I Encountered ‘Snow White’ and ‘A Minecraft Movie’: What Comes Next?

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When it Snows, it blocks (CREDIT: Disney/Screenshot; Warner Bros./Screenshot)

Snow White

Starring: Rachel Zegler, Gal Gadot, Andrew Burnap, Ansu Kabia, Patrick Page, Jeremy Swift, Tituss Burgess, Andrew Barth Feldman, Martin Klebba, Jason Kravits, George Salazar, Andy Grotelueschen

Director: Marc Webb

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: March 21, 2025 (Theaters)

A Minecraft Movie

Starring: Jack Black, Jason Momoa, Sebastian Hansen, Emma Myers, Danielle Brooks, Jennifer Coolidge, Rachel House, Jemaine Clement, Jared Hess

Director: Jared Hess

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: April 4, 2025 (Theaters)

A few days ago, I saw Snow White (the version where Rachel Zegler plays the Friend of Grumpy). Then the very next day, I saw A Minecraft Movie (the one released in 2025, in case you’re reading this in the future). And I couldn’t help but ask myself: would I like to live in either of these magical realms?

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From the End of December 2024 Into Early January 2025, I Caught Up on Some Holiday Movie Releases: Here’s What Happened

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CREDIT: A24; Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot; Disney/Screenshot; Disney/Screenshot

The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim

Starring: Gaia Wise, Brian Cox, Luke Pasqualino, Mirando Otto

Director: Kenji Kamiyama

Running Time: 134 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: December 13, 2024 (Theaters)

Babygirl

Starring: Nicole Kidman, Harris Dickinson, Antonio Banderas, Sophie Wilde, Esther McGregor, Vaughan Reilly

Director: Halina Reijn

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: December 25, 2024 (Theaters)

Moana 2

Starring: Auliʻi Cravalho, Dwayne Johnson, Hualālai Chung, Rose Matafeo, David Fane, Awhimai Fraser, Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda, Temuera Morrison, Nicole Scherzinger, Rachel House, Gerald Ramsey, Alan Tudyk

Directors: David Derrick Jr, Jason Hand, and Dana Ledoux Miller

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: November 27, 2024 (Theaters)

Mufasa: The Lion King

Starring: Aaron Pierre, Kelvin Harrison Jr, John Kani, Seth Rogen, Billy Eicner, Tiffany Boone, Donald Glover, Mads Mikkelsen, Thandiwe Newton, Lennie James, Blue Ivy Carter, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, Preston Nyman, Anika Noni Rose, Keith David

Director: Barry Jenkins

Running Time: 118 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: December 20, 2024 (Theaters)

Oh hi, there! Well, you know how it goes. That annual time between Thanksgiving and New Year tends to be busy, both in terms of social obligations and new movie releases. So even someone who frequents the cinema as often as I do struggles to catch absolutely everything right when they arrive. But I do my best to catch up with them eventually! So here’s a roundup of my thoughts on recent holiday flicks with a focus on how much they put me in the holiday spirit.

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‘Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire’ Has Some Monsters, Some Monster Battles, and Even Some Humans. Does It Amount to Much of Anything?

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Godzilla, King Kong [Not Pictured: The New Empire] (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Rebecca Hall, Kaylee Hottle, Brian Tyree Henry, Dan Stevens, Alex Ferns, Fala Chen, Rachel House

Director: Adam Wingard

Running Time: 115 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Monster Fights and Giant Ape Dentistry

Release Date: March 29, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: A massive ape, a giant lizard, and various other monsters aren’t just myths anymore. They’re full-blown citizens of Earth. So what do human beings think about that? For the most part, they don’t seem to really care. Sure, there are a few stuffy government types who are concerned about the possibility of apocalyptic destruction, but generally in the world of Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, people are just going about their days. And so are Godzilla and King Kong, in fact, as the most they’re worried about is an infected tooth. But there are other monsters out there who aren’t so satisfied with this relative peace.

What Made an Impression?: The Humans Are (Metaphorically) Dead: The MonsterVerse kicked off with 2014’s Godzilla, which I (and a lot of other viewers) dinged for featuring too little of its titular kaiju and mostly boring human characters. Then years later, this franchise actually does care enough about its homo sapiens to give them motivations and interior lives and even have a few of them return from 2019’s Godzilla Vs. Kong. But the necessity of their presence in The New Empire is rather tenuous. Their storylines are ostensibly connected to each other, but they register as if they’re taking place on completely different planes of reality.
Destroy All Cities: Subpar human storylines need not be a death knell for Godzilla x Kong, as the monster battle royale is the main attraction after all. And on that front, the climactic scrapes reminded me of the most laborious sections of the Transformers movies. Which is to say: they’re an exhausting medley of cacophony. Instead of being thrilled by this orgy, I was mostly left wondering who was going to clean up all the urban destruction. Godzilla, Kong, and their cohorts naturally don’t really care much about that, but it feels like there should be at least a joking acknowledgement of that disinterest, instead of just plodding along to knock over whatever buildings lie in their way. In general, the moments of visual wit are few and far between. There are a few clever needle drops and some psychedelic editing experiments here and there, but that’s all just window dressing on a spectacle that’s pretty impenetrable unless you’re an expert in MonsterVerse lore.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is Recommended If You: always wanted to see Brazilian beachgoers have their days ruined by giant monsters

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Portals

Does ‘Next Goal Wins’ Score Enough Goals of Its Own to Win the Game of Biopics?

