If I Had Eyes (Which I Do), I’d Watch ‘If I Had Legs I’d Kick You

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Honestly? There’s more screaming than kicking in this movie (CREDIT: Logan White/A24)

Starring: Rose Byrne, Delaney Quinn, Conan O’Brien, A$AP Rocky, Christian Slater, Danielle Macdonald, Mary Bronstein, Ivy Wolk

Director: Mary Bronstein

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: October 10, 2025 (Theaters)

A few months ago, New York Magazine published a cover story about kids with ARFID, an eating disorder caused not by body image issues but rather by the sensory characteristics of food, or fears of choking and/or vomiting, or a combination of these and other similar factors. In If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, Rose Byrne plays Linda, a therapist in therapy with a daughter (Delaney Quinn) who sure seems to have ARFID. On top of that, they’re living in a motel because of a spectacularly massive hole in Linda’s bedroom ceiling. With her husband away on work, daily life for Linda becomes more and more stressfully surreal and surreally stressful, with no end or relief to her struggles in sight. The hole feels like a portal to another dimension, while the daughter feels like an alien in a way that strong-willed kids often do. Eventually, though, some tactile and Earth-based solutions present themselves, offering at least a little bit of hope for the future. But I’ll never forget how If I Had Legs I’d Kick You succeeds best insofar as it captures how hallucinatory nightmares are lurking in just the tiniest slip of our typical realities.

Grade: Two Legs Up!

What to Make of Friendship When It’s Between Tim Robinson and Paul Rudd

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sinking or swimming? (CREDIT: A24)

Starring: Tim Robinson, Paul Rudd, Kate Mara, Jack Dylan Grazer, Josh Segarra, Billy Bryk, Jason Veasey, Jon Glaser, Eric Rahill, Connor O’Malley, Carmen Christopher, Craig Frank, Omar Torres, Jacob Ming-Trent, Daniel London, Whitmer Thomas, Raphael Sbarge, Ivy Wolk, Meredith Garretson

Director: Andrew DeYoung

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R for Questionable Language and Some Strange Trips

Release Date: May 9, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Craig Waterman (Tim Robinson) doesn’t have many close friends. Or any friends at all really. He does at least have his wife Tami (Kate Mara) and teenage son Steven (Jack Dylan Grazer) to keep him company, although they’re usually busy doing their own thing each night while he just sits around and stares at his phone. But then one day, Tami encourages him to go hang out with their new neighbor, local weatherman Austin Carmichael (Paul Rudd), and it’s like a new portal of transcendent male bonding has been opened. Everything is going just sublimely, that is, until Craig meets Austin’s other friends and makes an absurdly terrible impression on them. Austin quickly insists that the friendship is now terminated, but once you’ve connected with Craig, that impression doesn’t go away so easily. As Craig does his bizarre best to hold on, his entire life threatens to spiral apart completely.

What Made an Impression?: What To Do If You Think You Should Leave: If you’re most familiar with Tim Robinson via his demented Netflix sketch show I Think You Should Leave, then you should definitely know that Friendship is essentially a feature-length ITYSL routine. Which leads us to quite the existential conundrum: what is the base level of unhinged in this reality? Craig is unsurprisingly more divergent than anyone else, but it’s not as if Austin is as put-together as he always presents himself. And what are we to make of Craig’s family’s casual acceptance of his eccentricities? Is he the same man that Tami married all those years ago? Does Steven see this as normal (or at least semi-normal) behavior because he’s simply never had any other dad? They occasionally express frustration when he goes too far, but in general they’re on his side. Or at least, they’re much more on his side than you might expect. And honestly, that’s kind of sweet. But also concerning. But also weirdly heartwarming considering the context.
A Fair Warning, Though: Counterpoint to that last paragraph: Craig does act illegally on multiple occasions, mostly in the form of trespassing. He also has a major meltdown in front of a big client at his marketing gig. Quite frankly, it’s a wonder he’s managed to hold on to a job or maintain any place in society for as long as he has. But also, this is a world where people keep saying “this new Marvel” or “that new Marvel” instead of specifying the actual title of the movie they’re talking about, so who knows what’s what?
Where Are We?: One of the key plot drivers of Friendship is a series of packages addressed to Austin mistakenly ending up in the Waterman driveway. The camera lets us see the labels, revealing that this town is “Clovis, USA” – no state provided. So where is Clovis, you might ask? (I certainly did.) Well, it appears that there are Clovises in California and New Mexico, but the zip code on the label is 06437, which puts us in Connecticut. But I wasn’t getting Constitution State vibes from this movie. Although, I wasn’t getting Opposite of Connecticut vibes either. Instead, I was mostly getting Nowheresville Purgatory vibes.
What? A Trip?: At one point, Craig licks a venomous toad to go on a hallucinogenic journey. And he does in fact take off to another plane of existence, but it’s pretty mundane and bogus, although also strangely amusing. That bluntly quirky Interruptus sums up the whole package.

Friendship is Recommended If You Like: Questioning everything

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Marvels