92nd Oscars Predictions/Preferences

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CREDIT: NEON CJ Entertainment

Here’s my quick rundown of who’s most likely to grab the gold on Sunday, February 9, 2020, and whom I would vote for if I had a ballot.

Best Picture
Prediction: Parasite (unless 1917 is fully dominant)
Preference: Parasite

Best Director
Prediction: Sam Mendes
Preference: Bong Joon-ho

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The 2019 Jeff Malone Academy Awards

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CREDIT: A24

If I were in charge of unilaterally selecting the Oscars, here is who would be selected. Nominees are listed alphabetically, winners in bold.

Best Picture
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Greener Grass
Ready or Not
Uncut Gems
Under the Silver Lake

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Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 2/7/20

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CREDIT: Katrina Marcinowski/Netflix

Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Horse Girl (Streaming February 7 on Netflix) – Alison Brie Alert!
The Lodge (Limited Theatrically)

TV
McMillion$ (Premiered February 3 on HBO)
-35th Independent Spirit Awards (February 8 on IFC)
-92nd Academy Awards (February 9 on ABC) – But where’s the host?!

‘The Lodge’ Might Be Too Twisty for Its Own Good, But It’s Still a Chilling New Vision of Cabin Fever

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CREDIT: Thimios Bakatakis/A24/Courtesy of Sundance Institute

Starring: Riley Keough, Jaeden Martell, Lia McHugh, Richard Armitage, Alicia Silverstone

Directors: Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: R for Some Shocking Gunshots, Disturbing Tableaux, and a Little Post-Shower Nudity

Release Date: February 7, 2020

In The Lodge, a couple of kids (Jaeden Martell, Lia McHugh) head to a cabin during Christmas break with their dad Richard (Richard Armitage) and his new fiance Grace (Riley Keough). Work duties force Richard to head back home for a few days, which leaves Grace and the kids snowed in due to some, shall we say, inclement weather. And that’s when things start getting weird. The youngsters have resented Grace for as long as they’ve known her, and the tight quarters only amplify those feelings at first. They eventually start to approach a bit of a detente, but then everything suddenly breaks down. The power shuts off, the backup generator won’t work, and everyone’s cell phone is fully uncharged. And on top of all that, the refrigerator and all the cabinets and dresser drawers have been mysteriously cleared out.

Suddenly being cut off from the rest of the world in inhospitable weather is (and has been plenty of times) enough of a premise to introduce extreme physical and psychological danger. But the thorough disappearance of all those provisions adds an immense layer of mystery. Have the kids pulled an elaborate prank on Grace, or vice versa? None of them seem inclined to take their ill will that far, and there doesn’t appear to be enough room for them to hide everything anyway. And nothing about this situation makes any sense as a break-in.

The possibility of a more supernatural explanation butts its way in soon enough. It’s been lingering around there for a while, long before this predicament ever began. Grace, it should very much be noted, is the sole survivor of a religious cult that committed mass suicide when she was twelve years old. She remains haunted by the experience in her dreams and is given to frequent sleepwalking. Maybe that trauma has somehow made its way out of her subconscious and started tangibly affecting those around her. Furthermore, weird items start appearing that make Grace and the kids seriously wonder if they are now in fact dead and are stuck in some sort of purgatory. They then grapple with a fascinating conundrum that much of The Lodge is concerned with: since none of us really know what comes after death, how do we recognize it when we experience it?

Eventually, The Lodge decides that it must end, and in so doing, it moves away from the supernatural and back towards the corporeal. This leads to a whole host of paradoxes that I don’t think I, or any viewer, or anyone involved in this film can provide a full satisfying explanation for. The prosaic and the more out-there elements really do not sit well together. It’s twist upon twist upon twist, though it’s never clear (perhaps purposely) which twist is the truest. The fallout from trying to make sense of it all is a little too disturbing to handle. That said, much of the staging and thematics of the film itself are disturbing in all the right ways.

The Lodge is Recommended If You Like: It Comes at Night, Hereditary

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Gas Heaters

‘Birds of Prey’ Just Lets Harley Quinn Do Whatever the Hell She Wants

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CREDIT: Warner Bros.

