How to Become ‘Scrambled’ at the Movies

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How Scrambled are they?! (CREDIT: Lionsgate/Roadside Attractions)

Starring: Leah McKendrick, Ego Nwodim, Andrew Santino, Clancy Brown, Laura Cerón

Director: Leah McKendrick

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: February 2, 2024 (Theaters)

Scrambled is about a single 34-year-old woman named Nellie (Leah McKendrick, who also wrote and directed) who decides to freeze her eggs in case she doesn’t get pregnant the usual way anytime soon. So of course, I now have to ask: would I like to become scrambled myself?

Obviously, I can’t go on the same exact journey as Nellie, seeing as I don’t have a body that ovulates. But I certainly could one day undergo some medical procedure that requires me to poke needles into my body in preparation. That begs the question: could I actually stomach such a regimen? Perhaps my experience watching Scrambled could provide some hints.

It didn’t start off so great, as I kept holding my hands over my eyes whenever Nellie injected herself. But then I remembered that back in 2005, I had no trouble remaining focused during the infamous syringe pit scene in Saw II. So as Nellie made her final injection, I took Alejandro Amenábar’s advice and opened my eyes. And well, I’m still standing, and just a little bit scrambled.

Grade: Enough Eggs to Be Viable

Life Sure is Grave in the World of ‘Lisa Frankenstein’

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Frankly, my Lisa, I don’t give a Stein (CREDIT: Michele K. Short / © 2024 FOCUS FEATURES LLC)

Starring: Kathryn Newton, Cole Sprouse, Liza Soberano, Joe Chrest, Carla Gugino

Director: Zelda Williams

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Some Violence and Sexuality That Could Easily Have Been R-Rated If the Most Intense Parts Didn’t Happen Off Screen

Release Date: February 9, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: It’s not easy being Lisa Swallows in 1989. For one thing, her mother was recently killed during a home invasion, and she appears to be the only one who’s actually been traumatized by that tragedy. Meanwhile, there are the more quotidian, but no less dramatic, struggles of being a teenage girl. Her dad Dale (Joe Chrest) has remarried a high-strung nightmare named Janet (Carla Gugino), which has forced Lisa to finish her senior year at a new high school. And since she’s an extremely mousy wallflower, she’s either ignored, insulted, or taken advantage of by her classmates. Her stepsister Taffy (Liza Soberano) tries to look out for her, but there’s a vague sense of manipulation beneath the bonhomie. So Lisa spends much of her time at the local grave of a young man (Cole Sprouse) who died a bachelor long ago. And wouldn’t you know it, the power to reanimate the dead is in the air.

What Made an Impression?: Silence and Isolation: One of the most striking things about Lisa Frankenstein is its rather quiet sound mix, to the point that I wondered if there were any technical snafus while I was watching. But things are usually on the up-and-up at the screening room where I caught it, so I’m left to believe that this was in fact a creative choice. It’s at least thematically resonant, as Lisa never quite behaves the way that you would expect someone in her situation to. She’s lost in a suburban nowheresville in which nobody knows quite how to communicate with her, save for the resurrected creature hiding out in her closet. As for Sprouse’s turn as the monster, he’s clearly studied the likes of Boris Karloff and Peter Boyle, as he adapts their grunts and staggering gaits into an improbable heartthrob.
What Stays Buried: When I saw the trailer and read the premise for Lisa Frankenstein, I assumed it was going to be an adorably huggable gothic romance spin on Mary Shelley’s classic tale. But as it turns out, the Creature and Lisa have much more of an appetite for violence than I was expecting. Some whimsy tries to make itself felt, but it proves to be an odd match for Diablo Cody’s decidedly dark screenplay. This movie isn’t for the faint of heart, though I can imagine it being embraced by the latest generation of goths. Director Zelda Williams’ touch feels a little less than sure-handed in her feature debut, but the end result is unique enough that I don’t want to dismiss it entirely. There’s a reason why dark hearts like Lisa’s keep beating on the big screen, and while I’m not sure what her story means, I won’t be surprised if it’s embraced by a group of outcasts who locate some real resonance.

