‘Abominable’ Follows the Tropes of the Weirdly Thriving Yeti Adventure Mini-Genre

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CREDIT: Universal Studios and Pearl Studio

Starring: Chloe Bennet, Albert Tsai, Tenzing Norgay Trainor, Eddie Izzard, Sarah Paulson, Tsai Chin, Michelle Wong

Director: Jill Culton

Running Time: 97 Minutes

Rating: PG for Danger on Rooftops and Mountains

Release Date: September 27, 2019

Yetis and bigfoots are having quite the cinematic moment. As are lovingly shot, delicious-looking Chinese dumplings. Abominable probably isn’t the pinnacle of either of these trends, but it is a demonstration of their bountiful charms. By this point in the mini-genre, you know the basic plot outline: a giant mythological creature bumps into an intrepid human, who must then protect the hairy fellow from agents of government, science, and/or media, who have their own exploitative agendas in mind. In this case, the harried and ambitious Yi (Chloe Bennett) discovers a goofy yeti making a ruckus on her Shanghai apartment, and then she and her friends Jin (Tenzing Norgay Trainor) and Peng (Albert Tsai) suddenly find themselves on a mission to safely escort the beast, whom they dub “Everest,” to his home on Mount Everest. But really, everyone just wants to get back and chow down on Yi’s grandma’s pork buns, Peng and Everest especially.

Meanwhile, some rich dude (Eddie Izzard) and a zoologist (Sarah Paulson) are on Everest’s tail for less scrupulous reasons. Chances are pretty high that the two of them will either get their comeuppance or see the light or some combination of the two. Hearts are warmed, la la la, credits roll, goofy callback to some joke from earlier before the curtains close. If this formula comforts you, you know who you are. For those craving something at least a little different, we get Everest’s special powers, like teleportation and his ability to summon giant blueberries that splat berry juice all over everyone. It’s good to know that sticky messes still have their place in kids-targeted entertainment.

Abominable is Recommended If You Like: Smallfoot, Missing Link, Bao

Grade: 3 out of 5 Pork Buns

‘First Love’ is the Latest Idiosyncratic Concoction From Takashi Miike

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CREDIT: Well Go USA/YouTube Screenshot

Starring: Masataka Kuboto, Nao Omori, Shota Sometani, Sakuro Konishi, Becky, Takahiro Miura

Director: Takashi Miike

Running Time: 108 Minutes

Rating: Unrated, But Very Bloody Violent

Release Date: September 27, 2019 (Limited)

Vroom vroom! Bang pow fist! Slice and dice! Kswish thwack! Huh? Woozzzzy… Just keep moving, just keep moving…

In case you were confused, that opener was me attempting to recreate the series of feelings I witnessed onscreen and experienced myself while watching First Love, the latest from Japanese director Takashi Miike. If you’re familiar with the saying “Writing about music is like dancing about architecture,” perhaps you’re thinking that I am trying to prove that the same is true when it comes to writing about movies. And that may very well be the truth! There’s a good reason that most movie reviews don’t attempt to capture the feeling of watching the movie. The point is to articulate your reaction in another medium and allow readers a chance to think, “Hey, maybe I’ll have a similar reaction if I see it, too.” But in this case, I didn’t know what else to do, so I let the structure of my review melt away before our very eyes.

Here’s what I could make concrete sense out of First Love: a young boxer named Leo (Masataka Kuboto), who’s struggling to make his way up the sport, comes across Monica (Sakuro Konishi), who’s working as a prostitute to pay off her father’s debt and then finds herself caught up in a drug smuggling scheme. The two of them by chance team up and help each other escape the traps they’re stuck in. Hot on their tails are a motley mix that includes law enforcement, drug peddlers, and assassins. Also, Leo has a deadly brain tumor, the resolution of which is quite brain-rattling. Miike is known for toying around with genre tropes, so I was prepared for an offbeat approach. But for much of the runtime, I couldn’t really make clear-cut sense of what genre, or genre mix, he was riffing on. Eventually, though, that was no big deal. Once every thread was resolved in neat(-ish) order by the end, I knew that I had been on a kooky ride that I was happy to bump along to.

