November 20, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Anna Mawn, Édouard Philipponnat, Ben Miles, Catherine Walker, Davide Tucci, Gavin Spokes, Ian McNeice, Joaquin Phoenix, John Hollingworth, Ludivine Sagnier, Mark Bonnar, Matthew Needham, Napoleon, Paul Rhys, Phil Cornwell, Ridley Scott, Rupert Everett, Sam Crane, Scott Handy, Tahar Rahim, Vanessa Kirby, Youssef Kerkour

Napoleon just does whatever he wants, gosh! (CREDIT: Aidan Monaghan/Apple)
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Vanessa Kirby, Tahar Rahim, Ben Miles, Ludivine Sagnier, Matthew Needham, Youssef Kerkour, Phil Cornwell, Édouard Philipponnat, Ian McNeice, Rupert Everett, Paul Rhys, Catherine Walker, Gavin Spokes, John Hollingworth, Mark Bonnar, Anna Mawn, Davide Tucci, Sam Crane, Scott Handy
Director: Ridley Scott
Running Time: 157 Minutes
Rating: R for Horny Napoleon and Grisly Injured Horses
Release Date: November 22, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: If you paid attention at all during history class, then surely you remember Napoleon Bonaparte, the opportunistic general who rose all the way up to emperor and nearly conquered all of Europe. But ambition and ego got the better of him, as he lived out the end of his life in exile and inspired one of ABBA’s most popular songs. His story has similarly stymied filmmakers over the years, but now director Ridley Scott and screenwriter David Scarpa have finally managed to bring it to the big screen, with Joaquin Phoenix diving shamelessly into the title role. The movie mostly alternates back and forth between his military campaigns and his courtship with his first wife Josephine (Vanessa Kirby), and there’s certainly plenty to cover on those fronts. (Although I gotta be honest, whenever I read this movie’s title, I can’t help but reflexively hear Aaron Ruell’s immortally nasally delivery of a certain other “Napoleon.”)
What Made an Impression?: Making a Mockery Out of History: I’m no Napoleon scholar, so I can’t say with 100% certainty how accurate any of this movie is. But I can say that his interactions with Josephine sure feel accurate. Mr. Bonaparte strikes me as one of the most impetuous world leaders of the past few hundred years, and that is abundantly clear when he decides that he must find himself a wife. Their relationship is childish, raunchy, and profoundly id-driven. This is all to say: I wish that the entire movie had been a Napoleon/Josephine romantic comedy! They throw insults and food at each other, and then kiss and boink like rabbits in between all the cacophony. You gotta love it when costume dramas dress down.
A Bunch of Explosions, Too: In its efforts to be thorough, the movie also features seemingly every single one of Napoleon’s major battles. They’re all competently staged by Scott and his crew, but during those sequences, I was mostly waiting to return to the intimate humanity of it all. There’s just not much personality to all the mayhem. Although, at least at Waterloo, we get a clear sense of his enemies cattily boxing him in.
In conclusion, I don’t really have much to say about the battle scenes, as they didn’t get much of a reaction out of me. But the Josephine business is enough to make Napoleon worth recommending.
Napoleon is Recommended If You Like: Reading Wikipedia, The naughtiest bits of Amadeus
Grade: 3.5 out of 5 Coronations
November 16, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Amber Midthunder, Cara Volchoff, David Klein, Dream Scenario, Dylan Baker, Dylan Gelula, Jessica Clement, Julianne Nicholson, Kate Berlant, Kristoffer Borgli, Lily Bird, Lily Gao, Michael Cera, Nicholas Braun, Nicolas Cage, Noah Centineo, Tim Meadows

What a dreamboat! (CREDIT: Jan Thijs/A24)
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Julianne Nicholson, Michael Cera, Tim Meadows, Dylan Gelula, Dylan Baker, Kate Berlant, Lily Bird, Jessica Clement, David Klein, Cara Volchoff, Noah Centineo, Nicholas Braun, Amber Midthunder, Lily Gao
Director: Kristoffer Borgli
Running Time: 100 Minutes
Rating: R for Dream Slaughter and Awkward Encounters
Release Date: November 10, 2023 (Limited Theaters)
What’s It About?: Biology professor Paul Matthews (Nicolas Cage) would just like to publish a book about ants one day. But the universe has different plans. A bizarre phenomenon takes hold as hundreds of people start having dreams about him: his daughter, old friends, students of his, and even people he’s never met before. And they all report pretty much the same thing: he doesn’t do much except linger in the background. His story becomes a bit of a media sensation, so he tries to parlay his newfound virality into a publishing opportunity, but his new handlers just aren’t on the same page. Meanwhile, those reveries start turning into nightmares, as Dream Paul becomes sadistically violent and the fallout spills over into his waking life.
