Merry Christmas from Rock Stars, Vampires, and Boxers, Oh My!

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Merry Christmas from the Movies! (CREDIT [Clockwise from Top Left]: Aidan Monaghan/Focus Features; Sabrina Lantos/Amazon MGM; A24; Macall Polay/Searchlight Pictures)

A Complete Unknown

Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Edward Norton, Elle Fanning, Monica Barbaro, Boyd Holbrook, Scoot McNairy, Dan Fogler, Norbert Leo Butz, Eriko Hatsune, P.J. Byrne, Will Harrison, Charlie Tahan, Ryan Harris Brown, Eli Brown, Michael Chernus

Director: James Mangold

Running Time: 141 Minutes

Rating: R for Arrogant Artist Behavior

Release Date: December 25, 2024 (Theaters)

Nosferatu

Starring: Bill Skarsgård, Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Emma Corrin, Willem Dafoe, Ralph Ineson, Simon McBurney

Director: Robert Eggers

Running Time: 132 Minutes

Rating: R for Ecstatic Sex and Bloodsucking

Release Date: December 25, 2024 (Theaters)

The Fire Inside

Starring: Ryan Destiny, Brian Tyree Henry, Oluniké Adeliyi, De’Adre Aziza, Sarah Allen

Director: Rachel Morrison

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Language, Jabs, and Hooks

Release Date: December 25, 2024 (Theaters)

The cinematic landscape at Christmas is typically dominated by franchise blockbusters and family-friendly flicks, with awards hopefuls also trying to make their way into the mix. But then there are also always some oddballs of various genres for anyone who prefers a more aggro or otherwise offbeat holiday. What’s interesting about December 25 this year is that all four of the wide releases arriving alongside Santa could be categorized in the alternative section. So which one of them should be your chaser after opening up all your presents? Or should you down some nog in preparation of a double feature? Here’s my take on the polar landscape.

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Origin Story ‘Transformers One’ Takes It Back to Cybertron

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One is the loneliest Transformer that you’ll ever do! (CREDIT: Paramount Animation/Hasbro)

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Brian Tyree Henry, Scarlett Johansson, Keegan-Michael Key,  Steve Buscemi, Laurence Fishburne, Jon Hamm

Director: Josh Cooley

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: PG for Robot Dismemberment

Release Date: September 20, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: If you’re concerned that most Transformers movies have too many pesky dang humans, then have I got the movie for you! Well, actually, it’s Paramount and Hasbro who have the movie for you, I’m just here to let you know about it. It’s an animated flick called Transformers One, and it takes place entirely on the robots’ home planet of Cybertron, and it doesn’t follow any of the Autobots and Decepticons that we’ve come to know and love over the years… or does it? A couple of bots named Orion Pax (Chris Hemsworth) and D-16 (Bryan Tyree Henry) are stuck underground working the mines day after day, but they have a hankering to discover what’s really happening on the planet’s surface. They eventually make their way up there along with a scamp named B-127 (Keegan-Michael Key) and a steady hand named Elita (Scarlett Johansson), as they uncover a conspiracy and fight to realize a new path forward for Cybertron.

What Made an Impression?: Vroom Vroom: Before Orion and D-16 emerge onto the surface, they first try to make a name for themselves by sneaking their way into the IACON 5000, which appears to be the most popular racing event in all of Cybertron. Perhaps devoted Transformers fans already know all about the IACON, but for the uninitiated, it’s basically the Indianapolis 500 crossed with the colorful loop-de-loop energy of Mario Kart. I wasn’t expecting this moment out of a Transformers movie, but quite frankly, it was a breath of fresh air compared to the typical metal-on-metal action. After this particular set piece, the plot becomes a fairly typical hero’s journey that’s easy enough to follow despite all the Cybertronic jargon. I would have personally preferred the fish-out-of-water sizzle typical of the live action Transformers flicks, but if we must stick with only the metal creatures the whole way through, then at least the IACON 5000 offers a nice change of pace.
Before They Were Stars: Transformers One plays things a little coy, but if you’ve encountered any major Transformers property in the past few decades, then you should be able to figure out without too much trouble the actual identities of the most iconic main characters. It’s a little disorienting that longtime Optimus Prime voice Peter Cullen is nowhere to be heard, but I appreciate the efforts at differentiation. There’s something to be said about these guys sounding a little different before they became universally renowned heroes and villains, after all. With this throwback approach, T One gave me similar reboot-ish vibes as another recent animated flick about non-human warriors released by Paramount. That earlier release also set up a new TV show, and I wouldn’t be surprised if similar plans are in place for a new Cybertron-set series. I wasn’t quite thrilled enough by T One to be excited about that possibility, though. But I imagine there are enough fans (or potential fans) of this property that there could be something viable there. So in conclusion, Transformers One is most successful as an inoffensive brand extension.