First Love is Recommended If You Like: Being confused while having fun

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Fortune Tellers

‘The Death of Dick Long’ is Another Triumph of Bizarre Odds From ‘Swiss Army Man’ Director Daniel Scheinert

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CREDIT: A24

Starring: Michael Abbott Jr., Virginia Newcomb, Andre Hyland, Sarah Baker, Jess Weixler, Roy Wood Jr., Sunita Mani, Poppy Cunningham, Janelle Cochrane

Director: Daniel Scheinert

Running Time: 100 Minutes

Rating: R for Casual Cussing and Discussions of an Unusual Medical Accident

Release Date: September 27, 2019 (Limited)

The Death of Dick Long is a lot like director Daniel Scheinert’s last film, Swiss Army Man (which he co-directed with Daniel Kwan), which famously starred Daniel Radcliffe as a farting corpse. Dick Long is similarly interested in the prurient nature of life as a human being on Earth. But I can’t tell you any more than that. Not because the people who worked on the film or the studio reps at A24 asked me not to. They didn’t have to. What starts as a Coens-esque dark comedy about a couple of bumbling fools who have no idea how to clean up a bloody, possibly criminal mess evolves into a meditation about how everyone always deserves to be treated like a human being, no matter how abnormal their predilections are.

Dick Long is indeed dead. He’s dead almost from the get-go. That’s not the part that needs to be kept secret. The wretched state that his buddies Zeke (Michael Abbott Jr.) and Earl (Andre Hyland, who comes across like a redneck Mikey Day) leave him in at the hospital after a wild night together suggests that foul play was involved. But Zeke’s efforts to not upset anyone and Earl’s generally blasé attitude suggest that someone else, or something else, may have been responsible for Dick’s demise.

Most of the film consists of Zeke’s wife (Virginia Newcomb), Dick’s wife (Jess Weixler), and a couple of police detectives (Sarah Baker and Janelle Cochrane) doggedly attempting to suss out exactly what happened. They eventually uncover a whole lot more than any of them or any of us bargained for, and this revelation could easily lead to a hail of gross-out humor or condemnation. But instead, the whole affair concludes on a note of “People sure are inscrutable on their insides.” It’s altogether stunning how little The Death of Dick Long grossed me out and how much I found it moving. The magic of cinematic empathy extends far and low.

The Death of Dick Long is Recommended If You Like: Swiss Army Man, Fargo, Raising Arizona, Unexpectedly deep humanism

Grade: 4 out of 5 Car Seat Blood Stains

It’s Worth Heading to Silvio Berlusconi’s Italy If Paolo Sorrentino is the Director

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Toni Servillo in Loro

Starring: Toni Servillo, Elena Sofia Ricci, Riccardo Scamarcio, Kasia Smutniak, Euridice Axen, Fabrizio Bentivoglio

Director: Paolo Sorrentino

Running Time: 151 Minutes

Rating: Unrated, But Be Aware of the Molly-Fueled Orgiastic Parties

Release Date: September 20, 2019 (Limited)

If you see a film directed by the Italian Paolo Sorrentino, chances are you’re going to be intoxicated. He’s developed a reputation for lavish, sensuous experiences – non-stop pleasure gardens, if you will. They have the sort of sumptuous vibe that I imagine Silvio Berlusconi wanted to engender while he was prime minister of Italy. So it’s no wonder that Sorrentino has made the ambitiously sprawling Loro, which attempts to capture no less than the essence of the orbit around Berlusconi. Interestingly, but also vitally, the man himself doesn’t show up until about halfway through. Instead, the beginning is a mix of businessman attempting to make power moves in a culture that would much rather have endless poolside orgies to the tune of such classics as Harry Nilsson’s “Jump Into the Fire” and Santigold’s “L.E.S. Artistes.” It’s beautifully, vibrantly shot, almost dangerously so. You practically want to tear off your clothes and jump in yourself.

But then Berlusconi (Toni Servillo*) steps in with his paunchy belly, and the party crashes hard. (*-Servillo also pulls double duty as billionaire businessman Ennio Doris.) As he takes stock of how things didn’t turn out the way he hoped while he ruled over his beloved country, Loro becomes tinged with melancholy, as the promise of hedonism proves, naturally enough, to be less than fulfilling. But a moment of clear-headed reflection would be all wrong for this subject, and that is in fact not what Sorrentino has in mind. The soullessness of the man at the center is clear enough when he says things like, “Altruism is the best way to be selfish.” Loro is an autopsy for the innocence of all involved, but it’s cleansing for viewers if you let yourself go through the whole thing.

