‘Search for SquarePants’ is Proof that SpongeBob Belongs on the Big Screen Forever

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Is it Sponge-worthy? (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Clancy Brown, Rodger Bumpass, Mark Hamill, Regina Hall, Carolyn Lawrence, Mr. Lawrence, George Lopez, Ice Spice, Arturo Castro, Sherry Cola

Director: Derek Drymon

Running Time: 96 Minutes

Rating: PG for Cheeky Humor Overload

Release Date: December 19, 2025 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Flying Dutchman wants to break free! But will his scheme to accomplish that goal also result in the downfall of Bikini Bottom’s most famous fry cook? SpongeBob SquarePants (voiced as usual by the indefatigable Tom Kenny) has finally grown just tall enough to ride the local physics-defying rollercoaster. But when he actually lays his peepers on it, he suddenly decides that he’s not ready after all, so instead he and his best pal Patrick Star (Bill Fagerbakke) go on a deep(er)-sea adventure to prove their mettle as swashbucklers. Unfortunately, that puts him in the crosshairs of the aforementioned Dutchman (voiced nearly unrecognizably by Mark Hamill), who sees in Mr. SquarePants the perfect sacrificial lamb to break the curse of his ghostly existence. But have no fear, as Mr. Krabs (Clancy Brown) and a surprisingly not-that-reluctant Squidward (Rodger Bumpass) are in hot pursuit to ensure that the boys have a little help to get back home safely.

What Made an Impression?: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Sponge: At this point, it’s important to establish some context in my own personal SpongeBob journey. I was 11 when the show premiered on Nickelodeon in 1999, which is to say that I was almost too old to become a fan of a new Nicktoon. But this one had a surreal sensibility that held an ageless appeal to hook me just in time. However, it was never Priority Number One in my TV viewing schedule, and by my college years, it had fallen pretty much completely by the wayside. Fast forward a generation or two later, and I’m stunned to discover that new episodes are still being produced. Apparently, that longevity is the source of significant controversy, as creator Stephen Hillenburg (who passed away in 2018) reportedly wanted the show to end after the release of the first big-screen outing in 2004. Plus, the switch to a more computer-generated animation style has represented the loss of a lot of the original charm for a significant segment of the fandom. But as someone who gradually drifted away from Bikini Bottom with no ill will, I don’t have any declared loyalty in these dilemmas.
Always Ready: So all that background info is a windup to saying that I came to Search for SquarePants with an open mind and an eagerness to rediscover that logic-breaking glee of days gone by. And I must say: I found it. Oh baby, I found it! This movie is an absolute delight that lives up to the very best of SpongeBob. The demented energy and penchant for absurd set pieces that mash up the animation with cheap-looking live-action are just as on point as they’ve ever been. Of course though, as someone who’s been out of the loop, I can’t declare for sure if this is a return to form or rather a continuation of sustained excellence. But I can confidently insist that this outing is a fine addition to a sterling legacy.
They’ve Got a Way with Words: To prove how much I loved this movie, I will enter into evidence my moviegoing notebook, which is absolutely filled to the brim with transcriptions of the most hilarious bits of dialogue. Here are some choice selections, which may or may not be just as gut-busting out of context:
-“But-but-but-” “Butts are for toilets.”
-“We can’t lose in a Winnebago.”
-“I say puh-tay-toh, you say puh-tah-toh.” “No, I don’t.”
I also  lovingly wrote down a bunch of descriptions of visual gags, including a particularly cheeky one involving a brick that’s highlighted in the trailer.
Cool as Ice: Finally, I must heap special praise upon the theme song of SpongeBob’s growth spurt, “Big Guy” by Isis Gaston, aka The Bronx’s own Ice Spice (who also has a small part as an amusement park worker). It’s a total banger that’ll be thumping on my speakers throughout the holiday season. It’s not quite as iconic as Wilco’s “Just a Kid,” but give it a few years, and I might just be ready to declare that it’s on the same level.

