Fireworks with M3GAN and the Dinos

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Happy 4th! (CREDIT: Universal Pictures; Jasin Boland/Universal Pictures and Amblin Entertainment)

M3GAN 2.0

Starring: Allison Williams, Violet McGraw, Amie Donald, Jenna Davis, Brian Jordan Alvarez, Jen Van Epps, Ivanna Sakhno, Aristotle Athari, Timm Sharp, Jemaine Clement

Director: Gerard Johnstone

Running Time: 120 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: June 27, 2025 (Theaters)

Jurassic World Rebirth

Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Rupert Friend, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, David Iacono, Audrina Miranda, Ed Skrein, Bechir Sylvain, Philippine Velge

Director: Gareth Edwards

Running Time: 133 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: July 2, 2025 (Theaters)

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I Encountered ‘Snow White’ and ‘A Minecraft Movie’: What Comes Next?

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When it Snows, it blocks (CREDIT: Disney/Screenshot; Warner Bros./Screenshot)

Snow White

Starring: Rachel Zegler, Gal Gadot, Andrew Burnap, Ansu Kabia, Patrick Page, Jeremy Swift, Tituss Burgess, Andrew Barth Feldman, Martin Klebba, Jason Kravits, George Salazar, Andy Grotelueschen

Director: Marc Webb

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: March 21, 2025 (Theaters)

A Minecraft Movie

Starring: Jack Black, Jason Momoa, Sebastian Hansen, Emma Myers, Danielle Brooks, Jennifer Coolidge, Rachel House, Jemaine Clement, Jared Hess

Director: Jared Hess

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: April 4, 2025 (Theaters)

A few days ago, I saw Snow White (the version where Rachel Zegler plays the Friend of Grumpy). Then the very next day, I saw A Minecraft Movie (the one released in 2025, in case you’re reading this in the future). And I couldn’t help but ask myself: would I like to live in either of these magical realms?

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I Chose ‘The Way of Water,’ and That Made All the Difference (In Terms of No Longer Being Parched)

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Water?! No, ‘Way’!
Way!
Excellent.
(CREDIT: Screenshot)

Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldaña, Stephen Lang, Sigourney Weaver, Kate Winslet, Cliff Curtis, Joel David Moore, CCH Pounder, Edie Falco, Brendan Cowell, Jemaine Clement, Jamie Flatters, Britain Dalton, Trinity Jo-Li Bliss, Jack Champion

Director: James Cameron

Running Time: 192 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: December 16, 2022 (Theaters)

It’s another December in Pandora. Just as in 2009, I spent this day in 2022 at the very same theater, in the very same auditorium, along with one of my very same moviegoing companions, with the very same restaurant (albeit with a new name) for the pre-movie meal, and both times buffeted in between by some suspiciously similar extreme weather. Which is to say, it all felt like home.

I wasn’t as thrilled that Col. Quaritch was back, though. Didn’t we already take care of this guy? Villains gonna villain, I guess. The whaling expeditions were new and fascinating, at least, so thank you for that, Jimmy C. and company. Ultimately, it just felt right to be flying, running, and swimming in Pandora once again.

Grade: A Whale of a Time

This Is a Movie Review: ‘Brad’s Status’ is: Intensely Narcissistic

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CREDIT: Jonathan Wenk/Amazon Studios

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Ben Stiller, Austin Abrams, Jenna Fischer, Michael Sheen, Shazi Raja, Jemaine Clement, Luke Wilson

Director: Mike White

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: R for A Few Disconcertingly Random F-Bombs

Release Date: September 15, 2017 (Limited)

Generally when writing a review, I avoid discussing issues of representation. That is not to say that that topic should not be avoided entirely, just that a review is not the ideal place for it. I believe that all stories are worth telling and need to be accepted on their own terms to truly understand them. But occasionally, representation is a focal theme in the stories that make it to the big screen, and in those cases, it would be imprudent to ignore it. Brad’s Status is one such movie.

In the most compelling possible interpretation, Brad’s Status is a horror film about extreme middle class neurosis. The score is filled with foreboding strings and heavy piano that contrast but also simultaneously complement the reliably blue skies. Brad Sloan’s (Ben Stiller) life probably should not be as intensely overwhelming as it is, but the status-conscious brain is a universe unto itself.

Brad’s existential crisis coincides with a college tour for his son Troy (Austin Abrams), who is smart enough to potentially get into Harvard but is uncertain enough about his future such that he doesn’t remember the correct date for his admissions interview. Staying on top of your kids during the college search is stressful enough, but on top of all that, Brad is deeply burdened by questions of how his success measures up with the rest of the world. When he thinks of his own college buddies he has lost touch with, he inevitably frets over how they have all exceeded him in terms of material wealth and influence. He remembers his own young adult idealism, and how his plans to change the world have not really borne fruit, even though he now runs his own nonprofit.

If this all sounds like White Straight Cisgender Male First World Problems: The Movie to you, it is worth noting that Brad’s privilege to complain as much as he does is called out quite searingly and clear-headedly by a female POC character. This is crucial, and effective. Those who are looking for more diverse representation in their films might reasonably say, “Sure, Brad’s Status takes white male bullshit to task, but it’s still about the white male bullshitter.” To which I would respond, I’m pretty sure this movie agrees with your sentiment and might in a weird way want you to dismiss it.

Regardless of how it works in terms of representation, Brad’s Status is an enlightening dramatization of the dangers of assumption, especially when you assume the best AND the worst. Chances are that your successful friends’ lives are not as picture-perfect as they seem. And chances are that they are not completely the opposite either. But you’ll never know either way unless you reach out and listen. Unfortunately for Brad, even when he does reach out, living inside his own head remains impossible to escape.

Brad’s Status is Recommended If You Like: Mad Men, Enlightened, White Male Navel Gazing, Criticism of White Male Navel Gazing

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Silver Flyer Cards

This Is a Movie Review: Moana

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moana_ocean_parting

Moana is a rather small-scale story, at least geographically. The title character (Auli’i Cravalho, tenacious as one can be in voice acting), a Polynesian chief’s daughter, must sail across a reef and procure a MacGuffin to save her people. Along the way, she must defy her overprotective father and forge an Unlikely Friendship with the self-interested demigod Maui (Dwayne Johnson, because of course). We never doubt that Moana will succeed, because she is too strong-willed to fail, and also, the ocean has her back. Which is my favorite song? Why, “Shiny,” as sung by Jemaine Clement, of course.

I give Moana 7 Pounamus out of 10 Te Fiti’s.