Who Better to Make Us Feel ‘Old’ Than M. Night Shyamalan?

July 22, 2021

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Old (CREDIT: Universal Pictures)

Starring: Gael García Bernal, Vicky Krieps, Rufus Sewell, Thomasin McKenzie, Alex Wolff, Abbey Lee, Eliza Scanlen, Ken Leung, Nikki Amuka-Bird, Aaron Pierre, Kathleen Chalfant, Emun Elliott, Embeth Davidtz

Director: M. Night Shyamalan

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Intense, Strange Violence and a Bare Buttcrack Running Into the Ocean

Release Date: July 23, 2021 (Theaters)

After delivering one of the most iconic twist endings of all time in The Sixth Sense, M. Night Shyamalan became straitjacketed by his reputation for the last-second reveal. But now that he’s a little bit older (wink, wink) and wiser, he’s quietly and consistently embraced that reputation. And why not? He truly is one of the all-time masters of the technique, and Old might just be his greatest trick since The Sixth Sense. But Old doesn’t rely on the twist for the entire movie to be effective (which was also the case with his breakthrough film). If the conclusion hadn’t told us what was really happening on this beach that ages people at a rate of about 2 years per hour, I would’ve been disappointed. But I also probably would’ve quickly gotten over that by appreciating everything else there is to offer in this meditation on the passage of time.

Each of the vacationers who find themselves on Old‘s private beach are in situations that are ripe for prompting considerations of mortality. Prisca (Vicky Krieps) has a tumor in her stomach, which is contributing to the troubles with her husband Guy (Gael García Bernal). Charles (Rufus Sewell) is beset by mental illness while attempting to keep both his much younger wife Chrystal (Abbey Lee) and elderly mother Agnes (Kathleen Chalfant) happy. Jarin (Ken Leung) and Patricia (Nikki Amuka-Bird) are trying to enjoy themselves without worrying too much about Patricia’s frequent seizures. Big deal rapper Mid-Sized Sedan (Aaron Pierre) is decompressing from the pressures of fame while also dealing with a blood clotting condition. And on top of all that, we’ve got Prisca and Guy’s two kids and Charles and Chrystal’s daughter running around, which is the perfect formula to make any parent get a little verklempt about how the days are just whizzing by.

So just how would people really react if their lifespans suddenly became overwhelmingly compressed? As Old sees it, their first instinct would be to escape, which is probably why Shyamalan decided to make it nearly impossible for them to do so. As they attempt to make peace – or not – with their doom, their reactions are filled with violence and terror. And of course that’s the case; this is a panicky and desperate crisis, a fabulous escape room of mammoth proportions. But there are also moments of  reflection and tenderness, as the families attempt to make the best of the time they have left with each other.

From the first frame to the last, Old is richly satisfying as both metaphor and thought experiment. The questions it raises are plenty of fun to puzzle out as the characters do so on screen. If our biological ages suddenly become so much older, would we become correspondingly more emotionally and mentally mature? Just what is it that makes us mature when time passes at its normal rate anyway? Life experiences, for sure. And well, there’s a lot of life experience packed into each grain of sand on this beach. And the same is also true of the richest cinema in the world. You’ll probably feel a little older after watching Old, and I bet you’ll be thankful about that.

Old is Recommended If You Like: Feeling both scared and enriched by the passage of time

Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Hours

‘Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins’ is Too Much Origins, Not Enough Random B-Grade Delights

July 22, 2021

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Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (CREDIT: Ed Araquel/Paramount Pictures/Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures/Skydance)

Starring: Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Úrsula Corberó, Samara Weaving, Iko Uwais, Haruka Abe, Takehiro Hira, Peter Mensah

Director: Robert Schwentke

Running Time: 121 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Swordplay

Release Date: July 23, 2021 (Theaters)

At one point in Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins*, the titular hero is dropped into a pit where he must face off against some very big and very hungry anacondas. And that’s about the only moment that I understood. Well that, and the other scene with the anacondas. Couldn’t this entire movie have been about Henry Golding fighting snakes? Instead, he and his crew square off against the classic G.I. Joe foe known as Cobra, who I really wish were actual cobras. Now that’s a movie that I would recommend. As it is, though, all I can say is that maybe this will be really fun for G.I. Joe obsessives, but for everyone else, I imagine it will be pretty impenetrable.

