Starring: Emeraude Toubia, José Zúñiga, David Dastmalchian, Paul Ben-Victor, Diana Lein, Emilia Faucher, Constanza Gutierrez
Director: Felipe Vargas
Running Time: 88 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: May 2, 2025 (Theaters)
Rosario is a fairly typical curse-based horror movie, as a greedy spirit comes to collect what it’s been promised upon the passing of the title character’s (Emeraude Toubia) grandmother in her Brooklyn apartment in the middle of a massive snowstorm. This one’s a bit unique insofar as it’s based on the Palo religion, which arose from African traditions mixed with Catholicism. There are some boos here and there, some family trauma over there. You get the picture.
But the moment I knew that Rosario was really cursed was when she tried to skedaddle out of abuela’s and back on to the subway, only to have some off-screen authority figure bellow at her, “Subway’s closed!” What in the NYC mirror universe?! This is the famous City That Never Sleeps that we’re talking about. Sure, a blizzard might cause a delay or two, but you’re not a true Big Apple if you haven’t waited two hours for a train. I can deal with creepy grandmas, but a fully suspended subway system? I’m still catching my breath.
Starring: Thomas B. Kin Chong, Richard “Cheech” Marin
Director: David L. Bushell
Running Time: 123 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: April 25, 2025 (Theaters)
Will Cheech & Chong’s Last Movie live up to the promise of its title? Well, not for me, because this is in fact the first Cheech & Chong movie I’ve ever seen. Although, I suppose it is possible that I could go the rest of my days without checking out any of their previous co-starring features. But that’s definitely less likely at this point! Promoting the totality of your career certainly isn’t a terrible idea for a documentary, I must say. Especially if it’s tinged with bittersweetness (emphasis on “bitter”) that’ll leave viewers feeling “Hmm.”
When Benson met Quinta, and also Sarah (CREDIT: NBC/Screenshot)
Jeff “jmunney” Malone watches every new episode of Saturday Night Live and then reviews all the sketches and segments according to a “wacky” theme.
May the 4th be with Quinta Brunson and Benson Boone. Or more technically, May the 3rd be with them. But May the 4th be with me, and with all my readers, because I watch SNL and write my reviews on Sundays instead of Saturdays.
This is Quinta B’s second time hosting, and wackily enough, her main gig of Abbott Elementary is currently on summer vacation, although I suppose she can promote getting caught up on her show streaming. As for Benson B, he’s one of those newly minted pop hitmakers that you’ve probably encountered even if you don’t follow the Top 40, since he really goes after that high note on his big hit.
This is one of those weekends when I annually run a 10-mile race, so based on that theme of speed, I’ll be reviewing the sketches and segments in this episode with one word each.
Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.
Movies
–Rosario (Theaters)
–The Surfer (Theaters)
–Thunderbolts* (Theaters)
TV
-Conan O’Brien: The Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize for American Humor (May 4 on Netflix) – Honoring Conan.
–Conan O’Brien Must Go Season 2 (May 8 on Max) – More of Conan.
–Poker Face Season 2 Premiere (May 8 on Peacock)
Music
-Eric Church, Evangeline vs. the Machine
-Suzanne Vega, Flying with Angels
A Warfarer and an Amateur (CREDIT: A24; 20th Century Studios/Screenshot)
Warfare
Starring: Joseph Quinn, Charles Melton, D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai, Will Poulter, Cosmo Jarvis, Kit Connor, Finn Bennett, Taylor John Smith, Michael Gandolfini, Adain Bradley, Noah Centineo, Evan Holtzman, Henry Zaga, Alex Brockdorff, Nathan Altai, Donya Hussen, Aaron Deakins
Directors: Ray Mendoza and Alex Garland
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: April 11, 2025 (Theaters)
The Amateur
Starring: Rami Malek, Laurence Fishburne, Rachel Brosnahan, Caitríona Balfe, Michael Stuhlbarg, Holt McCallany, Julianne Nicholson, Danny Sapani, Jon Bernthal, Adrian Martinez, Marc Rissmann, Joseph Millson, Barbara Probst, Alice Hewkin, Henry Garrett, Takehiro Hira
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Julian McMahon, Nic Cassim, Miranda Tapsell, Alexander Bertrand, Justin Rosniak, Rahel Romahn, Finn Little
Director: Lorcan Finnegan
Running Time: 103 Minutes
Rating: R for Toxic Masculinity and References to Suicide
Release Date: May 2, 2025 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: A native of Western Australia (Nicolas Cage) is absolutely dead-set on buying a house for his family in the neighborhood where he grew up, and he’s just as dead-set on taking his son (Finn Little) out surfing on the nearby beach. Trouble is, the locals don’t approve. It’s a public beach, but that’s not exactly the message being delivered by Scally (Julian McMahon) and his crew, who are sure to punch you and steal your board if you try to press your luck. But the Surfer is undeterred, as he stays put in the parking lot for as long as it takes to obtain what he’s owed. But the police and anyone else who could possibly lend a sympathetic ear sure aren’t helpful. So he has only himself to rely on, which isn’t exactly good news, as he gradually loses his sanity and all of his possessions as the blazing sun rips his skin apart. But maybe, just maybe, his stubborn willpower will be enough to eventually turn the tide in his favor.