Transformers One is Recommended If You Like: A glitzy voice cast, Macguffin-filled dialogue, The neologism “Badassitron”

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Matrices

‘Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire’ Has Some Monsters, Some Monster Battles, and Even Some Humans. Does It Amount to Much of Anything?

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Godzilla, King Kong [Not Pictured: The New Empire] (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Rebecca Hall, Kaylee Hottle, Brian Tyree Henry, Dan Stevens, Alex Ferns, Fala Chen, Rachel House

Director: Adam Wingard

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Monster Fights and Giant Ape Dentistry

Release Date: March 29, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A massive ape, a giant lizard, and various other monsters aren’t just myths anymore. They’re full-blown citizens of Earth. So what do human beings think about that? For the most part, they don’t seem to really care. Sure, there are a few stuffy government types who are concerned about the possibility of apocalyptic destruction, but generally in the world of Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, people are just going about their days. And so are Godzilla and King Kong, in fact, as the most they’re worried about is an infected tooth. But there are other monsters out there who aren’t so satisfied with this relative peace.

What Made an Impression?: The Humans Are (Metaphorically) Dead: The MonsterVerse kicked off with 2014’s Godzilla, which I (and a lot of other viewers) dinged for featuring too little of its titular kaiju and mostly boring human characters. Then years later, this franchise actually does care enough about its homo sapiens to give them motivations and interior lives and even have a few of them return from 2019’s Godzilla Vs. Kong. But the necessity of their presence in The New Empire is rather tenuous. Their storylines are ostensibly connected to each other, but they register as if they’re taking place on completely different planes of reality.
Destroy All Cities: Subpar human storylines need not be a death knell for Godzilla x Kong, as the monster battle royale is the main attraction after all. And on that front, the climactic scrapes reminded me of the most laborious sections of the Transformers movies. Which is to say: they’re an exhausting medley of cacophony. Instead of being thrilled by this orgy, I was mostly left wondering who was going to clean up all the urban destruction. Godzilla, Kong, and their cohorts naturally don’t really care much about that, but it feels like there should be at least a joking acknowledgement of that disinterest, instead of just plodding along to knock over whatever buildings lie in their way. In general, the moments of visual wit are few and far between. There are a few clever needle drops and some psychedelic editing experiments here and there, but that’s all just window dressing on a spectacle that’s pretty impenetrable unless you’re an expert in MonsterVerse lore.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is Recommended If You: always wanted to see Brazilian beachgoers have their days ruined by giant monsters

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Portals

‘Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse’ Keeps Running Right Through Every Iteration

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Tonight, we’re gonna Spider like it’s 2099 (CREDIT: Sony Pictures)

Starring: Shameik Moore, Hailee Steinfeld, Oscar Isaac, Brian Tyree Henry, Luna Lauren Velez, Jake Johnson, Jason Schwartzman, Issa Rae, Karan Soni, Daniel Kaluuya, Shea Wigham, Greta Lee, Rachel Dratch, Jorma Taccone, Andy Samberg, Amandla Stenberg

Directors: Joaquim Dos Santos, Kemp Powers, and Justin K. Thompson

Running Time: 140 Minutes

Rating: PG for Mostly Mild Punches and Scrapes

Release Date: June 2, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Miles Morales (Shameik Moore) really relishes getting to be Spider-Man, but if he’s being honest, his life is far from perfect. He loves his parents, but he doesn’t know how to be fully honest with them. And he’s excited about a college-bound future, but it won’t fill the multiverse-sized hole in his heart. He met a bunch of really cool spider-people from other universes during his first big adventure, and he spends most of his days wishing he could get to see them again. Then a certain version of Gwen Stacy (Hailee Steinfeld) shows up once again to let him know that the multiverse is facing a greater threat than it’s ever seen before. A seemingly infinite amount of spider-beings are recruited for the mission, but if he’s not careful, Miles might actually stand in the way of everything working out.