Loro is Recommended If You Like: Paolo Sorrentino’s Filmography and TV-ography

Grade: 4 out of 5 Bunga Bungas

‘Villains’ Flips the Home Invasion Thriller Script Over and Over Again

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CREDIT: Anna Kooris

Starring: Maika Monroe, Bill Skarsgård, Jeffrey Donovan, Kyra Sedgwick, Blake Baumgartner

Directors: Dan Berk and Robert Olsen

Running Time: 88 Minutes

Rating: R for Gunfire, Bloody Whacks on the Head, and Resourceful Cocaine Use

Release Date: September 20, 2019 (Limited)

Don’t you just hate it when you’re a criminal on the run and you break into a house and then it turns out that the homeowners are much more devious than you are? This seems to happen relatively often in the movies, but perhaps less so in real life. I certainly would not want to participate myself, both because breaking and entering is illegal and because it can be quite creepy to walk around an unfamiliar house. But I am perfectly happy to watch others do it, and the latest example why is Villains.

This bloody little black comedy thriller stars Maika Monroe and Bill Skarsgård as Mickey and Jules, a couple whose love is strong and tender enough to overcome the stress of covering up their crimes. It’s a neat trick that they pull off with their performances, wherein they get us to root for them by consistently reminding us of their humanity without ever asking us to excuse their convenience store robbery in the opening scene. It certainly doesn’t hurt how much they stand in contrast to Jeffrey Donovan and Kyra Sedgwick’s George and Gloria, a couple whose efforts to craft the perfect genteel dollhouse-style home has led them to kidnap a little girl (Blake Baumgartner, who played a young Nicole Fosse in Fosse/Verdon) and chain her up in their basement. Mickey and Jules’ efforts to escape this predicament while negotiating an uneasy truce with George and Gloria makes for an economical little battle of wits (as well as an occasionally physical battle) that will have you constantly puzzling out (along with the character)s what the best course of action is.

Villains is Recommended If You Like: Don’t Breathe, Ready or Not, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

Grade: 3 out of 5 Negotiations

The ‘Downton Abbey’ Movie Does Right By Its Dozens of Characters

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CREDIT: Jaap Buitendijk/Focus Features

Starring: Hugh Bonneville, Max Brown, Laura Carmichael, Jim Carter, Raquel Cassidy, Brendan Coyle, Michelle Dockery, Kevin Doyle, Michael C. Fox, Joanne Froggatt, Matthew Goode, Harry Haden-Paton, David Haig, Geraldine James, Robert James-Collier, Simon Jones, Allen Leech, Phyllis Logan, Elizabeth McGovern, Sophie McShera, Tuppence Middleton, Stephen Campbell Moore, Lesley Nicol, Kate Phillips, Douglas Reith, Maggie Smith, Phillippe Spall, Imelda Staunton, Penelope Wilton

Director: Michael Engler

Running Time: 122 Minutes

Rating: PG for Some Stolen Kisses and Slightly Scandalous Secrets

Release Date: September 20, 2019

I like to be upfront about the fact that I don’t always consume media straightforwardly. Sometimes I start TV shows five seasons in. Sometimes I watch the fifth sequel in a franchise despite never having any seen any previous entries. And sometimes, as in the case of Downton Abbey, I watch a TV-to-film adaptation without ever having seen a single episode of the series. Thus, I cannot report with any expertise about how the big-screen adventures of the Crawleys and company compare to their small-screen foibles. But I can tell you how it works as a cinematic experience while coming in with (basically) no expectations.

In an era of nerd culture dominance, it seems like there is a new superhero movie every other month that expects its audience to be up-to-date on years of backstory for a multitude of characters. Downton Abbey is often the type of movie that tends to get shoved aside in this current marketplace, but it does share one important quality with your Avengers or your Justice League. And that is its magnificently sprawling cast. I’m sure that keeping track of everyone is easier for fans of the show than it is for me, but even so, properly attending to approximately three dozen characters in only two hours sounds exhausting for both a screenwriter and a viewer.

Luckily, show creator Julian Fellowes, who penned the script, knows how to keep the focus, and Michael Engler offers no-fuss direction that lets the actors do what they do. It all starts with King George V and Queen Mary (Simon Jones and Geraldine James) announcing that they will be making an overnight visit to Downton Abbey as part of a tour of the country. Chaos (or chaos-ish) ensues. Along the way, there are small pleasures all over the place that add up to a full feast of pleasures. An arrogant royal chef makes a fool of himself, conversations about how the future might bring more rights to the underclasses are discussed, and the Dowager Countess drops her devastating quips. It’s admiringly economical comfort food.