(*-It’s a rather unwieldy title, but I’m happy to write out the whole thing to differentiate it from the delightful 1998 Brian De Palma/Nicolas Cage thriller.)

In its bare-bone basics, Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins isn’t too hard to comprehend. It’s a classic origin story, after all: dead parent, living off the grid, training in a foreign country, passing a series of tests to prove warrior bona fides, et cetera, et cetera. In sussing out why I found this so much less compelling than, say, Batman Begins, I determined that it might just have something to do with the amount of time spent on the actual origin of it all. How a hero became a hero in the first place can be interesting, but generally insofar as it provides context for where that hero is headed. And this movie doesn’t really tell us where Snake Eyes is headed, nor do I care to find out.

Anyway, back to those anacondas. They’re absolutely HUGE, in case I didn’t make that clear enough already. If you can  manage to watch only their scenes and then fill out your taxes during the rest of the movie, then I would say go for it. It’s also worth noting that at one point, Cobra is described as employing the tactics of “violence, extortion, and fear,” which is just poetically wonderful. Who knew that such a shadowy collective would focus so much on something as concrete as extortion?

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is Recommended If You Like: G.I. Joe lore, I guess?

Grade: 2 out of 5 Dice

Review (of ‘Pig’)

July 16, 2021

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Pig

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Alex Wolff, Adam Arkin

Director: Michael Sarnoski

Running Time: 92 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: July 16, 2021 (Theaters)

Alex Wolff is Salt Bae. That could be the entirety of my Pig review!

Oh, but Nic Cage is in this, too, so I think I might like to talk about that as well. (Erbviously.)

But back to Mr. Alex Wolff for a second. He wears these fantastic skinny round sunglasses that sure look like Salt Bae’s. And he’s already got the dark tuft of hair and olive skin to complete the Chef Nusret Gökçe resemblance. Not for nothing does much of this movie take place in the fancy-schmancy restaurant world.

Anyway, Cage plays a truffle hunter who really wants his pig back, as you can surely tell by the profoundly simple title. Considering the actor and the premise, you might think he spends the whole movie shouting at everyone all over everywhere, but instead he prefers much subtler tactics. He has an uncanny knack for peering into the souls of anyone he comes across. He knows how to conjure emotional memories that bring the universe back into equilibrium. He’s like a wizard that way, and it’s kind of breathtaking to witness.

Grade: 3 Tablespoons of Facial Scars, 5 Cups of Psychology

‘Escape Room: Tournament of Champions’ Repeats Its Predecessor’s Formula and Keeps Hinting at a Greater Conspiracy

July 14, 2021

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Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (CREDIT: Sony Pictures)

Starring: Taylor Russell, Logan Miller, Indya Moore, Holland Roden, Thomas Cocquerel, Carlito Olivero, Deborah Ann Woll

Director: Adam Robitel

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Violence That Cuts Away From the Most Graphic Parts and Profanity Including One (1) F-Bomb

Release Date: July 16, 2021 (Theaters)

I mostly enjoyed Escape Room: Tournament of Champions, but I’m a little worried about what this franchise will be like by the time we get to Escape Room 2000: Ultra Super-Duper New ‘n’ Improved XTreme Tournament of Ninja Warriors, which will arrive much sooner than we’re prepared for. I’m rooting for our plucky heroes to take down the evil cabal behind the whole game, but the dictates of horror sequelization demand that it can never quite be defeated. So subsequent entries will surely be some combination of overly repetitive or increasingly ridiculous to justify the continuation. Tournament of Champions mostly repeats the formula established by the first Escape Room, while ostensibly inching ever so closer to the Big Bad Behind It All, and also ultimately mostly being about teasing the next chapter.

