‘Saltburn’ Is More Strange and Creepy Than Intoxicating

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Look at all that salt burning! (CREDIT: MGM/Amazon)

Starring: Barry Keoghan, Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Alison Oliver, Archie Madekwe, Carey Mulligan

Director: Emerald Fennell

Running Time: 127 Minutes

Rating: R for Deviant Deviousness

Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Limited)/November 22, 2023 (Expands Wide)

What’s It About?: Oliver Quick (Barry Keoghan) doesn’t have anywhere to go on his summer break from Oxford University! And quite frankly, he’s been struggling to find his place at school the whole time he’s been there as well. That’s just how class divisions are in merry old England, innit? But he’s fortunate enough that big man on campus Felix Catton (Jacob Elordi) has taken him under his wing and invited him to spend the hottest months at his family’s massive estate, the titular Saltburn. Felix’s parents Elsbeth (Rosamund Pike) and Sir James (Richard E. Grant) and sister Venetia (Alison Oliver) all readily embrace Oliver. But there’s also a sense that he’s being kept a little bit at arm’s length and that everyone has some serious secrets to hide. It gets weird.

What Made an Impression?: Imitation of Life: If I had to choose one word or phrase to describe the regulars at Saltburn, I would say “Wax figures.” Which is to say, they look and talk and move like human beings, but not exactly. Perhaps they’ve been cooped up and cut off from the outside world for too long to remember what meaningful conversations sound like. I guess this is meant to be satirical, and Britain certainly has a long tradition of skewering the idle upper classes. But this comes off as unnervingly confusing rather than raucously Python-esque. (Although maybe that was the intention!)
Beware of Obsession: Because Elsbeth and Sir James have forgotten (or never knew) how to function usefully, they’re easy marks for Oliver’s devious designs. Felix and Venetia are a little more savvy, but they don’t quite have the wherewithal to withstand what’s coming. Quite frankly, I’m not sure anyone ever could. Oliver’s Gatsby-esque scheme takes several outrageously graphic turns that mostly feel preposterous. I’m occasionally impressed by his cunning, but mostly I’m flabbergasted about why he chooses to be so positively creepy.
A Real Yikers: Saltburn has an intoxicating hook, or at least that’s the idea. I respect its commitment to putting its skin on the line (in more ways than one), but I can’t say that I was fully won over by its peculiar blend of cinematic witchcraft. My comfort was frequently pushed to the edge, and it never felt like there was much of a point to all that button-pushing. There’s something to the heist of it all, but the journey to get to the big score is so profoundly off-putting.

Saltburn is Recommended If You Like: The Great Gatsby or The Talented Mr. Ripley, but if they were, like, really gross

Grade: 3 out of 5 Parties

Does ‘Next Goal Wins’ Score Enough Goals of Its Own to Win the Game of Biopics?

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#GOALS (CREDIT: Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/Searchlight Pictures)

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Oscar Kightley, Kaimana, Uli Latukefu, Elisabeth Moss, Will Arnett, David Fane, Rachel House, Beulah Koale, Rhys Darby, Chris Alosio, Lehi Makisi Falepapalangi, Semu Filipo, Ioane Goodhue

Director: Taika Waititi

Running Time: November 17, 2023

Rating: PG-13 for A Few Mean Comments and Some Boobs Drawn on Someone’s Face

Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Soccer Gods Must Be Crazy! That could be an alternate title for Next Goal Wins. How else to capture the kooky cosmic destiny that paired Coach Thomas Rongen with the American Samoan national team? Based on the 2014 documentary of the same name, Next Goal Wins finds Rongen and the Boys from the Territory at the lowest point in their respective careers. That experience is a little different for the two of them, though, as Rongen (Michael Fassbender) actually has some experience on winning sides, whereas American Samoa has never scored a single goal in any of their games. In fact, they’re most famous for losing 31-0 in a 2001 match to Australia, the most lopsided result in international soccer history. They’re desperate for anyone to help move them in a more promising direction, so Rongen ventures out over the Pacific to the tiny American territory. He’s got plenty to teach them, but his resentment at the world threatens to get in the way of all that.

What Made an Impression?: Deep Hurting: For a film positioning itself as an uplifting feel-good sports flick, Next Goal Wins sure is filled with a world of hurt. When he’s not with the team (and even sometimes when he is with them), Thomas spends much of his time numbing his pain with alcohol, or complaining on the phone to his estranged wife (Elisabeth Moss). He also listens to voicemails from his teenage daughter, whom he’s apparently unable to contact. (Some viewers might be able to sniff out exactly why that is before the full truth emerges.) It might seem counterintuitive to put so much agony in a crowdpleaser, but it’s actually kind of essential. A tragic backstory can go a long way towards winning over the audience, and Next Goal Wins would be pretty disposable without it.
Sneaky Trans Visibility: There are already plenty of hooks in Next Goal Wins‘ premise, so I certainly wasn’t expecting the story of a transgender player to make its way in there as well. But Jaiyah Saelua really is a member of American Samoan soccer who also happens to be the first openly non-binary and transgender woman to compete in a World Cup qualifier. Non-binary actor Kaimana plays Jaiyah as a bit of a ditz on the field who’s more concerned about making sure that she looks stylish rather than putting in a consistent effort. But she’s tough and unsparing when cornered, which is about what you would expect for someone who joined the team before transitioning and continued to play after coming out. In Samoan culture, she’s known as a “fa’afafine,” which refers to a third gender or non-binary identity. Jaiyah’s is a type of queer story that’s particular to this setting, so it could very well resonate with potential viewers who’ve yet to see this sort of possibility.
A Perfectly Fine Trifle: Ultimately, Next Goal Wins isn’t revolutionary in any way, but it has a fine grasp of what it’s doing. This is a unique true tale that is going to get the right audiences cheering along to every step of American Samoa’s rocky-but-quirky soccer journey. At times it might get a little too quirky, particularly when writer/director Taika Waititi shows up as a dippy local priest who also serves as a one-man Greek chorus. But if you’re in the mood for some gentle culture shock and straightforward redemption, then Next Goal Wins has you covered.

