Ant-Man and the Wasp: Review-a-mania

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Oh my God, Ant-Man admit it! (CREDIT: Marvel Entertainment/Screenshot)

Starring: Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Kathryn Newton, Jonathan Majors, Michael Douglas, Michelle Pfeiffer, David Dastmalchian, Katy O’Brian, William Jackson Harper, Bill Murray, Corey Stoll

Director: Peyton Reed

Running Time: 124 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: February 17, 2023 (Theaters)

I liked the beginning of Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, because it was bright and sunny, both literally and metaphorically. I also liked the end, because it was once again bright and sunny. But I didn’t like the parts in the Quantum Realm as much, because they were quite dark. I saw it two days after my birthday, and it definitely wasn’t the best birthday movie, so it’s good that I didn’t see it on the exact anniversary of my expulsion from a uterus.

While the credits were unspooling, a youngster of about six told his dad, “I hate this movie,” as he walked past me. I try not to hate, but I kept holding my head at a weird angle while watching, and that wasn’t good for my neck. Both literally and metaphorically.

Grade: Infinity Plus 3 out of Infinity Times 2 Kangs

It’s a Battle with the Past in ‘Creed III’

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Majors v. Jordan: who do ya got? (CREDIT: : Eli Ade/© 2023 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures)

Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Jonathan Majors, Tessa Thompson, Alex Henderson, Spence Moore II, Wood Harris, Florian Munteanu, Phylicia Rashad, Mila Davis-Kent

Director: Michael B. Jordan

Running Time: 116 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for The Violence of the Game

Release Date: March 3, 2022 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Adonis Creed (Michael B. Jordan, Alex Henderson in flashbacks) has hung up his gloves and turned his focus towards training other fighters. But we’re all savvy enough to know what’s coming next. Something’s always lurking around the corner to pull the hero back in. In this case, it’s a surprise from the past in the form of childhood friend Damian Anderson (Jonathan Majors, Spence Moore II in flashbacks), who was once a promising boxer himself before a lengthy prison stay on weapons charges. Despite his advanced age by boxing standards, Dame his sights set on the heavyweight title, and that unhinged ambition threatens to wreck the stability of Adonis’ personal and professional lives.

What Made an Impression?: Creed III marks Jordan’s directorial debut, and he certainly puts his visual stamp on the action within the ring. Slo-mos and zooms zip around the open space to emphasize every inch of pummeling these shirtless bodies endure. This movie absolutely does not shy away from the blood and bruises inherent to the subject matter. This isn’t a revolutionary take, but it is an effective one, and I found myself wincing more than I’d hoped to. And with that in mind, I couldn’t help but wonder if we as a species should just retire boxing once and for all. Now, I’m no expert on the sport’s modern rules and regulations, so maybe there are sufficient precautions to prevent any tragedies. But it’s still a fundamentally violent pursuit, and Creed III very much underscored that truth.

As for the relationship drama, it’s positively Shakespearean, and deployed with maximum operatic tumult. Dame is like a Falstaff cast out of the kingdom, but much more dangerous than that jolly royal companion. I was a little surprised by just how animalistic Majors allowed himself to be. At this point, Creed has established its own identity separate from its Rocky origin, and that was true even before Sylvester Stallone decided to sit this chapter out. Even so, Creed III has no interest in forgoing the standard training montage and climactic title bout. But when the storytelling instincts are so strong, and the actors are so unflinchingly committed, the power of the straightforward storytelling comes through.

Creed III is Recommended If You Like: Letters from prison, ASL conversations, Yet another training montage

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Title Matches

Jeff’s Wacky SNL Review: Jonathan Majors/Taylor Swift

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SNL: Bowen Yang, Taylor Swift, Jonathan Majors, Aidy Bryant (CREDIT: NBC/Screenshot)

In case this is the first of my SNL reviews you’re reading this season (or if you just need a refresher), I’ve been mixing up the order in which I list each sketch. This time, I’ve listed them in order of how long my notes were for each sketch, starting with the most notes. (You’ll have to trust me on this one.)

Anyway, Jonathan Majors was booked as the host, while Taylor Swift managed to be the musical guest. This is his first time entertaining us from Studio 8H, while she’s been here multiple times already. Maybe she gave him some advice.