I wouldn’t be going through all this fretting if I were living in a post-Escape Room Cinematic World. If I could watch all of the theoretical absurd sequels in the comfort of home one right after the other, I could easily treat it as an anthropological excursion. Instead, I’m still motivated by my genuine hope that everything will work out for the plucky Zoey (Taylor Russell) and Ben (Logan Miller), the survivors from the first go-round. Let’s call it the Nightmare on Elm Street Rule, wherein the relatively crappy latter-day sequels are mostly endearing if you watch them at least 20 years after they were released. That’s not to say that Escape Room has already reached that period with Tournament of Champions. It’s just that I can see The Inevitable, and it’s in my nature to get hung up on it.

But if I can pull myself back into the present for a moment, I can happily take in the vicarious thrills of a scrappy group puzzling out all these deadly traps. Both Escape Room flicks are basically PG-13-ified, less relentless versions of Saw. The tone is thereby one of cleverness and adrenaline, rather than gory sadism. In that vein, Escape Room also has a tendency to occasionally venture into the cheesy and overly cute, especially when Zoey and Ben miss some Major Clues that are right in front of their eyes. But that’s part of the charm! Honestly, I don’t think I would have it any other way. (Hey, maybe I’ve already learned to stop worrying and love the Silliness of It All…)

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions is Recommended If You Like: Horror movie franchise churn

Grade: 3 out of 5 Clues

21st Century ‘Black Widow’ Movie Review

July 11, 2021

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Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Florence Pugh, David Harbour, Rachel Weisz, O-T Fagbenle, Olga Kurylenko, Ray Winstone, William Hurt

Director: Cate Shortland

Running Time: 134 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: July 9, 2021 (Theaters and Disney+ Premier Access)

“Plug it in, plug it in.” That’s the classic slogan of the famed Glade air freshener line of products. I currently find myself revisiting it in light of having recently watched the Marvel Cinematic Universe superhero film Black Widow, as my primary reaction to that movie was, “Well, that character has now been plugged into the MCU.”

Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova? She’s been plugged in. David Harbour as the Red Guardian? He’s certainly been plugged in. And Rachel Weisz as Melina Vestokof? Yet another character that’s been plugged in! Yes indeed, they plugged ’em all in.

Grade: 4 or 5 Tasks out of 1 Taskmaster

‘The Tomorrow War’ Review: Mike Mitchell Edition

July 1, 2021

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The Tomorrow War (CREDIT: Amazon Studios)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Yvonne Strahovski, J.K. Simmons, Betty Gilpin, Sam Richardson, Edwin Hodge, Jasmine Mathews, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Keith Powers, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Mike Mitchell

Director: Chris McKay

Running Time: 140 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Alien Scum

Release Date: July 2, 2021 (Amazon Prime Video)

The Tomorrow War stars Chris Pratt as the leader of a fight between Earth and invading aliens in which he must be sent 30 years in the future. He teams up with a ragtag crew, including a future version of his young daughter (Yvonne Strahovski). But I’m not here to talk about them. Instead, this review is all about Mike Mitchell, who’s about 12th on the call sheet, but he’s pretty much the only reason I wanted to watch this movie. Mitchell is primarily known as a podcaster and a member of the Birthday Boys sketch comedy group, the latter of which featured him as a friendly alien who sings a jingle at birthday parties. His podcasting duties include co-hosting Doughboys, in which he reviews chain restaurants. The Tomorrow War, meanwhile, does not feature him chowing down on any good grub, which feels like a missed opportunity.

I’m guessing that Mitchell was cast to be the comic relief character, or one of the comic relief characters. And there needed to be multiple ones! Because, you see, the best part involving Mitch happens when Chris Pratt asks Mary Lynn Rajskub’s character what her name is, and she says “Norah,” which is indeed her character’s name. And then he immediately asks Mitch’s character what his name is, and he also says “Norah.” It’s really well-timed, I promise!