Lisa Frankenstein is Recommended If You Like: Edward Scissorhands and Heathers, especially the parts where people die

Grade: 3 out of 5 Graves

‘Argylle’ is Total Nonsense, But Is It Also a Good Time?

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Wait a minute — the cat! (CREDIT: Universal Pictures/Apple Original Films/Marv)

Starring: Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Henry Cavill, Bryan Cranston, Catherine O’Hara, Samuel L. Jackson, John Cena, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, Sofia Boutella, Rob Delaney, Richard E. Grant, Chip the Cat

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Running Time: 139 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Violence That Makes the Main Character Constantly Wince

Release Date: February 2, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard) is a super-duper successful espionage novelist, so much so that some actual spies have started to take notice of her. It turns out that the plot of her books have somehow mirrored the actual activities of an underground spy ring known as The Division. At least that’s the story that a bearded man named Aidan (Sam Rockwell) tells her when he randomly pops up like he’s in a Terminator movie to say that she better come with him if she wants to live. And well, he might be onto something, as there do seem to suddenly be a lot of people with guns and knives in Elly’s vicinity. Meanwhile, she keeps having visions of Argylle (Henry Cavill), the titular hero of her novels who seems to know her better than she knows herself.

What Made an Impression?: We’re in a Spy Movie!: I found it difficult to embrace Argylle, because it just never felt like any of these characters were particularly spy-like. Instead, they felt more like people who were excited to be in a spy movie. Now look, I’ve never met a secret agent (that I know of!), so I can’t say with authority what genuine espionage dialogue truly is. But I’m still a little skeptical that the cloak and dagger set would refer to their adversaries as generically as “the bad guys.” And that seeming lack of authenticity is doubly felt by how antithetical it is to Argylle‘s premise.
Dance For Your Life: In general, I’ve found Matthew Vaughn’s films to be at best only fitfully compelling. But I can’t deny that he knows how to choreograph some marvelously kinetic action sequences, particularly when they marry combat with dance. In 2015’s Kingsman, the standout set piece was a massacre in a church set to “Free Bird,” while Argylle ups the ante with a battle royale on a train soundtracked by Sylvester and Patrick Cowley’s disco hit “Do You Wanna Funk.” Vaughn’s characters might be fighting over nonsense, but these melees are something special.
Stupid Fun or Just Stupid?: In the interest of avoiding spoilers, I won’t reveal why Elly’s novels are so prescient, but I will say that once we do get an explanation, Argylle really kicks into a higher gear. Suffice it to say, the explanation is a classic trope based on presumably bogus science. But as far as hokum goes, it’s enjoyable-enough hokum that can push the plot along in zippy directions. It justifies at least a little of all this silly business.

Argylle is Recommended If You Like: The Kingsman series, Unknown, Hypnotic

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Gray Cats

‘Miller’s Girl’ Just Wants to Have Huh

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CREDIT: Lionsgate/Screenshot

Starring: Jenna Ortega, Martin Freeman, Gideon Adlon, Bashir Salahuddin, Dagmara Domińczyk

Director: Jade Hadley Bartlett

Running Time: 93 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 26, 2024 (Theaters)

Miller’s Girl is the sort of tawdry movie that probably makes a lot of viewers go, “Why is this coming out in 2024? And why did we ever think this type of premise was okay?” When I ask myself that question and wonder why this sort of thing didn’t bother me in the 90s and early 2000s, I realize: it was because I didn’t watch that stuff back then!

Here’s the deal: Jenna Ortega plays a precocious high school student who gets a little too explicit for her teacher Martin Freeman to handle while working on an assignment that riffs on Henry Miller. Meanwhile, her friend Gideon Adlon flirts with another teacher (Bashir Salahuddin), just for the hell of it, I suppose? Anyway, it’s all mostly rather tame and forgettable (with the exception of some bluntly flowery voiceover).

When I first read the premise, I glossed over the “creative writing” part of “A creative writing assignment,” and I somehow got it in my head that the assignment in question had to do with espionage. I would have much rather lived in that reality.

