May 21, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Bowen Yang, Brett Goldstein, Cecily Strong, Chris Pratt, Garfield, Hannah Waddingham, Harvey Guillén, Janelle James, Lasagna, Mark Dindal, Nicholas Hoult, Samuel L. Jackson, Snoop Dogg, The Garfield Movie, Ving Rhames
This review was written on a Monday. (CREDIT: DNEG Animation)
Starring: Chris Pratt, Samuel L. Jackson, Hannah Waddingham, Ving Rhames, Nicholas Hoult, Cecily Strong, Harvey Guillén, Brett Goldstein, Bowen Yang, Janelle James, Snoop Dogg
Director: Mark Dindal
Running Time: 101 Minutes
Rating: PG for Kitty Calamities
Release Date: May 24, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Everyone’s favorite lasagna-loving feline is back on the big screen, and this time, it’s called… The Garfield Movie! (I guess all those other cinematic outings were merely “A” Garfield Movie?) Anyway, now he’s voiced by Chris Pratt, and his gluttony is fueled by his owner Jon Arbuckle’s (Nicholas Hoult) seemingly limitless credit card and all the food delivery apps he can get his paws. He’s pretty happy just lounging around devouring his daily feasts with his beagle buddy Odie (Harvey Guillén). But then his absentee dad Vic (Samuel L. Jackson) shows up out of the blue to wrangle him into a hero’s journey, as they attempt to heist some milk from a farm to square away Vic’s debt with Jinx (Hannah Waddingham), the devilish crime boss Persian cat.
What Made an Impression?: Slingshot All Day: I’m not going to call out a cartoon for its unrealistic portrayal of physics. After all, part of the advantages of this medium is that it doesn’t have to be bound by the laws of science in the same way that live action movies are. That comes into play with a series of train-based set pieces, as Garfield fails to board one of the cars cleanly and ends up getting bounced around by a ridiculous series of objects providing an inordinate amount of thrust. I wasn’t scandalized by the lack of respect for the natural world, but I was befuddled. Perhaps if I had been in a sillier mood, I would have been more ready to throw out a laugh or several.
Wait, What World is This?: The plot of The Garfield Movie isn’t much to write about (or at least it’s not much that I’m interested in writing about), so instead I’m focusing on the weird details that made me go, what the heck is the context here? To wit: at one point during Garfield’s adventures getting tossed hither and thither, he flies by a giant balloon float version of… himself. So does that mean that this movie is taking place on Thanksgiving? And that Garfield is famous in this world as an actual real-world somewhat-anthropomorphic kitty?
Also, what’s the deal with all the blatant product placement? I guess Garfield is just a classic capitalist consumer with a bad case of brand loyalty. Perhaps you won’t notice these details as much as I did. Or perhaps you will notice them but will find them amusing. The people in my screening who were cracking up the most appeared to be in their twenties or thirties, so you apparently don’t need to be a kid for these shenanigans to work. But you probably do need to hate Mondays and LOVE telling people that you hate Mondays.
The Garfield Movie is Recommended If You: Believe That Mass Quantities of Food Are the Most Hilarious Thing Ever
Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Tabbies
May 16, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alan Kim, Amy Schumer, Awkwafina, Blake Lively, Bobby Moynihan, Bradley Cooper, Cailey Fleming, Christopher Meloni, Emily Blunt, Fiona Shaw, George Clooney, if, John Krasinski, Jon Stewart, Keegan-Michael Key, Liza Colón-Zayas, Louis Gosset Jr., Matt Damon, Matthew Rhys, Maya Rudolph, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Richard Jenkins, Ryan Reynolds, Sam Rockwell, Sebastian Maniscalco, Steve Carell
If, if, if, uh… (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures)
Starring: Cailey Fleming, Ryan Reynolds, John Krasinski, Fiona Shaw, Alan Kim, Steve Carell, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Liza Colón-Zayas, Bobby Moynihan, Louis Gosset Jr., Emily Blunt, Matt Damon, Maya Rudolph, Jon Stewart, Sam Rockwell, Sebastian Maniscalco, Christopher Meloni, Awkwafina, Richard Jenkins, Blake Lively, George Clooney, Matthew Rhys, Bradley Cooper, Amy Schumer, Keegan-Michael Key
Director: John Krasinski
Running Time: 104 Minutes
Rating: PG for Mild Potty Humor and Imaginary Nudity
Release Date: May 17, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Ever since her mom died, 12-year-old Bea (Cailey Fleming) has pretty much forgotten how to have fun. It certainly doesn’t help that her dad (John Krasinski) is about to undergo heart surgery, though he tries to maintain her childlike wonder with his constant magic tricks and corny gags. While staying at the NYC apartment of her grandmother (Fiona Shaw), she encounters a couple of cartoon characters, as well as their seemingly human partner named Cal (Ryan Reynolds). As it turns out, they’re imaginary friends (or IFs, as they like to be abbreviated), and it’s highly unusual for someone of Bea’s age to be able to see them. But she could really use the power of imagination right now. Or maybe, these supernatural hypothetical creatures could really use the power of Bea right now.