Starring: Margot Robbie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Jurnee Smollett-Bell, Rosie Perez, Ella Jay Basco, Ewan McGregor, Chris Messina, Ali Wong

Director: Cathy Yan

Running Time: 109 Minutes

Rating: R for So Many Broken Bones and Direct Bullet Hits

Release Date: February 7, 2020

The full title of Birds of Prey is Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn), but a better moniker would have been Harley Queen (and also the Birds of Prey [Sort Of] Form by the End). I’ve never really known the titular psychologist to be a member of any of the former iterations of this female superteam, though to all you DC devotees out there, feel free to let me know if I’ve been missing out on anything important in the comics. But regardless of how the source material goes, Margot Robbie’s version of Harley is never fully committed to being a Bird of Prey. But while the emphasis in the title may be misplaced, that doesn’t necessarily mean the movie is bad. What it does mean is that director Cathy Yan and her ensemble are willing to do whatever the hell they want, for better and worse.

It starts out promisingly and invigoratingly enough, as Harley tells us her story in John Kricfalusi-style animated form from nun-run orphanage to PhD to the Clown Prince of Crime’s arm candy to unpredictable free agent. This is dynamite context-establishing in the vein of Into the Spider-Verse, but the pace of the rest of the film can’t quite keep up. The plot is simple enough to keep track of, as a diverse crew of vigilantes, detectives, and criminals start swarming around a teenage pickpocket (Ella Jay Basco) who has swallowed a diamond that’s worth millions. Time frequently gets rewound to fill us in on backstory and to keep us on our toes, but in the end, it’s all just Gotham’s most relatively mentally well-adjusted criminals getting annoyed at each other.

The violence is shocking and gleeful, but also discordant against the neon-bubblegum aesthetic. It would be a mistake to think that Harley is so sweet that she wouldn’t hurt a fly, but it is never clear how she learned to readily break so many legs with such elan. That technique sums up Birds of Prey as a whole. It keeps hitting you in so many directions while simultaneously blowing up everything in sight and cackling like a hyena (much like the one Harley keeps as a pet). Harley is chaotic good, chaotic neutral, and/or chaotic evil – whatever the situation calls for. She may not be anything more than an adjunct Bird of Prey, but the full-time Birds are happy to join her gig for however long she’ll have them. I’m glad these ladies are having fun, though I would have appreciated some more discipline in the storytelling momentum.

Birds of Prey is Recommended If You Like: The DCEU’s recent one-off vibe and you give a lot of leeway for uniqueness

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Perfect Egg Sandwiches

Best 2020 Super Bowl Commercials

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CREDIT: Reeses/YouTube Screenshot

The major trend of Super Bowl LIV’s ads appeared to be Collaboration. Multiple spots promoted multiple products, what with Charlie Day asking everyone what to do about his stain and Sofia Vergara teaming up with the Old Spice guy and the Charmin bear with the clean heinie to take care of a chili spill. As for my own particular personal reactions, it felt so good to laugh again!

Before I get to the rankings, I would like to note that at the viewing party I attended, it was hard to hear the ads during the first half, but thankfully by the third quarter the acoustics were much more favorable. If any early spots looked like they deserved reconsideration, I made sure to re-watch them on YouTube.

5. Minions: The Rise of Gru, “Get Ready” – Usually I don’t include movie or TV trailers in these rankings, but this is Minions (set to “Sabotage”), so obviously I had to make an exception.

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Jeff’s Wacky SNL Review: J.J. Watt/Luke Combs

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CREDIT: Saturday Night Live/Screenshot

It’s Super Bowl Weekend, and when Super Bowl Weekend comes around, you know those talent bookers at SNL are like, “I’ve got to get me a footballer to host!” It doesn’t happen every year, but it did happen this year, this year being 2020 AD. That footballer is one Mr. Justin James Watt (who was born precisely one year and 13 days after me [unlucky number 13]) Elsewhere in the building, Luke Combs isn’t letting his big bushy beard get in the way of crooning his country concoctions.