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#GOALS (CREDIT: Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/Searchlight Pictures)

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Oscar Kightley, Kaimana, Uli Latukefu, Elisabeth Moss, Will Arnett, David Fane, Rachel House, Beulah Koale, Rhys Darby, Chris Alosio, Lehi Makisi Falepapalangi, Semu Filipo, Ioane Goodhue

Director: Taika Waititi

Running Time: November 17, 2023

Rating: PG-13 for A Few Mean Comments and Some Boobs Drawn on Someone’s Face

Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Soccer Gods Must Be Crazy! That could be an alternate title for Next Goal Wins. How else to capture the kooky cosmic destiny that paired Coach Thomas Rongen with the American Samoan national team? Based on the 2014 documentary of the same name, Next Goal Wins finds Rongen and the Boys from the Territory at the lowest point in their respective careers. That experience is a little different for the two of them, though, as Rongen (Michael Fassbender) actually has some experience on winning sides, whereas American Samoa has never scored a single goal in any of their games. In fact, they’re most famous for losing 31-0 in a 2001 match to Australia, the most lopsided result in international soccer history. They’re desperate for anyone to help move them in a more promising direction, so Rongen ventures out over the Pacific to the tiny American territory. He’s got plenty to teach them, but his resentment at the world threatens to get in the way of all that.

What Made an Impression?: Deep Hurting: For a film positioning itself as an uplifting feel-good sports flick, Next Goal Wins sure is filled with a world of hurt. When he’s not with the team (and even sometimes when he is with them), Thomas spends much of his time numbing his pain with alcohol, or complaining on the phone to his estranged wife (Elisabeth Moss). He also listens to voicemails from his teenage daughter, whom he’s apparently unable to contact. (Some viewers might be able to sniff out exactly why that is before the full truth emerges.) It might seem counterintuitive to put so much agony in a crowdpleaser, but it’s actually kind of essential. A tragic backstory can go a long way towards winning over the audience, and Next Goal Wins would be pretty disposable without it.
Sneaky Trans Visibility: There are already plenty of hooks in Next Goal Wins‘ premise, so I certainly wasn’t expecting the story of a transgender player to make its way in there as well. But Jaiyah Saelua really is a member of American Samoan soccer who also happens to be the first openly non-binary and transgender woman to compete in a World Cup qualifier. Non-binary actor Kaimana plays Jaiyah as a bit of a ditz on the field who’s more concerned about making sure that she looks stylish rather than putting in a consistent effort. But she’s tough and unsparing when cornered, which is about what you would expect for someone who joined the team before transitioning and continued to play after coming out. In Samoan culture, she’s known as a “fa’afafine,” which refers to a third gender or non-binary identity. Jaiyah’s is a type of queer story that’s particular to this setting, so it could very well resonate with potential viewers who’ve yet to see this sort of possibility.
A Perfectly Fine Trifle: Ultimately, Next Goal Wins isn’t revolutionary in any way, but it has a fine grasp of what it’s doing. This is a unique true tale that is going to get the right audiences cheering along to every step of American Samoa’s rocky-but-quirky soccer journey. At times it might get a little too quirky, particularly when writer/director Taika Waititi shows up as a dippy local priest who also serves as a one-man Greek chorus. But if you’re in the mood for some gentle culture shock and straightforward redemption, then Next Goal Wins has you covered.

Next Goal Wins is Recommended If You Like: Cool Runnings, Young Rock, Miracle

Grade: 3 out of 5 Losses

‘Soul’ is Pretty Dang Soulful

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Soul (CREDIT: Pixar/YouTube Screenshot)

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Tina Fey, Graham Norton, Rachel House, Alice Braga, Richard Ayoade, Phylicia Rashad, Donnell Rawlings, Angela Bassett, Questlove

Directors: Pete Docter and Kemp Powers

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: December 25, 2020 (Disney+)

Graham Norton as a hippie sign waver? I wasn’t expecting that. I like it!

I’m going to go ahead and whip out the “Does this movie make me want to do what it’s about?” type of review. So here goes: does Soul make me want to have a soul? Very much so! I may already have one, but if I don’t … I’d like one! Also relevant: when I’m listening and/or singing along to soul music, that’s pretty dang invigorating as well. (Soul features more jazz than soul, but soul and jazz are often in conversation with each other.)

It’s ultimately a religio-philosophical matter whether or not an inner essence exists, and what it should be called, and how it should be defined. Which is all to say, we probably can’t fully ever know all there is to know about the soul. This film is part of that inquiry, and if its inquiring essence resonates with anybody, then it might just be worth incorporating its ideas into our personal philosophies. Soul posits that our purpose isn’t what we’re passionate about, but how we’re passionate. That’s pretty damn life-affirming from my vantage point.

Grade: 4 out of 5 Jerrys (and 1 out of 5 Terrys)