Animal Corral: The ‘GOAT’/’Hoppers’ Double Review

Leave a comment

They’re doing their thang (CREDIT: Sony Pictures Animation; Pixar/Screenshot)

GOAT

Starring: Caleb McLaughlin, Gabrielle Union, Aaron Pierre, Nicola Coughlan, David Harbour, Nick Kroll, Steph Curry, Jennifer Leis, Patton Oswalt, Jelly Roll, Jennifer Hudson, Sherry Cola, Eduardo Franco, Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee, Ayesha Curry, Wayne Knight, Adam Pally, Dwyane Wade, Kevin Love, Angel Reese, A’ja Wilson, Andre Igoudala, Joe La Puma, Rayaan Khan, VanVan

Director: Tyree Dillihay

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: February 13, 2026 (Theaters)

Hoppers

Starring: Piper Curda, Bobby Moynihan, Jon Hamm, Kathy Najimy, Dave Franco, Eduardo Franco, Aparna Nancherla, Tom Law, Sam Richardson, Melissa Villaseñor

Director: Daniel Chong

Running Time:

Rating: PG

Release Date: March 7, 2026 (Theaters)

There are a whole heck of a lot of talking animals in American animated movies, but somehow I don’t think I’ve ever paired two such movies together in my reviews. Or at least not intentionally, and not explicitly acknowledging it like I’m doing right now. (Feel free to fact-check me if that sounds fishy to you.) So let’s collect my thoughts about GOAT and Hoppers and determine how much they make me want me to be an animal.

More

‘Forbidden Fruits’ is Stylish and Witty, But Narratively Frustrating

1 Comment

CREDIT: Sabrina Lantos/Shudder

Starring: Lili Reinhart, Lola Tung, Victoria Pedretti, Alexandra Shipp, Emma Chamberlain, Gabrielle Union

Director: Meredith Alloway

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: R for Supernatural-ish Violence and a Round of Sexual Romps

Release Date: March 27, 2026 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Clothing store employees Apple (Lili Reinhart), Cherry (Victoria Pedretti), and Fig (Alexandra Shipp) run their little corner of the mall with a unique brand of witchy energy. That mostly consists of following strict interpersonal rules of conduct, dropping performative bons mots about femininity, and hitting their sales goals. When they lure over Pumpkin (Lola Tung) from the nearby pretzel store into their circle, she at first seems like a perfectly natural addition, but soon enough she’s upsetting the status quo. As it turns out, she just might know a heck of a lot more about these fruity gals than she initially lets on. Eventually they may very well have to confront the demons from their past instead of just hanging out in their weird little bubble.

What Made an Impression?: A Foreign Object: There are certain movies that make me go, “Nobody talks like this. Nobody behaves like this. This is not how the world works.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing. In some cases, those flicks are right up my alley. But in the case of Forbidden Fruits, my reaction is instead, “Maybe there are some people who understand this language, but alas I’m not one of them.” Perhaps I will come to understand it one day, but for now it just feels like a plate of spaghetti nonsense thrown against the wall.
The Quip Hit Rate: While my Overall Vibing Level with Forbidden Fruits was fairly lukewarm, I must admit that it did amuse me here and there. It’s definitely not all bad when one character drops an all-time zinger like, “My job doesn’t define me. My hotness and personality do.” Flashes of wit are definitely present. More than flashes even! Director Meredith Alloway and her co-screenwriter Lily Houghton (the latter of whom wrote the play that FF is based on) undeniably have a knack for tickling our ears, and I don’t mind giving it up for them in this department.
A Turn for the Bloody: Forbidden Fruits has one of those resolutions that is liable to make everyone in a crowded theater stand up and declare in unison, “That’s where this was going? Why wasn’t that clear earlier on?!” On top of that, there’s an end credits scene that looks like it’s setting up a sequel, which is an oddly audacious move for a humble indie flick. It’s analogous to a 10-episode streaming TV season that doesn’t start moving the plot forward in any significant way until Episode 8. Before then, all we have to subsist on are Vibes.

