Does ‘Transformers: Rise of the Beasts’ Rise to the Occasion?

June 8, 2023

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Beast Mode (CREDIT: Skydance/Paramount Pictures)

Starring: Anthony Ramos, Dominique Fishback, Luna Lauren Vélez, Tobe Nwigwe, Dean Scott Vazquez, Peter Cullen, Pete Davidson, Liza Koshy, Cristo Fernández, John DiMaggio, Ron Perlman, Michelle Yeoh, David Sobolov, Tongayi Chirisa, Peter Dinklage, Michaela Jaé Rodriguez, Colman Domingo

Director: Steven Caple Jr.

Running Time: 127 Minutes

Rating: PG-13 for Metal Injuries

Release Date: June 9, 2023 (Theaters)

What’s It About?: Hey, remember the 90s? The makers of Transformers: Rise of the Beasts sure do, because they went ahead and set the latest adventure of these extraterrestrial morphing robots in the era of g-funk and baggy jorts. But besides the occasional Wu-Tang or LL Cool J needle drop, that setting is mostly besides the point, as Rise of the Beasts is primarily concerned about the quest for a MacGuffin. That would be the Transwarp Key, a device with the power to allow Optimus Prime and the rest of the Autobots to return to their home planet of Cybertron after years in exile on Earth. Of course, if it instead falls into the wrong hands, it means that their enemies could destroy even more worlds. In their efforts to secure it, they recruit some human allies in the form of struggling family man Noah (Anthony Ramos) and museum intern Elena (Dominique Fishback). When they touch down in Peru, things get especially hairy, as they meet up with the breed of animalistic Transformers known as the Maximals.

What Made an Impression?: I know I’m not the only one who abandoned the Michael Bay-directed Transformers at a certain point. And with that in mind, the highest compliment I can pay Rise of the Beasts is that it continues the trend that began a few years ago with Bumblebee in which these movies’ climaxes are no longer incomprehensible onslaughts of metal clanking against metal. You can actually tell who’s talking! Distinct personalities can be detected! And some of those personalities are decently entertaining! Director Steven Caple Jr. and his screenwriting team don’t reinvent the mold at all, but you could imagine this movie actually coming out in 1994, when clarity and an adventurous spirit were valued as a matter of course.

While I appreciate that the Rise of the Beasts crew focused on the fundamentals, they didn’t exactly inspire me to become a diehard Transformers devotee. I’m about ten years too young for their original heyday, but anyone who’s more steeped in the lore than I am will probably find plenty to appreciate. And it certainly helps that you’ve got dignified actors like Michelle Yeoh and Peter Dinklage bringing their voices to life. But I’m mostly focused on Pete Davidson’s lil-stinker performance as the hologram-projecting Mirage. It’s the sort of comic relief that on paper seems like it would be a step too far for the Transformers status quo, but instead it’s just the hit of mustard needed to make the whole course palatable.

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is Recommended If You Like: Some Transformers, but not too many Transformers

Grade: 3 out of 5 Maximals

‘Pinocchio, Pistachio, Toro! Toro! Toro!’

December 13, 2022

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What’s up, Pinocchio? (CREDIT: Netflix © 2022)

Starring: Gregory Mann, David Bradley, Ewan McGregor, Christoph Waltz, Tilda Swinton, Ron Perlman, Finn Wolfhard, Cate Blanchett, Burn Gorman, Tim Blake Nelson, John Turturro, Tom Kenny

Director: Guillermo del Toro

Running Time: 117 Minutes

Rating: PG

Release Date: November 9, 2022 (Theaters)/December 9, 2022 (Netflix)

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio – or as I refer to it, “Guillermo del Toro’s Pistachio” (because of that Rugrats episode where the babies call Pinocchio “Pistachio”) – is pretty dang lovely. It hasn’t quite inspired some baby-speak-style quoting from me to follow in the footsteps of the Rugrats version, but that’s okay. Furthermore, I thought that it was Cate Blanchett who was voicing the Fairy and her sister Death, but that was actually Tilda Swinton, while Cate was the voice of the monkey. That realization pretty much sums up my reaction in general to this whole movie, as Pinocchio’s stop-motion wooden walking was similarly mind-altering.

