‘Shazam! Fury of the Gods’ Did Not Make Me Furious, At the Very Least

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Look at how furious Shazam is! (CREDIT:
Warner Bros. Pictures/Screenshot)

Starring: Zachary Levi, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer, Adam Brody, Helen Mirren, Lucy Liu, Rachel Zegler, Ross Butler, Ian Chen, D.J. Cotrona, Jovan Armand, Grace Caroline Currey, Meagan Good, Faithe Herman, Djimon Hounsou, Marta Milans, Cooper Andrews

Director: David F. Sandberg

Running Time: 130 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: March 17, 2023 (Theaters)

Shazam! Fury of the Gods reminded me of Wonder Woman 1984, both in terms of how it makes risky storytelling decisions, and also in terms of how Wonder Woman is in it. In the case of the WW follow-up, it was kind of inexplicable compared to the first outing. But in the case of the lightning bolt boy, the darkly kooky vibe was absolutely called for and precedented, it just didn’t work as well as it did the first time. But I’m still glad I watched it!

Grade: A Sort-Of Unicorn

2-for-1 Movie Review: How to Paint a Pipeline

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CREDIT: IFC Films; NEON

How to Blow Up a Pipeline

Starring: Ariela Barer, Kristine Froseth, Lukas Gage, Forrest Goodluck, Sasha Lane, Jayme Lawson, Marcus Scribner, Jake Weary, Irene Bedard, Olive Jane Lorraine

Director: Daniel Goldhaber

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: R for Nights of Debauchery Amidst the Activism

Release Date: April 7, 2023 (Theaters)

Paint

Starring: Owen Wilson, Michaela Watkins, Stephen Root, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ciara Renée, Luisa Strus

Director: Brit McAdams

Running Time: 96 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Weird Sexiness and Pipe Smoking

Release Date: April 7, 2023 (Theaters)

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‘The Super Mario Bros. Movie’ Keeps It Faithful, But Why Not Be Weirder?

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Plumbing the depths (CREDIT: Nintendo and Universal Studios)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Anya-Taylor Joy, Charlie Day, Jack Black, Keegan Michael-Key, Seth Rogen, Fred Armisen, Sebastian Maniscalco, Charles Martinet, Kevin Michael Richardson

Directors: Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic

Running Time: 92 Minutes

Rating: PG for Scrapes and Scuffles That Don’t Leave a Mark

Release Date: April 5, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Mario brothers are ready to take their plumbing business to the next level! Better watch out for those pipes, though. Based on the long-running series of Nintendo video games, the gang’s all here in the faithfully colorful Super Mario Bros. Movie. Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) find themselves suddenly sucked into a fantastical kingdom where wooden blocks hold the promise of physical transformation. They team up with Princess Peach (Anya-Taylor Joy) to defeat the over-the-top villainous Bowser (Jack Black), while a mushroom creature (Keegan Michael-Key) and a goofy gorilla (Seth Rogen) round out the core crew.

What Made an Impression?: Mario and Luigi have of course made it onto the big screen before, though 1993’s live-action Super Mario Bros. was widely considered an unmitigated disaster. Bizarrely enough, this latest cinematic adventure keeps the same basic skeleton, as the Mario brothers drive around Brooklyn in their plumbing van, only to then find themselves in the middle of an interdimensional conflict. But beyond that shared setup, it’s a vastly different journey this time. The 1993 version isn’t exactly a misunderstood classic, but it is unlike pretty much anything else that came before or after. Meanwhile, this computer-animated update is basically a series of right-down-the-middle cutscenes.

It’s harmless and amusing in spots, but stripped of way too much personality. It all starts with the voice of the stocky fellow at the center. Chris Pratt has some useful tools in his skill set, but bringing to life an iconically cartoonish ball of energy is not one of them. There’s even a joke about how he sounds nothing like the Mario of the video games! Now look, Bob Hoskins didn’t exactly sound like classic Mario either, but he brought something undeniably unique. Pratt’s mandate, meanwhile, appears to be to turn him into Bland Everyman Hero.