Forbidden Fruits is Recommended If You: Wish that all movies were just a variation of The Craft

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Dead Dads

Take a Look in ‘Miroirs No. 3’

Leave a comment

What do you see? (CREDIT: 1-2 Special/Screenshot)

Starring: Paula Beer, Barbara Auer, Matthias Brandt, Enno Trebs, Philip Froissant

Director: Christian Petzold

Running Time: 86 Minutes

Rating: Not Rated

Release Date: March 202, 2026 (Theaters)

Miroirs No. 3 is the first Christian Petzold movie officially entering my brain, and it feels pretty cozy, despite all the tortuous psychological angst. Part of that surely has to do with the temporal setting. (It looked like mid- or late spring to me, but other reviews seem to think it’s actually late summer. Perhaps German Augusts have a similar vibe as mid-Atlantic American Mays. Either way, there’s plenty of sunshine!) But it also has quite a bit to do with the fact that the vast majority takes place in and around a family’s house, with satisfying amounts of bicycling, dinner, gardening, and plum cake.

On the flip side, the whole thing is basically a Vertigo scenario, as Betty (Barbara Auer), the matriarch of the household, witnesses a car crash that kills a young man just outside her door. That man’s girlfriend, Laura (Paula Beer) decides she would like to stay and recover with Betty, who is all too happy to let her remain for as long as she likes… not least because she reminds Betty of someone from her past. Betty’s husband (Matthias Brandt) and grown son (Enno Trebs) are initially much more skeptical, but soon enough they’re all charmed by this captivating woman. It’s a creepy status quo, to be sure, but I would venture to hope that it could have been salvaged if everyone had just been a little more upfront from the get-go. Maybe I’m being overly pollyannaish, but we’re all dealing with our own grief and our own baggage, and what an act of grace it is to help us carry each other’s.

Grade: 12 Doubles out of 15 Exploding Dishwashers

A Spoiler-Soaked Investigation Into the Finale of ‘Ready or Not 2: Here I Come’

Leave a comment

Ready as they’ll ever be (CREDIT: Searchlight Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Samara Weaving, Kathryn Newton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Shawn Hatosy, Elijah Wood, Néstor Carbonell, Kevin Durand, Olivia Cheng, Nadeem Umar-Khitab, Varun Suranga, Juan Pablo Romero, Masa Lizdek, Maia Jae, Dan Beirne, Antony Hall, David Cronenberg

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Lots of Blood and Just as Many F-Bombs

Release Date: March 20, 2026 (Theaters)

I don’t always give away key plot points when I write movie reviews, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.* Also, when I do I use spoiler tags and do my best to avoid getting overly specific. But that’s because I typically post my full-length reviews before a movie comes out. But since spring has sprung and all, I’m in the mood to mix things up, so let’s dive into my fully spoiler-riffic review of (the already-released) Ready or Not 2: Here I Come!

(*-I couldn’t resist.)

First off, a quick recap: the first Ready or Not was one of my most raucous cinematic pleasures of 2019, which leads me right into my first spoiler: I didn’t like the sequel quite as much. But now that we’ve made peace with not being able to quite clear that high bar, let’s focus on that explosive ending, which seems designed to prevent any further sequels. (Although in the horror world, you can never say never for sure.) Anway, after her first attempted wedding didn’t exactly work out, Grace (Samara Weaving) tries to save herself with another marriage, this time to the dastardly Titus Danforth (Shawn Hatosy). It appears to be an even more hellish match than the original matrimony, or at least this time the evil is more upfront to begin with.

But Grace’s blood-soaked wedding dress has always been her source of strength and wiliness. Along with that symbolic ensemble, let’s take the name of her sister (Kathryn Newton) very literally and have faith that everything is fated to work out for Grace and Faith. Well, maybe not everything, but enough for them to carry on for at least one more day of self-reliant freedom. Thus, my biggest takeaways from this movie’s ending are:

1.The wedding dress just upped its iconic status to Level Infinity
2. We are truly blessed to witness the Scream Queen Union of Weaving and Newton

Although, of course, it’s worth noting that that second takeaway is hardly a spoiler at all – it could’ve only been a spoiler if it had turned out that the opposite was true. And if I may drift away from the sisters for one last central point: there should surely be more movies that conclude with Elijah Wood dispassionately (but also with barely concealed relish) witnessing a bunch of people spontaneously combusting. (It shouldn’t be overdone, of course, but we could certainly afford a few more.)

