I Advanced to the Theater to Go See ‘Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves’

May 4, 2023

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So much honorableness in one frame! (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Chris Pine, Michelle Rodriguez, Justice Smith, Sophia Lillis, Hugh Grant, Chloe Coleman, Regé-Jean Page, Daisy Head, Jason Wong

Directors: Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley

Running Time: 134 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: March 31, 2023 (Theaters)

I’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons, so my previous cultural exposure to this franchise is mostly the Community episodes built around it. To the point that in the leadup to seeing Honor Among Thieves, I kept wanting to call it Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. So… was this movie better than the first Greendale edition of D&D? Of course not! But was it better than the sequel episode, “Advanced Advanced Dungeons & Dragons”? Eh, I guess so.

I ate mozzarella sticks and drank Mountain Dew while watching. It turns out that Doing the Dew is about as treacherous as the quest these characters went on.

Grade: A Sufficient Amount of Dragons and Emotional Beats

‘Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret’ Review: Our Prayers Are Answered

April 26, 2023

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They’re all here, God! (CREDIT: Dana Hawley/Lionsgate)

Starring: Abby Ryder Fortson, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, Benny Safdie, Elle Graham, Echo Kellum, Amari Alexis Price, Katherine Kupferer, Isol Young

Director: Kelly Fremon Craig

Running Time: 106 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for “Thematic Material Involving Sexual Education” (So You Can Basically Replace the “13” in “PG-13” with Whatever Age Sex Ed Happens At)

Release Date: April 28, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Are you there, lovers of coming-of-age movies? It’s me, your fellow film freak. Have you heard about Margaret Simon? Judy Blume wrote a book about her more than 50 years ago, and now we finally get to see the big screen version, with Abby Ryder Fortson stepping into the title role. Margaret is excited to start sixth grade, but she’s a little aghast that she and her family are moving from Manhattan to New Jersey. Her mom Barbara (Rachel McAdams) grew up Christian, while her dad Herb (Benny Safdie) is Jewish, but they’ve chosen to raise her without religion. But that hasn’t stopped Margaret from seeking some essential heavenly advice. And she’s going to need it, because she’s starting to notice boys, she’s ready to wear a bra, and she can’t wait to have her first period. And while God might not answer her directly all the time, at least her force-of-nature grandmother Sylvia (Kathy Bates) is always just a phone call away.

What Made an Impression?: I’ve heard that ever since its 1970 publishing, Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret the novel has helped a legion of young ladies emerge from puberty relatively unscathed. I’ve unfortunately never read it, though I have encountered Judy Blume via her “Fudge” novels. But I’m fully aware of the reputation, and I knew that this movie had a lot to live up to. And folks, I am happy to report that it does in fact live up to those expectations. This is such a tender and thoughtful portrayal of adolescence, friendship, and family dynamics.

It all comes down to vulnerability. This story is just so honest and open about each of its character’s hopes and desires. Margaret and her friends are curious about what’s going on with their own bodies, as well as everyone else’s. It’s no great revelation to say that that’s completely normal, but it’s still always nice to be reminded that those aspects of growing up are as natural as eating and sleeping. And when they get a little too gossipy, it’s still clear that that’s born out of a very human desire to make genuine connections.

That grace in storytelling is extended to the adult characters as well, especially Barbara. She’s a formerly working mom who’s eager to step away from her job teaching art so that she can spend more time at home. But she quickly overextends herself by volunteering for pretty much every PTA committee at Margaret’s school. Her most triumphant moment happens when she is able to gleefully say no to the next volunteer request. And that sums up the irresistible appeal of the whole movie: if you’re willing to admit how you’re feeling, chances are you’ll make someone who feels the same way suddenly feel a lot better.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret is Recommended If You Like: Baby boomer soundtracks, Old-timey sex-ed videos, Revisiting your most awkward memories

Grade: 4.5 out of 5 Sanitary Napkins

‘Polite Society’ Flies and Kicks Its Way Into Our Hearts

April 25, 2023

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PICTURED: Someone being polite (CREDIT: Parisa Taghizadeh/Focus Features)

Starring: Priya Kansara, Ritu Arya, Nimra Bucha, Shobu Kapoor, Ella Bruccoleri, Seraphina Beh, Shona Babayemi, Jeff Mirza, Akshay Khanna