Downton Abbey is Recommended If You Like: Downton Abbey the TV show, presumably

Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Royal Visits

‘Hustlers’ Makes Its Case for Joining the Crime Film Canon

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CREDIT: Barbara Nitke/STX

Starring: Constance Wu, Jennifer Lopez, Julia Stiles, Keke Palmer, Lili Reinhart, Mercedes Ruehl, Cardi B, Madeline Brewer, Lizzo

Director: Lorene Scafaria

Running Time: 110 Minutes

Rating: R for Incidental and Purposeful Strip Club Nudity, A Few Roofies and Cocaine Bumps, and Some Crimes-Gone-Wrong Chaos

Release Date: September 13, 2019

There’s a scene early in Hustlers when Jennifer Lopez masterfully, with almost arrogant panache, swings around the pole to the tune of Fiona Apple’s “Criminal,” and it looks like this is going to be the distaff answer to Magic Mike. For too long, cinematic lady stripping has focused merely on the exploitative, and now it is time to treat it like an art form! J. Lo’s command of physics and her own body at 50 years old is indeed a breathtaking wonder to behold, but this is merely the amuse-bouche. Soon enough, Hustlers develops into an epic crime drama, a sort of female spin on Goodfellas. It only spans a few years versus the decades of Scorcese’s gangster classic, but it doesn’t take too long for the relationships at the heart of this scam to become deeper and deeper and more and more complicated.

Calling a new movie “the female (previous movie)” is usually frustratingly reductive, but in this case, the comparison can be unusually illuminating. I recently read a Time article that cited political science research about the differences between the typical reasons men and women get into politics. Where men tend to do so for the status of the position, women tend to run so that they can effect social change. While watching Hustlers, I wondered if the same rubric could be applied to explain the different rationales why men and women enter into a life of crime. So many cinematic male gangsters and fraudsters (Henry Hill chief among them) become what they become because of how cool it seems. But Constance Wu’s Dorothy and Lopez’s Ramona come up with their scam so that they can take of their kids, parents, grandparents, and sisters at the club.

The scheme at the center of Hustlers involves Ramona, Dorothy, and their colleagues luring their Wall Street customers into a blacked-out trap, drugging them enough that they’re willing to drop tens of thousands of dollars in one night at a strip club (but not so much that they fall asleep or OD). They justify their actions by figuring that these guys can afford to have a few g’s go missing. Plus, in light of the 2000s financial crisis, they’re essentially guilty of stealing from the rest of the country and getting away with it. The trouble comes when it becomes clear that some of the girls’ marks are not as invincible as they try to rationalize, and they’re in fact putting them in the same economic bind that they’ve been fighting themselves to get out of. The sisterhood that’s built by the Hustlers scam is full of genuine love, and that’s why it’s so bittersweet when the bubble is burst. If you’re looking for a story that epitomizes doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, this is the best option in quite some time.

P.S.: There’s a running gag in which Lili Reinhart vomits in high-pressure situations, and it never fails to deliver.

Hustlers is Recommended If You Like: Goodfellas, Magic Mike, Thelma & Louise, Economic Revenge

Grade: 4 out of 5 Scores

Where Are We Going?! ‘Dora and the Lost City of Gold’ Review!

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CREDIT: Paramount Pictures

The best parts of Dora and the Lost City of Gold are when Dora goes to high school, and I kind of (actually more than kind of) wish a lot more of the movie took place there. Now, I generally have a rule that I do not criticize a movie for what it isn’t, instead preferring to grapple with what it actually is. But when the movie itself gives us a preview of what it could’ve been, I think it’s valid to wonder “what if?”

I’m a sucker for fish-out-of-water scenarios and recontextualization, and Dora’s enrollment into Los Angeles’ secondary school system is a textbook example. It’s very Mean Girls-esque, but tonally reversed, as Dora is too unflappably peppy and resourceful to ever be consumed by the darkness of high school pettiness. Instead, she is going to win over everyone eventually by sheer force of will, and Isabela Moner is absolutely up to the task. And let’s be clear: she’s not naive. She knows her classmates make fun of her for singing about her backpack and other aggressive idiosyncrasies, but she is just so sure of herself that she can’t be anyone else, and that is a quality I admire more than just about anything. When her school has a “Dress as Your Favorite Star” dance, you get the sense that she actually does understand that “star” means “celebrity,” but she nevertheless chooses to dress as the Sun, so that’s pretty awesome.