What Made an Impression?: Tina Turner-ing Back the Clock: Baa eventually meets a whole crew of IFs in their hideaway on the Coney Island boardwalk. The encounter is fueled by IF‘s big set piece: an imagination-fueled dance number set to Tina Turner’s 1984 hit “Better Be Good to Me.” Honestly, it’s quite possibly my favorite cinematic choreography since Napoleon Dynamite let loose to some Jamiroquai 20 years ago. If you told me that IF was really just writer-director Krasinski’s excuse to make an entire movie around his own unique tribute to Turner, I would buy it. Such a film did not have to be about imaginary friends, but as it is, it worked out quite swimmingly.
Imaginary Friends, Real Motivation: I wasn’t expecting to tear up at IF, as all indications pointed to it being a simple sugar rush. But its final act lays its thesis out for the taking. As Bea’s journey would have it, imaginary friends aren’t mere fake companions; instead, they’re representations of our innermost desires. We might not be able to “see” them anymore after we grow up, but remaining in touch with them is essential to accomplish our dreams. In that sense, they’re essentially embodiments of everyone’s unique motivations. So the next time you look at a childhood photo or drawing that makes you suddenly remember a big purple monster or a talking ice cube, roll with it. A satisfying life might just depend on it.
IF is Recommended If You Like: Inside Out, Humorless kid protagonists, Tina Turner
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 IFs
May 15, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Babes, Hasan Minhaj, Ilana Glazer, John Carroll Lynch, Michelle Buteau, Oliver Platt, Pamela Adlon, Sandra Bernhard, Stephan James
Hey, Babe. (CREDIT: Gwen Capistran/NEON)
Starring: Ilana Glazer, Michelle Buteau, Hasan Minhaj, John Carroll Lynch, Stephan James, Sandra Bernhard, Oliver Platt
Director: Pamela Adlon
Running Time: 104 Minutes
Rating: R for Filterless Conversations
Release Date: May 17, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Eden (Ilana Glazer) and Dawn (Michelle Buteau) are at that stage of life when maintaining annual traditions necessitates taking four different subway lines and futilely attempting to have one last great restaurant feast before going into labor. They’re the titular Babes, insofar as that’s a term of endearment for platonic life partners. But “Babes” also refers to actual children, who make quite an impression on this story. There’s Dawn’s toddler son, who’s quite the handful when he starts regressing after his new baby sister arrives. And then there’s the bun growing in Eden’s oven after a life-changing one-night stand. When she decides to keep the baby, Dawn is right there to support her along the whole journey, but this could just be the ultimate test of their friendship.
What Made an Impression?: Same City, New Broads: In addition to starring, Glazer co-wrote the screenplay of Babes (alongside Josh Rabinowitz), while Pamela Adlon handled directing duties (in her feature debut). Glazer is best known for the Comedy Central sitcom Broad City, which she co-created and co-starred in along with her good buddy Abbi Jacobson, while Adlon is most recently known for the FX sitcom Better Things. While I’m sure there’s plenty of overlap in the fandom of those shows (myself included), they represent two tonal extremes. Whereas Broad City is whimsical and boisterous, Better Things is much more low-key and sarcastic. Glazer and Adlon’s collaboration unsurprisingly turns out to be a real peanut butter-and-hot sauce situation, with the slang-heavy exaggerated dialogue that is Glazer’s calling card proving to be an odd fit with the more grounded approach of just about everyone else in Babes. But that clashing sensibility might just be the point. One could theorize that Better Things is the mellowed, middle age version of Broad City, with Babes serving as the missing link to motherhood in between.