The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants is Recommended If: You loved SpongeBob back in the day and have fond memories you’d like to revisit, or if you never stopped loving this yellow guy and want to spend more time in boisterous movie theaters

Grade: 4 out of 5 Dutchmen

OMG, ‘Bugonia’ and ‘Regretting You’ Are Both Coming Out at the End of October, What Are We Going to Do?!

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We’ll never Regret Bugonia (Credit: Atsushi Nishijima/Focus Features; Paramount Pictures)

Bugonia

Starring: Jesse Plemons, Emma Stone, Aidan Delbis, Stavros Helkios, Alicia Silverstone

Director: Yorgos Lanthimos

Running Time: 118 Minutes

Rating: R for Disturbing Content That’s Often Funny But Also Occasionally Trauma-Inducing

Release Date: October 24, 2025 (Theaters)

Regretting You

Starring: Allison Williams, McKenna Grace, Dave Franco, Mason Thames, Willa Fitzgerald, Scott Eastwood, Clancy Brown, Sam Morelos, Ethan Costanilla

Director: Josh Boone

Running Time: 116 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Mild But Frank Sexuality and Drug Use

Release Date: October 24, 2025 (Theaters)

When you see as many movies as I do, whether out of critical obligation or personal fulfillment or both, you tend to experience a lot of tonal whiplash. And it doesn’t get much more whiplash-inducing than the one-two punch of the semi-lighthearted satirical conspiracy thriller Bugonia and Regretting You, a tragedy-tinged romance based on a Colleen Hoover novel. Both are arriving in theaters on October 24 (Regretting You in wide release, while Bugonia will begin limited and then expand on the 31st). One of them is perfect for Spooky Season in an oddball sort of way, while the other would seem more at home around Valentine’s Day. With all that in mind, I’ll structure this two-for-one review around the question of whether or not they could possibly make for a successful date night double feature.

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How to Become ‘Scrambled’ at the Movies

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How Scrambled are they?! (CREDIT: Lionsgate/Roadside Attractions)

Starring: Leah McKendrick, Ego Nwodim, Andrew Santino, Clancy Brown, Laura Cerón

Director: Leah McKendrick

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: February 2, 2024 (Theaters)

Scrambled is about a single 34-year-old woman named Nellie (Leah McKendrick, who also wrote and directed) who decides to freeze her eggs in case she doesn’t get pregnant the usual way anytime soon. So of course, I now have to ask: would I like to become scrambled myself?

Obviously, I can’t go on the same exact journey as Nellie, seeing as I don’t have a body that ovulates. But I certainly could one day undergo some medical procedure that requires me to poke needles into my body in preparation. That begs the question: could I actually stomach such a regimen? Perhaps my experience watching Scrambled could provide some hints.

It didn’t start off so great, as I kept holding my hands over my eyes whenever Nellie injected herself. But then I remembered that back in 2005, I had no trouble remaining focused during the infamous syringe pit scene in Saw II. So as Nellie made her final injection, I took Alejandro Amenábar’s advice and opened my eyes. And well, I’m still standing, and just a little bit scrambled.

Grade: Enough Eggs to Be Viable

‘Promising Young Woman’ Spoiler-Filled Review Addendum

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Promising Young Woman (CREDIT : Merie Weismiller Wallace/Focus Features)

I’ve already published a rave review of Promising Young Woman that you can check out here, and now that the release date has finally arrived, I’ve got some spoiler-rific thoughts to share. This is all to say: SPOILER ALERT! So you know, don’t read this unless you’ve seen it or if you’re fine with knowing all the details ahead of time.