What Made an Impression?: When Into the Spider-Verse came out in 2018, it was a breath of fresh air. Despite the weight of its multiversal ambitions, it was light on its feet and disarmingly accessible. Across the Spider-Verse doesn’t have the benefit of surprise, and it threatens to tip over by going deeper, heavier, and longer, but it still manages to be just as compelling. It helps to have pizzazz. The various animation styles are just so astoundingly intricate that I simply can’t look away. I imagine some viewers might find this outing overwhelming, but considering how saturated our culture currently is with superheroes, the buy-in isn’t that difficult.

The conflict at the heart of Across the Spider-Verse is an age-old one about free will. The oft-told origin story of the Peter Parker version of Spider-Man hinges on the death of his Uncle Ben, and it turns out that every other spider-hero has endured a similar mortal trauma. Everyone, that is, except Miles. He insists on trying to prevent any tragedy he can, while those with more experience in these matters warn him about tampering with “canon events” that will lead to “anomalies.” This sort of struggle has been mined for so much drama in the history of fantasy and science fiction, and it’s no less powerful here.

A couple of warnings: certain segments of the sound mix made it difficult to hear some dialogue over the din of the insistent score. Unless that was an issue with the theater, you may struggle with this as well, so seek out a showtime with open captions if possible. And it’s also worth noting that another sequel, Beyond the Spider-Verse, is already scheduled to arrive in March 2024, and it’s only the mildest of spoilers to reveal that it has some loose threads to tie up.

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is Recommended If You Like: Spider-Man 2099, Spider-Woman, Scarlet Spider, Spider-Et Cetera

Grade: 4 out of 5 Anomalies

‘Bullet Train’ Zooms Past Sensible Storytelling But Manages to Have Some Fun Along the Way

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Bullet Train (CREDIT: Scott Garfield/Sony Pictures)

Starring: Brad Pitt, Joey King, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Andrew Koji, Hiroyuki Sanada, Benito A Martínez Ocasio, Michael Shannon, Sandra Bullock, Zazie Beetz, Logan Lerman, Karen Fukuhara, Masi Oka

Director: David Leitch

Running Time: 126 Minutes

Rating: R for Blood from Guns, Swords, Knives, and Poison

Release Date: August 5, 2022 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: If a movie takes place on a speeding train, you can bet on non-stop action! Or can you? Well, you can at least rely on a captive set of characters. As the titular transport in Bullet Train charges ahead from Tokyo to Kyoto, our main fellow to follow is Ladybug (Brad Pitt), who appears to be some sort of assassin, except that he doesn’t seem very violent, at least not on this mission. Then there’s the brotherly pair of Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry), who are much more comfortable whipping out their firearms. And there’s no way to miss Prince (Joey King) in her short skirt and tight bubblegum pink sweater; it’s obvious right away that underneath her schoolgirl facade lurks the heart of a killer. Is the fellow known as The Elder (Hiroyuki Sanada) the one pulling all the strings? Maybe! Or maybe it could be that one of the other famous faces that pops up along the way will clear up the confusion. Also, there’s a very poisonous snake wriggling around.

What Made an Impression?: For most of Bullet Train‘s path of destruction, I was never really sure what anybody’s mission was. And quite frankly, none of them seemed to either. Sure, there’s a briefcase with plenty of cash that certainly is worth keeping an eye on. But if anything, that’s the reward and not the job itself. Flashbacks pop up to provide backstory, but they don’t fully answer how everyone ended up on the same departure. MINOR SPOILER ALERT: The conclusion spells it all out eventually. But before then, screenwriter Zak Olkewicz and director David Leitch ask for a lot of patience from the audience. Or they request that we just embrace the ambiguity and enjoy Bullet Train as an exercise in frenetic style and a freaky parade of accents.

I at least appreciated how the casting was in part an inversion of this year’s The Lost City, with Pitt and Sandra Bullock switching the roles of bewildered lead and glorified slightly-more-than-a-cameo. And it’s also fun to behold King subsuming herself into the kinda-sorta Big Bad villain role. But in the meantime, questions abound, such as: is that accent real? And also: is that other accent real? And furthermore: why don’t any of the non-criminal passengers seem to notice the gore and bullet holes all over the place? The ending had me going, “Oh wow, that’s what that was all about?” But beforehand, I was somehow against all odds comforted by the steady hand of a cast willing to do everything that was asked of them without any winks to the camera. Vengeance really never turns out how you expect it to go, especially when all the plot twists feel like they were determined by whacking a piñata and throwing what spilled out into a blender.