A Question of Family: One common reason for friendships drifting apart is the onset of parenthood for one friend, while others remain childless. But what Babes presupposes is, maybe that drifting apart can happen even when both friends are having kids. In the case of Eden and Dawn, it’s a matter of evolving values and possibly incompatible expectations of their relationship. The way Eden sees it, she and Dawn are more family than friends, especially because they’ve known each other longer than Dawn has known her husband (Hasan Minhaj) or either of her kids. Alas, her perhaps co-dependent demands to maintain some sort of status quo don’t sufficiently reckon with practical matters of reality. Nevertheless, her desire brings up a fair and urgent crossroads that demands to be answered: when friendship stops being convenient, how do you define the terms in which you show up for each other?
Use Your Head: If you were a regular viewer of The Drew Carey Show in the 90s and early 2000s, and a time-traveling visitor from the 2020s showed up and asked you to guess which cast member of that sitcom would eventually play a gynecologist who tries to please his wife with a series of toupees and other ineffective baldness solutions, do you think you could correctly guess the answer? Of course you could! Who else could it be besides John Carroll Lynch?! As Eden’s OB-GYN, he’s a sadsack clown of a man. But he’s also a fully trustworthy professional. In other words, he’s exactly the sort of medical figure who can manage to sufficiently match wits with an Ilana Glazer character and guide her into the messy miracle that is a vagina yawning wide enough to release a new human into the world. John Carroll Lynch: Total Babe.
Babes is Recommended If You Like: Stretching out your vowels, The messy fluids of life, Character actor dads
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Breast Pumps
May 5, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Adain Bradley, Anna Halberg, Avantika, Harriet Slater, Humberly González, Jacob Batalon, Larsen Thompson, Olwen Fouéré, Spenser Cohen, Tarot, Wolfgang Novogratz
When in Tarot, do as the Tarots do (CREDIT: Screen Gems)
Starring: Harriet Slater, Jacob Batalon, Avantika, Adain Bradley, Humberly González, Wolfgang Novogratz, Larsen Thompson, Olwen Fouéré
Directors: Spenser Cohen and Anna Halberg
Running Time: 92 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: May 3, 2024 (Theaters)
Is Tarot (The Movie) pro-divination or anti-divination? Fortunately, when it comes to horror, it doesn’t matter! This most definitely ain’t gonna change any paradigms about those Fool and Death Cards, but it does the trick for a Friday Night PG-13 Doopy Fright Flick. In conclusion, my visit to Make-Believe Tarot Land was perfectly cromulent!
Grade: Final Destination for Dummies
May 2, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Amber Benson, Brigette Lundy-Paine, Connor O'Malley, Danielle Deadwyler, Emma Portner, Fred Durst, Helena Howard, I Saw the TV Glow, Ian Foreman, Jane Schoenbrun, Justice Smith, Lindsey Jordan
Look at them, they’re glowing! (CREDIT: A24)
Starring: Justice Smith, Brigette Lundy-Paine, Ian Foreman, Helena Howard, Danielle Deadwyler, Fred Durst, Lindsey Jordan, Amber Benson, Connor O’Malley, Emma Portner
Director: Jane Schoenbrun
Running Time: 100 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Creepy Images and Psychic Distress
Release Date: May 3, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: Owen (Justice Smith) and Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine) are a couple of teenage misfits in 90s suburbia who bond over their love of the fantasy horror series The Pink Opaque, which airs on the fictional Young Adult Network. (Think Are You Afraid of the Dark? on Nickelodeon’s Saturday night SNICK block of programming, but also with some Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Twin Peaks flourishes.) For Owen, the show is an escape from his depressing home life, with a cancer-stricken mother (Danielle Deadwyler) and a quietly menacing father (Fred Durst). For Maddy, it’s even more than that, as her memories of The Pink Opaque soon become cross-wired with her perception of reality. Or were she and Owen actually the show’s main characters all along? Regardless of what’s fact or fiction, the show proves to be an inexplicable part of Owen’s journey of self-actualization.
What Made an Impression?: Coming Out of the TV: I had the good fortune of my screening of I Saw the TV Glow being followed by a Q&A with writer-director Jane Schoenbrun, a trans and non-binary person who uses they/them pronouns. I recognized some queer themes on my own, but Schoenbrun’s explanations let me in on them further. That is to say, Owen is trans but just doesn’t realize it yet. A key moment pointing towards this (Very Big) subtext is a conversation between Maddy and Owen in which she informs him that she likes girls, and when she asks him if he also likes girls, or boys, he responds, “I think that I like TV shows.” Before the Q&A, I had interpreted this to mean that Owen is probably asexual, and I still think that may be true, but the whole psychedelic swirl that is I Saw the TV Glow makes it clear that it’s a bit more complicated than that.
