‘Him’ Attempts to Turn Football Into a Waking Nightmare

September 18, 2025

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HIM… and Him, too (CREDIT: Universal Pictures)

Starring: Tyriq Withers, Marlon Wayans, Julia Fox, Tim Heidecker, Jim Jefferies, Naomi Grossman, GiGi Erneta, Norman Towns, Maurice Greene, Guapdad 4000, Tierra Whack, Don Benjamin

Director: Justin Tipping

Running Time: 96 Minutes

Rating: R for Odd and Grotesque Behavior, Athletic Nudity, and Questionable Performance Enhancement

Release Date: September 19, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Isaiah White (Marlon Wayans) is indisputably the greatest quarterback of his generation and possibly all time. But rumor has it that he’s retiring soon. That’s where Cam Cade (Tyriq Withers) comes in: he’s been worshipping Isaiah his entire life, and everyone around has been pretty much grooming him to be the next GOAT. He lives up to that promise in college, and he’s all set to fulfill his destiny in the pros, but then a mysterious masked figure whacks him on the head. His draft stuck plummets as he recovers from this traumatic injury, but then he’s given a second chance when he’s invited to train at Isaiah’s private desert facility. However, that’s when it becomes inescapably clear that football stardom is a lot weirder, freakier, and more cultish than he bargained for.

What Made an Impression?: Would Roger Goodell Like This?: I’m pretty sure the National Football League wants absolutely nothing to do with Him. Or at the very least, they want it to be clear that this is NOT set in the NFL. Or the makers of Him assumed that’s how they would feel. Which means that instead of playing for the Patriots or the Cowboys or the Chiefs, Isaiah White is instead the QB for the San Antonio Saviors of the (kind of hilariously) fictional United States Football Federation. Ergo, we’ve got an alternate universe where the NFL is replaced by the USFF, but just as obsessively beloved. So if you follow the gridiron religiously in real life, you’ll find Him to be an uncanny mix of deeply familiar and outright foreign.
That’s the Way It Goes…Or Is It?: Let’s go ahead and identify the central metaphor: it’s all about how becoming the Football GOAT (or a sports superstar in general) is about fully sacrificing your sense of self. You may seem like one of the most powerful people on the planet, but truthfully it’s the hangers-on and team ownership and all of society that have a piece of you and won’t let go. But director Justin Tipping doesn’t always emphasize this point as clearly as he could. He’s made the sort of movie that’s more likely to make you go “What the hell’s going on?” rather than “Oh, I get it.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially when you’re working in the horror milieu, but I would’ve recommended a more cohesive vision.
Never a Boring Day: But let’s talk about some of those more bizarre flourishes. A man decked out in body paint screams “Baa!” A superfan of Isaiah’s spits in Cam’s general direction. Major collisions give way to X-ray style views of the player’s skeletons. Plus, the supporting cast is delightfully demented, especially Tim Heidecker as Cam’s deceptively presentable agent and Julia Fox as Isaiah’s erotic stone-hawking influencer wife. The point is, Him doesn’t lack for memorable details or visual flourishes. It probably won’t make you re-evaluate everything about a particular sports league, but it could stick with you here and there.

Him is Recommended If You Like: Comedians Going Dramatic in a Cuckoo Way, Bloody Smiles, Pagan-Style Cosplay

Grade: 3 out of 5 Head Injuries

Colin F. and Margot R. Go on ‘A Big Bold Beautiful Journey’ – Shall We Join Them?