Director: Nida Manzoor

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Sneaky Bodily Invasiveness

Release Date: April 28, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Ria Khan (Priya Kansara) has her heart set on becoming a big-time martial artist. She frequently writes fan letters to her idol, iconic English stunt professional Eunice Huthart, but she’s mostly a voice crying out in the dark. Her friends Alba (Ella Bruccoleri) and Clara (Seraphina Beh) are pretty much the only ones who will give her flights of fancy the time of day. Her parents (Shobu Kapoor, Jeff Mirza) totally don’t understand her at all, while her older sister Lena (Ritu Arya) is moving on to more adult pursuits, like dropping out of art school to marry some rich guy named Salim (Akshay Khanna). But Ria has major doubts about this dude, and she’s also detecting major supervillain energy emanating from his too-perfect mom (Nimra Bucha). Everybody assumes that Ria is just letting her imagination get out of hand, but despite her propensity for shenanigans, she might just be on to something.

What Made an Impression?: I’ve gotta say, after watching Polite Society, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to declare that Priya Kansara deserves to be a star.  As Ria, she has to commit fully to being a selfish control freak, and it’s often difficult to watch such an exhausting character. But Kansara manages to make her bearable. Not just bearable but frequently amusing! It certainly helps that the story becomes more fanciful as it moves along and that Ria’s suspicions are mostly vindicated. But even if that weren’t the case, Kansara still has a knack for being compelling while falling on her face, literally and metaphorically.

She also plays well with others, as the most memorable scenes are the farcical heists that Ria pulls off with Alba and Clara, as well as Ria’s bully-turned-ally Kovacs (Shona Babayemi). The first involves some light computer hacking and an ambush of Salim at the gym, while the follow-up is the climactic showdown at Lena and Salim’s wedding. Ridiculous Disguises + Always Having Each Others’ Backs = Some Good Silly Fun. In conclusion, Polite Society is a high-energy goof that’s mostly worth checking out.

Polite Society is Recommended If You Like: Never Have I Ever, Stargirl, 80s Action Flicks

Grade: 3 out of 5 Secret Lairs

Weekend Catchup: ‘Chevalier’ and ‘Renfield’

April 24, 2023

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Chevali-Hey! (CREDIT: Larry Horricks/Searchlight Pictures)

Chevalier:

Starring: Kelvin Harrison Jr., Samara Weaving, Lucy Boynton, Marton Csokas, Alex Fitzalan, Minnie Driver

Director: Stephen Williams

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: April 21, 2023 (Theaters)

Renfield:

Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Nicolas Cage, Awkwafina, Ben Schwartz, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Brandon Scott Jones, Adrian Martinez, Camille Chen

Director: Chris McKay

Running Time: 93 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: April 14, 2023 (Theaters)

I’ve been noticing something lately: there are a lot of new movies at the multiplex! We might even be back to a pre-pandemic output volume. How else to explain me spending the same weekend catching the likes of both Chevalier and Renfield?

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‘Evil Dead Rise’: The Dead Reign and Rain

April 20, 2023

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They’re so dead. (CREDIT: Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Lily Sullivan, Alyssa Sutherland, Morgan Davies, Gabrielle Echols, Nell Fisher

Director: Lee Cronin

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: R for Creative Body Horror and Overflowing Blood

Release Date: April 21, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: You can’t keep a good Book of the Dead down. It’s been over 40 years since those Deadites first popped out and wreaked havoc in the first Evil Dead, and they’re not showing signs of retiring anytime soon. This time, they’re breaking out of their usual cabin in the woods stomping ground and going a little more domestic. After newly single mom Ellie (Alyssa Sutherland) welcomes her unexpectedly visiting sister Beth (Lily Sullivan), she sends her kids Danny (Morgan Davies), Bridget (Gabrielle Echols), and Kassie (Nell Fisher) out for some pizza. On their way back, an earthquake rips open a hole in their apartment building’s parking garage, revealing a certain tome with a set of very sharp teeth. The kids are a little too curious, and soon enough, Mommy isn’t feeling very much like Mommy anymore. And that feeling might be contagious.