Turning Ourselves On: As a cisgender straight man, my personal story is in many ways quite different from those of Owen, Maddy, and Schoenbrun. But I Saw the TV Glow still resonated with me profoundly. After all, it wasn’t just queer people who were obsessed with Nickelodeon and creepy genre TV back in the 90s. This movie is already being hailed as a landmark in trans cinema, and understandably so. But anyone who’s ever felt alienated from life and found solace in a show that seems like it was made just for you (only to eventually connect with a like-minded community) should find plenty of resonance here.
Oh, Fudge!: I Saw the TV Glow also has plenty of fun from an aesthetic standpoint, with The Pink Opaque serving up some delicious nightmare fuel. The show-within-the-movie is about two psychically connected friends fighting off the moon-dwelling Mr. Melancholy and his monster-of-the-week cronies. The best of these baddies is surely the ice cream man, a ruthless beast in a melting rubber suit who seems to be awakened by the annual end-of-summer lament that frozen treats can no longer be enjoyed the rest of the year. As someone who loves a perfect banana split on a sweltering dog day, I felt truly seen. If you’re reading this, Jane Schoenbrun, let’s hang out at your favorite soft serve joint the next time you’re in town.
I Saw the TV Glow is Recommended If You Like: SNICK, Videodrome, The Matrix, The X-Files, The AV Club in its heyday
Grade: 4 out of 5 VHS Tapes
April 30, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Aaron Taylor-Johnson, David Leitch, Emily Blunt, Hannah Waddingham, Ryan Gosling, Stephanie Hsu, Teresa Palmer, The Fall Guy, Winston Duke
Fall in May (CREDIT: Universal Pictures)
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Emily Blunt, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Hannah Waddingham, Winston Duke, Teresa Palmer, Stephanie Hsu
Director: David Leitch
Running Time: 126 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Blank Gunfire, Real Gunfire, Prop Swords, Real Falls
Release Date: May 3, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: At the beginning of The Fall Guy, stuntman Colt Seavers (Ryan Gosling) takes a great fall. But unlike Humpty Dumpty, the folks around him are ultimately able to put him back together again. Although he’s certainly not without his scars, both physical and emotional. A serious on-set injury has prompted him to disappear from his Hollywood career and his girlfriend Jody Moreno (Emily Blunt). But just when he thinks he’s out for good, his old producer Gail Meyer (Hannah Waddingham) pulls him back in with an offer he can’t refuse: head Down Under to Sydney to become the stunt double once again for major star Tom Ryder (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) in Metalstorm, Jody’s epic sci-fi romance directorial debut. But there’s also a side mission in the offing, as Gail tells Colt that the real reason he’s here is to track down the missing Tom and bring him back to set. So Colt straps in his mouthguard and turns into a special agent as various versions of Kiss’ “I Was Made for Lovin’ You” keeps playing during all of the most pivotal moments.
What Made an Impression?: A Feature-Length Campaign: The Fall Guy is based on a 1980s TV show starring Lee Majors about stunt performers who are bounty hunters on the side, and it’s directed by David Leitch, a former stuntman and stunt coordinator himself. It’s no surprise then that Leitch has honored his brethren by what is essentially a two-hour video editorial arguing in favor of a stunt category at the Academy Awards. The stunt community and plenty of film lovers have been pushing that idea for years, and with the recent announcement of the addition of a Casting Oscar, can stunts be far behind? After watching The Fall Guy, it’s impossible not to appreciate the contributions of stunt workers on both a technical and an artistic level. It’s also impossible not to recognize them as whole human beings with fascinating interior lives who deserve to be recognized as much as anybody else.
A Mature Series of Conversations: Emily Blunt is one of Earth’s most captivating actors, and Ryan Gosling is endlessly charming, so it’s no surprise that Colt and Jody’s love story is filled with wit, honest longing, and karaoke. Furthermore, I was pleased that it reminded me of Blunt and Matt Damon in 2011’s The Adjustment Bureau, but whereas that earlier romance pulled off the sublime feelings of a fateful first encounter, The Fall Guy sparks with the maturity of a shared history. Colt and Jody are thoughtful and caring towards each other, and despite the pain of their separation, neither of them can quite fathom why they spent so much time apart. And neither can we, as they slip so easily into their natural roles of each other’s inspirations. Metalstorm and Tom’s absence are making everything much more stressful than they surely wanted their reunion to be, but it’s often the high-stress episodes that deepen our relationships for the better.