September 16, 2025

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The colors are Bold, that’s for sure (CREDIT: Sony Pictures Entertainment)

Starring: Colin Farrell, Margot Robbie, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Kevin Kline, Lily Rabe, Jodie Turner-Smith, Billy Magnussen, Sarah Gadon, Hamish Linklater, Chloe East, Yuvi Hecht

Director: Kogonada

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: R for Some Naughty Words Here and There (Though It’s Giving PG Energy Otherwise)

Release Date: September 19, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: On his way to a wedding, a man named David (Colin Farrell) picks up a vehicle from a car rental agency operated by a couple of oddballs (Phoebe Waller-Bridge and an unrecognizable Kevin Kline). At the ceremony, he’s introduced to Sarah (Margot Robbie), who lives in the same city as him. They have a meet-sorta-cute, but they’re ready to head straight home afterwards, that is, until his car’s GPS (voiced by Jodie Turner-Smith) promises to take them on – as the title specifies – A Big Bold Beautiful Journey. This adventure consists of walking through a series of freestanding doors that allow them re-experience key moments from their pasts. Is this the universe – or that car rental place – going out of its way to bring these two together? If that is indeed what is fated to happen, then they’ll have to learn to let go of all their baggage along the way.

What Made an Impression?: All the Typical Doors: A Big Bold Beautiful Journey offers the sort of nakedly magical realist premise that you just have to buy into if you want to derive any sort of enjoyment out of it. If you’re into that thing in general, you’ll be happy; if you’re not, you won’t be convinced otherwise. If you’re somewhere in the middle, you might feel flashes of inspiration, but probably not much more. It would help if there were more depth to David and Sarah’s characterizations, but alas, their motivations don’t amount to much beyond “they can’t get over their heartbreaks.” Farrell and Robbie are charming enough guides through this fantasy, but if it’s transcendence you’re after, ABBBJ doesn’t quite deliver.
On the Other Side: So yeah, I didn’t exactly love A Big Bold Beautiful Journey, but I did come away with it thinking that you could probably make a decent TV spinoff out of it … if it were focused on the car rental duo, that is. Waller-Bridge and Kline give the sort of lightly mysterious, slightly demented performances that are perfect in a small batch, but would derail the whole proceedings if they were in more than two scenes. Or, they could work in a bigger dose, it would just completely alter the overall tone. Ergo, my desire to see what these two are up to when not interacting with David and Sarah.
Exactly What It Says on the Tin: One last fair warning: this movie is filled with so many on-the-nose touches that its septum might completely buckle from all the weight. Someone literally tells David to “be open,” a hotel is called the “Timely Inn,” a cover of Pete Townshend’s “Let My Love Open the Door” plays towards the end. I would assume these were all meant to be jokes if everything else weren’t so earnest. But feel free to assume that someone did a dad joke-focused revision on the script and laugh as much as you want to.

A Big Bold Beautiful Journey is Recommended If You Like: Theater kid energy, Curling up on the couch with your parents, The music and whole vibe of Laufey

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Doors

Here’s What Happens When ‘Spinal Tap II: The End Continues’

September 13, 2025

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Still Tapping (CREDIT: YouTube Screenshot)

Starring: Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Harry Shearer, Rob Reiner, Valerie Franco, Kerry Godliman, Chris Addison

Director: Rob Reiner

Running Time: 84 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 12, 2025 (Theaters)

Sometimes I like to be deep and profound when reviewing a movie, and sometimes I like to review it according to a big ol’ goofy gimmick. But then other times, as in the case of Spinal Tap II: The End Continues, I just want to say: this is a really funny movie! And we don’t even have to judge it on a curve of “Sequel to One of the Most Beloved Comedies of All Time.” It’s built on a clever new foundation: instead of being the biggest joke in rock ‘n’ roll, these metal gods are now pretty much universally beloved, but that doesn’t mean everything is working out perfectly. The comedy style is the same, but the jokes are fresh, and they made me laugh oh so much. Nigel, David, Derek, and Marty haven’t missed a beat! If you’re the type of person who suspects you might enjoy this, then I heartily recommend you do indeed go check it out.

Grade: The Tap Has Not Run Dry

Is There Ever Enough Room for a ‘Lurker’?