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I Watched ‘Da 5 Bloods’ and ‘Artemis Fowl’ on the Same Weekend: Here’s What Happened

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CREDIT: David Lee/Netflix; Walt Disney Studios/YouTube Screenshot

Da 5 Bloods

Starring: Delroy Lindo, Jonathan Majors, Clarke Peters, Norm Lewis, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Chadwick Boseman, Johnny Trí Nguyễn, Mélanie Thierry, Paul Walter Hauser, Jasper Pääkkönen, Jean Reno, Victoria Ngo

Director: Spike Lee

Running Time: 156 Minutes
Rating: R for Sometimes Shocking, Sometimes Not-So-Shocking Graphic Violence

Release Date: June 12, 2020 (Netflix)

Artemis Fowl

Starring: Ferdia Shaw, Lara McDonnell, Tamara Smart, Nonso Anozie, Josh Gad, Colin Farrell, Judi Dench

Director: Kenneth Branagh

Running Time: 95 Minutes

Rating: PG for Goofy Fantasy Action

Release Date: June 12, 2020 (Disney+)

I was so worried that I was going to spend so much of my time watching Da 5 Bloods bemoaning its lack of a theatrical release. For one thing, the event status of a Spike Lee joint is unavoidably diminished by an at-home debut, and furthermore, I was concerned that even if I was really feeling it, there would be too many distractions fighting for my attention. Regarding the former, I just had to make peace with that fact. As for the latter, I can’t tell you the last time a Netflix release pulled me in with such a firm grip and refused to let go. A prologue swoops in hard and fast with real-world contextualizing footage from the Vietnam War era: Man goes to the moon! Muhammad Ali refuses to serve! Riots at the DNC! Nguyễn Ngọc Loan is executed! If you look away for even a second, you’re going to miss something essential.

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Movie Review: ‘The Last Black Man in San Francisco’ Proves That There Are Still New Ways to Make a Movie

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CREDIT: A24

Starring: Jimmie Fails, Jonathan Majors, Danny Glover, Tichina Arnold, Rob Morgan, Mike Epps, Finn Wittrock

Director: Joe Talbot

Running Time: 120 Minutes

Rating: R for A Mild Mix of Profanity, Brief Nudity, and Drug Use

Release Date: June 7, 2019 (Limited)

The Last Black Man in San Francisco has one of the most (if not THE MOST) valuable qualities in cinema, and art in general, insofar as it truly feels unlike anything else that has come before it. It’s about lifelong pals Jimmie (Jimmie Fails) and Montgomery (Jonathan Majors), who have a sort-of-magical journey living in the title city while squatting in the house that Jimmie claims his grandfather built years ago. The story is based on Fails’ own life, and I greatly appreciate the visionary perspective he provides along with director Joe Talbot.

This isn’t a movie I loved right away, but it’s one that I want to keep in mind to see how it sticks with me months, years, or even decades from now. It is one that I can imagine expanding in my mind as I digest more of its unique flavors. I saw it about a month ago, and I haven’t thought about it too much unprompted since then. For now, as I’m purposefully reflecting upon it, I must make sure to note my love of an early scene in which Jimmie and Montgomery skateboard through the city to the tune of a Philip Glass-esque composition, and I must also mention that former Dead Kennedys lead singer Jello Biafra plays a dorky tour guide. So that’s where we are in 2019.

The Last Black Man in San Francisco is Recommended If You Like: San Francisco Geography and Architecture, Discovering a New Voice, Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Squatters

Mini-Movie Review: Aliens Take Over a Very Gray Chicago in the Intermittently Promising ‘Captive State’

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CREDIT: Parrish Lewis/Focus Features

Starring: Ashton Sanders, John Goodman, James Ransone, Jonathan Majors, Machine Gun Kelly, Vera Farmiga, Alan Ruck, Kevin Dunn, David J. Height, Madeline Brewer, Ben Daniels, D.B. Sweeney, Kevin J. O’Connor, KiKi Layne, Marc Grapey

Director: Rupert Wyatt

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Occasional Explosions and Minorly Disturbing Sci-Fi Flourishes

Release Date: March 15, 2019

Captive State reminds me of 2010’s Skyline, a pretty awful movie that was at least fascinating for how it attempted to craft a genuinely compelling alien invasion with a fairly small budget. Captive State is a little more competent, but it has that same vibe of a director who is burning with a unique vision that he simply must deliver to the world no matter what the handicaps. That director is Rupert Wyatt, and his vision is a version of Chicago enslaved by aliens who want humans to pretend that this is actually an arrangement of unity. There’s clearly some commentary about conformism at play here, which in past instances in this genre has been about the likes of communism and consumerism. But in this case, it is not clear what the target is. (Maybe blind patriotism?) And that really sums up Captive State as a whole. You can feel that there is a plentiful mix of ideas, and even an admirably ambitious combination of genres (chase-filled actioner, paranoid thriller, even a bit of a heist flick), and the surprisingly robust cast is here to give it what they’ve got. But alas, the overall effort never quite coalesces into something with a fully fleshed-out overarching purpose.

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Implant Trackers