All right, on to the show: It’s one of those weeks, similar to many other weeks, in which the political news of the day is not to be ignored, and thus the very first sketch of the episode is a little playlet entitled “The Trial You Wish Had Happened” (Grade: 3/5 Ukes), wherein the impeachment proceedings get a little, shall we say, wacky? This one very much had a “why not” feel to it. In fact, I think the phrase “Why not?” was part of the dialogue. It was at about this point in watching the show that I finished eating a breakfast of scrambled eggs and an English muffin, after having had a pre-breakfast of cereal about an hour earlier. Back to the show: athlete monologues tend to feel like they have a firm hand guiding them, and J.J. Watt’s Monologue (Grade: 3.5/5 Musclemen) was no exception. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; in fact, it can ensure that punchlines are delivered efficiently.

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Best Albums of 2019

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It’s been a few years since I’ve made an Albums of the Year list, but I really felt compelled to make one for 2019. Here are the audio compilations from the recent past that really made an impact on me:

14. Camila Cabello, Romance – Fun and bouncy.
13. Harry Styles, Fine Line – I like where Harry is headed.
12. Beck, Hyperspace – Reliable Beck.
11. Brittany Howard, Jaime – Great, big rockin’ voice goes solo.
10. The Black Keys, Let’s Rock – They never stopped rocking.
9. Ariana Grande, thank u, next – Lots of adventure from Ari.
8. Sleater-Kinney, The Center Won’t Hold – Band broke up, music’s still great.
7. Tyler, the Creator, IGOR – I feel so comfortable inside this album.
6. FKA Twigs, MAGDALENE – FKA reminds me of Bat for Lashes.
5. Vampire Weekend, Father of the Bride – Those Vampire Weekend guys have still got a hold on me.
4. Lana Del Rey, Norman Fucking Rockwell! – What a soundscape!
3. Billie Eilish, When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? – Just plenty of fun.
2. Lizzo, Cuz I Love You – I love you, too!
1. The Chemical Brothers, No Geography – Apocalyptic concept album.

Entertainment To-Do List: Week of 1/31/20

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Every week, I list all the upcoming (or recently released) movies, TV shows, albums, podcasts, etc. that I believe are worth checking out.

Movies
Gretel & Hansel (Theatrically Nationwide) – Surprisingly solid!

TV
Bojack Horseman Season 6 Part 2 (January 31 on Netflix) – What is this, a series finale?
-Puppy Bowl XVI (February 2 on Animal Planet)
-Super Bowl LIV (February 2 on FOX)
The Masked Singer Season 3 Premiere (February 2 on FOX)
Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 7 Premiere (February 6 on FOX)

Music
-Kesha, High Road

What’s Our Appetite for ‘Gretel & Hansel’?

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CREDIT: Patrick Redmond/Orion Pictures

Starring: Sophia Lillis, Sam Leakey, Alice Krige, Charles Babalola

Director: Oz Perkins

Running Time: 87 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Stylized Pools of Blood

Release Date: January 31, 2020

Once upon a time there was a critic who was skeptical about the prospect of a randomly arriving adaptation of a classic piece of folklore, but he was open to the possibility of being surprised. So he headed into the woods, or rather, a multiplex in the middle of Times Square where he was greeted by The Hunter – the Orion Pictures logo. There was much rejoicing, for this symbolized a legacy of memorable genre cinema.

“I am an independent woman, but I also love my little brother,” said this version of Gretel over and over, or at least she might as well have.

“I loved The VVitch, and I think it’s a good idea to emulate it,” said cinematographer Galo Olivares.

Then The Witch (not The VVitch) appeared, and she lured the children in, as we all knew she would. As she won over her charges with promises of great feasts, she gradually revealed her true nature. She offered Gretel allyship, but at what cost? Was this to be a woke retelling of an evergreen tale?

Not really, but neither is it anti-woke. Sometimes, purely evil forces lurk about to prey on the desperate, and sometimes, satisfying cinematic visions come from the unlikeliest and humblest of places. With decadent set dressing and lavish production design, those hungry for fulfilling fantasy returned home mostly pleased.

Gretel & Hansel is Recommended If You Like: A fantastical feast for the eyes

Grade: 3 out of 5 Ovens

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