What Made an Impression?: One of the main reasons the Evil Dead franchise has endured as long as it has is the preternaturally charismatic screen presence of its original leading man, Bruce Campbell. He steps away from the main cast for Evil Dead Rise (much as he did with the 2013 reboot), though he still manages to be involved with the best part of the movie, as he voices a priest who can be heard on a vinyl record documenting a previous group’s encounter with the Book of the Dead. That’s not meant as a knock on the new actors, who are all mostly solid. Instead, it’s meant as praise for writer-director Lee Cronin continuing the tradition of capturing an atmosphere of eternally persistent inescapable dread.

Other than that, though, Evil Dead Rise doesn’t manage to be quite as singular as the original Sam Raimi-directed entries. That would be quite a tall order, to be fair. The slapstick brand of horror that reached its apotheosis in 1987’s Evil Dead II was unlike anything else of the era, and really unlike anything else in horror history. Evil Dead Rise aims for a more straightforwardly frightening experience, with some laugh lines here and there, but not in any way that’s terribly unusual for the genre. It certainly impresses with its buckets of blood and general relentlessness, though it doesn’t shift any paradigms. You’ll be slapped around by fear, instead of fully possessed by it.

Evil Dead Rise is Recommended If You Like: Old-timey radio plays, Voice modulation, Karo syrup

Grade: 3 out of 5 Deadites

‘Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant’ Spotlights the Plight of an Afghani Ally Targeted by the Taliban

April 19, 2023

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A key member of The Covenant (CREDIT: Christopher Raphael/Metro Goldwyn Mayer Pictures
© 2023 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures Inc. All Rights Reserved.)

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Dar Salim, Alexander Ludwig, Anthony Starr, Emily Beecham, Jonny Lee Miller

Director: Guy Ritchie

Running Time: 123 Minutes

Rating: R for Modern Warfare and Drunken Vitriol

Release Date: April 21, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant at first looks like a pretty typical 21st century war film, with lots of sweating and tumbling through mountainous desert terrain. It’s April 2018, and Sergeant John Kinley (Jake Gyllenhaal) finds himself squarely in the crosshairs of a resurgent Taliban, with nobody to protect him except his Afghani interpreter Ahmed (Dar Salim). Then about halfway through, the film pivots to the tangled odyssey of John repaying the favor by attempting to secure American visas for Ahmed and his family. It’s a high-stakes rescue mission with no promises of safety or success, as the only way to track down an Afghan citizen on the run from the Taliban is by jumping right back into the cauldron.

What Made an Impression?: The Covenant kicked off by having the gall to give me terrible flashbacks to Guy Ritchie’s last release, Operation Fortune: Rose de Guerre, as I struggled to keep track of everybody’s names and motivations. I thought I was paying attention well enough, but combat is obviously high-pressure, and soldiers can frequently find themselves in situations where it’s too dangerous to say their names to each other, let alone anything at all. But then that midpoint reinvention came along, and it was absolutely critical, and profoundly welcome. Suddenly it became clear that this wouldn’t be just a straightforward depiction of modern warfare, but an opportunity to call attention to an urgently timely issue. Furthermore, Sgt. Kinley would now have plenty of chances to say his own name and Ahmed’s over and over again.

Where The Covenant delivers its central point most saliently is a montage of John driving himself into a Kafkaesque rage over the futility of America’s visa process. It maybe fast-tracks a bit too much the development of him being driven to ruin by booze, but it works to convey just how destructively frustrating this bureaucracy is. The extraction scenes are pulse-pounding and cleanly edited, but the effect is stronger when the focus is on the conversations and negotiations. Thousands of real-life Afghans who worked alongside Americans are desperately waiting for their fortunes to turn as Ahmed’s did. If The Covenant can manage to throw a light on their plight, even just a little bit, then it will have been worth it.

Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant is Recommended If You Like: Going beyond the headlines of the nightly news

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Visas

‘Somewhere in Queens,’ You’ll Find Ray Romano’s Directorial Debut

April 18, 2023

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The Kings, and Queens, and Princes of Queens (CREDIT: Roadside Attractions)

Starring: Ray Romano, Laurie Metcalf, Jacob Ward, Sadie Stanley, Tony Lo Bianco, Sebastian Maniscalco, Jennifer Esposito, Dierdre Friel, Jon Manfrellotti