The Fall Guy is Recommended If You Like: Self-aware split-screen, Cars on fire, Hearts on fire
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Stunts
April 29, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alan Ritchson, Alex Pettyfer, Babs Olusanmokun, Cary Elwes, Challengers, Danny Sapani, Eiza González, Freddie Fox, Guy Ritchie, Henrique Zaga, Henry Cavill, Henry Golding, Hero Fiennes Tiffin, Josh O'Connor, Luca Guadagnino, Mike Faist, Rory Kinnear, The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, Til Schweiger, Zendaya
Ungentlemanly Warfare, huh, what is it good for? CREDIT: Metro Goldwyn Mayer Pictures/Lionsgate
Challengers
Starring: Zendaya, Josh O’Connor, Mike Faist
Director: Luca Guadagnino
Running Time: 131 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: April 26, 2024 (Theaters)
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare
Starring: Henry Cavill, Eiza González, Alan Ritchson, Henry Golding, Alex Pettyfer, Hero Fiennes Tiffin, Babs Olusanmokun, Cary Elwes, Til Schweiger, Henrique Zaga, Rory Kinnear, Danny Sapani, Freddie Fox
Director: Guy Ritchie
Running Time: 120 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: April 19, 2024 (Theaters)
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April 24, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Christophe Zajac-Denek, David Liebe Hart, David Zellner, Jesse Eisenberg, Kate Distler, Lynn Downey, Maria Bamford, Nathan Faustyn, Nathan Zellner, Phil Braun, Riley Keough, Sasquatch Sunset, The People's Joker, Vera Drew
Mr. J & Mr. S (CREDIT: Altered Innocence/Screenshot; Bleecker Street)
Sasquatch Sunset
Starring: Riley Keough, Jesse Eisenberg, Christophe Zajac-Denek, Nathan Zellner
Directors: Nathan and David Zellner
Running Time: 89 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: April 12, 2024 (Theaters)
The People’s Joker
Starring: Vera Drew, Lynn Downey, Kate Distler, Nathan Faustyn, David Liebe Hart, Phil Braun, Maria Bamford
Director: Vera Drew
Running Time: 92 Minutes
Rating: Unrated
Release Date: April 5, 2024 (Theaters)
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April 23, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Andrew Koji, Bill Skarsgård, Boy Kills World, Brett Gelman, Cameron Crovetti, Famke Janssen, H. Jon Benjamin, Isaiah Mustafa, Jessica Rothe, Michelle Dockery, Moritz Mohr, Nicholas Crovetti, Quinn Copeland, Sharlto Copley, Yayan Ruhian
Oh, Boy! (CREDIT: Roadside Attractions)
Starring: Bill Skarsgård, H. Jon Benjamin, Jessica Rothe, Michelle Dockery, Brett Gelman, Isaiah Mustafa, Andrew Koji, Famke Janssen, Sharlto Copley, Yayan Ruhian, Nicholas Crovetti, Cameron Crovetti, Quinn Copeland
Director: Moritz Mohr
Running Time: 111 Minutes
Rating: R for Blood, Guts, and All Sorts of Deadly Injuries
Release Date: April 26, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: They killed his family right in front of him when he was a child, and now he’s spent the rest of his life preparing for vengeance. Isn’t that always the way on the silver screen? Indeed, the revenge genre remains vibrant and durable, especially when the setting is a fascistic post-apocalyptic society like in Boy Kills World. In the dystopian tradition of The Hunger Games and The Purge, Boy (Bill Skarsgård) is one of the many victims of The Culling, in which the ruling van der Koy family rounds up a group of citizens to be annually slaughtered on live TV. Boy’s mom and sister were among those culled many years ago in an attack that left him deaf and mute. Now, following his tutelage from a single-minded shaman (Yayan Ruhian), he’s ready to mete out some bloody, cheeky justice during this year’s edition. And since he can’t talk, we get to keep company with his cartoonishly nervous inner voice (H. Jon Benjamin, naturally) and the ghostly memory of his spunky little sis (Quinn Copeland).
What Made an Impression?: Kickbox the Rainbow: If Skittles stopped being a candy and started being an action movie, the result of that alchemy would surely be Boy Kills World. Boy’s bright vest is matched by the dandy-ish pants and cravats of the most eccentric van der Koy (Sharlto Copley, naturally), and counterbalanced by pops of canary yellow, particularly on the mysterious helmet-wearing combat specialist played by Jessica Rothe. Furthermore, the frenetic martial arts bouts feel like they were choreographed by eight-year-olds who mainlined their Halloween hauls, but then finessed by more sober professionals. This relentless approach could be blinding and exhausting, but it’s all tempered by Benjamin’s steadily phlegmatic narration.