Grade: 3 out of 5 Golf Carts

‘Slanted’ Zigs and Zags Into My Craw

Leave a comment

This is how it looks when the movie is Slanted (CREDIT: Bleecker Street/Screenshot)

Starring: Shirley Chen, McKenna Grace, Vivian Wu, Fang Du, Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, Amelie Zilber

Director: Amy Wang

Running Time: 104 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: March 13, 2026 (Theaters)

Slanted slides into theaters with a devilish little premise: what if there were a medical surgery that would allow people of color to become white (in every possible way you can fathom)? For a business model like this to work, there would have to be people willing to erase their ethnicity for the sake of making a racist world easier to live through. Ergo our teenage protagonist Joan Huang (Shirley Chen), who gets the surgery and re-introduces herself to everyone as the white-presenting “Jo Hunt” (McKenna Grace). Slanted isn’t quite as unimpeachable as the similarly premised The Substance, but it is successful enough that I was still grappling with its repercussions days later. And that second life – that feels like home.

Grade: A Full Bowl of Potatoes Covered in 75% Sour Cream

‘Project Hail Mary’ Projects a Universe’s Worth of Resourcefulness and Wonder

1 Comment

It’s a touchdown! (CREDIT: Jonathan Olley
© 2026 Amazon Content Services LLC. All Rights Reserved.)

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Sandra Hüller, James Ortiz, Lionel Boyce, Ken Leung, Milana Vayntrub, Priya Kansara

Directors: Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

Running Time: 156 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Quite Mild Suggestive Themes and References

Release Date: March 20, 2026 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Ryland Grace is just a middle school teacher! But he might also be the exact right person to save the world, and possibly even the entire universe. Here’s the potentially apocalyptic problem: a newly discovered form of microorganisms called astrophages are basically eating up our Sun and so many other stars… except for one strikingly immune astral body light-years away from Earth. Despite his current humble position, Dr. Grace has the precisely necessary background to tackle such an intractable problem. So one day he finds himself waking up in a spaceship very far from home, and it just so happens that he’s right next to a cute alien scientist that he dubs Rocky. And so, they of course team up to save the universe together.

What Made an Impression?: A Truly Alien Encounter: With more than a century’s worth of cinema about interplanetary adventures, it can feel like we’ve run out of all possible design ideas for extraterrestrial beings. And yet we’ve never before encountered anything quite like Rocky (though certain individual elements may harken back to some classics). Voiced and puppeteered by James Ortiz, he’s got the blocky geometry of TARS from Interstellar crossed with the boundless energy of a puppy and the playful genius of an Einstein.
A Bond as Vast as the Universe: I wonder how a movie critic from Rocky’s species would describe Dr. Grace in a review of their planet’s version of Project Hail Mary. I imagine this creature would be massively charmed and would even speculate that he would be giggling all the time on their planet’s analogue of Saturday Night Live. Anyway, that’s just a windup towards disclosing that Rocky and Grace’s friendship is absolutely lovely to witness. You could call them The Odd Couple of 2026, except that it’s not odd at all.
Remembering What It’s All For: If your favorite part of Toni Erdmann was Sandra Hüller busting out some Whitney Houston, then you’ll be happy to learn that she sings another noteworthy pop number in PHM. I won’t mention the exact tune here in case you want to go in cold, but I will note that it has been teased during the promotional cycle, and it’s a blast whether you’re ready for it or not.
We Can Do It!: With equal amounts of fun and worry to be had in this epic galaxy-spanning adventure, the biggest takeaway is that there’s still room for hope in an existence where everything seems to be crumbling apart. I was massively inspired by Grace and Rocky’s teamwork, and I suspect that you will be too. What a wonderful feeling to be left with when stepping out of the theater!