What Made an Impression?: For my review of Dream Scenario, I’m going to do things a little differently than I normally do, as the subconscious is a favorite subject of mine. I’ve been keeping a dream journal since I was in high school, and I also keep a running tally of the number of times that people appear in my dreams each year. So my question for Dream Scenario is: is it dream-worthy? Which is to say, do I suspect that it will return to me in my sleep in the years to come? And do I want it to?
To answer all this, I first looked up how often I’ve dreamed of Nicolas Cage. He is one of my favorite actors, after all, and he’s also eminently memeable, so surely he’s an apt fit for the more surreal corners of the brain. But according to my records, he’s only shown up in three of my dreams in the past ten years. Of course, I don’t see Nic Cage while I’m awake as often as I do my immediate family, who show up in my dreams a lot more often.
In general, my dreams are typically related to lingering concerns in my waking life. And a movie certainly could become a lingering concern, if it’s especially unsettling or ambiguous, or if it otherwise just makes some sort of indelible impression. And while Dream Scenario has some fascinating ideas swirling around, it doesn’t strike me as hard-hitting enough that I won’t be able to shake it. (Unless this review becomes an accidental self-fulfilling prophecy. Or anti-prophecy, considering my doubts.)
This is all to say, my concerns about Paul’s story felt mostly wrapped up as the credits rolled. His insecurity made him ill-prepared to handle his sudden fame, but by the end, he seems to have realized who he is. Or at least learned enough about himself that it doesn’t feel like we need to worry. I won’t mind if little nuggets of Dream Scenario ever do return to me in my subconscious, but I also won’t be waiting breathlessly in the meantime.
Dream Scenario is Recommended If You Like: Watching people be misunderstood and then make a fool of themselves
Grade: 3 out of 5 PR Firms
November 15, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Addison Rae, Amanda Barker, Amy Schumer, Anderson .Paak, Andrew Rannells, Anna Kendrick, Ashley Liao, Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes, Burn Gorman, Camila Cabello, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Daveed Diggs, David Fynn, Eli Roth, Eric Andre, Fionnula Flanagan, Francis Lawrence, Gabriel Davenport, George Somner, Gina Gershon, GloZell, Hunter Schafer, Icona Pop, Isobel Jesper Jones, Jalen Thomas Brooks, Jason Schwartzman, Jenna Warren, Josh Andrés Rivera, Justin Timberlake, Kenan Thompson, Kevin Michael Richardson, Kid Cudi, Kunal Nayyar, Max Raphael, Milo Manheim, Nell Verlaque, Nick Benson, Patrick Dempsey, Patti Harrison, Peter Dinklage, Rachel Zegler, Rick Hoffman, Ron Funches, RuPaul, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving 2023, Thanksgiving movie, The Hunger Games, The Hunger Games: Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes, Tim Dillon, Tom Blyth, Tomaso Sanelli, Trolls, Trolls Band Together, Troye Sivan, Viola Davis, Walt Dohrn, Zoe Renee, Zooey Deschanel, Zosia Mamet

Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving! (CREDIT: Pief Weyman/TriStar Pictures and Spyglass Media Group)
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
Starring: Tom Blyth, Rachel Zegler, Viola Davis, Peter Dinklage, Josh Andrés Rivera, Hunter Schafer, Jason Schwartzman, Fionnula Flanagan, Burn Gorman, Ashley Liao, Max Raphael, Zoe Renee, Nick Benson, Isobel Jesper Jones, George Somner
Director: Francis Lawrence
Running Time: 157 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Kids Killing Kids
Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Theaters)
Thanksgiving
Starring: Nell Verlaque, Patrick Dempsey, Addison Rae, Milo Manheim, Jalen Thomas Brooks, Rick Hoffman, Gabriel Davenport, Gina Gershon, Tim Dillon, Tomaso Sanelli, Jenna Warren, Amanda Barker