At least everyone else is able to stretch and have some fun. Black in particular has a blast, as he transforms Bowser into the dragon-turtle version of Tenacious D, while Fred Armisen’s Cranky Kong sounds just like his impression of Anna Nicole Smith trial judge Larry Seidlin. There are also plenty of reliable needle drops, though I’m not sure some of them have anything to do with Mario. (“Take on Me,” anyone?) Ultimately, my favorite part of The Super Mario Bros. Movie is the Illumination logo at the beginning that features a Minion attempting to drive a go-kart, which led me to realize that it’s high time to incorporate those little yellow fellas into the Nintendo universe.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie is Recommended If You Like: Bright colors and simple plots

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Power Ups

‘Air’ Soars Across the Court

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They’re sailing through the air! (CREDIT: Ana Carballosa/© Amazon Conten Services LLC)

Starring: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Viola Davis, Jason Bateman, Chris Tucker, Chris Messina, Matthew Maher, Julius Tennon, Marlon Wayans, Jay Mohr

Director: Ben Affleck

Running Time: 112 Minutes

Rating: R for Big League Potty Mouths

Release Date: April 5, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Nowadays, Nike stands victorious in pretty much every sector of the athletic shoe market. But there was a time when that wasn’t the case! So Air takes us back to 1984 to reveal the story of When Nike Met Mikey. As Michael Jordan was headed to the Chicago Bulls out of North Carolina, it wasn’t immediately obvious what sort of transcendent figure he would become. But there were a few folks who recognized something unprecedented, including Sonny Vaccaro (Matt Damon), the Nike executive who bet the company’s entire basketball division on a whole new paradigm with the introduction of the Air Jordan sneaker. What emerges is a story about not just peeking into the future, but also taking what’s yours and shaking off exploitation.

What Made an Impression?: Air is one of those movies that is just perfectly cast. I’m enthralled by everyone’s introductory scene, and I’m excited for them to return when they’re not on the screen. Damon slips right into Sonny’s everyman hustle, while the rest of the Nike office is rounded out by Chris Tucker’s indefatigable motormouth and Jason Bateman’s charming frustration. Matthew Maher is an absolute treat as Pete Moore, the excitable designer tasked with realizing the Air Jordan vision. Chris Messina is a hoot as Jordan’s egomaniacal agent, while Viola Davis brings it all home in an unsurprisingly commanding performance as Jordan’s mother Deloris. And of course, we can’t forget Ben Affleck directing himself as Nike founder Phil Knight with a mix of desperate world-weariness and lingering idealism.

With a movie about fairly recent history, you can have a lot of fun with 20/20 hindsight wisdom, and Air makes the most of it. Did Nike execs really doubt the cultural viability of Charles Barkley, who went on to become one of the most telegenic players and broadcasters in NBA history? Maybe, maybe not, but the folly of that massive misread is still worth plenty of snickers regardless of accuracy. Much more believable, at least from my vantage point, is the lack of awareness about Gonzaga University in the years before they became a college basketball powerhouse.

After all the fun and the bluster, Air ultimately reveals itself as a tribute to the importance of workers’ rights. It may seem counterintuitive to pin that message on a billionaire like Jordan, but those massive riches he accrued were never a guarantee. And the film makes a compelling argument that the highly individualized Air Jordan deal set a precedent that the workers of the sports world – i.e., the players – deserved autonomy and security, no matter how vast or pitiful their base compensation. If a sneaker can look cool AND make the world just a little bit better, then the human race is doing something just a little bit right.

Air is Recommended If You Like: Tracksuits, Car phones, Poring over game tape

Grade: 4 out of 5 Sneakers

‘A Thousand and One’ Review: Who is This Mother?

