

‘Puss in Boots: The Last Wish’ Shoots for the Stars!

December 19, 2022

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When You Wish Upon a Puss in Boots… (CREDIT: Dreamworks Animation)

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Harvey Guillén, John Mulaney, Florence Pugh, Olivia Colman, Ray Winstone, Samson Kayo, Wagner Moura, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, Anthony Mendez, Kevin McCann, Betsy Sodaro

Director: Joel Crawford

Running Time: 102 Minutes

Rating: PG for Cartoon Kitty Catastrophes

Release Date: December 21, 2022 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A talking cat? A talking, swashbuckling cat?! Well, yes indeed. We’ve known this debonair furball for years at this point. Decades even. He lives in a fairy tale world where plenty of the animals are anthropomorphized, after all. Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) has had no trouble making a name for himself. But alas, he seems to be losing a bit of his mojo lately. And when you’re a feline, that means having only one of your reputed nine lives left to spare. But this being a fairy tale world and all, there exist methods for magical restoration. So when Puss hears about the existence of a Wishing Star, he naturally wants to get his claws on it. But he’s not the only one, as Jack Horner (John Mulaney), Goldilocks (Florence Pugh) and the three bears (Olivia Colman, Ray Winstone, Samson Kayo), and Puss’ old flame Kitty Softpaws (Salma Hayek) all have their own plans to procure the star’s powers. Also, Harvey Guillén voices a dog.

What Made an Impression?: If the only Shrek film you’ve seen previously was the first one, you could be forgiven for not realizing that Puss in Boots: The Last Wish takes place in the same universe. Sure, both of them are populated by fairy tale characters, but their modus operandi are totally different. Where the green ogre was irreverent, his feline colleague is more purely adventurous. The likes of Jack Horner, Goldi, and Pinocchio are thein window dressing in a sense, with their cultural histories mostly beside the point. The Last Wish‘s spacey climax on the Wishing Star feels like something out of an LSD trip, or a Super Mario video game, which is to say: not at all what I was expecting.

In that vein, The Last Wish actually reminded me of Halloween Ends, insofar as they’re both latter-day franchise entries with confoundingly unpredictable narrative left turns. In both cases, it’s plenty fascinating, and I suspect it will be easier to get away with this time around, since Puss doesn’t have to bear the weight of expectations that Michael Myers does. If his creators want to make his latest adventure more fantastical than any corner of the Shrek universe has ever been, then there’s really no reason not to. It certainly gives the voice cast something new to bite into, to the point that John Mulaney appears to be experiencing Heath Ledger-as-Joker-level glee in his revolution of a classic character. There’s room to color outside the lines here, and I can’t complain about that.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is Recommended If You Like: Super Smash Bros., Mario Kart, John Mulaney & the Sack Lunch Bunch

Grade: 3 out of 5 Swords

‘Uncharted’ Review: I Would Have Preferred a Ferdinand Magellan Documentary

February 15, 2022

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Uncharted (CREDIT: Sony Pictures)

Starring: Tom Holland, Mark Wahlberg, Sophia Ali, Tati Gabrielle, Antonio Banderas, Rudy Pankow

Director: Ruben Fleischer

Running Time: 116 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Mostly Bloodless Action

Release Date: February 18, 2022 (Theaters)

The most complimentary thing I can say about Uncharted is that it made me want to fact-check its claims about Ferdinand Magellan. But actually now that I think about it, I probably would have preferred if it had just fabulated some wild, obviously false claims about that real-life explorer. For what it’s worth, some quick googling and Wikipedia referencing confirms the broad outlines of Uncharted‘s history lessons. Which is to say: despite what you may have heard, Magellan did NOT circumnavigate the globe, as he died before the expedition was complete, though the surviving members of his crew did manage to make it all the way around. Anyway, I suppose that’s meant to be thematically relevant, insofar as it has something to do with the power of second chances? But really, it’s of course just an excuse for some Indiana Jones-style globetrotting.

Tom Holland is excited to be there as up-and-coming treasure hunter Nathan Drake, while Mark Wahlberg delivers the cynicism as Victor “Sully” Sullivan, who’s happy to let everyone else do all the hard work. PlayStation devotees already know who these guys are, but it doesn’t take any special expertise to recognize that this a video game movie. I’m not just talking about how Nathan is constantly jumping from platform to platform (there are plenty of non-video game movies that feature characters escaping from tight situations!) as much as I’m calling out how this adaptation feels so beholden to its source material. I’ve never played the games, so I don’t know how close the resemblance is or isn’t, but I can tell that something’s holding this movie back from the stratosphere. Contrast that with the National Treasure flicks, which are fairly straight-down-the-middle efforts that try to please every type of audience, but they at least have the good sense to feature ludicrous premises. Meanwhile, you’ll want to join Nathan and Sully’s trip only if you’ve already booked a ticket.