Director: Eli Roth
Running Time: 106 Minutes
Rating: R for Having Some Friends Over for Dinner, and a Trampoline Striptease
Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Theaters)
Trolls Band Together
Starring: Justin Timberlake, Anna Kendrick, Camila Cabello, Eric André, Kid Cudi, Troye Sivan, Daveed Diggs, Amy Schumer, Andrew Rannells, Zosia Mamet, Kenan Thompson, RuPaul, Zooey Deschanel, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Icona Pop, Ron Funches, Anderson .Paak, Kunal Nayyar, David Fynn, Kevin Michael Richardson, Patti Harrison, Walt Dohrn, GloZell
Director: Walt Dohrn
Running Time: 92 Minutes
Rating: PG for Some Mild Worries About Being Eaten Alive
Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Theaters)
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November 14, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alison Oliver, Archie Madekwe, Barry Keoghan, Carey Mulligan, Emerald Fennell, Jacob Elordi, Richard E. Grant, Rosamund Pike, Saltburn

Look at all that salt burning! (CREDIT: MGM/Amazon)
Starring: Barry Keoghan, Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike, Richard E. Grant, Alison Oliver, Archie Madekwe, Carey Mulligan
Director: Emerald Fennell
Running Time: 127 Minutes
Rating: R for Deviant Deviousness
Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Limited)/November 22, 2023 (Expands Wide)
What’s It About?: Oliver Quick (Barry Keoghan) doesn’t have anywhere to go on his summer break from Oxford University! And quite frankly, he’s been struggling to find his place at school the whole time he’s been there as well. That’s just how class divisions are in merry old England, innit? But he’s fortunate enough that big man on campus Felix Catton (Jacob Elordi) has taken him under his wing and invited him to spend the hottest months at his family’s massive estate, the titular Saltburn. Felix’s parents Elsbeth (Rosamund Pike) and Sir James (Richard E. Grant) and sister Venetia (Alison Oliver) all readily embrace Oliver. But there’s also a sense that he’s being kept a little bit at arm’s length and that everyone has some serious secrets to hide. It gets weird.
What Made an Impression?: Imitation of Life: If I had to choose one word or phrase to describe the regulars at Saltburn, I would say “Wax figures.” Which is to say, they look and talk and move like human beings, but not exactly. Perhaps they’ve been cooped up and cut off from the outside world for too long to remember what meaningful conversations sound like. I guess this is meant to be satirical, and Britain certainly has a long tradition of skewering the idle upper classes. But this comes off as unnervingly confusing rather than raucously Python-esque. (Although maybe that was the intention!)
Beware of Obsession: Because Elsbeth and Sir James have forgotten (or never knew) how to function usefully, they’re easy marks for Oliver’s devious designs. Felix and Venetia are a little more savvy, but they don’t quite have the wherewithal to withstand what’s coming. Quite frankly, I’m not sure anyone ever could. Oliver’s Gatsby-esque scheme takes several outrageously graphic turns that mostly feel preposterous. I’m occasionally impressed by his cunning, but mostly I’m flabbergasted about why he chooses to be so positively creepy.
A Real Yikers: Saltburn has an intoxicating hook, or at least that’s the idea. I respect its commitment to putting its skin on the line (in more ways than one), but I can’t say that I was fully won over by its peculiar blend of cinematic witchcraft. My comfort was frequently pushed to the edge, and it never felt like there was much of a point to all that button-pushing. There’s something to the heist of it all, but the journey to get to the big score is so profoundly off-putting.