Project Hail Mary is Recommended If You Like: NASA, Interplanetary collaboration, Karaoke

Grade: 4 out of 5 Astrophages

Getting to Know ‘Idiotka’ and ‘The Napa Boys’

Leave a comment

Can an Idiotka be a Napa Boy? (CREDIT: Magnolia Pictures; Utopia/Screenshot)

Idiotka

Starring: Anna Baryshnikov, Camila Mendes, Owen Thiele, Benito Skinner, Mark Ivanir, Saweetie, Julia Fox, Galina Jovovich, Nerses Stamos, Gabbriette, Zack Bia, Shaun Brown, Jake Choi, Marcelo Tubert, Ilia Volok, Gigi Zumbado

Director: Nastasya Popov

Running Time: 82 Minutes

Rating: Unrated

Release Date: February 27, 2026 (Theaters)

The Napa Boys

Starring: Armen Weitzman, Nick Corirossi, Sarah Ramos, Jamar Malachi Neighbors, Mike Mitchell, Nelson Franklin, Chloe Cherry, Vanessa Lee Chester, Paul Rust, David Wain, Beth Dover, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, DJ Qualls, Ivy Wolk, Chris Aquilino, Natasha Behnam, Ray Wise, Mike Hanford, Ryan Perez, Natasha Leggero, Riki Lindhome, Steve Agee, Jack Allison, Harley Quinn Smith, Nik Dodani

Director: Nick Corirossi

Running Time: 92 Minutes

Rating: Unrated

Release Date: February 27, 2026 (Theaters)

Within the same week, I saw two little movies that simultaneously felt like they were made expressly for me and like they were from a planet I’ve never visited.

More

‘Undertone’ and ‘Reminders of Him’ Are Both Out in Theaters in Weekend, and Like a Good Cinephile, I Saw Both of Them in Quick Succession

1 Comment

Reminding you to listen (CREDIT: Michelle Faye/Universal Pictures; A24)

Undertone

Starring: Nina Kiri, Adam DiMarco, Michèle Duquet, Keena Lyn Bastidas, Jeff Yung, Sarah Beaudin, Brian Quintero

Director: Ian Tuason

Running Time: 94 Minutes

Rating: R for Language (The Spooks are PG-13-Level)

Release Date: March 13, 2026 (Theaters)

Reminders of Him

Starring: Maika Monroe, Tyriq Withers, Rudy Pankow, Lauren Graham, Bradley Whitford, Lainey Wilson, Jennifer Robertson, Zoe Kosovic, Nicholas Duvernay, Monika Myers, Hilary Jardine

Director: Vanessa Caswill

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Accident Images, a Few Punches, and a Little Bit of Skinny Dipping

Release Date: March 13, 2026 (Theaters)

In the course of my journeys in Cinematic Completism, I often see two very different movies in quick succession. And it doesn’t get much more starkly distinct than the humble horror flick Undertone and the tragic romance Reminders of Him. So when a moment like this happens, I occasionally like to let everyone know what this whiplash was like for me and guide you towards whether or not it’s worth experiencing it yourself as well.

More

I Finally Saw Frankenstein (the One Directed by Guillermo Del Toro), and Here’s What I Have to Say About It, In Case You Were Wondering

Leave a comment

What’s the vector, Victor? (CREDIT: Ken Woroner/Netflix)

Starring: Oscar Isaac, Jacob Elordi, Mia Goth, Christoph Waltz, Felix Kammerer, David Bradley, Lars Mikkelsen, Charles Dance, Christian Convery, Kyle Gatehouse, Lauren Collins, Sofia Galasso, Ralph Ineson, Burn Gorman, Nikolaj Lie Kaas

Director: Guillermo del Toro

Running Time: 150 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: October 17, 2025 (Theaters)/November 7, 2025 (Netflix)

Now that I’ve checked the 2025 filmed version of Frankenstein off my to-watch list, I have finally seen every 98th Academy Awards Best Picture nominee! Despite its two-and-a-half-hour runtime, it did a good job of keeping me awake the entire time, which is quite an accomplishment considering my penchant in recent years for nodding off in the movie theater. Although maybe that also had something to do with the Himalayan sea salt dark chocolate bar I ate…

Anyway, the aspect of this telling that I enjoyed the most was its underlining of how lovely Mia Goth is – something I already believed and now believe even more! It’s a shame about all the violence, though. But that is indeed what the creature and his creator turned to, I suppose. Anyway, overall it was pretty good, I guess.