What Made an Impression?: This Test Has All the Wrong Answers: The explanation for why everyone is so firmly against the Surfer is narratively satisfying, but it is not morally satisfying. It’s an endurance game that makes for a bona fide psychological thriller, but it’ll tear your soul apart if you try to reconcile it with a belief in a reasonable universe. Plan accordingly. Lost in the Cage: On a scale of Pig to Vampire’s Kiss, this is about a National Treasure on the Cage-o-meter, minus any semblance of mental health. The feature-length breakdown on display is like muscle memory for Nicky C. at this point. The Boys from Oz: I spent most of The Surfer thinking that Scally was being played by Murray Bartlett, so the revelation that it was actually Julian McMahon was a bit of a relief, since Murray usually portrays much more pleasant fellows, whereas McMahon has a reputation for bringing scallywags to life. Still, I guess there’s something sinisterly delicious about fiftysomething Sydney residents with sharp cheekbones, isn’t there? It’s Not Worth It: If The Surfer teaches us anything, I hope it’s this: spend time with your family, and be flexible! If buying that fancy mansion means keeping yourself away from the people that are supposed to live in it with you, then you can live somewhere else. And if hanging ten on your favorite waves means getting pummeled to a crisp along the way, I promise there are better spots to do it!
The Surfer is Recommended If You Like: The idea of The Game crossed with (Insert Your Favorite Surfing Movie Here)
TFW it’s April at the movies (CREDIT: Sony Pictures/Screenshot; BleeckerStreet/ShivHansPictures)
The Wedding Banquet (2025)
Starring: Han Gi-Chan, Kelly Marie Tran, Bowen Yang, Lily Gladstone, Joan Chen, Youn Yuh-jung
Director: Andrew Ahn
Running Time: 103 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: April 11, 2025 (Theaters)
Until Dawn
Starring: Ella Rubin, Michael Cimino, Odessa A’zion, Ji-young Yoo, Belmont Cameli, Maia Mitchell, Peter Stormare
Director: David F. Sandberg
Running Time: 103 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: April 25, 2025 (Theaters)
Let me be absolutely clear about one thing: I would NOT want The Wedding Banquet to last Until Dawn.
Fortunately, these are two separate movies that I’m talking about right now. And further fortunately, you don’t have to attend a matrimonial event to watch The Wedding Banquet, nor do you have to stay up all night to watch Until Dawn. (Although actually a wedding-themed movie marathon during my own nuptials sounds like a pretty grand idea. I’ll have to store that away for future reference, thank you.)
Anyway, to quickly sum up my most essential takeaways from this pair of flicks: The Wedding Banquet lovingly underscores the value of interlocking the intricacies of friends, family, and lovers no matter how queer you are, while Until Dawn is quite possibly the most exciting sandbox Peter Stormare has ever been given to play around in (give or take a Gorb).
Grades: The Wedding Banquet: 333 Grandmas out of 444 Ruses Until Dawn: It Was a Darky and Occcasionally Stormare Night
Keep it Simple, stupid (CREDIT: Amazon MGM Studios)
Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.
Movies
–Cheech and Chong’s Last Movie (Theaters)
–The Legend of Ochi (Theaters)
–Until Dawn (Theaters)
–Another Simple Favor (May 1 on Amazon Prime)
TV
–Celebrity Wheel of Fortune Season Premiere (April 30 on ABC)
–Jeopardy! Masters Season 3 Premiere (April 30 on ABC)
Music
-Billy Idol, Dream Into It – Featuring the single “Still Dancing.”
-Willie Nelson, Oh What a Beautiful World
-Smokey Robinson, What the World Needs Now
Jmunney's Blog 