Bullet Train is Recommended If You Like: The magnetic charm of Brad Pitt, The reveals on The Masked Singer, Derailments

Grade: 3 out of 5 Boomslangs

Godzilla vs. Kong vs. My Internal Composure: A Movie Review

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Godzilla vs. Kong (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/YouTube Screenshot)

Starring: Godzilla, King Kong, Alexander Skarsgård, Millie Bobby Brown, Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry, Shun Oguri, Eiza González, Julian Dennison, Lance Reddick, Kyle Chandler, Demián Bichir, Mechagodzilla

Director: Adam Wingard

Running Time: 113 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: March 31, 2021

What if it were Godzilla vs. Kong vs. … jmunney? Does the latest no-holds cinematic brawl between these two iconic behemoths make me want to join the fight? Hey man, I’m a pacifist! But entering their domain in some capacity might be fun. They seem like good company.  Kong is certainly a clown. And sensitive, to boot! Godzilla’s harder to peg, but I’d be willing to put in the emotional groundwork to make the connection. What’s Mechagodzilla’s deal, though? He sure comes out of nowhere. Does he even have a soul?!

Grade: 5 Podcasts of 10 ASLs

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Widows’ is the Best Cinematic Crime Saga in Quite Some Time

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CREDIT: Twentieth Century Fox

This review was originally published on News Cult in November 2018.

Starring: Viola Davis, Elizabeth Debicki, Michelle Rodriguez, Cynthia Erivo, Colin Farrell, Brian Tyree Henry, Daniel Kaluuya, Liam Neeson, Jacki Weaver, Carrie Coon, Robert Duvall, Lukas Haas, Garret Dillahunt, Molly Kunz, Jon Bernthal, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo

Director: Steve McQueen

Running Time: 129 Minutes

Rating: R for Professional Criminals at Their Scariest

Release Date: November 16, 2018

Sometimes I am at a loss of what to say about a film because of how powerfully it has affected me. Widows is one of those films. Its immediate effect was similar to that of The Dark Knight, in which I sat stunned, not quite sure what had happened, but certain that I had seen something special. Steve McQueen’s massively sprawling saga about Chicago crime and politics is populated by a ridiculously sterling cast, with at least ten, or maybe fifteen, of them receiving the gift of really juicy material to bite into.

Chief among them, in all fairness, are the titular widows, who are left to clean up the very expensive mess left behind by their recently deceased criminal husbands. Veronica (Viola Davis), Linda (Michelle Rodriguez), and Alice (Elizabeth Debicki) are forced to form an uneasy alliance or run the risk of the rest of their livelihoods dissolving away. While each actress is compelling, their characters are not necessarily likable. Do they bear some guilt for benefitting from their husbands’ activity despite not knowing what they were tup to? On the other hand, they are in many ways trapped in a situation with no good options for escape. Their predicament demonstrates the limits of feminism and standing up for a yourself in a world ruled by violence.

Thus far in this review, I have barely touched upon even 10% of this film. It runs just a little over two hours, but it is so stuffed with goodness that I am amazed it is under three hours, yet it is simultaneously so sleek that it feels like it is running for just an hour and a half. There are about six (maybe more) stories running alongside each other and somehow they run seamlessly together. There’s Bryan Tyree Henry as a crime boss trying to break good by running for alderman in a gentrifying neighborhood and Daniel Kaluuya as his brother and terrifying enforcer. His opponent is Colin Farrell, who is struggling with maximal agita as he finds his place as a successor in a long line of Chicago politicians. And we cannot forget Cynthia Erivo as a babysitter/beautician/hustler who also plays a big part in all this. Plus there is plenty more to know about the shadowy machinations of ringleader Harry Rawlins (Liam Neeson), Veronica’s husband. And how is there also room for Matt Walsh to show up for one key scene?! McQueen is dynamite with his clear, effective craftsmanship. If you see Widows, you will likely understand everything that happens plot-wise, and you might also just feel compelled to take part in the exhaustive analysis of every frame that is sure to follow in the years to come.

Widows is Recommended If You Like: Heat, The Town, The Dark Knight, “Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves” by Eurythmics and Aretha Franklin

Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Aldermen

 

This Is a Movie Review: Hotel Artemis

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CREDIT: Matt Kennedy/Global Road Entertainment

I give Hotel Artemis 2.5 out of 5 Rules: https://uinterview.com/reviews/movies/hotel-artemis-movie-review-an-intriguing-premise-can-only-carry-this-thriller-so-far/