Grade: It’s Not Miller Time

Cinematic Holiday 2023 Catch-Up Roundup

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CREDIT: NEON

Heading into the Christmas break, it seemed like I had a lot more new movies to catch up on than usual. Or maybe it was actually a normal amount, and I was just cataloging my filmgoing plans a little more closely than I typically do. Either way, it took me about a month, but I’ve finally checked off everything that was on my to-watch list. So let’s run down some quick thoughts on all of them!

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I Found ‘Founders Day’ Playing at a Theater Near Me: Here’s What Happened

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Founders, Keepers (CREDIT: Mainframe Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Naomi Grace, Devin Druid, William Russ, Amy Hargreaves, Catherine Curtin, Emilia McCarthy, Olivia Nikkanen, Jayce Bartok, Andrew Stewart Jones, Tyler James White, Erik Bloomquist, Adam Weppler, Kate Edmonds, Dylan Slade, Arun Storrs, Patrick Zeller, Shravan Amin, Callie Beaulieu

Director: Erik Bloomquist

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: January 19, 2024 (Theaters)

Founders Day is an indie slasher about a series of masked murderer killings in a small town centered around a particular occasion (specifically, a mayoral election). To paraphrase 90s David Spade, I liked it better the first time I saw it… when it was called Thanksgiving.

But hey, it’s nice to see William “Alan Matthews” Russ getting some work and showing the kids how it’s done. As for the matter of whether or not I would like my hometown or my current city to celebrate their own versions of Founders Day: alas, I can’t say I’m convinced.

Grade: 10 Elections out of 23 ½ Subterfuges

I Opened Up ‘The Book of Clarence’

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Book ’em, Clarence (CREDIT: Moris Puccio/Legendary Entertainment/TriStar Pictures)

Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Omar Sy, Anna Diop, RJ Cyler, David Oyelowo, Michael Ward, Alfre Woodard, Brian Bovell, Teyana Taylor, Caleb McLaughlin, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Eric Kofi-Abrefa, Nicholas Pinnock, James McAvoy, Chase Dillon, Babs Olusanmokun, Benedict Cumberbatch, Chidi Ajufo, Tom Glynn-Carney, Tom Vaughan-Lawlor

Director: Jeymes Samuel

Running Time: 129 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: January 12, 2024 (Theaters)

Should The Book of Clarence become a new Easter viewing tradition? In the name of the Father, it might deserve it. So why did it come out in January? I suppose it has something to do with the fact that it’s a weird cinematic beast that TriStar didn’t really know how to promote. To be fair, though, I’m not sure any other studio would’ve known what to do with it. A funkified, unapologetically Black biblical fan fiction doesn’t exactly have a built-in audience. But I’m certainly glad it made its way to the big screen. It’s a vision, it took me on a journey, and it both challenged and restored my faith.

Grade: 3 Resurrections out of 4 Crucifixions

‘I.S.S.’ Delivers a Killer Premise to Low Earth Orbit

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You down with I.S.S.? (CREDIT: Bleecker Street/Screenshot)

Starring: Ariana DeBose, Chris Messina, Pilou Asbæk, John Gallagher Jr., Costa Ronin, Maria Mashkova

Director: Gabriela Cowperthwaite

Running Time: 95 Minutes

Rating: R for Shockingly Blunt Violence

Release Date: January 19, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The International Space Station orbits around the Earth as a triumph of international cooperation. The residents on board in the thriller I.S.S. certainly seem to be living by that ethos, as American astronaut Gordon (Chris Messina) has quite the rapport with his Russian cosmonaut colleagues Alexey (Pilou Asbæk), Nicolai (Costa Ronin), and Weronika (Maria Mashkova). New residents Kira (Ariana DeBose) and Christian (John Gallagher Jr.) also feel the intergalactic love right as soon as they arrive. But on one fateful day, they all look below, and they don’t like what they see, as Earth appears to be in the throes of nuclear war. The Americans then receive a transmission commanding them to take control of the station, and it sure seems like the Russians have received the very same message.