If you’re like me and watching The Tomorrow War only for the Mike Mitchell, you’ll have to be patient, because he’s only in a small percentage of it. But luckily today’s technology allows you to fast-forward and rewind as you please.And there’s also perhaps a consolation prize, as Sam Richardson (of Veep and Detroiters fame) has much more screen time, a good portion of which is meant to be funny. There’s one moment in particular when he continuously shouts a certain four-letter word over and over about a couple dozen times in a row. So I guess this review wasn’t entirely focused on Mike Mitchell. I hope you can forgive me.

The Tomorrow War is Recommended If You Like: Fast-forwarding through Amazon Prime Video’s viewing experience

Grade: 2 out of 5 Doughboys

‘The Forever Purge’ is a Modern Dystopian Nightmare

June 30, 2021

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The Forever Purge (CREDIT: Universal Pictures/YouTube Screenshot)

Starring: Ana de la Reguera, Tenoch Huerta, Josh Lucas, Cassidy Freeman, Leven Rabin, Alejandro Edda, Will Patton

Director: Evarardo Gout

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: R for Sniveling, Racist, Terroristic Violence

Release Date: July 2, 2021 (Theaters)

I thought we were done with The Purge. With the 2016 release of The Purge: Election Year, a new administration ascended and officially ended the annual night of state-sanctioned lawlessness. But horror franchises never say die, so this one went the prequel route with 2018’s The First Purge. There was also a two-season TV series that debuted that same year, which I watched one episode of. As far as I know, it has little, if any, bearing on the movies. Now all the legal crime’s been reinstated in The Forever Purge, and as the title indicates, there’s a contingent intent on it never ending. But after such a satisfying conclusion in Election Year, that’s such a depressing prospect to me. So pretty much the only way I can find The Forever Purge palatable is by pretending that it’s essentially a standalone entry, so that’s what I’ll do.

It’s not too hard to pull off this mental trick, as Forever carries over no characters from any previous entries (save for the ever-present specter of the “New Founding Fathers of America” regime that conceived of The Purge in the first place). This time around we’re in Texas, with a white ranch-owning family and a Mexican family that works on the ranch as our requisite set of people who would prefer to barricade themselves up during this here Purge, thank you very much. (Josh Lucas’s Dylan Tucker, the biggest jackass of these clans, has the most selfish reason for opposing this ritual, as he declares, “I hate the damn Purge. It’s just hard to be social on that night.”) Then there are the truly demented forever purgers, among the most thoroughly evil caricatures of any good grindhouse flick.

After living through a pandemic and its attendant heightened anxiety, I’m not exactly in the mood for the 24/7 terror promised by The Forever Purge. Hell, I’m not usually ever in the mood for that, but at least when the earlier Purge editions came out, they felt much further removed from reality than they do now. But insurrectionists demanding that the government make their already-extreme policies even more extreme is very much a part of recent American history. At least The Forever Purge allows for some catharsis by making it very clear that it is on the side of the systemically downtrodden. This has always been an “eat the rich” franchise, and this time that’s clearer than ever, what with the villains aiming to essentially start a race war. In conclusion, I can’t remember any other mainstream film in my lifetime basically saying “Maybe Mexico is a better place to live than America right now,” so I have to applaud The Forever Purge‘s gumption and conviction.

The Forever Purge is Recommended If You Like: Revisiting a nightmare world

Grade: 3 out of 5 Purges

Do Yourself a Favor and Check Out the Questlove Documentary Jawn ‘Summer of Soul’

June 29, 2021

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Summer of Soul: Sly Stone (CREDIT: Searchlight Pictures)

Starring: The Performers and Attendees of the 1969 Harlem Cultural Festival

Director: Questlove

Running Time: 117 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Rock ‘n’ Roll

Release Date: June 25, 2021 (New York and Los Angeles)/July 2, 2021 (Expanding Theatrically/Hulu)

The 1969 Harlem Cultural Festival is widely known as “Black Woodstock,” and if you watch the Questlove-directed concert documentary Summer of Soul (…Or, When the Revolution Could Not Be Televised), it’s pretty obvious why. Two landmark music festivals, held in the same summer, in the same state, only about 100 miles apart. One of them has enjoyed one of the biggest footprints in American cultural history. The other was permanently relegated to the dustbin … until now.