ONE LAST WARNING! Don’t click ahead unless you really mean to…

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‘Promising Young Woman’ Fulfills Its Promise, and Then Some

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Promising Young Woman (CREDIT: Focus Features)

Starring: Carey Mulligan, Bo Burnham, Laverne Cox, Clancy Brown, Jennifer Coolidge, Alison Brie, Connie Britton, Alfred Molina, Chris Lowell, Max Greenfield, Adam Brody, Sam Richardson, Molly Shannon, Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Director: Emerald Fennell

Running Time: 113 Minutes

Rating: R for Twisted Jokes, Drug Spikings, Discussions of Sexual Violence, and Some Up-Close Acute Violence

Release Date: December 25, 2020

Promising Young Woman hooked me immediately with its trailer, seemingly telling me everything I needed to know. When I finally saw the actual movie, it somehow still had plenty of opportunities to surprise me. It fits one of my favorite formulas for all-time great movies: simultaneously exactly what I was hoping for and so different from what I was expecting. Carey Mulligan is a knockout, in every way you can imagine. She plays med school dropout Cassie Thomas, a black widow who lures entitled men into this intoxicating trap she’s cooked up. She pretends to be blackout drunk at bars so that someone will not-so-gallantly bring her home to take advantage of her, at which point she drops the charade and spooks like them like a zombie popping out of the grave. She has her own history with assault, but she’s also an avenging angel taking on the entirety of rape culture.

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This Is a Movie Review: ‘Stronger’ Pulls No Punches in Dramatizing the Recovery of a Boston Marathon Bombing Victim

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CREDIT: Lionsgate/Roadside Attractions

This review was originally posted on News Cult in September 2017.

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Tatiana Maslany, Miranda Richardson, Clancy Brown

Director: David Gordon Green

Running Time: 119 Minutes

Rating: R for Bombing Gore and Boston Profanity

Release Date: September 22, 2017 (Limited)

Inspirational stories of recovery typically focus on people who are working towards some major goal that is waylaid by an accident or a tragedy. But what about the people who are just getting by in life? Many runners were injured at the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing, but so were many spectators. Jeff Bauman, who lost his legs to the blast, is one of the latter. He was there to support his on-again/off-again girlfriend Erin Hurley, as she made her way to the finish line when fate destructively intervened. Without any sort of motivation to get back out on the pavement driving him, what would the road to recovery for Jeff be like? Stronger opens up the curtain on that frustrating process.

Bauman achieved fame in the wake of the bombing when a (graphic) photo of him being pulled away from the blast site became iconic and also when he gave a description of Tamerlan Tsarnaev to the FBI upon waking from a coma. This led to media appearances like throwing out the first pitch at a Red Sox game that served the purpose of solidifying the Boston Strong mythologizing of his hometown.

But the public image of everyday heroes obscures the painful struggle behind the scenes. As Jake Gyllenhaal’s portrayal makes clear, Bauman was not at all eager to play this role. His scraggly hair and deep pupils complement his physical and emotional breakdowns in the face of any pressure. It certainly does not help that his family – loud, crude, overbearing, fiercely protective – fits the Bostonian stereotype to a T. Director David Gordon Green makes sure to have an ever-present feeling of claustrophobia.

The cruel joke at the heart of this all is that Jeff has a reputation for never showing up to the important moments in his life. Cheering his girlfriend on at the race is totally out of character for him. It is the major divisive factor causing the strife in their relationship. It drives the engine of his feelings of inferiority that prevent him from fully committing to his recovery. As Erin, Tatiana Maslany bears the brunt of the agony of these shortcomings, registering the pain all over her face. Even when Jeff ultimately turns a positive corner, the damage is done, and the scars are lasting.

As a title, Stronger is more wish than fact. The movie concludes with Jeff trying to do his best, but the major lesson to be gleaned from his story is that not everyone can summon the willpower to stand defiantly against the evils of the world as easily as catchy slogans and media mythmaking may want us to.

Stronger is Recommended If You Like: Jake Gyllenhaal in all his versatility, Million Dollar Baby, Sticking with people through their lowest points

Grade: 3 out of 5 Gallows Jokes