September 12, 2025

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This is How you Lurker (CREDIT: Mubi)

Starring: Théodore Pellerin, Archie Madekwe, Zack Fox, Havana Rose Liu, Wale Onayemi, Daniel Zolghadri, Sunny Suljic

Director: Alex Russell

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

Lurker is a grainy warning about allowing someone into your inner circle with minimal vetting, as pop star Oliver (Archie Madekwe) hires clothing store employee Matty Morning (Théodore Pellerin) as his personal documentarian after a seemingly chance encounter. Soon enough, Matty is trying to control Oliver’s entire artistic direction, and pity anyone who stands in his way. That insinuation is definitely something to be on the lookout for if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, but I want to talk about Oliver’s living situation, i.e., a modern mansion that he shares with the tightest members of his entourage.

It’s quite the platonic fantasy, isn’t it? I know I wasn’t the only one who thought it would be the ultimate dream to live together in a big house with my closest buds in my twenties. And now it’s a reality for plenty of people – have you seen those influencer houses? But they could really use some adult supervision. I’m not against living arrangements that go beyond the traditional setup of parents and kids; if you’ve got the space, extra residents are a solid way to split the costs and share the memories. But instead of a surplus of young adults, I’d recommend something more multigenerational, and the lessons of Lurker only serve to underscore that.

Grade: 5 DV Camcorders out of 7 DSLRs

How to Navigate ‘Splitsville’ and ‘The Threesome’

September 11, 2025

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Which of them will end up Split? All Three? (CREDIT: NEON; Vertical/Screenshot)

Splitsville

Starring: Kyle Marvin, Michael Angelo Covino, Dakota Johnson, Adria Arjona, Simon Webster

Director: Michael Angelo Covino

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

The Threesome

Starring: Jonah Hauer-King, Zoey Deutch, Ruby Cruz, Jaboukie Young-White, Josh Segarra, Kristin Slaysman, Allan McLeod, Julia Sweeney, Arden Myrin, Robert Longstreet

Director: Chad Hartigan

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 5, 2025 (Theaters)

Whoa, why are relationships getting so tangled and messy at the cinema lately? In the span of just two days, I saw Splitsville and The Threesome, which both had me frequently going, “Now see, are you sure you want to do that?” So I’ll go ahead and turn that question back around to myself and ask if I would like to try on any of these dynamics, perhaps just for the heck of it.

First up, I’ll check in to Splitsville (which I’m writing about before seeing The Threesome, which may or may not matter), in which this lady named Ashley (Adria Arjona) tells her husband Carey (Kyle Marvin) that she wants a divorce. That leads Carey to seek comfort in the ostensibly warm embrace of his friends Paul (Michael Angelo Covino) and Julie (Dakota Johnson), who it turns out have an open relationship. So Carey and Julie hook up, but Paul isn’t exactly okay with that. Meanwhile, Carey and Ashley eventually decide to try remaining married while opening up their relationship as well. Soon enough, Carey is falling in love with Julie, Ashley is falling back in love with Carey, and Paul and Ashley are teaming up to make their exes-who-are-still-their-spouses jealous. So, uh… yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t fully ensconced within this entire misadventure. If I’m ever part of an open relationship, I’m going to push for us to all sign a contract beforehand. But you know, like a sexy contract.

As for The Threesome, the messiness is baked right into the premise: three people enter a sexual encounter, two pregnancies emerge. At least compared to Splitsville, there’s one less person to keep track of in this case. Although of course, that’s not fully true, because plenty of other orbiting folks end up getting involved. Anyway, the dude in this scenario, Connor (Jonah Hauer-King), has stronger romantic feelings for one of the ladies, specifically Zoey Deutch’s Olivia. But he also wants to do right by their new intimate friend, Ruby Cruz’s Jenny. There are plenty of missteps along the way, but somehow we end on a note of everything turning out more or less okay.

When it comes to comparing and contrasting, the conclusion is: Splitsville is a whole lot messier than promised, whereas The Threesome is just the opposite. Honestly, I wouldn’t hate living through the latter’s scenario, though I wouldn’t exactly seek it out either, except perhaps as a less entangled observer. Connor’s friend Greg (Jaboukie Young-White) and his mom Suzanne (Julia Sweeney) definitely have fun in that role without getting hit by too much crossfire. So yeah, I wouldn’t mind lending a sympathetic ear.