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One, Two, A Thousand and One (CREDIT: Courtesy of Focus Features)

Starring: Teyana Taylor, Will Catlett, Josiah Cross, Aven Courtney, Aaron Kingsley Adetola

Director: A.V. Rockwell

Running Time: 116 Minutes

Rating: R for People Yelling at Each Other

Release Date: March 31, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: In 1994, a young woman named Inez (Teyana Taylor) is released from Rikers Island and determined to get her life back on track. She quickly locates her six-year-old son Terry (Aaron Kingsley Adetola, and then Aven Courtney at age 13 and Josiah Cross at age 17) and pulls him out of the foster care system. Over the course of the ensuing decade, Mother and Son, as well as Inez’s longtime partner Lucky (Will Catlett), weather the challenges of a crappy New York City apartment, the violence of the streets, and terminal health diagnoses. All the while, Inez is constantly looking over her shoulder in the chance that the authorities will expose whatever she’s up to. Terry can sense something fishy, but he has no idea about the full extent of the truth about who he really is.

What Made an Impression?: A Thousand and One puts a ton of dramatic weight on the shoulders of Taylor, whom I know primarily from Kanye West’s “Fade” music video and as the Firefly from Season 7 of The Masked Singer. She does have several other credits to her name, but this is by far the most demanding on-screen role of her career thus far. And she rises to the occasion! Some people just have star quality, plain and simple, and Taylor is one of those stellar folks.

But while my feelings towards Taylor are pretty clear-cut, I’m more ambivalent about this genre of film overall. While watching stories of people struggling to get by, I often find myself wondering, “Is this overly exploitative?” and “Is this even meant to be entertaining, or just challenging?” A Thousand and One certainly doesn’t answer these questions; instead, it merely brings them back to the fore. Writer-director A.V. Rockwell paints a vivid portrait, but not a particularly unique one.

What is unique, however, is a heartbreaking, clarifying final act. Terry eventually does find the answers he’s always deserved, and it’s quite the treat to see this movie pull off such a surprise in a genre that’s not especially known for its twisty reveals. But if done properly, it works no matter what type of story you’re trying to tell. It’s a matter of editing and rhythm, and A Thousand and One nails its final decrescendo.

A Thousand and One is Recommended If You Like: Recently bygone eras of NYC

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Leaky Pipes

‘John Wick: Chapter 4’ Somehow Pulls Off the Trick of Going Both Epic and Scaled-Down

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I’m thinking he’s back. (CREDIT: Murray Close)

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Donnie Yen, Bill Skarsgård, Ian McShane, Laurence Fishburne, Hiroyuki Sanada, Shamier Anderson, Lance Reddick, Rina Sawayama, Scott Adkins

Director: Chad Stahelski

Running Time: 169 Minutes

Rating: R for The Usual Hail of Bullets and Blades

Release Date: March 24, 2023

What’s It About?: John Wick is finally getting out of the game, somehow someway. Keanu Reeves’ superhuman assassin has had everything he loves ripped away, and now he’s excommunicated from his deadly vocation and thereby marked for the grave. Although, if memory serves correctly, I’m pretty sure this latest excommunication is just adding to a pile of excommunications. I guess we’ve reached Double Secret Probation Excommunication at this point. Anyway, for this go-round, John is completely in go-for-broke mode. He’s going to escape the clutches of the High Table, the ruling council that controls everything, or die trying. Meanwhile, Bill Skarsgård is on hand as the Marquis Vincent de Gramont, the dandiest of dastardly villains who likes to keep all his pretty pawns in place. Will John’s friends help him out, or will they too be forced to kill him? Either way, the bullets (and all the other cleverly improvised killing devices) will be flying.

What Made an Impression?: The John Wick series has a legion of fans thanks to its boundless swagger and pizazz. But it’s never quite won me over, due in no small part to its overwhelming acoustics. Furthermore, as the mythology expanded with each successive entry, I found myself caring less and less about the codes and rituals of this assassin culture. In the wake of Chapter 4, I wouldn’t say I’m a convert, but I can at least appreciate it as an achievement of singular craftsmanship and vision.