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‘Zola’ Has Me Feeling All ‘Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here’

June 28, 2021

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Zola (CREDIT: A24)

Starring: Taylour Paige, Riley Keough, Colman Domingo, Nicholas Braun, Ari’el Stachel, Jason Mitchell

Director: Janicza Bravo

Running Time: 90 Minutes

Rating: R for The Full Array of Language, Nudity, and Violence

Release Date: June 30, 2021 (Theaters)

There’s a lot of balls to Zola, both in the sense of chutzpah and exposed private parts. Check your pulse at the door, this one is not for the faint of heart. It has the verve and vibe of a no-holds-barred good time, but it’s all in the name of pandemonium. The ostensible attraction of this story for moviegoers is that while it’s terrifying for the people it happened to, it’s exhilarating to witness from the comfort and safety of your local multiplex or couch. But by the end, the only thought I was left with was, “I’m glad that didn’t happen to me.” And I suspect that’s exactly the sort of trick that director/co-writer Janicza Bravo was attempting to pull off.

This is definitely a story of something happening to someone, as opposed to that someone taking charge. Aziah “Zola” King (Taylour Paige) would probably like to think of herself as a person who’s in control of her own life, at least as much as anyone can be while getting by in a capitalist society. But when ripped outside your comfort zone, you might suddenly find yourself at the mercy of powerful forces.

Based on a viral tweet thread by the real Zola and a Rolling Stone article inspired by that thread, the movie tracks the quick rise and fall of her friendship with the alluring Stefani (Riley Keough). One day, Zola is Stefani’s waitress; the next, they’re best buds driving hundreds of miles to make it rain at some Florida strip clubs. But what Zola hadn’t bargained for is the annoying presence of Stefani’s hangdog boyfriend Derrek (Nicholas Braun). And what she REALLY hadn’t bargained for was Stefani’s pimp X (Colman Domingo) advertising her adult services without her consent.

Zola presents Stefani as a perpetrator of instant betrayal and someone she never should have trusted with in the first place. One of the most telling moments happens when the movie suddenly switches perspectives, with Stefani offering a much shorter, cleaner, and more unbelievable version of the entire journey. That section might seem to be the closing argument of Stefani as a dangerous siren, but it’s also further evidence to me about how much she is being manipulated by X or anyone else in a position to destroy her whole life. There’s no way out for Stefani, and no indication that she’s even considered the possibility of how to escape. For Zola and the rest of us, it’s a relief that this was just a temporary scrape with the underworld.

Zola is Recommended If You Like: Watching a great time turn into an awful time

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Backpage Ads

At the 2021 Tribeca Film Festival: Back At It

June 24, 2021

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CREDIT: YouTube Screenshot

After a one-year, pandemic-prompted absence, the Tribeca Film Festival returned in 2021 with a hybrid edition of in-person and virtual screenings. As per usual, I procured a press credential, and this time around, most of the press showings were of the at-home variety. So I summoned up some of these festival flicks on my laptop and proceeded to stick my HDMI cable into my trusty television.

When deciding which movies to watch at Tribeca (or any festival), I try to opt for ones that I would be less likely to check out otherwise, and I made even more of a point of doing that this year. All of my selections are films that aren’t playing at a theater near you anytime soon (at least that I’m aware of). I watched from the comfort of domestic furniture, but the festival vibe was present at least a little bit, thanks to some pre-recorded introductions. That’s a small detail, but an important one that I very much appreciated.

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