Anyway, Dora and some friends get kidnapped, then they go searching for her missing parents in the jungle, and that’s the majority of the movie. It’s a family-friendly Indiana Jones, and you’ve probably seen this sort of adventure dozens of time before. But never before with Danny Trejo voicing a monkey.

I give Dora and the Lost City of Gold a Grade of “Delightful!” Encantadora! Can you say, “Encantadora”?

A Touch of Time Travel: ‘Don’t Let Go’ Review

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CREDIT: Sundance Institute

Okay, so: Don’t Let Go is about a homicide detective (David Oyelowo) whose brother, sister-in-law, and niece are brutally murdered, and then he starts getting phone calls from his dead niece (Storm Reid), but it seems that she’s still alive, because she’s calling from … THE PAST! Yeah, so I’m hooked.

Det. Oyelowo gets right into it, directing Storm to start doing some covert investigating of her own in the hopes of altering the timeline. Of course then Don’t Let Go bumps up against a common time travel conundrum, i.e., if the past is altered, how will that affect the present, and will anyone remember the original past timeline, and if so, will that make sense? Or will it turn out that any “alterations” were a part of the original timeline all along, with any attempts to make changes proving instead to be a recursive insurance that it will all end up the same way?

Don’t Let Go actually manages to pull off the former in a way that makes enough cinematic sense to get by (and the shifts are rendered visually in satisfyingly disorienting fashion), as the past and present seem to be tethered together on an inflection point. And if we want to, we can say that the phone conversations are the portal that allows for the callers to have memories of multiple timelines. That being said, there are relatively few moments when the timeline is actually altered, and it certainly feels like there could be more. But I wonder if it had been bulkier that way, maybe it would have been too much to keep track of. So I’m mostly satisfied. Alfred Molina plays a reliable authority figure! It’s a fun genre experiment!

I give Don’t Let Go My Agreement to Complete Its Weird Requests.

Movie Review: For Better and Worse, ‘IT: Chapter Two’ Goes Full Stephen King

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CREDIT: Brooke Palmer/Warner Bros.

Starring: James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain, Jay Ryan, Bill Hader, Isaiah Mustafa, James Ransone, Andy Bean, Bill Skarsgård, Jaeden Martell, Sophia Lillis, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Finn Wolfhard, Chosen Jacobs, Jack Dylan Grazer, Wyatt Oleff

Director: Andy Muschietti

Running Time: 169 Minutes

Rating: R for Bloody Clown Chomps, A Few Stabbings, Nervous Vomiting, and Creepy Nudity

Release Date: September 6, 2019

IT: Chapter Two is solidly built upon a foundation of a melancholy truth about human existence. When we’re young, we may vow to keep what’s important to us as children just as important when we became adults. But somehow, some way, we all forget some of the things we once held dear, while also remaining stuck in some of the patterns we thought we would eventually grow out of. The Losers Club of Derry, Maine represent the epitome of this mercurial attachment to the past. And so it is that 27 years after their first series of misadventures, they must return to once again defeat the supernatural evil entity that terrorizes their hometown.

This melancholy setup is an apt formula for psychological agony mixing with real in-your-face terror, but the trouble with Chapter Two is that so many of the scares are so scattered from the overarching purpose. Winged insect-bird hybrids popping out of fortune cookies and an old naked lady who turns into a floppy-breasted gargoyle are plenty creepy in and of themselves, but these moments just keep piling onto one another as a series of random horror set pieces, and the effect is eventually exhausting. Even some of the moments that actually feature Pennywise (like a gay couple being beaten up by a mob only to then fall victim to the clown or a cute little girl bonding with Pennywise over facial deformity) are effective mini-movies unto themselves, but they could have easily been cut without losing the main thread involving the Losers. Their story of coming to grips with what won’t leave them alone is effective when the full-to-bursting script actually focuses on them. Ultimately, IT: Chapter Two is decidedly overambitious and overdramatic, but it is a fascinating mess, embracing Stephen King at his weirdest and most extra.

IT: Chapter Two is Recommended If You Like: The most unfiltered Stephen King adaptations

Grade: 2.5 out of 5 Hidden Memories

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