The running time is nearly three hours, which represents a gradual ballooning over the course of the franchise, as the first one clocked in at a mere 1 hour and 40 minutes. But it never feels bloated; quite the opposite, in fact. There’s a lot to accomplish and plenty of globe-hopping, but the mission is lean and focused. And the minutiae of the mythology is toned way down, so if you missed the first three, or forgot all the details, you can dive right in and still get the gist. And for those of you hardcore Wick-ians, there’s plenty new to love here, especially Donnie Yen as a blind assassin with unparalleled acrobatic lethality. It’s a colorful world of killers out there, and they’re all digging into the delectable feast.

John Wick: Chapter 4 is Recommended If You Like: This clip from a Japanese game show

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Bounties

Willem Dafoe is Stuck ‘Inside’ – Should You Join Him?

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Knock Knock. Who’s ‘Inside’? Willem Dafoe. Willem Dafoe Who? Willem Dafriend. (CREDIT: Courtesy of Focus Features)

Starring: Willem Dafoe

Director: Vasilis Katsoupis

Running Time: 105 Minutes

Rating: R, Because Weird Things Happen When You’re Stuck All Alone in a Penthouse

Release Date: March 17, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Have you ever wanted to be endlessly trapped in a penthouse apartment with Willem Dafoe? Then Inside is the movie for you! Although, that promise of companionship might not be all it’s cracked up to be. Dafoe plays Nemo, an art thief who finds himself in accidental solitary confinement when an attempted heist becomes completely pear-shaped. The penthouse’s security system goes haywire (or maybe this is exactly how it’s supposed to work when an intruder arrives), and Nemo’s associates on the outside immediately abandon him. There’s basically no hope of escape, and any flash of hope that Nemo can signal someone on the outside for help is merely that, just a flash. But at least there’s plenty of expensive art to keep him company!

What Made an Impression?: I know I’m not the only one who thinks of Willem Dafoe as “Willem Da Friend.” What I’m trying to say is, I’m always happy when he’s on my screen. But it turns out that it’s a big ask to watch just about anyone wasting away in such relentless isolation. I’d like to believe that there are interesting ways to keep someone trapped, but Inside struck me as mostly tedious. It has some ideas on its mind, but nothing really tickled my philosophical bone.

At the beginning of the film, Nemo recalls in voiceover a time he was asked as a child what three things he would save if his house were on fire. At the time, he settled upon an AC/DC CD, his cat, and his sketchbook. Looking back on that moment, he now seems less fond of the Australian rockers and the meowing critter, but he firmly believes that “art is for keeps.” Perhaps his current predicament is meant as a test of that theory? If it is, we never really see him grapple with any sort of existential conundrum. Sure, he gradually loses his sanity, but that would probably happen to anybody in his situation, no matter what their feelings about art.

The one element of Inside that I unreservedly enjoyed was the refrigerator that plays the “Macarena” (of 90s dance craze fame) whenever it’s opened. If we had gotten an hour and a half of Dafoe boogieing along with Los Del Rio, instead of just a few minutes, I think I would have bit just a bit harder. If my house were on fire, I would want to ensure that “Macarena” makes it out alive. Luckily, I wouldn’t have to worry, because there’s no way you can burn away the indelible spirit it’s left on all of humanity. Inside doesn’t fully emphasize the power of the Macarena, but it certainly doesn’t dispute it either, and that’s the message I’m choosing to focus on.