Grade: 3 out of 5 Frankensteins

‘Scream 7’ is Caught at the Crossroads

2 Comments

Here we go again (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures and Spyglass Media Group)

Starring: Neve Campbell, Isabel May, Joel McHale, Courteney Cox, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding, Anna Camp, Michelle Randolph, Jimmy Tatro, McKenna Grace, Asa Germann, Celeste O’Connor, Sam Rechner, Mark Consuelos, Timothy Simons, Ethan Embry, Matthew Lillard

Director: Kevin Williamson

Running Time: 114 Minutes

Rating: R for Some Rough Language and All the Usual Stabbings, Even Gorier Than Usual

Release Date: February 27, 2026 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is totally over it, you guys. She doesn’t even go by “Prescott” anymore! Instead, she’s running a coffee shop and living with her husband Mark (Joel McHale) and teenage daughter Tatum (Isabel May) in the humble town of Pine Grove, Indiana, where everybody knows her by her married name of Sidney Evans. Except of course they also know her by her maiden name as well, as her life story and the killers who follow her keep inspiring lurid movies and tabloid documentaries and copycat killers. Also, she did name her daughter after her best friend who died in the first Scream, so it’s not like she’s completely let go of Woodsboro, California either. Not like she ever could even if she tried. Especially not now, as Tatum is about the same age as her mom was when the first massacre happened, which the latest Ghostface(s) use as an opportunity to spook Sidney and her family with freakishly rendered reminders of her bloody past so as to air their grievances or become the star of their own movie or whatever the heck their motivations are this time.

What Made an Impression?: I’m Screaming Inside: Scream is my favorite horror movie franchise (and possibly my favorite franchise of every genre), but I had severe misgivings going into this seventh outing, given its tortured production history. After the success of the fifth and sixth ones, this chapter was originally going to again focus on Melissa Barrera and Jenna Ortega’s characters from those two chapters, but then Barrera was fired following pro-Palestine comments she made on social media, and Ortega soon dropped out in solidarity. Multiple directors left the project as well, and a retooling led to original Scream screenwriter Kevin Williamson stepping in as director and Neve Campbell returning once again to play Sidney, after previously sitting out Scream VI because of a lowball salary offer. None of this backstory is acknowledged within the story of Scream 7 itself, but I can’t accurately and comprehensively review it without fully acknowledging my conflicted headspace.
(Retroactive) Welcome to New York!: While the narrative of Scream 7 may not directly address the behind-the-scenes drama, it does play around with it a bit by making one of its major messages be: “Sidney, you should have been there for the last one!” Seriously, other characters keep telling her how much she was missed in NYC when the most recent Ghostfaces decided to terrorize the Big Apple. Ultimately, this sequel is kind of like an alternate Scream 5, if it had focused primarily on Sidney instead of the new generation of victims and survivors. That makes for an uncanny status quo, and a franchise uncertain of what exactly direction it wants to be heading in.
Stuck In or Rejecting the Past: Scream 7‘s other message appears to be: “We heartily reject artificial intelligence!”, as (ostensible) deepfakes of former villains become the latest weapon in Ghostface’s repertoire. The delivery of that theme feels a little half-baked, though probably genuine, considering the existential crisis that AI is for so many creative professionals. Alas, it also feels strikingly at odds with one of the movie’s promotional pushes.
So What Else Is Going On?: Now that I’ve gotten all the major headlines out of the way, please allow me to talk for a bit about something that was totally unexpected. Before the mayhem fully kicks into gear, Tatum and her friends are just regular teenagers doing regular high school things. In their case, that means rehearsing for a play about fairies and the like. Timothy Simons wrings out some laughs in this section as the awe-inspiringly pompous drama teacher directing the whole affair. It’s quite the bizarre digression.
And Then We Finally Face the Ghost: While I spent the first half of Scream 7 feeling skeptical and tepid, the final act reminded me that this series has an unstoppable knack for delivering consistently killer climaxes. The Ghostface motivation this time around is probably the most nonsensical we’ve seen thus far, but it nevertheless made for a thrilling conclusion. It also against all odds made me excited for the next chapters to come, although I would still really like to see some apologies for the personnel who have been mistreated (though I’m not exactly holding out hope for that).

Scream 7 is Recommended If You: Feel like everything is cursed nowadays

Grade: 3 out of 5 Deepfakes

Older Entries Newer Entries