Director: Ray Romano

Running Time: 107 Minutes

Rating: R for Family Members Yelling at Each Other and Horny Teenagers

Release Date: April 21, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Leo Russo (Ray Romano) is just a regular guy living in Queens, New York. Almost every single one of his waking hours is spent with his boisterous Italian-American family, whether it’s their regular Sunday dinner, the latest wedding or christening, or the construction jobs alongside his dad (Tony Lo Bianco), brother (Sebastian Maniscalco), and nephews. The only time he really perks up nowadays is when he watches his son Matthew, nicknamed “Sticks” (Jacob Ward), leading the charge for his high school basketball team. Things are looking pretty promising for Sticks, what with a new girlfriend (Sadie Stanley) and college recruiters sniffing around. But when that road becomes a little rocky, Leo goes a bit too far to ensure that everything works out for his boy. What will his wife Angela (Laurie Metcalf) think? And will he overstep so far that he ends up alienating his entire family?

What Made an Impression?: Somewhere in Queens is basically what it would be like if there were an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where all the adults were suffering from midlife crises and all the kids were having quarter-life crises. It’s Romano’s feature directorial debut, so maybe it’s something he’s wanted to do for a while and just felt like he couldn’t within network sitcom confines. It’s not a massive departure, as he certainly brought plenty of sadsack energy to his portrayal of Ray Barone and plenty of other performances, but the dark clouds are more persistent here. Even the sillier moments are filled with inescapable melancholy. So, you know, if you’re a Ray Romano superfan, just know what you’re getting yourself into.

Bitterer-than-average turns is the name of the game for just about everybody, especially Laurie Metcalf as frustrated mom Angela, who is not at all excited about her pending empty nest era. Plenty of us know her and love her for the zingers she’s delivered with aplomb as Aunt Jackie on Roseanne and The Conners. As Angela, she’s much nastier and more resentful, but the variety that’s fueled by a mother’s love. (Regular viewers of ABC’s current Wednesday night lineup will also recognize Sadie Stanley from her time on The Goldbergs.)

At the center of it all is Jacob Ward as Sticks, who’s giving a performance that can fairly be described as “the opposite of charismatic.” That’s not a criticism; rather, it’s what the script calls for. Crafting a story around the most diffident teenager in the universe doesn’t make for the most enjoyable viewing experience from my vantage point. But there are probably plenty of viewers who will find something to relate to. And that pretty much sums up Somewhere in Queens altogether: far from a hoot and a half, but recognizably human.

Somewhere in Queens is Recommended If You Like: Weekends filled with weddings, christenings, and anniversaries

Grade: 3 out of 5 Construction Gigs

‘The Pope’s Exorcist’ is a Vespa Ride Full of Breezy Adventures

April 17, 2023

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Exorcists Gonna Exorcise (CREDIT: Jonathan Hession/Screen Gems/Sony Pictures Entertainment)

Starring: Russell Crowe, Daniel Zovatto, Alex Essoe, Laurel Marsden, Peter DeSouza-Feighoney, Ralph Ineson, Franco Nero, Cornell S. John

Director: Julius Avery

Running Time: 103 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: April 14, 2023 (Theaters)

Well now, how about an entire series of Pope’s Exorcist movies?! My favorite part of this movie was discovering that Russell Crowe was playing the very real Father Gabriele Amorth. I’m guessing that this telling embellished the details, but I’m also sure that the actual padre lived quite a life. And even if he didn’t, his decades of encounters with the devil makes for a durable enough premise to pretend that he did for plenty of cinematic hours. So let’s get to it!

Grade: Good Enough Start, Now Let’s Give This Exorcist Some More Exorcisms

‘Beau Is Afraid,’ But Maybe He’ll Be Less Afraid If You Go See His Movie

April 14, 2023

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Beau Afraid, Beau Very Afraid (CREDIT: Takashi Seida/A24)

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Zoe Lister-Jones, Nathan Lane, Amy Ryan, Patti LuPone, Richard Kind, Parker Posey, Kylie Rogers, Denis Ménochet, Stephen McKinley Henderson, Hayley Squires, Armen Nahapetian

Director: Ari Aster

Running Time: 179 Minutes

Rating: R for Sex, Naked Stabbings, Giant Testicles, Peer Pressure, and Just an All-Around Disturbing Odyssey