Saltburn is Recommended If You Like: The Great Gatsby or The Talented Mr. Ripley, but if they were, like, really gross
Grade: 3 out of 5 Parties
November 13, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Beulah Koale, Chris Alosio, David Fane, Elisabeth Moss, Ioane Goodhue, Kaimana, Lehi Makisi Falepapalangi, Michael Fassbender, Next Goal Wins, Oscar Kightley, Rachel House, Rhys Darby, Semu Filipo, Taika Waititi, Uli Latukefu, Will Arnett

#GOALS (CREDIT: Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/Searchlight Pictures)
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Oscar Kightley, Kaimana, Uli Latukefu, Elisabeth Moss, Will Arnett, David Fane, Rachel House, Beulah Koale, Rhys Darby, Chris Alosio, Lehi Makisi Falepapalangi, Semu Filipo, Ioane Goodhue
Director: Taika Waititi
Running Time: November 17, 2023
Rating: PG-13 for A Few Mean Comments and Some Boobs Drawn on Someone’s Face
Release Date: November 17, 2023 (Theaters)
What’s It About?: The Soccer Gods Must Be Crazy! That could be an alternate title for Next Goal Wins. How else to capture the kooky cosmic destiny that paired Coach Thomas Rongen with the American Samoan national team? Based on the 2014 documentary of the same name, Next Goal Wins finds Rongen and the Boys from the Territory at the lowest point in their respective careers. That experience is a little different for the two of them, though, as Rongen (Michael Fassbender) actually has some experience on winning sides, whereas American Samoa has never scored a single goal in any of their games. In fact, they’re most famous for losing 31-0 in a 2001 match to Australia, the most lopsided result in international soccer history. They’re desperate for anyone to help move them in a more promising direction, so Rongen ventures out over the Pacific to the tiny American territory. He’s got plenty to teach them, but his resentment at the world threatens to get in the way of all that.
What Made an Impression?: Deep Hurting: For a film positioning itself as an uplifting feel-good sports flick, Next Goal Wins sure is filled with a world of hurt. When he’s not with the team (and even sometimes when he is with them), Thomas spends much of his time numbing his pain with alcohol, or complaining on the phone to his estranged wife (Elisabeth Moss). He also listens to voicemails from his teenage daughter, whom he’s apparently unable to contact. (Some viewers might be able to sniff out exactly why that is before the full truth emerges.) It might seem counterintuitive to put so much agony in a crowdpleaser, but it’s actually kind of essential. A tragic backstory can go a long way towards winning over the audience, and Next Goal Wins would be pretty disposable without it.
Sneaky Trans Visibility: There are already plenty of hooks in Next Goal Wins‘ premise, so I certainly wasn’t expecting the story of a transgender player to make its way in there as well. But Jaiyah Saelua really is a member of American Samoan soccer who also happens to be the first openly non-binary and transgender woman to compete in a World Cup qualifier. Non-binary actor Kaimana plays Jaiyah as a bit of a ditz on the field who’s more concerned about making sure that she looks stylish rather than putting in a consistent effort. But she’s tough and unsparing when cornered, which is about what you would expect for someone who joined the team before transitioning and continued to play after coming out. In Samoan culture, she’s known as a “fa’afafine,” which refers to a third gender or non-binary identity. Jaiyah’s is a type of queer story that’s particular to this setting, so it could very well resonate with potential viewers who’ve yet to see this sort of possibility.
A Perfectly Fine Trifle: Ultimately, Next Goal Wins isn’t revolutionary in any way, but it has a fine grasp of what it’s doing. This is a unique true tale that is going to get the right audiences cheering along to every step of American Samoa’s rocky-but-quirky soccer journey. At times it might get a little too quirky, particularly when writer/director Taika Waititi shows up as a dippy local priest who also serves as a one-man Greek chorus. But if you’re in the mood for some gentle culture shock and straightforward redemption, then Next Goal Wins has you covered.