Inside is Recommended If You Like: Insisting that everything is art

Grade: 2 out of 5 CCTVs

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Review-a-mania

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Oh my God, Ant-Man admit it! (CREDIT: Marvel Entertainment/Screenshot)

Starring: Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Kathryn Newton, Jonathan Majors, Michael Douglas, Michelle Pfeiffer, David Dastmalchian, Katy O’Brian, William Jackson Harper, Bill Murray, Corey Stoll

Director: Peyton Reed

Running Time: 124 Minutes

Rating: PG-13

Release Date: February 17, 2023 (Theaters)

I liked the beginning of Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, because it was bright and sunny, both literally and metaphorically. I also liked the end, because it was once again bright and sunny. But I didn’t like the parts in the Quantum Realm as much, because they were quite dark. I saw it two days after my birthday, and it definitely wasn’t the best birthday movie, so it’s good that I didn’t see it on the exact anniversary of my expulsion from a uterus.

While the credits were unspooling, a youngster of about six told his dad, “I hate this movie,” as he walked past me. I try not to hate, but I kept holding my head at a weird angle while watching, and that wasn’t good for my neck. Both literally and metaphorically.

Grade: Infinity Plus 3 out of Infinity Times 2 Kangs

’65’ Shines a Little Less Brightly Than Sixty-Five Stars

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Adam Driver stars in 65. (CREDIT: Patti Perret/Sony Pictures Entertainment)

Starring: Adam Driver, Ariana Greenblatt, Chloe Coleman, Nika King

Directors: Scott Beck and Bryan Woods

Running Time: 93 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Dino Chompers and Biting Bugs

Release Date: March 10, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: They called the movie 65, but it’s worth a lot more than that. Indeed, add several zeros after that title, as it takes place 65 million years ago. A couple of humans lead the cast, but it’s the time of the dinosaurs on Planet Earth. Time travel isn’t on the docket, but intergalactic transport instead, as a pilot named Mills (Adam Driver) is on a mission to find a cure for his sick daughter (Chloe Coleman). But it all goes kablooey when his ship crashes on unfamiliar terra, where he soon finds himself at war with a bunch of rexes and raptors, and more than a couple of hungry insects. And in his care is the only other surviving passenger, a young girl named Koa (Ariana Greenblatt) who doesn’t speak the same language as Mills but is with him all the way.

What Made an Impression?: By major studio sci-fi standards, 65 is fairly low-budget, which you can definitely feel. The lighting is often dim, and we rarely see full shots of the larger dinos. That’s not necessarily a death knell if the human drama is compelling, but alas, there aren’t really any fireworks there either. Driver and Greenblatt have an easy rhythm, but that’s just the thing – it’s too easy. It’s not like there needs to be any major conflict in this sort of guardian-child relationship, but every triumph feels preordained. Mills and Koa are very much in mortal danger the whole time, but you never feel that viscerally.

So what to do with a functionally well-made movie that doesn’t really thrill or inspire? Well, I sat in the theater peacefully for an hour and a half and was grateful that I had an occasion to get out of the house. I was less happy, however, about the skittering and screeching sound effects that disrupted my physiological equilibrium. But that was more of a minor nuisance than anything particularly terrible. To reiterate, 65 didn’t make me feel very strongly in either direction. Maybe if you’re a completist when it comes to sci-fi spacefaring or dino-heavy larks, you can find something worthwhile here, but otherwise, there’s not much to get excited about here.

65 is Recommended If You Like: Genre Fare and you’re not too demanding

Grade: 2 out of 5 Laser Blasts

‘Scream VI’ Takes as Many Bites Out of The Big Apple as Possible

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Scream If You Know What You’re Doing March 10 (CREDIT: Paramount Pictures and Spyglass Media Group)

Starring: Melissa Barrera, Jenna Ortega, Courteney Cox, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Mason Gooding, Hayden Panettiere, Dermot Mulroney, Devyn Nekoda, Liana Liberato, Jack Champion, Josh Segarra, Samara Weaving, Tony Revolori, Henry Czerny, Roger L. Jackson

Directors: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Running Time: 123 Minutes