Uncharted is Recommended If You Like: Watered-down versions of the classics

Grade: 2 out of 5 Treasure Maps

‘The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard’ Review: Stay for the Hitman’s Wife, Avert Your Eyes for Everything Else

June 14, 2021

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The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (CREDIT: David Appleby/Lionsgate)

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Frank Grillo, Antonio Banderas, Morgan Freeman

Director: Patrick Hughes

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: R for A Generally Violent and Highly Sexual Lifestyle

Release Date: June 16, 2021 (Theaters)

Bodyguard Michael Bryce’s therapist has advised him to take a sabbatical … BUT OBVIOUSLY THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! He’s the lead character in an action comedy sequel in which he’s the constant victim of physical and emotional abuse, after all. But what if The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard were just about him having a relaxing vacation? Honestly? I’d check it out. But of course that’s a tough sell in a summer blockbuster season. But that doesn’t mean the action has to be quite as relentless as it is. It’s hard to laugh when guns are constantly being fired from all over everywhere! Thank God for Salma Hayek and her occasionally kooky line readings.

If you haven’t seen the original Hitman’s Bodyguard, pretty much all you got to know is that Bryce was left traumatized during his time protecting super-notorious hitman Darius Kincaid. Considering that Bryce is played by Ryan Reynolds and Kincaid is played by Samuel L. Jackson, it’s not hard to immediately buy into this dynamic. The former’s exasperated quippiness and the latter’s dangerously cackling coolheadedness make for maximum combustibility. If you like your comedy with a constant background threat of deadly sniper shots and exploding cars, then this is the movie for you. But for me, that’s pretty much exactly the wrong energy for a fun time at the cinema, and I imagine I’m not alone in that preference.

But it’s not a total wash, and the new interloping title inhabitant is the reason why. Kincaid’s wife Sonia (Hayek) is the one who “hires” Bryce this time around, and that hiring is very much in quotation marks because the reason she thinks that her husband would ever want this guy’s services again is based on a profoundly stupid misunderstanding. But somehow in the midst of everything aggravating going on, Hayek manages to have some fun. In the few instances of downtime and introspection, she manages to puncture the moment with her loopy approach to social niceties and life in general. Most of Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is dangerous and headache-inducing. Sonia Kincaid at least is dangerous and chuckle-against-your-better-judgment-inducing.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is Recommended If You Like: Deadly projectiles whizzing by as you go about your day

Grade: 2 out of 5 Gelatos

CGI Animals and a Daffy Robert Downey Jr. Performance Make for a Feather-Brained ‘Dolittle’

January 15, 2020

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CREDIT: Universal Pictures

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Harry Collett, Antonio Banderas, Michael Sheen, Jim Broadbent, Jessie Buckley, Carmel Laniado, Emma Thompson, Rami Malek, John Cena, Kumail Nanjiani, Octavia Spencer, Tom Holland, Craig Robinson, Ralph Fiennes, Selena Gomez, Marion Cotillard, Jason Mantzoukas, Frances de la Tour

Director: Stephen Gaghan

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Rating: PG for Mild Animal Chaos

Release Date: January 17, 2020

It’s not a great sign when my favorite part of a movie is the end credits revealing who all the voice actors were, especially when it’s a movie about talking to animals, because … I love talking to animals! Not necessarily in the Dr. Dolittle sense, but if I did have that ability, I would be happy to use it. As for Robert Downey Jr.’s version of the classic fictional veterinarian, I wouldn’t say that he is unhappy about his interspecies communication abilities, but he is making some odd choices, what with an unplaceable accent while barely opening his mouth whenever he talks to the point that it seems like he is practicing his ventriloquism. Dolittle is a movie whose existence in 2020 I’m having trouble fathoming, but despite that, I can’t say that I doubt Downey’s commitment, however strange it may be.

Anyway, the plot is some fever dream logic-driven concoction about how a reclusive Dr. Dolittle, hiding away in his home following the death of his wife, is summoned to set out on an adventure to find a cure for a deathly ill young Queen Victoria (Jessie Buckley). Naturally enough, his animal friends join him to help out, and their presence on this journey just feels too unremarkable. Perhaps that has to do with the reliance on CGI, which renders these creatures less adorable and more just humans with fur or feathers or scales. For the most part, then, Dolittle is a mix of humdrum when it should be goofy and ridiculous when it should be straightforward. Although, there is one part when Dr. Dolittle removes a set of bagpipes from a dragon’s colon, so this endeavor wasn’t a total disappointment.