Next Goal Wins is Recommended If You Like: Cool Runnings, Young Rock, Miracle
Grade: 3 out of 5 Losses
November 12, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Aiden Howard, Anatomy of a Fall, Antoine Renartz, Cassandra Naud, Erin Boyes, Hana Huggins, It's a Wonderful Knife, Jane Widdop, Jehnny Beth, Jess McLeod, Joel McHale, Justin Long, Katharine Isabelle, Milo Machado-Graner, Samuel Theis, Sandra Hüller, Sean Depner, Swann Arlaud, Tyler MacIntyre, William B. Davis, Zenia Marshall

CREDIT: NEON
Anatomy of a Fall
Starring: Sandra Hüller, Swann Arlaud, Milo Machado-Graner, Antoine Renartz, Samuel Theis, Jehnny Beth
Director: Justine Triet
Running Time: 152 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: October 13, 2023 (Theaters)
It’s a Wonderful Knife
Starring: Jane Widdop, Joel McHale, Justin Long, Jess McLeod, Aiden Howard, Hana Huggins, Katharine Isabelle, Cassandra Naud, Erin Boyes, William B. Davis, Sean Depner, Zenia Marshall
Director: Tyler MacIntyre
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: November 10, 2023 (Theaters)
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November 8, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Alice Eve, Alison Brie, Christian Slater, Freelance, John Cena, Juan Pablo Raba, Marton Csokas, Molly McCann, Pierre Morel

Free your Lance, and the rest will follow! (CREDIT: Relativity Media/Screenshot)
Starring: John Cena, Alison Brie, Juan Pablo Raba, Alice Eve, Marton Csokas, Christian Slater, Molly McCann
Director: Pierre Morel
Running Time: 109 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: October 27, 2023 (Theaters)
As I write this review, Freelance is currently luxuriating with a 0% Tomatometer on Rotten Tomatoes. So I went into this frivolous little action comedy with that benchmark (or lack thereof) in mind. And now that I’ve emerged, my ultimate verdict is: it’s not that historically bad. Rather, it’s just a mere trifle. And since I’m in a speculative mood, it probably wouldn’t have remained at zero if more than 25 critics had bothered to review it.
Anyway, the main reason I went to see it was of course because Alison Brie is second-billed. She plays a journalist angling for a Pulitzer who’s recently been brought low by scandal. There are a few scenes of her having to get by on some random celebrity schmoozefest, and I kinda think there should have been more of that. Alison’s really good at elevating characters in low-culture situations who shouldn’t be underestimated, after all.
Grade: 2 out of 5 Fictional Countries
October 31, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Arliss Howard, Charles Parnell, Da Finchman, David Fincher, Kerry O'Malley, Michael Fassbender, Sala Baker, Sophie Charlotte, The Killer, Tilda Swinton

Ooh, ahh (CREDIT: Netflix)
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Arliss Howard, Charles Parnell, Kerry O’Malley, Sala Baker, Sophie Charlotte, Tilda Swinton
Director: David Fincher
Running Time: 118 Minutes
Rating: R
Release Date: October 27, 2023 (Theaters)/November 10, 2023 (Netflix)
Sometimes an earworm gets stuck in my head for eternity, and a certain word will henceforth always trigger it without fail. So whenever I hear about a professional life-taker, I can’t help but be transported back to a high school dance routine that included a section set to the Ying Yang Twins’ “Shake,” specifically, its repeated lyric of “This one’s a killa.”
This is all just a windup to asking: could David Fincer directing Michael Fassbender in The Killer live up to my persistent memories of the Ying Yang Twins? Only about 18 years or so will tell for sure, but in the meantime it didn’t quite hit me square in the chest. It moved along nicely enough and got to where it needed to go, but I didn’t really feel like I was getting unforgettably poked memorably until Tilda showed up.