Rating: R for Sharp Weapons and Blunt Profanity

Release Date: March 10, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: The Ghostface Killer is a virus that simply refuses to die. After 2022’s Scream rebooted the mayhem in Woodsboro with as much wit and fury as ever, the survivors are finally heading out of California and all the way across the country to New York City. Tara (Jenna Ortega), Mindy (Jasmin Savoy Brown), and Chad (Mason Gooding) are in college, while Tara’s big sis Sam (Melissa Barrera) has also settled down in the city to keep an eye on everyone. Yes, horror faithful, it’s true, the new kids have finally inherited the franchise. After taking a scaled-back role in the last outing, Sidney Prescott is finally nowhere to be seen (which is perhaps creatively justifiable, but has more to do with Neve Campbell’s financial dissatisfaction with what she was offered). But there are a couple of legacy characters on hand, with Gail Weathers (Courteney Cox) as indefatigable as ever, and Scream 4 breakout Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettiere) re-emerging as a battle-hardened FBI agent. And those youngsters are going to need all the help they can get, because this might just be the most brutal Ghostface yet.

What Made an Impression?: Scream has always been the most successful self-aware horror franchise, and with the fifth edition, it expanded its scope to reboots and toxic film culture at large. So where does that leave Scream VI to possibly go from here? The short answer: it’s the “sequel to the requel,” which could very well mean a remake of sorts of the first sequel. And like Scream 2, VI has the college setting and the potential for a revenge scheme. Other than that, the plot isn’t exactly repeated, but there’s only so much room to navigate if this series wants to proclaim anything that it hasn’t yet declared.

So with those restrictions in place, VI lives or dies by the strength of its kills and mystery. Regarding the former, it’s stunningly braven. The Ghostface murderers have never been shy about wantonly stabbing their way through the entire run time, but it hits a little differently in a setting as crowded as NYC. When a killer chases Tara and Sam into a bodega and proceeds to mutilate everyone in there, I’m mostly wondering how there aren’t immediately thousands of witnesses. Also, there’s a shotgun behind the counter, which I hope isn’t true of the bodegas I frequent, but now I’m a little concerned. On the other hand, a Ghostface attack on the subway hasn’t changed my mind about that mode of transport – it remains a hellhole that I’ll continue to proudly frequent as often as possible.

And in terms of the mystery, the same cardinal rule still applies: literally anyone could be one of the killers! Sure, the heroes from the previous films are probably exempt from suspicion, although Sam’s backstory as the daughter of O.G. Ghostface Billy Loomis at least teases the possibility that that may not be the case. But other than that, suspicion really is cast on everyone, and I continue to be amazed at this series’ knack for keeping us on our toes. As suspects are eliminated or present seemingly airtight alibis, we’re all left wondering who is possibly left to be the culprit. Without giving anything away, the ultimate reveal is thrilling, stylish, and delightfully choreographed.

But while we’re on the subject of spoilers, I’m happy to give away the fact that Josh Segarra, here introduced as a potential love interest for Sam, is just as much of a sweetie pie as he is on the Comedy Central sitcom The Other Two. (And in the interest of avoiding spoilers, I’ll reiterate that that may or may not have nothing or anything to do with whether or not he could be Ghostface.)

So where does Scream go from here? The floor has thus far proved to be incredibly durable, but can it endure indefinitely? The absence of Sidney is sorely felt, and the dialogue isn’t always as sharp as it’s been in the past, but there’s still plenty to love here. I’m reminded a bit of the Fast and Furious franchise, as Scream is showing off a knack for expansiveness and rebooting beloved characters as needed, although without any room (thus far) for resurrections or redemptions. So maybe Campbell could return some day. Maybe Ghostface will eventually go to space. Maybe there’ll be an avenging protector Ghostface who protects everyone from all the evil Ghostfaces. Whatever direction it goes, I’m pretty sure something interesting will happen.

Scream VI is Recommended If You Like: Taking a chance on a new direction while still maintaining a connection to the past

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Unmaskings

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