‘Sonic the Hedgehog 3’ Review: Sonic vs. Anti-Sonic

December 19, 2024

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This is not Sonic, even though it kind of looks like him (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures and Sega of America, Inc.)

Starring: Ben Schwartz, Colleen O’Shaughnessey, Idris Elba, Keanu Reeves, Jim Carrey, James Marsden, Tika Sumpter, Krysten Ritter, Natasha Rothwell, Shemar Moore, Lee Majdoub, Tom Butler, Alyla Browne, James Wolk, Sofia Pernas, Cristo Fernández, Adam Pally, Jorma Taccone

Director: Jeff Fowler

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: PG for All the Silly Cartoony Action Nonsense

Release Date: December 20, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Our true-blue, Ben Schwartz-voiced shiny speedster is enjoying his happy family life with his adoptive parents and his fox and echidna friends. But some secrets in the halls of power threaten to get in the way of that blissful domesticity. You see, back in the 1970s, a clandestine government program created Shadow the Hedgehog (voiced by Keanu Reeves), who is basically, naturally enough, a shadow version of Sonic. He’s on the loose now, and that of course threatens the stability of the entire world. So Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles form an uneasy alliance with their archnemesis Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey) and Robotnik’s long-lost grandfather (also Carrey) to get Shadow back into the shadows.

What Made an Impression?: How Can You Say No to This Guy?: I never played the Sonic video games all that much while growing up, and I only kind of like the first two movies, but whenever there’s a new cinematic adventure with the most famous hedgehog in the world, I find myself getting inexplicably excited. A lot of that has to do with Schwartz’s effervescent, incorrigible vocal performance. And it also probably has something to do with the fact that no matter how convoluted these plots get, it’s clear that everyone is having tons of fun. This franchise is no marvel of storytelling, but it is kind of impressive how wholesome it’s managed to remain amidst all the chaos.
Keep Punching It Up: For the most part, the most complimentary I can be about Sonic 3 is that it’s a pleasant enough diversion for a couple of hours. But occasionally it really comes alive with some especially punchy dialogue, like when one character is mistaken for Detective Pikachu, or when Robotnik describes himself as “undesirable to all possible genders.” Those probably don’t sound as funny typed out as they do in context, but they definitely got some laughs at my screening. Anyway, I most certainly wish that the script had focused on being clever like that more often. The requisite goofiness is certainly there, but it gets distracted by this little thing called saving the world, which isn’t what I’m coming to Sonic movies for. But maybe that’s just me!

Sonic the Hedgehog 3 is Recommended If You Like: The possibility that there could be a new Sonic movie every two years for the foreseeable future

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Sycophants

‘Venom: The Last Dance’ Might Have Been Better Off If It Were Just an Hour and a Half of Eddie and Mrs. Chen Dancing

October 23, 2024

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Eddie and Venom horsin’ around. (CREDIT: Sony Pictures)

Starring: Tom Hardy, Juno Temple, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Rhys Ifans, Peggy Lu, Alanna Ubach, Stephen Graham, Andy Serkis, Clark Backo, Cristo Fernandez

Director: Kelly Marcel

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Aliens Eating Humans and a Couple of F-Bombs

Release Date: October 25, 2024 (Theater)

What’s It About?: Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and his alien symbiote soulmate have been laying low after their last Venom-ous adventure. But then it turns out that Eddie’s one of the most wanted men in America (or at least the Bay Area), and also some guy named Knull (Andy Serkis) who’s the master of all symbiotes is on an intergalactic trek to regain control of Venom and his ilk. So they head out for safer pastures, eventually making their way to Nevada, where they converge with a group of science and military types looking to exploit symbiote technology for their own purposes, as well as Knull’s beastly minions and an extraterrestrial-obsessed family excited about the recent declassification of Area 51.