What Made an Impression?: Renewed Tensions: For the entirety of the Cold War, Russians or other Soviets were the go-to villain in pretty much any American action film. That impulse still lingered somewhat even after the fall of the Soviet Union, though the threat didn’t feel especially urgent during the 90s and early 2000s. But ever since the Russian invasion of Ukraine, nuclear annihilation has once again felt like a very immediate possibility, and I.S.S. knows that it doesn’t have to directly invoke current events for its audience to understand the threat. The astronauts and cosmonauts make it a point to never talk about politics, but in a crisis like this one, survival instincts kick in. Ignoring their orders and working together seems like a legitimate possibility, but so does paranoia taking over and killing everyone.
Claustrophobia Overload: Here’s my other big takeaway from I.S.S.: I don’t ever want to go to space! Not that I had any desire beforehand anyway. While experiencing zero gravity might be fun for a few minutes, it can’t make up for the vast, cold, tight, disconnected status quo. And as this movie makes clear, sleeping while floating is at best deeply surreal and at worst existentially terrifying. With communication to the planet spotty on even the best day, it’s a wonder that these people can think straight even without the threat of war lurking below. Thankfully, I.S.S. lasts for a mercifully effective hour and a half; if it had been any longer, I’d still be detoxing to re-adjust to my earthbound existence.

I.S.S. is Recommended If You Like: Gravity, The Thing, Life

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Transmissions

‘Origin’ Brings Isabel Wilkerson’s ‘Caste’ to Vibrant Cinematic Life

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CREDIT: NEON/Screenshot

Starring: Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor, Jon Bernthal, Niecy Nash-Betts, Emily Yancy, Vera Farmiga, Audra McDonald, Blair Underwood, Donna Mills, Leonardo Nam, Connie Nielsen, Finn Wittrock, Victoria Pedretti, Jasmine Cephas Jones, Mieke Schymura, Isha Blaaker, Myles Frost, Gaurav J. Pathania, Suraj Yengde, Nick Offerman

Director: Ava DuVernay

Running Time: 135 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Historical Discrimination

Release Date: December 8, 2023 (Awards-Qualifying Run)/January 19, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Perhaps you read the 2020 nonfiction book Caste: The Origin of Our Discontents and found yourself wondering how the author, Isabel Wilkerson, went about crafting such a book. Well, it’s your lucky day, because in the grand tradition of Adaptation, Ava DuVernay has written and directed Origin, a big-screen version that reveals the story behind the story. Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor plays Isabel, whom we’re introduced to in the buildup to Caste‘s publication. We also get to know her ailing mother Ruby (Emily Yancy), her protective husband Brett (Jon Bernthal), and her cousin Marion (Niecy Nash-Betts). Interspersed within are some stories that demonstrate Isabel’s theory about how American racism is a classic example of social stratification seen throughout human history.

What Made an Impression?: Hung Up in Jargon: Since it is the story of a writer’s life, I was a little worried that Origin would be a little too talky for its own good. And for the first third or so, my fears were well-founded. As Isabel has polite debates with her editor and fellow cocktail party attendees, I realized why these conversations are not usually considered especially cinematic. These moments might be interesting to literature grad students, but for the rest of the population, they could come off a little dull and impenetrable.
Compelling Turning Point: Fortunately the rest of the movie does not maintain that overly literary veneer. And there’s one crucial scene that spells out a change in priorities. Isabel and Marion are hanging out together at a family cookout while Isabel explains the premise of her new book. Marion is initially bewildered by her rather abstract explanation, but then Isabel gets down to brass tacks with a more concrete example of what she’s getting at. Marion then assures her that this sort of storytelling ability is exactly how she should write her book, and the movie wisely follows that cue as well.
The Points Become Salient: Isabel’s journey of writing Caste takes her to the American Deep South, Nazi Germany, and India, with historical re-enactments illustrating how each of these societies have been shaped by strikingly similar caste systems. These segments are fairly straightforward, but what pushes them over the edge are Isabel’s reactions of inspiration. Ellis-Taylor is a subtle master at quiet euphoria. (That quality also serves as a counterpoint to the deep wells of sadness she must convey.) By the end of the movie, you’ll hopefully be able to feel as hopeful as Isabel appears to be. Not because these intractable problems will be solved anytime soon, but at the very least because someone is able to identify and explain them.