Grade: Cate Blanchett Voiced the Monkey?!

At the ‘Nightmare Alley,’ the Circus Gets Pretty Dark

December 15, 2021

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Nightmare Alley (CREDIT: Kerry Hayes/20th Century Studios)

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara, Toni Collette, Willem Dafoe, Richard Jenkins, Ron Perlman, David Straitharn, Holt McCallany, Mark Povinelli, Mary Steenburgen, Clifton Collins Jr., Tim Blake Nelson, Jim Beaver

Director: Guillermo del Toro

Running Time: 150 Minutes

Rating: R for Some Gunfire and a Little Hanky Panky

Release Date: December 17, 2021 (Theaters)

If you can’t trust circus folk, who can you trust? Actually, if Nightmare Alley is to be believed, carnies are the only people who can be believed (well, most of them anyway). It’s everyone else who’s trying to pull one over on you. This movie is two and a half hours long, which is to say: it takes Bradley Cooper’s Stanton Carlisle way too long to realize the truth about Truth. That’s probably because he’s fooling himself.

The movie itself is pulling a trick on us as well. Considering its spooky title, and its writer-director, we’re primed for some horror, or at least something supernatural. But instead it’s a full-on noir thriller, with all the moral prisons, femmes fatales, and cigarettes to prove it. We first meet Stanton burning away his past, quite literally. Then he wanders into the local big tent, and it’s unclear if he actually has any plans for anything at this moment. Only later do his machinations come to the fore. He gets roped into a job, which at first pays him a mere 50 cents (it would have been a dollar if he hadn’t snuck into the geek show), but then that’s followed up by steadier employment at the next town, and soon enough he’s one of the top mentalists around. That trajectory eventually leads to him teaming up with a psychologist (Cate Blanchett) for a con to bilk some big, big money out of a rich man (Richard Jenkins) who’s overcome by Stan’s promises that he can commune with the dead. But of course, there’s enough doubt and double-crossing in the air for everything to go sideways.

By the end of the whole plot, Stan essentially circles back to his original destitute and anonymous status quo. I was struck by both the futility and durability of his con man nature. The Universe, or the Fates, or God or whatever, or simply the randomness of existence has decided that his deception can go only so far. And while his reach exceeding his grasp might send him down to rock bottom, he’ll find a way to survive in the gutter if he has to. But why not do it a little differently? If Stan were a real person, and he were my friend, I would remind him that he seems happiest when he’s just hanging out with the circus crew. He found a family, but the genre that he lives in has ensured that he’s a nowhere man who’s never fully at home anywhere.

Nightmare Alley is Recommended If You Like: Hucksters, Snow, Trenchcoats, Biting heads off chickens

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Cold Reads

‘Don’t’ Look Up’ Might Make You Scream, Except That Its Characters Are Doing Enough of That Already

December 13, 2021

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Don’t Look Up (CREDIT: Niko Tavernise/Netflix)

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Lawrence, Rob Morgan, Meryl Streep, Jonah Hill, Cate Blanchett, Tyler Perry, Mark Rylance, Timothée Chalamet, Ron Perlman, Ariana Grande, Scott Mescudi, Himesh Patel, Melanie Lynskey, Michael Chiklis

Director: Adam McKay

Running Time: 138 Minutes

Rating: R

Release Date: December 10, 2021 (Theaters)/December 24, 2021 (Netflix)

Timothée Chalamet should have been in all of Don’t Look Up.

Or at least like 75% of it. I’m thinking the ideal situation would be that he’s a main character, but he’s barely in the trailer, if at all. So when he shows up, you think he’ll hang around for just a few scenes, but instead he gradually just takes over the whole affair. A miniature version of that is what actually happens in the Don’t Look Up that we did get, as he shows up about 2/3 of the way through and plays a fairly large part from that point forward.

What I’m trying to say is, instead of recreating the broad reality of people yelling at clear and present disaster, Don’t Look Up probably would’ve been better off primarily focusing on the peculiarities of random skater boys rolling through the apocalypse.

Grade: Look Up About Half the Time