A Vicious Cycle: Boy Kills World could have settled for just delivering shallow thrills, but it has more on its mind than that. The question hanging over Boy’s journey ultimately isn’t whether or not he can kill all his enemies, but whether or not he can ever truly escape this oppressive society. And on top of that, can any of the van der Koys untether themselves from their violent family legacy? The final act makes it clear that Boy has become so much more twisted by his trauma than he realizes, and he’s not the only one. For anyone who’s been born into a clan with unhealthy patterns that keep repeating themselves, this movie might just provide the inspiration you need to disengage from that paradigm. The presentation might be as cartoonish as possible, but the psychological underpinnings are as firm as can be.
Boy Kills World is Recommended If You Like: Street Fighter, Sugar rushes, Traumatic psychology
Grade: 4 out of 5 Cullings
April 18, 2024
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Abigail, Alisha Weir, Angus Cloud, Dan Stevens, Giancarlo Esposito, Kathryn Newton, Kevin Durand, Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Melissa Barrera, Tyler Gillett, William Catlett
Isn’t she lovely! (CREDIT: Bernard Walsh/Universal Pictures)
Starring: Alisha Weir, Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, Kathryn Newton, William Catlett, Kevin Durand, Angus Cloud, Giancarlo Esposito
Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett
Running Time: 109 Minutes
Rating: R for Buckets of Blood, and Even Some Guts, and All the Attendant F-Bombs
Release Date: April 19, 2024 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: A ragtag group of criminals who are the best at what they do are assembled for a seemingly simple job: kidnap 12-year-old ballerina Abigail (Alisha Weir) and demand a $50 million ransom from her very powerful father. They hole up in a mansion for what’s meant to be a straightforward babysitting gig and assume Rat Pack-inspired codenames to hide their true identities. But that’s not amore, because it soon becomes clear that they’re in much more than they’ve bargained for when Abigail reveals the full extent of her identity. Could it be that this crew has more in common that they realize and that they might just have the right pop culture-inspired know-how to escape this house of horrors? Considering that Abigail was directed by the savvy team behind Ready or Not and the last couple of Screams, signs point to yes!
What Made an Impression?: Twist Premise: If you’ve ever listened to the podcast Scott Hasn’t Seen, then you may have encountered a pet theory of its co-host Scott Aukerman. The gist is that movies shouldn’t have titles, but instead just be identified by numbers, e.g. “Movie #10,607.” Aukerman’s point is that it’s best for audiences to experience movies with absolutely zero expectations and therefore maximum potential for surprise. If that idea appeals to you, then you should stop reading this review RIGHT NOW if you have any interest in seeing Abigail. But if you already regularly go to the movie theater or watch TV, then chances are you’ve already seen the ubiquitous trailer, which gives away the big twist at the heart of the concept. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing about the title dancer’s bloodsucking tendencies when entering the theater, but it is worth noting that the script doesn’t rush into the reveal. I loved seeing the Abigail trailer as often as I did, but it would’ve been nice to have been able to test out Mr. Aukerman’s theory.
Let’s Make a Deal: When Abigail shows what appears to be its full hand, it turns into a full-bore cat-and-mouse most dangerous game as a little predator nibbles away at her prey. But it actually has another ace or two up its sleeve. You see, Abigail’s father is a notorious gangster businessman whose elimination of his enemies has become a bit of an urban legend. Or it would be a legend, if it weren’t all true. That wrinkle might make it seem like the bloodlust is even more inescapable, but it also opens up some avenues for wheeling and dealing. Abigail may love playing with her food, but there are certain frustrations that come with being a preteen for centuries. And while you’d be wise to be skeptical about her or anyone else of her ilk when they say they’ll let you go, their offers do make for some intriguing negotiation.
Theater of Blood: With her levitational abilities, bone-twisting dance skills, and telepathic manipulation, Abigail’s powers are about as boundless as you could possibly fear they’d be. But it’s essential for vampires to have some vulnerability, and that’s where Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett excel. Let’s just say, if you manage to expose Abigail to sunlight or poke her with a stake, she does not go gently. If you enjoyed the death scenes in Ready or Not, then you’ll lap up Abigail as quite the encore. Bettinelli-Olpin and Gillett aren’t reinventing the vampire wheel here (who could at this point?), but they’re certainly pouring all of their blood and guts into it.
Abigail is Recommended If You Like: Ready or Not, And Then There Were None, The blood elevator from The Shining
Grade: 3 out of 5 Tutus
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