Grades:
Splitsville: I Can Only Split So Much Before I Break
The Threesome: 3.5 out of 5 Threes

Getting ‘Toxic’ While ‘Conjuring’ Things Up and Then Having Some Thoughts

September 9, 2025

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Imagine if Toxie met Annabelle, though (CREDIT: Troma Entertainment/Screenshot; Warner Bros./Screenshot)

The Toxic Avenger Unrated

Starring: Peter Dinklage, Jacob Tremblay, Taylour Paige, Kevin Bacon, Elijah Wood, Sarah Niles, Julia Davis

Director: Macon Blair

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: Unrated

Release Date: August 29, 2025 (Theaters)

The Conjuring: Last Rites

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Mia Tomlinson, Ben Hardy, Steve Coulter, Rebecca Calder, Elliot Cowan, Kíla Lord Cassidy, Beau Gadsdon, Molly Cartwright, Tilly Walker, Peter Wright, Kate Fahy

Director: Michael Chaves

Running Time: 135 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: September 5, 2025 (Theaters)

I’ve been thinking a lot about legacies lately. Or at least I’ve been thinking a moderate amount about the legacies of the Conjuring and Toxic Avenger franchises, seeing as I recently saw their most recent entries.

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Watching ‘The Long Walk’ is Its Own Sort of Exhausting (And That’s the Idea)

September 3, 2025

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Long Walk, Don’t Short Run, to Theaters (Credit: Murray Close/Lionsgate)

Starring: Cooper Hoffman, David Jonsson, Mark Hamill, Ben Wang, Garrett Wareing, Joshua Odjick, Tut Nuyot, Charlie Plummer, Roman Griffin Davis, Jordan Gonzalez, Judy Greer, Josh Hamilton

Director: Francis Lawrence

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Stunning Violence, Pesky Bodily Functions, and Young Men Dropping a Whole Lot of F-Bombs

Release Date: September 12, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: In the days of a totalitarian regime in a dystopian United States, the ruling party has concocted an annual contest to keep hope alive among the citizens while also brutally reminding them who’s in charge. The rules are simple: walk, or die. To get a little more detailed, the young men in the Long Walk must maintain a speed of at least three miles per hour the entire time. If they slow down too much for too long, or stray from the prescribed path, they will be instantly executed. The last one moving – and still alive – is declared the victor and given a life-changing cash prize. Friendships and resentments alike are forged in this crucible, and maybe even a little revolution is also brewing.

What Made an Impression?: Influencing and Influenced: It’s hard not to look at a dystopian story about young people and not go, “Hey, how did we end up back in Panem?!” Of course, though, The Hunger Games doesn’t have a monopoly on this subgenre. Furthermore, The Long Walk is based on an early Stephen King novel, published under his pseudonym Richard Bachman in 1979, whereas Suzanne Collins’ first novel about Katniss & Co. arrived on shelves in 2008. Plus, once you get past the superficial similarities, you realize that The Long Walk is delivering something more intimate, i.e., a simultaneous test of both endurance and claustrophobia. Which is to say, it’s very much its own thing.
You Can’t Outwalk Yourself: Humans generally aren’t used to walking hundreds of miles nonstop, so at a certain point, the body is prone to rebel or otherwise declare, “Hey, I’ve got some other stuff to take care of.” So it’s no surprise that the Long Walkers start experiencing plenty of cuts and scrapes and cramps and twists. Not to mention all the waste forcing its way out in the form of classic feces or the voices emerging from their heads. I appreciate that this wasn’t presented in Smell-O-Vision.
No Escape: I’m a long-distance runner with a few marathons under my belt, but I’ve never experienced anything quite as exhausting as The Long Walk. Perhaps that’s why it’s managed to worm its way into my subconscious so comfortably despite being a mostly unpleasant viewing experience. The unrelenting bleakness also certainly helps with that unforgettability. Ultimately, the biggest compliment I can pay this movie is: I don’t want to constantly remember it, but it won’t let me forget.