What Made an Impression?: Science vs. Soldiers vs. Power vs. True Love: At the core of the Venom film trilogy is the unlikely, occasionally destructive, but ultimately mutually beneficial relationship between a broken man and a needy extraterrestrial creature. The Last Dance theoretically could just be about Eddie Brock walking across the desert while talking to the chaotic being living inside him, but their interpersonal tension has mostly been resolved over the course of the two films. So instead there are a few external conflicts that criss-cross with each other, though they all struggle to get their narrative fill. Juno Temple plays Dr. Teddy Payne, the Avatar of Science who wants to keep dangerous aliens alive for the sake of science; while Chiwetel Ejiofor plays Rex Strickland, the Symbol of Law & Order who wants to arrest Eddie and keeps yelling at Dr. Payne about all the men he keeps losing in the line of duty. Meanwhile, Rhys Ifans is the UFO-loving, Hippie Wild Card who throws a kumbaya wrench into the whole proceedings. Ultimately, all of these opposing factions eventually realize that they need to team up to defeat the power-mad Knull, which results in a kinetically conclusive set piece, though the characterization that gets us to that point is a little thin and petty.
Aliens Are Always Bugging Out: How long has it been since insects have become the go-to design inspiration for big screen extraterrestrials? The xenomorphs of Alien are perhaps the proto-example, While the bugs of Starship Troopers were obviously a big deal in 1997. But it’s probably only been in the past decade or so that it’s become frustratingly de rigueur. The Last Dance continues this trend in the form of the creatures that are hunting down Venom and the other symbiotes, although there are some hints of creativity trying to break out. They’re basically giant, apparently indestructible, pointy-legged arachnids that can shoot out supersonic bursts (a weakness of the symbiotes). It sounds like it could be kind of cool in theory, but in practice, it’s just a chaotic swarm of fiery bursts and barely coherent screaming. And that’s The Last Dance in microcosm: there’s genuine personality scattered about, but it’s stuck in an inelegant mess. The desire to have fun is there, but it can’t quite hit it into overdrive.

Venom: The Last Dance is Recommended If You: Keep Your Own Personal Index of Every Single Marvel Comics Symbiote

Grade: 2 out of 5 Codices

Does ‘Transformers: Rise of the Beasts’ Rise to the Occasion?

June 8, 2023

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Beast Mode (CREDIT: Skydance/Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Anthony Ramos, Dominique Fishback, Luna Lauren Vélez, Tobe Nwigwe, Dean Scott Vazquez, Peter Cullen, Pete Davidson, Liza Koshy, Cristo Fernández, John DiMaggio, Ron Perlman, Michelle Yeoh, David Sobolov, Tongayi Chirisa, Peter Dinklage, Michaela Jaé Rodriguez, Colman Domingo

Director: Steven Caple Jr.

Running Time: 127 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Metal Injuries

Release Date: June 9, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Hey, remember the 90s? The makers of Transformers: Rise of the Beasts sure do, because they went ahead and set the latest adventure of these extraterrestrial morphing robots in the era of g-funk and baggy jorts. But besides the occasional Wu-Tang or LL Cool J needle drop, that setting is mostly besides the point, as Rise of the Beasts is primarily concerned about the quest for a MacGuffin. That would be the Transwarp Key, a device with the power to allow Optimus Prime and the rest of the Autobots to return to their home planet of Cybertron after years in exile on Earth. Of course, if it instead falls into the wrong hands, it means that their enemies could destroy even more worlds. In their efforts to secure it, they recruit some human allies in the form of struggling family man Noah (Anthony Ramos) and museum intern Elena (Dominique Fishback). When they touch down in Peru, things get especially hairy, as they meet up with the breed of animalistic Transformers known as the Maximals.

What Made an Impression?: I know I’m not the only one who abandoned the Michael Bay-directed Transformers at a certain point. And with that in mind, the highest compliment I can pay Rise of the Beasts is that it continues the trend that began a few years ago with Bumblebee in which these movies’ climaxes are no longer incomprehensible onslaughts of metal clanking against metal. You can actually tell who’s talking! Distinct personalities can be detected! And some of those personalities are decently entertaining! Director Steven Caple Jr. and his screenwriting team don’t reinvent the mold at all, but you could imagine this movie actually coming out in 1994, when clarity and an adventurous spirit were valued as a matter of course.

While I appreciate that the Rise of the Beasts crew focused on the fundamentals, they didn’t exactly inspire me to become a diehard Transformers devotee. I’m about ten years too young for their original heyday, but anyone who’s more steeped in the lore than I am will probably find plenty to appreciate. And it certainly helps that you’ve got dignified actors like Michelle Yeoh and Peter Dinklage bringing their voices to life. But I’m mostly focused on Pete Davidson’s lil-stinker performance as the hologram-projecting Mirage. It’s the sort of comic relief that on paper seems like it would be a step too far for the Transformers status quo, but instead it’s just the hit of mustard needed to make the whole course palatable.

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is Recommended If You Like: Some Transformers, but not too many Transformers

Grade: 3 out of 5 Maximals