Grade: A Fitting Lack of Empathy
October 26, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Christian Stokes, Elizabeth Lail, Emma Tammi, Five Nights at Freddy's, FNaF, Joseph Poliquin, Josh Hutcherson, Kat Conner Sterling, Lucas Grant, Mary Stuart Masterson, Matthew Lillard, Piper Rubio

5, 5, Freddy’s coming for you (CREDIT: Patti Perret/Universal Pictures)
Starring: Josh Hutcherson, Elizabeth Lail, Piper Rubio, Matthew Lillard, Mary Stuart Masterson, Kat Conner Sterling, Christian Stokes, Joseph Poliquin, Lucas Grant
Director: Emma Tammi
Running Time: 109 Minutes
Rating: PG-13 for Slicing and Dicing
Release Date: October 27, 2023 (Theaters and Peacock)
What’s It About?: Ever since his younger brother was kidnapped when they were kids, Mike Schmidt has been irrevocably haunted to the point that he can’t hold down a job without his barely hidden anger bubbling up to the surface. With his spotty employment record, the only gig that he can find is overnight security at the long-closed children’s entertainment center Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza. He pretty much has to accept it, especially since he’s the legal guardian of his sister Abby (Piper Rubio), and neither of them wants him to give up custody to their awful Aunt Jane (Mary Stuart Masterson). But there are strange things afoot at Freddy’s: a police officer named Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) randomly arrives to show Mike the ropes, the career counselor who got him the job (Matthew Lillard) sure seems to be hiding something, and oh yeah, the place’s signature animatronic animals apparently come alive on their own.
What Made an Impression?: Showing Their Hand: Five Nights at Freddy’s is based on a series of video games that is just filled to the brim with lore and backstory that’s only hinted at in the actual gameplay. I’m no FNaF expert, though I’ve done some research, so I came in with suspicions about which characters had more going on than initially meets the eye. But even if you’re a total newbie, it shouldn’t be hard to have some sense of what’s going on. Vanessa’s police work seems to exclusively revolve around Freddy’s, and the career counselor is both spooked and excited when he realizes who his new client is. Not to mention that Lillard’s performance is pretty much a redux of his career-making turn as Scream‘s sniveling Stu Macher. So it’s no spoiler to say that these two probably have some idea about why dead bodies keep piling up. Despite that lack of surprise, the explanation is sufficiently twisted to feel the gut punch.
How Supernatural Is It?!: The truth about Freddy and his fellow robot animals is both prosaic and ghastly. The logical side provides the skeletal structure for the story to rest upon, while the supernatural elements are ultimately the main attraction, and how you cotton to them will most likely determine how much you do or don’t appreciate this movie. Every night, Mike dreams about the day his brother was abducted, as his subconscious begins to be invaded by a group of kids who might just be the youngsters who disappeared decades ago at Freddy’s. We never get a full explanation of these supernatural processes, and that’s certainly not necessarily, as a hallmark of the supernatural is that it exists beyond logic. But if those aspects aren’t viscerally grabbing you by the collar, you might feel compelled to let your mind wander to figure out their origins instead, and that was pretty much how it went for me. However, if you’ve been permanently scarred by childhood trips to Chuck E. Cheese (Freddy’s obvious inspiration), then maybe FNaF is exactly the sort of exposure therapy you need to resolve your trauma.
Five Nights at Freddy’s is Recommended If You Like: Whatever the love child of The Shining and Goosebumps would be
Grade: 3 out of 5 Fazbears
October 25, 2023
jmunney
Cinema, Movie Reviews
Aaron Jackson, Allison Janney, Amar Chadha-Patel, Bowen Yang, Dicks: The Musical, Gareth Edwards, Gemma Chan, Godfrey Reggio, John David Washington, Josh Sharp, Ken Watanabe, Larry Charles, Madeleine Yuna Voyles, Megan Mullally, Megan Thee Stallion, Mike Tyson, Nathan Lane, Once Within a Time, Ralph Ineson, Sturgill Simpson, The Creator

CREDIT: Oscilloscope Laboratories/Screenshot
The Creator
Starring: John David Washington, Madeleine Yuna Voyles, Gemma Chan, Allison Janney, Ken Watanabe, Sturgill Simpson, Amar Chadha-Patel, Ralph Ineson
Director: Gareth Edwards
Running Time: 133 Minutes
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: September 29, 2023 (Theaters)
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