The Long Walk is Recommended If You Like: Stephen King at his bleakest, Dystopias at their bleakest, Nihilist poop jokes

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Legs

‘Caught Stealing’ and ‘The Roses’ Invite Us to Reflect at the Cinema This Labor Day Weekend

August 27, 2025

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A Collage of Two Movies Coming Out in Theaters in Late Summer 2025 (CREDIT: Niko Tavernise/Columbia Pictures; Searchlight Pictures/Screenshot)

Caught Stealing

Starring: Austin Butler, Regina King, Zoë Kravitz, Matt Smith, Liev Schreiber, Vincent D’Onofrio, Griffin Dunne, Benito A Martínez Ocasio, Yuri Kolokolnikov, Nikita Kukushkin, Carol Kane, D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: R for Reckless Violence, Some Drunken Debauchery, and a Little Bit of Sex

Release Date: August 29, 2025 (Theaters)

The Roses

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Olivia Colman, Andy Samberg, Kate McKinnon, Sunita Mani, Ncuti Gatwa, Jamie Demetriou, Zoë Chao, Hala Finley, Wells Rapaport, Delaney Quinn, Ollie Robinson, Belinda Bromilow, Allison Janney

Director: Jay Roach

Running Time: 105 Minutes

Rating: R for Rather Colorful Language

Release Date: August 29, 2025 (Theaters)

Labor Day is typically known as the unofficial end of summer in the Northern Hemisphere, even though technically autumn doesn’t really arrive until the final third of September. Either way, it’s a time for altering routines and reflecting upon what you’ve been up to the past few months. In that spirit of looking back, we’ve got a couple of new releases for Labor Day Weekend 2025 that are both throwbacks in their own particular ways.

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Ron Howard Takes Us to ‘Eden,’ Shall We Join Him?

August 26, 2025

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Starring: Jude Law, Vanessa Kirby, Daniel Brühl, Sydney Sweeney, Ana De Armas, Jonathan Tittel, Richard Roxburgh, Toby Wallace, Felix Kammerer, Ignacio Gasparini

Director: Ron Howard

Running Time: 129 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 22, 2025 (Theaters)

Okay, y’all. You know I love to review movies by asking, “Would I like to live in the world of this film?” And the based-on-a-true-story Eden is just SCREAMING for me to review it that way, as three very different parties settle on the remote Galápagos island of Floreana for three very different reasons. Set in 1928, Jude Law and Vanessa Kirby play a Nietzsche-loving couple who want to save post-World War I humanity, while Daniel Brühl and Sydney Sweeney play another couple who somehow believe this is the best place to raise their family, and Ana de Armas enters the mix as a so-called “baroness” set on building a luxury hotel.

So is this heaven on Earth?

No.

Not at all.

But… this is one of those situations where it’s better to be second than first. Or not necessarily second, but definitely much later than first. Which is to say, I bet 2028 Floreana will be better than 1928 Floreana (spoiler alert, sort of ).

Grade: A Supportive Family Is So Important

‘Americana’ is One of Those Movies Where It All Comes Together

August 20, 2025

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This movie used to be called “National Anthem” (CREDIT: Ursula Coyote/Lionsgate)

Starring: Sydney Sweeney, Paul Walter Hauser, Halsey, Eric Dane, Zahn McClarnon, Gavin Maddox Bergman, Simon Rex, Derek Hinkey, Toby Huss

Director: Tony Tost

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: August 15, 2025 (Theaters)

The August 2025 theatrical release Americana has what must be called – I’m just going to come out and say it – a P-shaped narrative. It’s told in five sections. The first part unfolds, then we curve around a few days to jump into Part 2. Then by Part 3 we catch back up to Part 1, and that’s followed by a mad dash to the conclusion. Part 1 initially feels like it could be a prelude to everything else, but then someone who dies in that section shows back up in subsequent parts, thereby forcing us viewers to adjust our temporal orientation. Anyway, I haven’t really talked about the plot, but that’s only because I wanted to talk about the structure more.

Grade: Not Bad, But I Prefer the Halsey Song “New Americana”

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