Next Goal Wins is Recommended If You Like: Cool Runnings, Young Rock, Miracle

Grade: 3 out of 5 Losses

With ‘Anatomy of a Fall’ and ‘It’s a Wonderful Knife,’ Death is Already on the Cinematic Menu

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CREDIT: NEON

Anatomy of a Fall

Starring: Sandra Hüller, Swann Arlaud, Milo Machado-Graner, Antoine Renartz, Samuel Theis, Jehnny Beth

Director: Justine Triet

Running Time: 152 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: October 13, 2023 (Theaters)

It’s a Wonderful Knife

Starring: Jane Widdop, Joel McHale, Justin Long, Jess McLeod, Aiden Howard, Hana Huggins, Katharine Isabelle, Cassandra Naud, Erin Boyes, William B. Davis, Sean Depner, Zenia Marshall

Director: Tyler MacIntyre

Running Time: 90 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: November 10, 2023 (Theaters)

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Jeff’s Wacky SNL Review?: Timothée Chalamet/boygenius

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Hangin’ with the boys (CREDIT: NBC/Screenshot)

I’m feeling a little chalamet today. That’s probably because I just watched the latest episode of Saturday Night Live, which was hosted by Timothée Chalamet. Am I also feeling like a genius, seeing as boygenius was the musical guest? Baby, I feel like a genius every day!

For the last episode, I reviewed each episode by asking a question, and it worked out so well that I decided to do it again!

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Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 11/10/23

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Spot the Curse (CREDIT: SHOWTIME/Screenshot)

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Dream Scenario (Theaters)
It’s a Wonderful Knife (Theaters)
The Marvels (Theaters)

TV
The Curse Series Premiere (November 12 on Showtimes, Premieres Early November on Paramount+ with Showtime)
Whose Line is it Anyway? Season Premiere (November 14 on The CW) – Although according to Wikipedia, this is actually a continuation of the season that began in the spring.
Ghosts UK American Premiere (November 16 on CBS) – The inspiration for the American version, now on the same channel.

Music
-Cat Power, Cat Power Sings Dylan: The 1966 Royal Albert Hall Concert
-Cold War Kids, Cold War Kids
-PinkPantheress, Heaven Knows
-Chris Stapleton, Higher

A ‘Freelance’ Trip to the Theater

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Free your Lance, and the rest will follow! (CREDIT: Relativity Media/Screenshot)

Starring: John Cena, Alison Brie, Juan Pablo Raba, Alice Eve, Marton Csokas, Christian Slater, Molly McCann

Director: Pierre Morel

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: October 27, 2023 (Theaters)

As I write this review, Freelance is currently luxuriating with a 0% Tomatometer on Rotten Tomatoes. So I went into this frivolous little action comedy with that benchmark (or lack thereof) in mind. And now that I’ve emerged, my ultimate verdict is: it’s not that historically bad. Rather, it’s just a mere trifle. And since I’m in a speculative mood, it probably wouldn’t have remained at zero if more than 25 critics had bothered to review it.

Anyway, the main reason I went to see it was of course because Alison Brie is second-billed. She plays a journalist angling for a Pulitzer who’s recently been brought low by scandal. There are a few scenes of her having to get by on some random celebrity schmoozefest, and I kinda think there should have been more of that. Alison’s really good at elevating characters in low-culture situations who shouldn’t be underestimated, after all.

Grade: 2 out of 5 Fictional Countries

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 11/3/23

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Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Priscilla (Opened in Limited Theaters October 27, Expands Wide November 3)
What Happens Later (Theaters) – Ryan and Duchovny.

TV
-Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony (November 3 on Disney+)
Colin From Accounts American Premiere (November 9 on Paramount+) – I enjoy Harriet Dyer.

Music
-Semisonic, Little Bit of Sun
-The Struts, Pretty Vicious

Sports
-New York City Marathon (November 5 on ESPN2 and ABC7 Locally)

jmunney’s Top Cinematic Choices for November 2023

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The man of our dreams (CREDIT: A24)

They keep making new movies, and some of them are even worth watching. Here’s what’s at the top of the slate for November 2023:

Dream Scenario: Nicolas Cage plays a guy who keeps inexplicably appearing in other people’s dreams. And yes, there is Freddy Krueger-based imagery in the trailer.

The Dream Scenario is that it will arrive in theaters on November 10.

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