Release Date: April 14, 2023(New York and L.A. Theaters)/Expands April 21

What’s It About?: Beau Wasserman (Joaquin Phoenix) is just trying to get home to visit his mom Mona (Zoe Lister-Jones in flashbacks, Patti LuPone in the present day). He’s really, really trying to! But you wouldn’t believe the obstacles in his way! She’s skeptical that he’s making the most honest effort, but we get to see what he has to deal with. He lives in the most outrageously dangerous part of town, which leads to his apartment being broken into and then epically destroyed. Then a series of comically violent misunderstandings concludes with him being plowed down in traffic. Luckily, the people who hit him are a seemingly lovely couple (Amy Ryan, Nathan Lane) who take him into their home while he’s healing. Not so luckily, their teenage daughter (Kylie Rogers) is an absolute nightmare, and their late son’s Army buddy (Denis Ménochet) is seriously disturbed. Beau eventually breaks free enough to go on a spiritual journey of sorts and eventually arrive at his childhood home. But will it be too late for him to get his mother to confess what really happened between them when he was growing up?

What Made an Impression?: When dealing with a 3-hour movie like Beau Is Afraid, we all of course want to know: is it possible to make it through the whole thing without nodding off or losing patience? I can confidently say that writer-director Ari Aster and his totally game cast held my attention the whole time, though your results may vary. There are gonzo left turns around every corner, which some might find profoundly exhausting. But if you can get on the right wavelength, it’ll be quite fulfilling and invigorating.

The whole film dances on the precipice between real and surreal. Just when I think I can come up with a logical explanation for how this could all possibly happen, suddenly a giant phallic monster shows up. It’s biblical, I must say. This might as well have been called Ari Aster’s Old Testament.

I think the skeleton key might lie in the opening scene, as Beau meets with his therapist (Stephen McKinley Henderson) and gets a new, somewhat dangerous prescription. Everything that follows might be a trip through Beau’s subconscious, and not exactly of the most ethical variety. The doc may very well be in cahoots with Mona, and they may have cooked up a fantastical scheme to test Beau’s love. I hope that this isn’t a metaphor for Aster’s relationship with his own mother, but if it is, I pray that it can serve as an opening for them to heal their own wounds. (And that same sentiment holds true for anyone who’s had a rough relationship with a parent!)

Beau Is Afraid is Recommended If You Like: The Game, The Book of Job

Grade: 4 out of 5 Guilt Trips

Ay Yai Yai, ‘Mafia Mamma’

April 12, 2023

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Mamma Mia! (CREDIT: Bleecker Street)

Starring: Toni Collette, Monica Bellucci, Sophia Nomvete, Giulio Corso, Francesco Mastroianni, Alfonso Perugini, Eduardo Scarpetta, Tim Daish, Tommy Rodger

Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Running Time: 101 Minutes

Rating: R for Screwy Violence and Awkwardly Self-Aware Sex

Release Date: April 14, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Kristin (Toni Collette) is just your typical American suburban mom with a steady job at an ad agency who longs to live out her own version of Eat Pray Love. She hardly knows her birth country of Italy, but she gets a chance to finally visit when the grandfather she never knew passes away. And wouldn’t you know it, Grandpa was a godfather, and control of the family’s operations has now been inherited by none other than Kristin. Could it be that all she needs to experience a midlife renaissance is brokering a peace between warring mafia factions? She’s going to find out soon enough, because passions run hot in Calabria, and nobody has much patience for a silly American who just wants to eat pasta and hook up with random hotties.

What Made an Impression?: Mafia Mamma is an absolutely outrageous movie. Nobody seems to have any idea how to behave appropriately in the pressure-filled situations they find themselves in. Kristin reacts pretty much exactly the same when she walks in on her husband having sex with someone else as she does when being shot at during a funeral. Which is to say: general annoyance that just gets added to the list of grievances that make her midlife crisis. And then there’s the scene when her video work call gets interrupted by an assassin, and the ensuing tussle climaxes with a nice bloody close-up of a detached eyeball plopping along the floor. This could be amusing, but it’s all so blunt. The timing is just way off.

I would love to be able to say that I enjoyed this movie. How could anybody resist Toni Collette! And it’s always nice to see Catherine Hardwicke continuing to work, even if she’ll probably never direct anything as massive as Twilight ever again. But sometimes you just have to accept that the people you’re rooting for don’t quite accomplish what they’re trying to pull off. It can be tough to get a violent screwball formula just right, so there’s no reason to dwell on it when it doesn’t work out.

Mafia Mamma is Recommended If You Like: Shaming people for never having seen The Godfather

Grade: 2 out of 5 Gelatos

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