Origin is Recommended If You Like: Anti-racism, Listening to people who have liberal arts degrees

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Castes

Those ‘Mean Girls’ Are Still At It Again 20 Years Later, and This Time, They’ve Brought Songs

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Was this photo taken on a Wednesday? (CREDIT: Jojo Whilden/Paramount © 2023 Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Angourie Rice, Reneé Rapp, Auli’i Cravalho, Christopher Briney, Jaquel Spivey, Bebe Wood, Avantika, Tina Fey, Tim Meadows, Jenna Fischer, Busy Phillips

Directors: Samantha Jayne and Arturo Perez Jr.

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Zingers That Go for the Jugular

Release Date: January 12, 2024 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: If you’ve been plugged into American pop culture at all in the past 20 years, then surely you know Mean Girls‘ whole deal. This new cinematic edition keeps the same basic narrative structure, so if you already wear pink on Wednesdays, you know what’s coming. In case you need to be initiated, though, here are the essential details: Cady Heron (Angourie Rice) has spent most of her childhood in Kenya, but now that she’s a teenager, her mom (Jenna Fischer) thinks it’s time to move back to America so that Cady can actually have a typical in-person high school experience. She soon attracts the attention of the notorious clique the Plastics: queen bee Regina (Reneé Rapp), desperate-to-please Gretchen (Bebe Wood), and airheaded Karen (Avantika). Cady also develops a more ostensibly genuine friendship with resident outcasts Janis (Auli’i Cravalho) and Damian (Jaquel Spivey), who concoct a revenge scheme to kick Regina off her perch at the top of the social hierarchy. And this time around, there’s singing! That’s right, this Mean Girls is based on the Broadway musical that was based on the original 2004 movie (which was in turn inspired by the parental advice book Queen Bees and Wannabes).

What Made an Impression?: High School is Still a Jungle: A few times while watching nu-Mean Girls, I was plagued by the thought of whether or not we still need a story like this in 2024. After all, aren’t we as a society much more open-minded when it comes to gender and sexual orientation and most other forms of identity? While that may be generally true, it depends on your particular community. Even if you’re lucky enough to grow up in a fully enlightened area, that doesn’t make you emotionally bulletproof. What hasn’t changed in the past couple of decades is our fundamental desire to be accepted by the people who are important to us. So while calling someone gay, for example, might not carry the same sting that it used to (rightly so), we still all have our vulnerabilities, and the folks behind Mean Girls totally understand that the fight against ostracism is a never-ending struggle.
New & Updated (Loopy Edition): I’ve seen the original Mean Girls in its entirety probably only twice or thrice, but I’ve encountered its enduring memes and quotes thousands of times. Which is to say, when this new version diverges onto its own path, it feels like it’s making a point. And that point usually is: don’t you wish we could have phrased that a little bit differently? Tina Fey is the credited screenwriter for both films (as well as the scribe of the book for the stage musical), and that continuity works in the alterations’ favor. And thankfully, while these changes are driven by a moral backbone, they’re not moralizing. The characters are allowed to be messy in a way that teenagers typically are. During moments when it seems like someone is about to declare, “Here are simple instructions for how to be a good person,” they instead say something along the lines of, “I’m on a whole bunch of painkillers right now, so I don’t even know what the heck’s coming out of my mouth.”
Was It a Good Decision to Sing?: If all you know about this version of Mean Girls is what the commercials have shown you, you might not have any idea that this is actually a musical. Regardless of whether or not you’re surprised by this factoid, I’m sure you’d like to know if the songs deliver the goods or not. That of course depends a great deal on your own particular subjective aural tastes. But what’s more objective is how clearly each number and arrangement fits the character of the people performing them. For my money, technical proficiency is less important than personality in musicals, although Mean Girls has plenty of both. Everyone involved knows what they want to say, and they sing their heart’s messages out with abandon.

Mean Girls is Recommended If You Like: TikTok, Memes, Quips, Math, Self-Awareness

Grade: 4 out of 5 Kalteen Bars

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