Dolittle is Recommended If You Have: A Bottomless Appreciation for CGI Animal Hijinx

Grade: 1.5 out of 5 Quacks

Some Quick Thoughts on ‘Pain and Glory’

January 6, 2020

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CREDIT: Sony Pictures Classics

There are two moments in Pain and Glory that really hit me and made me go, “This! Is! Cinema!” The first comes when an animated sequence accompanies Salvador Mallo (Antonio Banderas) telling us about how he learned about the subjects he should have learned in school by instead experiencing them later in life. Hurray for mixed media! The second is the meta ending, which I don’t want to spoil, in case anyone reading hasn’t seen it, but I do want to talk about it, so I suppose I’ll throw in a SPOILER WARNING. It turns out that the flashback scenes with a young Salvador and Penélope Cruz as his mom are actually a film-within-the-film directed by the adult Salvador, and that is such a lovely framing device. [END SPOILER WARNING] And one more thing! There’s a terrifically funny scene in which Salvador and his leading man Alberto (Asier Etxeandia) skip a post-screening Q&A they were supposed to attend but then phone in and the audience gets to hear the vicious, but also slapstick argument they get into. As is typical of Pedro Almodóvar, Pain and Glory is liable to make you laugh aplenty and go, “What a thing it is to be alive!”

I’ll go ahead and give Pain and Glory 11 Chases out of 15 Dragons.

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Life Itself’ Has a Few Too Many Twists and Way Too Many Tragedies

September 19, 2018

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CREDIT: Jose Haro/Amazon Studios

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2018.

Starring: Oscar Issac, Olivia Wilde, Mandy Patinkin, Olivia Cooke, Laia Costa, Annette Bening, Antonio Banderas, Alex Monner, Jean Smart, Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Lorenza Izzo, Samuel L. Jackson

Director: Dan Fogelman

Running Time: 117 Minutes

Rating: R for Violent Accidents and Millennial Hipster Profanity

Release Date: September 21, 2018

Thanks to Crazy, Stupid, Love. (which he scripted) and This Is Us (which he created), Life Itself writer/director Dan Fogelman is now as synonymous with the game-changing twist as M. Night Shyamalan. He’s due for a backlash, and Life Itself is the perfect specimen to engender that anger. The film itself is not so much about the twist itself so much as it is about the entire concept of twists. Fogelman withholds essential information that prevents us from knowing until he wants us to know how various generations of people are related by coincidence or even closer connections. But he constantly shows his hand, or at least part of his hand, to let us know that a reveal is coming. In fact, this is all kind of a deconstruction about how we tell stories and save twists for maximum impact. I actually believe that such a theory-heavy idea could work, but the product we have here is filled with characters and events that are just exhausting.

The action is split by time and the Atlantic Ocean. In New York City, we’ve got Will (Oscar Isaac) and Abby (Olivia Wilde), a mostly happy couple who might have some insidious relationship issues lurking. Meanwhile, over in Spain, Javier (Sergio Peris-Mencheta) works the field and romances the waitress Isabel (Laia Costa). Along the way, we meet some of their parents, children, and employers. We immediately know how some of them are connected, while we then watch the other puzzle pieces come together in non-linear fashion to discover the rest of the connections. There could be a satisfying thrill to how the final twist weaves everyone together, but instead it is just exhausting, as all the misfortunes that these characters endure and the bad decisions that they make make for an excess of tragedy that is too much for any audience to bear.

Still, the ultimate lesson that Fogelman wants to convey is worth listening to and following: no matter what our history, no matter how much life has brought us to our knees, there is still a future worth pursuing. Life Itself does not need to be as excruciating as it is to make that point, but it is a valuable point nonetheless. And despite my misgivings, I still found this film oddly compelling, although that could just be because I like keeping track of how people are related to each other. Ultimately, I wish Fogelman had done more with the concept of playing around with the unreliable narrator, which he is clearly enamored with but ultimately a little tepid in how he examines it. It actually starts off promisingly, as the initial narrator shows up in person as himself to basically say, “Hey look, I’m really here!” But afterwards it’s pretty straightforward, but if that adventurous spirit had hung around, Life Itself coulda been something.

Life Itself is Recommended If You Like: This Is Us at its most emotionally manipulative

Grade: 2 out of 5 Unreliable Narrators